Let's Challenge Preconceptions

SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles
edited June 2022 in General

Sup, peeps! 😎

I think we all suffer from preconceptions, whether we mean to or not, and I thought we might be able to break some stereotypes and challenge those assumptions, together. I'll start.

I have the preconceived notion that users with Fit or Athletic listed as their Body Type would not want to cuddle me, because of my body type. This fear causes me to shy away from approaching those people, which is a real shame. Thoughts?

Please try to remain open-minded and respectful, as these may be heated subjects, but I think we can help each other out, here. 👩🏻‍🤝‍👨🏼 What preconceptions hold you back, or would you like to hear others' thoughts on? Let's contemplate and learn and change each others' minds.

~ Sunset Snuggles

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Comments

  • UCpaaHVg6u0UCpaaHVg6u0

    Well, don't ask me. I'm not fit or athletic. To me, a great cuddler is all about projecting care and sincere empathy. If there is that, then some extra flesh to settle into is all the better.

  • [Deleted User]Btown (deleted user)

    @SunsetSnuggles I totally understand where you are coming from and I know many people, male and female share that notion. I think sometimes fit and athletic people are also judged by their body type as maybe being picky and judgemental. But our body types say little about who we are. I believe approaching those types as you would anyone else would serve you well.

  • JohnfromViennaJohnfromVienna

    I'm happy to cuddle females who are not fit or athletic. There's a sweetness to sharing that closeness with a female. As far as a girlfriend, I would prefer someone who is fit or athletic. If she's not, she will not be able to do many of the things I love doing.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles
    edited June 2022

    @UCpaaHVg6u0 Totally agree; my ex-boyfriend was overweight and it never bothered me one bit. He was a teddy bear and I loved snuggling him. He thought his weight was an issue, but I didn't. Similarly, another boyfriend had a huge problem with his height, but I never gave it a second thought. I think we are all harder on ourselves than we would be toward anyone else.

    @Btown You make an excellent point about the other side.

    To bring up the other end of the spectrum; I met a guy here the other day whose profile mentioned that he worked out, and to please not judge him for that. I could only feel impressed at his dedication to being healthy...no judgement from me, even though I couldn't be caught dead on a Stairmaster (or maybe I would die on it...)! I felt surprised that someone in great shape would worry about being judged. Just goes to show that we all have fears and insecurities about what people think when they look at us.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    In thinking about this question (preconceptions about body types) I can’t help but think about one of my all time favorite movies, “Shallow Hal”. In the movie he begins as a very shallow, sexist guy who only cares about physical appearances but he is hypnotized by Tony Robbins to see people as they are on the inside so nice people appear beautiful to him regardless of their actual physical appearance to the rest of the world.

    I have been blessed with the opportunity to spend time with 6 pros from here and in every case, their caring nature and inner beauty eclipsed their physical appearance. In other words, how I see them is greatly influenced by how I know them. I hope that makes sense.

    Short answer, I agree with @Btown

  • blisscuddlesblisscuddles

    The person and personality goes way beyond any body type. Without compatibility and mutual love of cuddling, even the most athletic and fittest cuddle can be the most disappointing time.

    @SunsetSnuggles With your personality and outlook, most everyone would find cuddling with you to be a delightful time.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    I really like this post! Wish I wasn’t so busy so that I can really answer it … but there are preconceptions about everything, the main one being people thinking there are universal things that would make someone happy but not realizing that this isn’t the case until they get exactly what they thought they wanted & realizing that wasn’t it, happiness is not a universal thing …

    Also to what you mentioned about fit bodies … I would speak for the guys, we don’t care … not even as nearly as you think, that’s all I gotta say. (Yes some do but out of 100 I would say less than 10) I could say more but I guess its not necessary, so plz reach out to those profiles that intrigue you that say “fit body”.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972
    edited June 2022

    “True beauty is seen with the soul, not the eyes.” - JohnR1972

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @JohnfromVienna That makes total sense, we all want a partner who can share in our hobbies and passions.

    @JohnR1972 Lovely words! I agree that the more you get to know a special person, the less their appearance matters and the more attractive they become, overall.

    @blisscuddles Legit, compatibility goes a long way! Thank you for your sweet comment. hugs tight

    @cuddles_ndream Thanks! Great thoughts, please share more when you have some time away from work! :3 I think you're right, what makes one person happy won't make another happy, and sometimes what we think will make us happy is just the next step and we're never satisfied.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • Soft_Hug84Soft_Hug84

    I've often referred to my loneliness as "skin hunger". To that end, more skin to contact...less hunger. In the platonic sense of course.

  • CrissyKatCrissyKat

    People just assume I'm a human. So rude.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    @CrissyKat =)

  • RickRennRickRenn

    @SunsetSnuggles

    even though I couldn’t be caught dead on a Stairmaster (or maybe I would die on it…)!

    😂😁🤪 I can relate.

  • GreatHornedOwlGreatHornedOwl

    Why are we only talking about preconceptions with respect to body shape and size? I would prefer to challenge the preconception that old men (like me) either don't need any cuddling, or wouldn't make good cuddle partners.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @GreatHornedOwl That was just what I started the thread off with, but the hope is certainly that others will chime in with their ideas!

    I think anyone who says "old" people don't need cuddling is just straight-up ageist. Because everyone needs cuddles and to feel affection, be they newborns to someone's dying day.

