Does anyone else straight up not feel real?

trimmers_crytrimmers_cry
in General

I’ve struggled with derealization and depersonalization since elementary school. As in, the vast majority of my waking moments since then have had at least a slight feeling that I’m really just in a dream or a movie or hallucinating or something. Like every object I interact with doesn’t really have any weight, nothing I do matters, and at any moment the walls of the room feel like they could just be one step away from melting away. I almost always feel like I’m not human in the way everyone else is, like the only thing remotely real in the universe is other people because they have some kind of special spark that I don’t. I often feel like I’m living my life in the third person. I’ve been going through a particularly rough period lately and haven’t felt a moment free of dissociation for a few months now. I can barely remember what that even feels like.

I figure some of you guys might relate, since I know some people use cuddling as a form of therapy and healing. I don’t know anyone who struggles with this, so I’d be glad to hear someone else’s perspective on it.

Comments

  • MCcuddles2MCcuddles2
    edited June 2022

    Row, row, row your boat

    Gently down the stream

    Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily

    Life is but a dream.

    We're all just rowing our boats through this strange place.

    It helps to stop and look around once in a while.

    There also seems to be something special about helping others who have patchy boats or are struggling to row.

  • LovelightLovelight

    I used to experience derealization alone, haven't had an episode for approximately about a year or so. Anxiety or rough times don't help get relief of it. Mine for some reason just went away overtime. Though it wasn't an ongoing thing either, it came and went from time to time. I used to experience it a lot more a few years ago. One of the times I had an episode I found it helpful to remind myself that I'm okay. I'd say that in my head a few times to reground me. So destressing is something that could gradually help, though you may also need to try to treat the root cause if treatable which could mean seeing a qualified therapist. I hope you will soon find ease with what you going through.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    Try to find a good Buddhist teacher at a temple to guide you through some of these spiritual and psychological experiences. A nice book to get you inspired is "A cave in the snow" by Vickie Mckenzie about one of the if not the first western Tibetan nun - she spent 12 years in meditation retreat in a cave. She now runs a temple in NYC and the UK I think with nuns only.

  • _marC_marC

    I can relate, and have had feelings of my existence not being real. This would happen l when I looked in the mirror for a long long time (too long i suppose so stopped doing it). It was as if I became the reflection and not myself. It was really erreie! Like I has escaped my body or worse- trapped on the other side.

    I happen to prefer this side and I have things that focus me and keep me grounded to this plane. Some happen to be my family 👪 my hobbies 🎲 my faith 🙏🏽

    When I do WANT to escape cuddling is the ultimate! Every bad things just stops bothering me and I am in a safe, loved, beautiful space... like a cocoon- or joey

    Youre here now and I belive cc is great place to reach out for help 🫂

  • BabichevBabichev

    For me personally, the best antidote to this, when it feels unpleasant, is to find a way to shift my focus off of myself and onto someone or something outside of myself through volunteering or doing something helpful for someone else. Sometimes it’s a situational thing, like I’m at a dance and I don’t know anyone and I feel invisible. The best way out of it, for me, is to put my thoughts about myself aside, look around the room, and look for someone else who is standing by themselves looking like they wish they weren’t and go over and ask them to dance or chat them up, pay attention to them instead of myself. Working with a good psychotherapist on and off over the years has also made a huge difference for the better in my life.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream

    I feel like journeys are very temporary (meaning life) … and I say journey(s) because I believe we experience many of them (this being 1 of them) …. I think there’s a lesson / a purpose for each & every one or them … but I’m just guessing, this is just what I feel / my intuition ….

  • [Deleted User]Btown (deleted user)

    For the most part I think I am just going through the motions. I am really exhausted from pretending to be normal, or at least without the constant inner battle that I experience daily. I am resistant to antidepressants and physchotherapy doesn't do much. So I am just rolling along like a tumbleweed.

  • [Deleted User]RaveHeart (deleted user)

    I actually understand this feeling. I used to feel it a lot more as a kid, but I still have instances now where I'll feel unreal and question my movements and my body as my own.

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream
    edited June 2022

    .

  • UCpaaHVg6u0UCpaaHVg6u0

    What are the preconditions for being real? Our experience of being is shaped by the equipment we use to perceive reality. So everything we perceive is a simulation.

  • biancalovecraftbiancalovecraft

    Yes since childhood, drifting in and out of dimensions,and I've always tried to shake it off.
    I felt it creeping back during the lockdowns when it became one long day for months. Readingg your articulate experience gave me some dejavu heebie jeebies.
    When I described it as a kid and teen,
    I was also told to "pray" or meditate, and neither are practically achievable for me, and talking in therapy somehow intensified it.
    For me, being pulled intensely into my senses mostly solved it, especially anything involving my body that got me "in the zone". For me it was dance, especially ballet. It was just impossible to be anywhere else or doubt my existence while balancing on one tiny point shoe or other nearly impossible feat.

