Hello Everyone,
I'm sure there are some of you that have cuddled with both men and women. What have been the advantages and disadvantages of cuddling with each gender (or non-binary or other identities)? Thanks.
From my experiences/perspectives, I enjoy women’s soft touch and feminine energy. With men, I enjoy the feeling of strength (regardless of body type), usually relatable about certain life experiences and masculine energy. I cuddled one trans woman and overall it was one of my best experiences!🤗🤗🤗
Woah. Wow! Thanks for sharing @SuperManCuddles ! Also, did the trans woman carry more of the feminine or masculine energy, or traits of both? Thanks !
Thanks for asking, @cylee1180 ! I have cuddled with both men and women— not yet with people of other genders, though I would be happy to do so.
There are a couple of professional woman cuddlers who have held me and touched me in ways that released tears— sobs, even! I would be willing to cry with another guy, but for some reason that hasn't happened yet. Maybe there was something motherly and healing about those women that helped me feel I could open up. I have also enjoyed the way some women I've cuddled with have boosted my ego, asking me questions that elicit my best feelings about myself and praising me for what they see as the best in me. I suppose a man could do that for me too, and I suppose some have done that in one way or another, but for some reason the feeling was more pronounced with women. I would also say that with women I had this odd sense of chivalry just for being a good guy, respecting them, and not trying anything non-platonic with them. Maybe it's because I have been brought up a certain way in the world we live in, but I take it upon myself to be extra careful with women so they feel safe and comfortable. I don't feel quite as much "walking on eggshells" with men, though I am cautious with men who have not cuddled with many (or any) men before so that they feel that their masculine self-identity is intact and they don't feel I am threatening them or asking them to do anything they're not comfortable with. I must say I have had some surprisingly tender and intimate cuddles with men, and this has been mind-blowing and deeply healing. I have also enjoyed giving my masculine energy and strength free rein to wrap another man in tight, intense bear hugs, and it has felt great to have another man squeeze me back just as hard. It's like "Grrrrreat!" masculine energy exchange! 💪🐯
I am so glad that I have opened myself up to cuddling with people of all genders, and I highly recommend it!
@cylee1180 You are welcome and thank you. I also wanted to add that feelings of comfort, safety, respect, acceptance and positive energy are important characteristics of any person that I cuddle, regardless of gender. I will contact your privately to share more about my cuddling experiences! @nurturingman thank you for sharing your thoughts, feelings and detailed experiences about cuddling men and women!🤗🤗🎉
@nurturingman Thanks for sharing nurturing man! It really feels like the qualities are like night and day except for the respect of boundaries and feelings. Thanks again!
@cylee1180 I have actually had the honor of cuddling both @nurturingman and @SuperManCuddles they good resources for your question. I have cuddled both men and women as well as a trans. The trans that I cuddled in my opinion had both qualities. She still had strength but was also very nurturing and gentle.
Being straight I was worried about cuddling a man for the first time. In all honesty depending on my mood would determine which I prefer. When I feel hopeless or weak a man is a better cuddle because you can absorb their masculine energy. If you feel depressed a female is a better cuddle because they are generally more empathetic and caring. I learned by cuddling a man that you can be close and intimate with a man without sex. It kind of creates a new bond that men can share without crossing boundaries.
@cuddler5617 Thanks for sharing! Quite insightful! Glad they were good experiences! And interesting stuff about the transgender individual! Good stuff.
Hello @cylee1180 how are you???? I can tell you from experience of cuddling both women and men. I have had the honor of cuddling both and just feeling the nurture of both is one of the most beautiful feelings in the world. I have not cuddled a transgender but if the opportunity presents itself, I would love to.
@Connecticut1977 Hi! I'm swell, thanks. And you? I'm glad you've gained from cuddling both genders. I'm glad everyone here is so welcoming.
Through this site, I've cuddled three cis men and one trans woman, and they all had different "energy."
Outside this site, I've cuddled too many people to remember, and in general I'd say a person's actual gender only makes a slight difference, if any at all—it's more about their perceived gender.