    As for whether older people make good cuddlers, I would imagine they have a lot of experience, and are more apt to appreciate cuddles than someone who might come by them easier.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    @SunsetSnuggles
    “As for whether older people make good cuddlers, I would imagine they have a lot of experience, and are more apt to appreciate cuddles than someone who might come by them easier.”

    I have such mixed emotions on this… I am 56 but I seriously do not think of myself as “older” because I have great health and energy (there have been several threads on the theme of “is age just a number”).

    However, I completely concur about the “more apt to appreciate cuddles” than those who come by them easier.

  • [Deleted User]Saysoh (deleted user)

    @CrissyKat

    For real. I just want to meow at everyone and wish them, "happy caturday!"

  • achetocuddleachetocuddle

    @SunsetSnuggles @RickyRenny LOL. I resemble those remarks.

  • GreatHornedOwlGreatHornedOwl
    edited June 2022

    @SunsetSnuggles - Good thinking. Now, if I could only find a woman around here, who agrees with you.

    @JohnR1972 - At 56, there are still a few women enthusiasts in your general age range. Wait until you hit 80, and even the oldest of them seem to think that you're too old to bother even chatting with. There are a few exceptions, but very few. At 80, I don't think of myself as old either (my aunt just hit 105), but when looking for a cuddle partner, my opinion isn't the one that counts.

  • Soft_Hug84Soft_Hug84

    @GreatHornedOwl
    Definitely feeling the age preconceptions here. Only 56, but having trouble with being perceived as a dirty old man. Us mature folks need cuddles too, and we bring a lot of experience to the sessions!

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited June 2022

    @Soft_Hug84 How is the perception of a dirty old man manifested? I ask because I turn 60 in a few months but I am not receiving that vibe at all when I reach out. I cuddle enthusiasts and pros. Not saying it isn’t happening to you, but I would be interested in hearing how you are going about things because maybe your approach just needs tweaking.

    You can DM me.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    I am a martial arts fanatic - so I'm fit. For me, it's more important how I gel with someone and how the interaction goes more so than the shape or their bodies. I got into Latin Dancing about 12 years ago, and the pple I like dancing w are kind and relaxed and have a sense of fun and humor when dancing - the ones I dislike are demanding, overly critical and correcting , and tense/unable to follow the lead...I don't care who they are or what they look like.

    A misconception of me is that I'm passive bc I'm polite, overall nice in demeanor, and Asian. I've gotten better at confronting pple and setting boundaries, and only when appropriate, light a fire on their @ss. I think Oscar Wilde said: "A gentleman never hurts someone unintentionally."

  • Soft_Hug84Soft_Hug84

    Thanks for asking @FunCartel. Actually, it may be more of a preconceived notion on my part! No one has directly inferred that I was a "dirty old man ", but it seems my results are skewed away from success with those under 40. Many of the enthusiasts I've contacted have said they were uncomfortable cuddling with someone their Father's age. Pros haven't really been an issue.

    I think my approach has been ok, but maybe assuming that age is an issue is a crutch.

  • waynewvwaynewv

    I have been here almost 3 years now. I have experienced the age thing. But it’s ok I can understand it. When 1st joined I thought I could never cuddle with a young lady my granddaughters age, not really sure why but I recently did that and it was great as there was no issues at all. I have cuddled older then me also without any issues.
    Since joining I have learned a lot about myself and benefited from it.
    I feel it has made me a better person and a better gentleman if I say so myself.
    I have learned to be more open minded, so I’m open to anyone that needs a HUG !!

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @Soft_Hug84 Unless they specifically come out and say that they don’t feel comfortable with someone that is their dad’s age I wouldn’t read too much into it. I have found that many of the female enthusiasts don’t even know what they want. I have had more than one say I signed up, I didn’t know what to expect, and now I don’t know what I want!

    In addition, I have seen younger men complain of a dearth of responses from enthusiasts. I think the reasons for this are as many as there enthusiasts and most of it is not the fault of the person reaching out. I do know that if you have some karma many enthusiasts are less inhibited to chatting with you so there is that. But I do not think it is ageism or anything you are doing wrong; sometimes it is just the luck of the draw, the ratio of men to women, catching them at the wrong time, or as I mentioned, confusion or fear on their part if they even want to dive in and cuddle. This last one I am all too familiar with as I was reticent to pursue an actual cuddle with anyone at first even when I was the one to reach out! It happens.

    You seem to be a good man. Keep demonstrating that and stay persistent and you will find someone you click with.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • Mike403Mike403

    Why is body type important? People would cuddle with any dog, but when it comes to humans, suddenly their looks matters?

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @Mike403 Great point!! I love that. No one cares about the age of the dog they pet, either (to loop it back to @GreatHornedOwl's point).

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • Mike403Mike403

    @SunsetSnuggles - Actually there's an exception to what I just said now that I thought about it. I'm not comfortable cuddling other men, but a male dog is fine.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @Mike403 Yep, I think the reason for all three (size, age, gender) is because people see cuddling a pet as truly 100% platonic, but it's a lot harder to separate out the sexual preferences when it's a human. So basically, how we cuddle pets is how we should cuddle, here, in an ideal world...with no thought to sexual attraction, simply giving and receiving affection, regardless of looks, age, or gender. Easier said than done, but this is awesome food for thought!

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

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