  • cuddlelover626cuddlelover626

    We living in a simulation :)

  • arvbiarvbi

    All the time. I just try to enjoy my time here as a little speck of dust on this universe. it will get better :)

  • me2me2

    I didn’t realize how much of this (or something similar) I’d dealt with in my life until I had a very rough experience that accentuated it. Then I lost pleasure in a lot of my hobbies and was constantly distracted among other symptoms. Time would feel warped as well.
    I went through at least 4 therapists before finding someone that was a good fit for me. Someone that combined psycho, somatic, and massage therapy. Some of the things that helped (and helps) me (within this therapy as well as outside it) we’re movement, bilateral stimulation (brain spotting, others use emdr, ad hoc mixing during therapy) connection, and contact. I started meet up with a group where we would learn martial arts and spar with contact which was surprisingly effective. I feel like this is the type of thing that has many angles, entry points, and variations for what will work best for the individual. I hope the forum helps and that you are able to make some headway for what works best for you. Brave of you to reach out on here. Don’t forget to acknowledge that you’re already making steps to help yourself :)

  • [Deleted User]HumbleBaron (deleted user)

    If things arent real today I cant wait for the metaverse

  • [Deleted User]Saysoh (deleted user)

    Find a grounding. Something that makes you feel present. Books do it for me because it gets me in my head without being lost in my head. The pit you can get lost in is infinite, but there's a rope. You just got to grab it. I know that sounds cliche, but it's really just a focus shift for me. And talking. Conversation is another grounding for me.

  • [Deleted User]CaptainFluff (deleted user)

    Off and on randomly throughout life, but almost always when I drink to the point of getting buzzed. Very uncomfortable and it made getting back to my room difficult, so I try to avoid both as a result.

  • [Deleted User]Btown (deleted user)

    If you think nobody cares about you try missing a few payments.

  • nurturingmannurturingman
    edited June 2022

    I haven't had an episode of this in a long time, but I did experience this several times as a child. It usually began with a ringing in the ear, and then I suddenly felt like I was, to quote The Police, "a spirit in the material world." I was there, but it was like time stopped for me and I was in a bubble, watching the world outside my bubble. I tried to express this a few times to psychotherapists and they never really had an answer for me as to what it was. These episodes usually only lasted for a minute, thank goodness. Now, having taken PSY101 AND PSY102 and continuous education on mental health, I do think it would be apt to call these moments of derealization and depersonalization.

    I agree with others here that it helps to interact with people, to get out of your own head, to remind yourself that you are really in the material world and a part of it, not just a ghost. It can help yourself to help someone else, because then you're really engaging in others' lives as a physical being. Also, in these days of so much online interaction, being with people IRL (in real life) can help alleviate the feeling of being unreal— and cuddling is one of those real interactions.

  • LithellylLithellyl

    To escape the childhood trauma I endured bi had to quickly learn to disassociate as a survival tactic

    To this day I catch myself still stepping outside my body and disassociating from time to time by accident. It takes me about half an hour but I can force myself to snap out of it and reintegrate my mind and body

  • OpulenceOpulence

    @Btown if you miss your bills, they will be the first to remind you how much they care lol!

    @trimmers_cry sometimes I feel like I can't feel my legs, like I only have knees. Something you can do to feel more grounded is to get outside. When I feel anything other than comfortable I go to the biggest tree I can find and give it a hug, they are always generous with their energy. Have your bare feet on the soil, arms hugging tight, and forehead pressed against the trunk of the tree. Don't hurt yourself, trees can be sharp lol. Take your deep breathes and feel/imagine the Prana enter your feet, hands, and forehead and enjoy. It works very well for me.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    For the benefit of anyone who may not realize the original post is speaking literally...the OP is describing dissociation, which is much more serious than a passing feeling.

    @trimmers_cry I do not experience derealization, but I experience depersonalization, when triggered. Feel free to PM me for more details.

    As @Saysoh mentioned, I suggest grounding techniques to bring yourself back into your body/into the world, when it is severe. You can take a shower, hold an ice cube, describe the room around you to someone... I will admit that it is difficult to engage in grounding when I am depersonalizing, though. I really need an outside influence to remind me and encourage me to do it.

    I strongly advise counseling to address this further, but I know you were simply looking for people with similar experiences, and yes, I can relate in similar ways. Big hugs going out to you, if desired.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

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