Cuddle vs Sex

[Deleted User]SweetStuff (deleted user)
edited November 2017 in General

I remember meeting with a client, and we had a one on one discussion prior to our cuddle session. It was pretty intense because I was somewhat in an emotional state due to receiving inappropriate messages from random guys on the site. Cuddling is really wonderful, it's as wonderful as a gentleman who has self-control and no entitlement issues. Now getting back to the conversation I had with this client, I asked him, "Why can't people enjoy intimacy without sex?" His answer was, "That's all they know." And he's right, there are many humans roaming this earth who do not even know what's it like to cuddle without expecting more in return. Cuddling is so ravishing; I'd even say that people who cuddle more, bond better than those who just have sex.

I took an Uber to this client, and I ended up having an interesting dialogue about cuddling with the driver who later revealed his true intentions about what he wanted from me---yes sex! lol If you feel sex is the only way to feel good, then you miserably lack creativity. This is definitely the kind of guy I am unimpressed by... I was pretty direct about what Cuddle Comfort is about too. He told me that he created an account, but I'm not sure. His attitude was misleading. He made it seem like cuddling is something that he would be into. But then sent a text asking how much would I charge for sex. I no longer have his number on my phone. This dude could have had HIV or some kind of STD. My health is so important. I take it seriously like I do cuddling.

Life is about learning and trying new things. How can you appreciate something if you are unwilling to give a try? There are other levels of intimacy; sex is just one of them. I thoroughly enjoy cuddling, and that is why I'm here.


Cuddling is common in the animal kingdom. Tiger cub and baby orangutan, pictured at an animal hospital.

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Comments

  • mellowmellow

    Well, there’s nothing wrong with sex and we as human beings seek it all the time.
    Even if it’s casual meaningless sex is still valid as long as both parties agree to it and that is why there are so many hook up sites like Tinder or like you mention Craigslist.
    That being said, a site like this exists for people that want to get something more profound and fulfilling out of an interpersonal, intimate human connection.
    Unfortunately there are guys who sign up here and want to treat this as a dating site and try to use the cuddling experience as a gateway for sex and that is not acceptable.
    If you want to hook up that’s fine, nobody is judging you, just don’t try to do it here because you’re gonna be disappointed.
    Fortunately for everybody I would like to think that the evidence points to a community that wants to experience a connection with like minded people and in the end the guys looking for more will just get bored and leave, hopefully before they turn off or scare any members who really want to cuddle.

  • [Deleted User]overstuffed (deleted user)

    Well said, SweetStuff and mellow. I truly hope all who come to this site find what they are looking for.

  • [Deleted User]jbo729 (deleted user)

    It's strange, but i guess women do it too. Just ran across a woman's profile that was clearly just for sex, she was wearing almost nothing, "sexy" was in her name. Seems like they'd have better odds on tinder. I don't get it.

    I think some younger guys focus more on sex because sex is harder to get, it's the "holy grail", and there's nothing impressive about having a cuddle sesh. It's how guys are taught to think by literally everything around them. They don't know themselves well enough to even know what their needs are.

    SweetStuff, any guy who would treat you that way is a thoughtless dumbass about as deep as a thimble and wouldn't have been a good cuddle anyway.

  • [Deleted User]Greybeard (deleted user)

    All of this sexual harassment and assault by men in authority runs deeper than the press has shown. If there were no women willing to submit in order to get ahead, powerful men couldn’t get away with what they have. But ever since Eve submitted to Adam and took the rap for the Apple eating incident, women have needed to submit to abuse because they feared that if they didn’t, another would, leaving them out in the cold. Powerful men realized this and cranked up the level of their scam and it has become a self perpetuating system. MAYBE, all of this stuff coming to the fore will waken us up to respecting each other. On the other hand, I expect the Hollywood lawyers to author arbitration agreements for the casting couch in an attempt to force women to give up their right to sue. Our world is corrupt.