See someone as a woman, and they'll seem more nurturing 'cause your brain'll pick out the things they do and say that can be seen that way, and focus on them more than it otherwise would. See 'em as a man and any reassuring strengths will jump out at you instead. Like focusing your eyes to different distances.
Cuddle me and you'll probably find your brain going back and forth as your perception switches!
I think (being very generalizing), if your cuddling somone whos the same gender as you your less likely to fall into the typical gendered cuddle rolls and more likely to be in tune with eachothers natural energy.
@cuddler5617 Thank you very much! You and @nurturingman are awesome/safe cuddlers too!!! I am happy to cuddle with both of you!!! Also thank you for sharing your honest experiences about cuddling!!!😁🤗🎉
Cuddling with women is more nurturing & cozy, cuddling with men is more like a security blanket - if that makes sense. Some men are also a lot more needy. lol Cuddling with other genderqueer, nonbinary, or trans folk is, for lack of a better word, deeper. There's a deeper understanding & ease. I feel most calm & relaxed.
@Bixi That's deep. Keep it coming pple!
@cylee1180 what are your personal views/insights?
@Bixi I dunno! I've only cuddled with one woman and zero men. Cuddling was 10x better than I expected and so relaxing.
I can't really compare them but I like to hear pples thoughts and use them for food for thought.
Thanks for asking!
@cylee1180 I always rest better when cuddling. Sometimes I have bouts of insomnia, so it calms my brain/anxiety. lol
I have cuddled, but haven't officially cuddled anyone on this site yet, but I have a few pending sessions scheduled.
Always good to learn & takes some mental notes.
You're welcome. 🙂
I haven't really cuddled men but doesnt mean I'd rule it out . Once you get past your own personal comfort level , it really doesn't seem a whole lot different since not all men are the same, so not all would be the same in cuddle terms. I've met both @SuperManCuddles and @nurturingman , who are both on this thread so I'm singling them out . Hugged both and got a different vibe and energy and presence from both. Wasnt as simple as saying this is what hugging dudes is like because not all dudes are the same . So I'd imagine it would be different experience cuddling with them . Not because they are men, but because they are different people and it would simply be different.
Well put, @pmvines . These are generalizations, by nature imperfect. People of the same gender vary, and each person varies from moment to moment. I read my reply and felt it couldn’t contain all the variation I’ve experienced, but for now it would do. My advice to anyone curious about cuddling with people of various genders is just to try it and see for yourself.
I do want to offer some information about terminology. If a transgender person wants to correct me, please do, but my understanding is that it’s preferable to say “a transgender person,” “a trans man,” or “a trans woman” rather than simply “a trans.” It’s like we say “a gay man,” not “a gay.” Knowing some of the folks who have commented in this and other forum discussions, I trust everyone’s heart is in the right place; I just wanted to let you know the preferred terminology.
@pmvines Nice to single us out 😂 lol but true points! Experiencing cuddling in general can vary based upon many factors, not just one or a few. Since I cuddle everyone, my overall focus is to have positive, fun and mutually respectful time, regardless of gender identification.
For myself, I don't think in terms of "advantages or disadvantages with cuddling each gender," @cylee1180 . I'm grateful and thankful for both if they happen. That's a big IF.
Getting to that place of possible cuddle, though, starts with connection. I am gregarious and extroverted, but damned if sometimes I can be shy and quiet. In most social situations, I will/can dive right into conversations, and no one is a stranger for too long. But when it comes to my personal space and touch, it doesn't matter if they're male or female, I need to establish some connectivity before I'd even think of anything beyond a handshake or hug. For me it's our energy matching or aligning. There are more people I'd leave at a handshake or hug than those I'd end up in a cuddle.
This is a long-winded way of saying I want quality connections, I don't want quantity.
@Sideon Wow! Sounds like my philosophy of dancing. I do bachata and ballroom, and feel very upset when someone I dance with uses bad decorum. A lot of what you said brings out feelings that I don't fully verbalize. Thanks!
