I know that the norm is that on dating sites, you want to be messaging them back and forth for days to weeks before you meet up, so that both parties are comfortable with each other. Is that the same on here, or should I ask it rather quickly after getting to know someone?
I selected an "Other" vote because I think every cuddler has the potential to be different.
My reasoning would be that it depends on the two parties involved; if one party is interested in being able to rapidly progress to the cuddling point, then they should always keep in mind how the other party might be feeling. Look for clues in what they say, and in how they talk; try to get a sense for if they are just offering small talk (which they might do while they find their comfort level or if they're just not interested), or if they might be of a similar mind with setting up a cuddling session.
There are a lot of different views on what your first message should convey, and what you should have in it. Regardless of anything else that is in the message that you send, I would make sure of at least two things: firstly, that you'd like to talk with them about potentially setting up a cuddling session with them; secondly, that your message exerts no pressure on them - the initial message, as well as any future messages. You could find that someone is willing to meet on their first message to you, or that it could take many messages to get to that point, if at all.
I'm sure there is other advice that long-time cuddlers can provide from their perspectives.
Whatever feels natural? As long as you're not pushy and listen to and understand the other person it will work out I imagine. Or not work out if you're not compatible which is certainly a possibility. I have very little experience though so take that advice with that in mind.
@LonelyMedicProf In a first message to an enthusiast, I strongly recommend not mentioning anything about potentially setting up a cuddling session with her. That sounds too much like approaching her like a professional cuddler. Pros are accustomed to discussing scheduling a cuddle with a stranger almost immediately, but and for many enthusiasts, its too forward, a little off-putting and does seem pushy. The fact that you're sending her a message in the first place is clear enough that you're more than likely interested in cuddling with her. Most non-pro women respond better if in the first message you simply introduce yourself and mention why you wrote to her. Was it something in her profile or something she said on the forum that caught your interest? Say that. Have a conversation first and get to know her a little before bringing up getting together for cuddling.
@MichaelFJudd It's true that you never know how confident or timid the woman is that you're writing to. Some women on this site have no experience at all cuddling complete strangers and despite having a profile on here are rather terrified of it. Some, like me before I turned pro, get comfortable with a new person in a short amount of time. If you really want to play it safe, let her bring up the subject of an in-person meet and a cuddle date. It may take time and some patience on your part, but that's the "price" you pay for cultivating a relationship with an enthusiast.
I wrote an article about this recently: How to Approach a Woman As a Potential Cuddle Buddy
If I'm getting to know a potential platonic cuddle buddy, I will want to meet them in a public place for coffee/something to eat first to get to know them, see if they seem safe and get a sense of whether they would make a good platonic friend. I also use that time to gauge someone's intentions, i.e. do they think this is a soft way into dating/sex?
I usually like to either Skype or speak on the phone before meeting in person, then meet in a public place without cuddling 1-3 times before scheduling a cuddle session together.
@BlueIris - I can see the merits in what you say, but I don't believe I can follow it word for word.
I was raised to be upfront about my intentions, regardless of what the subject matter is. I also have to consider the fact that I don't have a personal photo up, for reasons stated on my profile. For some, this qualifies as criteria for automatic rejection, regardless of what my message says.
I've always felt that I am open to criticism, so I re-read your article. I think there is a difference between telling someone that you want to book a session with them, and telling them that you would like to get to know them better with the intent to discuss the possibility of cuddling at some point in the future. If I were to be truly critical here, I would have to admit that not all of my messages thus far have been clear on this point. I'll definitely be thinking more about how my messages sound when I send them; I think it was good for me to go over the article again. I'll never be too proud to admit that I could stand to change some things, or at least I hope not Thank you for linking the article.
My own experiences here (in the short time that I have been a part of this community) have led me to believe that enthusiasts need to hear why I am reaching out to them in a message; this is especially true for those who are brand new to the site and the concepts of this community. Yes, this is a site for platonic cuddling, and it should be expected that this is why anyone would be messaging someone in the first place... This assumes, however, that every single person on this site follows the rules and behaves in an appropriate fashion.
We know that this is not the case. Unfortunate, but true. And we are not the only ones who know this; there are a number of profiles that I come across that basically say they feel men on this site (and others like CC) are only here for non-platonic reasons. A few examples would be:
"...fed up with people saying they want cuddles when they really want the sex."
"I'm a bit apprehensive to sign up for this, because I have an inkling that there's more to this than 'just cuddling'."
"Is this a real thing? Looking for now to check things out."
"I love to cuddle because it helps me relax and feel safe and gives me strength. But most people want sex and I'm not ready for that yet cause my wall is high."
"I'd just love to be cuddled PERIOD. I usually don't, and the rare times I do sex is expected on my part....what happened to simple comfort?"
There are also profiles that I encounter where they have clearly stated a desire to cuddle, and I have no reservations about letting them know why I am sending them a message. Some examples are:
" I'm honestly just looking to physically connect with another person through just cuddling. If this sounds like something you'd be interested in let me know. "
"I'd really like to have a cuddle friend"
"Could occasionally use a snuggle to get me through my 65+ hour weeks at work and maybe make a friend in the process."
"I just moved to the area and don't know many people so if you are serious about just cuddling, say HI! "
I still stand by my original "Other" vote, though after re-reading the article linked above, I would change the wording of my messages slightly to reflect that I would like to get to know them better first with the intent to discuss the possibility of cuddling at some point in the future. I feel this meets my requirement of being upfront about my intentions while at the same time establishing clearly that I wish to know them better as a person first.
Other because there is no set amount of time. Everyone is different.
As a n00b to this community, I was wondering the same thing so thank you for starting this discussion @MichaelJFudd. I look forward to reading @BlueIris 's article to learn more about how to more effectively communicate here. Especially to come across as a sincere "enthusiast" (love that term @BlueIris) and not some creepy old man.
I haven't had any conversations lead to a cuddle session. The most reply back and forth was when I was in Canada. However she was booked during, I admit I was doing things on short notice. Kind left it she was open to cuddling with more notice next time I am coming up. I have had a couple of connections locally. Maybe it's my age or waste. I am comfortable with myself. I am patient for other things to happen naturally,
I said about 4-5 messages as that's been the most common for me in messaging back a forth, but Other would have been my second choice. It really depends on the person and, for me, if I think we'd vibe well to have a good cuddle session. I also tend to ask my questions up front in getting to know more about them, they're needs or expectations for cuddling, and then look into when/where to meet that works for both of us.
For me, part of it also has to do with how complete their profile is in determining how many messages may be needed... a minimal profile with single words "Funny Outgoing Friendly" with almost no info on the side and maybe no photo I'll have a lot more questions than someone with a paragraph or 2 about them and even a single photo.
Well I say about a week. Since we're both busy and just getting to know each other I usually feel this is enough time to get more comfortable, have an idea about each other and also figure out a day to meet however soon or later this turns out to be. Enough time though not too long that we're either losing the point or running the risk of cat fish. People who only want to talk and not meet.