  • [Deleted User]ChinchillaChive (deleted user)
    edited December 2017

    I think sex should be something personal/intimate and with someone you know, love and trust very well. You're basically exposing yourself at your most vulnerable and if you don't know the person you're with, it could turn into a damaging experience. Society is too sex obsessed and a lot of people don't understand the risks of casual/experimental sex because they think protection with save them in the end. They forget the whole AIDs epidemic was caused by the whole "free love" movement in the previous years and yes even back then they had contraceptives. I think in the end risky sex is just gonna land these people with more regrets than anything.

  • [Deleted User]SweetStuff (deleted user)
    edited December 2017

    Thanks for the feedback, guys!

    @ChinchillaChive, you are spot on!

    I can definitely say it's traumatizing when a guy is pushing to have sex with you, and you are not interested in it. I have nothing against sex work and being sexually liberated; however, it's not for me. I can't see myself giving my body to random men all the time. I know it would be physically, mentally, and emotionally draining. Different strokes for different folks. But it's just "amazing" how a man can see that you are not interested in what they are offering (sexual acts/sex), and they still attempt to pursue it anyway. There are men who pressure women into sex; this is why it's so important to build one's self-esteem. When you are confident in who you are, a guy can't influence you to do anything that you are not comfortable with. Because you know what happens when you don't stand your ground? It will be used against you. "Oh, you wanted it just as much as I wanted it." "You kissed me back." "I can tell you were into it."
    All kinds of statements will easily undermine your experience, leaving you devastated. So when you really think about it, there are men on this site who give off "rapey" vibes and do not give a (expletive) how the woman feels.

  • [Deleted User]SweetStuff (deleted user)

    A professional on the site shared that she was uncomfortable with a client, but then I noticed that she gave him a positive rating. He gave her one too. Experiencing sexual assault for karma on Cuddle Comfort isn't worth it. That's just my opinion. Again, different strokes for different folks. I'm not here to bash or condemn the choices of a victim, but I do realize that some clients who get away with doing whatever they want in a cuddle session feel they can do it with every session they encounter. And that's where the problem comes in. And you know what happens? The clients who experience getting their "way" in those sessions feel they should experience this with every professional/ non-professional. Of course, it's a delusional way of thinking but people like that do exist. These are the type of men who shun or look down on professionals who actually take platonic cuddling seriously.

    The standard cuddle session is about 1.5/2 hours. Now let's say you're a professional cuddler, a woman professional cuddler who is getting paid for these sessions. $80 is roughly the average fee for cuddling. So, that's $160 for two hours. If I wanted to get paid for sex, I wouldn't use Cuddle Comfort as my go to. I'll even bump it up to $200 to make my point. $200 couldn't pay rent, so why would I settle for that if I was doing sex work where I'm putting my body and mental health at risk per customer? These are just some of the thoughts that came to mind. Again, different strokes for different folks. The only reason why I'm making this my business because it has an impact on me too. It's easy for someone to say mind your business but when you are involved in the mix, then it becomes your problem too. A person is being attacked by some strange person. You have options. You can call the police, perhaps jump in to help protect the person. But the moment the attacker stops physically assaulting the individual to strike you, what do you do? You defend yourself. At least that's what your instinct will tell you to do if you want to make it out the situation alive.

  • [Deleted User]SweetStuff (deleted user)

    "Society is too sex-obsessed". If this is not spot on, I don't know what is. lol

  • CarlosHuntCarlosHunt

    Certainly there should be zero tolerance in this society for trying to force one's sexual intentions on another person. And if a cuddler feels uncomfortable with a client then they have the right to end the session immediately, give that person a bad review and even request that the person be banned from the site. No issue with that at all.

    But hold on ... sex is not a bad thing. Seems like some people here are basically asexual and condem others for being attracted to a person of the opposite sex. Yes, we must all be gentlemen / gentlewomen and follow the rules of platonic cuddling of course, but close body to body contact, and massages (mentioned in another thread) can be very stimulating. I think its just natural.

  • CarlosHuntCarlosHunt

    @sweetstuff - "sex obsessed"? How should we be?

