Freezing under pressure can happen to anyone, even to those who have been good at asserting themselves before or in other circumstances. It’s bad enough that we often blame ourselves, it can add to that guilt when we’ve been successful before but for whatever reason this time froze. We have to keep reminding ourselves that it’s not our fault. Having a good support system helps.
@peo - you’re not a captive audience.
@peo Maybe you need a nap. You know what's exhausting? Explaining things like consent and boundaries to men.
@peo - This is a cuddling website. Educating people on what consent means is kind of important. I'm not sure why you clicked on this thread when it's not hard to ignore the ones that aren't relevant to you or that you don't care about.
Thank you to everyone who weighed in one my comment. I appreciate your insights and feedback.
One other note . . . As a woman, there also is always a slight worry in the back of my mind that no matter how much I vet a client or feel "good" about them, if I speak up during a cuddle regarding boundaries that it could be met with a negative response from the client (physical violence or verbal abuse).
I understand the way such communication is phrased on my part can affect a reaction (for example, If I said "listen you piece of crap, stop that now! but more colorfully lol), however, it is a concern and one I am pretty sure other women have, as well.
@peo no one is forced to read this. It is helping me process, it is helping me feel not alone and understood. I am definitely exhausted too and wish I had not gone through this. I really appreciate the community being here for me, it really means a lot. I did not know just how much starting this thread would help me in my process. I did not know just had bad this was/is affecting me after the session and when I started this thread. This thread is for anyone wanting to understand about consent and my/our process through this experience. Anyone that is annoyed by this can go read another thread or if exhausted take a nap lol.
@Julie33 - Conceal a bottle of pepper spray and wear a smart watch that will summon the police to your location at the tap of a button. Physical violence for trying to discuss boundaries? They deserve to be in a cage like the animal that they are.
@Julie33 I agree, I mean when I first started as a professional cuddler I practiced being able to state and reiterate boundaries in a nice, non judgmental way, so as to not upset my client by rejecting them, I've feared how rejecting and being mean could cause someone to become violent and forceful, it could happen. I allow them to express how they feel and then express how I feel about the subject. I thought this was a good way to keep things light and professional while not hurting feelings or upsetting anyone. If someone asks me for sex I explain to them why I don't, I don't just say no cause it's not allowed, I don't want them to assume that I would if it was allowed, I say I personally choose not to because I want sex to be for a boyfriend, and I worry about stds and physical safety, as well as my personal feelings, wanting a relationship with someone I choose to have sex with and by explaining this to them they usually understand. Many of my cuddles have heard my long speech about stds and all the risks of non monogamous sex, even with a condom. But yes I have always thought that if I'm nice it will be easier for a guy to be nice and respectful with me. Even though this guy was forceful and violated my boundaries at least he was gentle in the "touch". I always say, "it could always be worse", just a little sarcasm and positivity for such a dark subject.
@peo if you're exhausted from reading the posts thats on you , you dont have to read them . It is an important topic, and is obviously important to the OP and others. Have some class
@cuddle4health you don't owe anyone any explanation for why you say no. No just by itself is a complete sentence.
As for the cuddle pro courses, I really love and highly recommend the cuddlist training - their online offering is packed with content, and an incredibly good deal IMO. And regardless of what someone might say, the training isn't for your clients, it is for you! No doubt you are already a fantastic cuddler, the training is all about knowing your boundaries, communicating them, and taking care of yourself when you get those boundary pushers.
I also highly recommend you attend an official CuddleParty event If one is offered near you. That workshop is amazing and it's all about setting and communicating boundaries, and we spend a good bit of time actually practicing the skills around saying no, clearly communicating the things you want and don't want, and being specific about those things.
Thank you @CuddlesByDeep! Even though the cost is more than I expected I plan to make it work and do the training for my self growth, personally and professionally, and for this healing journey I am on.
@peo I don't recall anyone inviting you participate. Do you intentionally go out of your way in everyday life to be inconvenienced or "exhausted"? No? Then don't do it here.