@Sideon Awesome 😎 thank you very much for sharing! You were my first of many cuddles on CC!!!🤗 Thank you for all that you bring to this wonderful community!!!
I get the most out of a cuddle when I’m providing a “protective” energy. I’ve yet to cuddle a non-binary/trans person, but I’ve had some great hugs with a trans-man.
I have to say that my experience with men has mostly been similar to @nurturingman ’s. Wrestling was a common form of play for me growing up, and the guys I’ve cuddled here and offsite usually give me a sliver of that feeling when you just start playfully bear hugging. My trans friend and I would share “manly” contact like, working out, do the Predator high five, lift each other with our hugs, etc. (I don’t recall picking up much feminine energy.) All of these interactions have still given me a rowdy but nurturing “big brother” vibe.
The women I’ve cuddled were much more gentle, often with us calming each other with softer caresses, hair playing, light scratches, etc. When a woman falls asleep in my arms, it’s the equivalent to roughhousing with a guy for me.
I’ve no doubt that I could receive either experience with neither/either opposite genders, these are just my generalizations.
@Sideon you have made some outstanding points. I see no difference in cuddling with either or. Both are very very rewarding a big ways. I am beyond glad that this thread has been started.
Thanks for sharing @ZacRedBear and @Connecticut1977 !
@cylee1180 you are 1000% welcomed!!!!!
I'm a woman-cuddler. The only context in which I've cuddled with men is at cuddle workshops, of which I've attended several by two different organisers. There isn't any full-blown one-to-one cuddling at the events, but assorted exercises which include things like hand-holding, hugging, touching all over, massage and so on. The events end with a cuddle puddle, where everybody who wants to lies in an interlocking heap on the floor. I participate fully in all exercises as a matter of principle: it's the only way I can cope.
I must say I find these events very stressful. In terms of a thing I might do or go to, there is nothing that causes me more anxiety beforehand. The reason I find them so difficult is because of the prospect of intimate touching of men.
Now I must add that, at the end, I've usually quite enjoyed myself. And if I haven't, it's not because of the touching men thing. However, they are utterly exhausting emotionally. I'm a wreck afterwards.
I must also add that I have no bad historical experiences involving touching men. No unpleasant memories are being triggered or anything like that.
The men I meet at these events are all perfectly friendly, ordinary, decent chaps. Occasionally I encounter one that I take a dislike to, for entirely irrational reasons as far as I can tell. I have been able to avoid these men for the more intimate exercises without making a fuss and no, I don't know what would happen if I had not been able to. I know what I'm supposed to do (politely decline or go to the sit-out area) and that is the most likely outcome, but I might just grab my shoes and leg it. Actually I'm not even sure I'd grab the shoes.
Thanks to these experiences I know what it's like being touched by a man. (Spoiler alert: it's exactly the same as being touched by a women. If you are lying on your back staring at the lights at the centre of a cuddle puddle, and somebody rests their head on your leg, you can't tell without looking to whom the head belongs.) And so, obviously, I like it fine as long as I don't know it's a man.
So yes, this is all in my head. I have made a lot of progress. I genuinely like hugging men now, I mean if I want to hug them. That took probably twenty years. It's all social programming of course. When I was a kid, men didn't touch other men except in very specific circumstances. I remember once holding hands with one of my best men friends for balance while we were doing a dodgy river crossing on a hike, and how awkward that felt.
The thing that has surprised me about this thread is that nobody has mentioned smell. Men and women smell different, on the whole. I don't mean flavours of shampoo, I mean the scent of the body. That's a big part of what bothers me. I have no problem with the scent of a man - in the right context it would be reassuring - it's just that in a cuddling context for me it fires off a fight, flight or freeze response.
@CuddleDuncan Very thoughtful responses! Also, it's nice to see you analyze and critique your social programming. You've also inspired me to attend a conference someday!
@Connecticut1977 Still processing it all. Good stuff.
I'm pansexual so will cuddle everyone 18 + I find each person gives their own unique edge