  • [Deleted User]SweetStuff (deleted user)
    edited December 2017

    @CarlosHunt, if you read the response before me, you would have known this was quoted by @ChinchillaChive. Hence the quotations! And I concur with said statement. This is a cuddle a.k.a platonic site; not a sex site a.k.a sexual site. If you want sex then go on Craigslist or Backpage and pay for it. For ex, a married man like yourself is not limited in the ways he can get what he actually wants if cuddling is not enough. They have options. You have options.

    This is not about being physically attracted to a client or a professional. This is about MEN who do not respect boundaries and who suffer from entitlement issues because they booked a room for a CUDDLE session. Please do not come on here with "It's women too" (expletive). I'm sure the number of men guilty of this (expletive) is far greater.

    Again, it's not about whether you are attracted to someone of the opposite sex. I'm not condemning physical attraction. The problem here is whether or not you will respect the other person's boundaries. I've cuddled with men to whom I was physically attracted on multiple occasions, and every one of them respected my boundaries without objection.

  • [Deleted User]ShoShoZ (deleted user)

    @CarlosHunt You are correct that sex is not a bad thing. You're also correct that close body to body contact and massages can be very stimulating for those who would want sex. I believe that what both ChinchillaChive and SweetStuff mean by "sex obsessed" is that some people are unable to fathom such intimacy without sexual pleasures to accommodate same, which is what Cuddle Comfort is about.

  • [Deleted User]SweetStuff (deleted user)

    @ShoShoZZ The most disrespectful thing a client on this site can do is treat a professional cuddler like a prostitute. It shows lack of respect for platonic cuddling since both professions do not offer the same thing. If a man feels he can't appreciate the platonic aspect of cuddling without the extras then he needs to ask himself why he's on Cuddle Comfort. The professionals who ARE seeking what the SITE represents, should not be the ones in question.

    *** If you as a client meet a professional who is not allowing sexual behavior to take place, please do not say things like, "Well, other professionals allow me to do A & B." I think it's insensitive and impolite. What you do with said professionals should not be disclosed to another professional to make them feel inferior. It's a spiteful tactic. Could you imagine me saying, "You want to book only for an hour? My current clients usually book me for about 4 hours. Why are you not booking me for at least 4 hours too?"

    Another thing, it's easy for a passive woman professional cuddler to stick around in a situation she is not comfortable in. There are so many victims who do not have the courage to stand up for themselves or speak out. It's a scary situation to be in. Fear can silence you. I mentioned the importance of self-esteem earlier for this reason alone. Compliance doesn't always mean approval. Unfortunately, in this reality (world), one must find the courage to express discomfort, or else, it will be used against her. If you do care about the well-being of a professional cuddler, make sure you two are on the same page that way there are no misconceptions of what is supposed to take place during the cuddle session. Cuddling is amazing, and this is coming from my experiences.

    @BlueIris wrote a well-written piece on "What makes a good cuddler". I highly recommend reading it when you get the opportunity: https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/blog/what-makes-a-good-cuddler/

  • JasonCuddlesJasonCuddles

    I think in the end risky sex is just gonna land these people with more regrets than anything.

    I don't know about risky sex but I know that being pressured into it sucks. I've had a few experiences that have been with me for quite a while and while I never felt physically threatened they've certainly had a lasting negative impact on my life. I imagine that it could be pretty scary if you would be on the losing end of a physical struggle.

    So yeah, learn how to be firm. I think communicating what you want/don't want early would help too so that they don't get wound up.

  • [Deleted User]jbo729 (deleted user)

    I feel like i misspoke and showed my ignorance. I didn't mean to imply that women are equally at fault. Of course there is a huge difference between a woman bluntly advertising she wants sex, and a man pretending he only wants cuddles then trying to bait and switch his way into something else. I hate that there are so many adolecent creeps out there.

    The women on here are incredible for still putting themselves out there despite the creepyness and safety concerns. There are so many legitimately lonely people out there, and this fills a need.

  • ScarletteScarlette

    Getting inappropriate messages and dealing with ignorant, inappropriate men is just a hazard of this profession. I actually don't mind them a bit. It's a clear cut way to know who to block or not to respond to. That's easy. I do not take them personally nor do I feel like a prostitute. People that treat other people that are the ones with the problem. I am a good, kind and caring person. But I'm also not a doormat. I just choose to pick my battles and focus my energy on the people that fulfill my life. It's the wolf in sheep's clothing that flips my switch. They are the dangerous ones. They are the ones leaving me feeling misused and mistreated. I had a 3 hour cuddle yesterday that seemed to go really well. He was new to the cuddle scene but aside from having to move his hands a couple of times he was pretty appropriate and seemed to really enjoy himself. After the 3 hours was up, while we were still in bed, I asked him how he enjoyed his first cuddle. His response was "it was okay". Being concerned about him not have a good experience I asked what could have made it better. His response was "you could have taken out your twin girls". I literally want to vomit. The thought that I laid there with him for 3 hours and that's what he was thinking the whole time repulses me. What we want and need as, not just professionals or women, but what we all need is a clear definition of expectations. Just say what you expect. Put it all out there. It's the other persons option whether or not to partake. I'm not going to stand on a pedestal and denounce all the cuddlers that push the boundaries beyond platonic. It's not my place to judge anyone. I'm just asking for honest expectations.

  • CarlosHuntCarlosHunt

    Interesting discussions and point of views - I Cuddle for the emotional and psychological lifts I get from being with a nice lady - of course sex will occasionally enter in my mind and I have gotten aroused on occasion of course - but at the end of the day I know the boundaries and do my best to abide by them - agree it’s about communication and expectations- but we are all human -

  • [Deleted User]ShoShoZ (deleted user)

    @CarlosHunt What is the meaning of "but we are all human" in this context? This is a common response to soften the blow when honest mistakes are made, which may be acceptable depending on the situation. As far as cuddling sessions, are you suggesting that it's acceptable to cross another's boundaries when those boundaries were made clear?

  • ScarletteScarlette

    I agree, @carloshunt, that we are all human. And while we can't always control the natural, physiological actions of our bodies, we can control what comes out of our mouths. We can control our choice whether or not to make people feel disrespected. We can control our actions.

  • [Deleted User]jbo729 (deleted user)

    @Carloshunt i assume when you say "we are all human" you are defending the fact that sex crosses your mind, and not defending any action or line crossing. Because otherwise it sounds like you are making excuses for something unacceptable.

  • CarlosHuntCarlosHunt

    @jbo729 that's exactly where I'm coming from. I think to deny that these thoughts don't cross men's minds is not being honest. I'm just trying to keep it real. Thoughts are not bad, but I understand that cross boundaries is.

  • [Deleted User]ShoShoZ (deleted user)
    edited December 2017

    @CarlosHunt now your position makes more sense, having acknowledged that crossing boundaries is unacceptable. Some patronize Cuddle Comfort for sex or other activities above platonic cuddling, and the cuddlers who are passive to this are the most vulnerable. That is SweetStuff's concern, and it's well warranted.

  • WilliamDWilliamD

    Finding statement made here rather unsettling... but it is reflection of main focus of thought of a agenda that being pushed these days.

    It feel we are changing from culture that was set up to be "innocent till proven guilty" to one where "one has to prove there innocent". It is dangers path to go down... one simply must look at witch hunts of the past with mob mentality to understand why.

    @Greybeard In truth any one with power over anther person has possibility of using and abusing that power. I think there high chance both women and men are equally guilty of abuse of power and sad weakness in charter when given into.

    But to take some one at there word is just one person word to anther word. All to often I am hearing people state "why would they say such a thing if it not true" clearly showing person not taken a neutral position to figure out what really going on.

    I find it rather questionable when no police report been done. If some one has violated boundaries that have been clearly sit. There actions should be documented to the fullest so clear history can be show. There action in the future if they have chosen to go down a dark path is only bond to get worse. Police can see pattern and take the necessary actions.

    With today technology it simple to have proof of the action and statement that took place. From a recording of conversation with once cellphone... to having a webcam recording the session.
    At very least a public meeting... or group session so there are others to back up the claim.

    How Karma and rating works here... does not make much sense to me but maybe there more to it. Apps are coming along more and more with uber and cabdriver tracking drivers and routs... there getting smart to document there interactions with cameras as proof to there statements of what really happen.

    My own view on cuddle vs sex.
    I was raise around my Grandparents and they were rather religious and heavy on the morals. Leading me to take on thinking sex is some thing reserved for some one I am in deeply committed relationship with and want to have a family with. Hugs and cuddling up with friends and family was normal though.

    Leading me to be attracted to rather religious ladies..... that wont even kiss some one.

    Learning about HIV and STD has only re enforce my thinking... lately even learning a kiss can spread the hpv that been link to causing cancer in more and more part of the body. Gives only stronger reason to why these morals are given from one generation to the next... and rather sad that not more people follow them.

    I agree rather heavily with @CarlosHunt

    If we are to come to understand one anther and know where we stand. Thoughts and words should not be judge and frowned on. It is the actions that are taken after a agreement is reached. Before that people have chance to be respectful and walk away if agreement for interaction can not be reached. If a agreement or contract is broken. There should be penalties and lawful action taken. It is the most civilized and reason able interaction.

  • [Deleted User]SweetStuff (deleted user)

    I appreciate the folks who commented and viewed my post and comments with an intent to understand and not solely reply and deflect. I really appreciate you guys along with those who have shown support in my inbox. You guys are the real MVP's!

  • [Deleted User]SweetStuff (deleted user)
    edited December 2017

    A man who cuddles with professionals and non-professionals sent a message to me and he said, " What you said on the forum was spot on --- cuddling is its own thing. An amazingly warm, intimate, nourishing, and sensual thing. To think of cuddling as only a warmup for sex is to miss most of the joy of cuddling...Here's what I want you to know about my behavior in a cuddle session: In all my interactions with pros, I have never once been asked to 'stop that,' 'don't do that,' 'move your hand,' etc. I've never once had a pro remind me of the cuddle agreement This is because I always start with the assumption that we both want to obey the letter of the law in the client agreement. To the extent that a particular cuddle pro has personal boundaries more liberal than those spelled out on the site, I let the pro make their own boundaries clear, in their own time and in their own way. I don't push for things. But I'm relaxed and open to most things, as long as those things don't cross my boundaries. Any and all overtly sexual activity crosses my boundaries."

    I am looking forward to cuddling with this gentleman! He gets it!!! =)

    P.S.
    Your message put me in a positive state, and I really salute and have deep respect for men like you.

  • ScarletteScarlette

    @SweetStuff - Pass him to me when you're done with him! That's the guy that the pros fight for.

  • SideonSideon

    @SweetStuff - Yes - this is the kind of attitude and integrity that more men need to be aware. It's one thing to blather on about "human nature" and "boys will be boys" and another to actually keep one's word.

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited December 2017

    I don't know if it's not clear enough upon sign up that this is NOT ment for se.x.

    I am not saying it'd stop some hard heads or some people who want to try their "luck" only to end up wasting their time and all. Though I think it'd just help especially considering like most of you say, people are not really used to this just Cuddle. Once they're close, they either want to go all the way or go far away from having any affection.

    I find Just Cuddling enjoyable especially when you've built a connection with this person it's so meaningful, it's healing and caring!

    Once se.x Or the steps to it starts getting involved the Platonic relationship just loses it's whole meaning! Why not just go on the hook up sites if you know you want more than Platonic, less than a relationship. When you've both Platonic connection AND se.x I think it starts to become an actual intimate and se.xual relationship... I could be wrong, though I would think if you want both things at the SAME Time it might be best to just start looking for an actual relationship or at least start getting yourself ready for one if you're not.

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited December 2017

    Looking to have "fun" here is like trying to find an actual relationship on a hook-up site.

    This is just for Platonic Cuddle and to care for one another platonically. :)

  • [Deleted User]Greybeard (deleted user)
    edited December 2017

    You can have fun with a platonic friend. Honest. But notice I didn’t put quote marks around the word fun.

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