Unwholesome requests from old acquaintances

edited June 2022 in General

Today was a little unsettling. Somebody who I had a brief platonic association with a long time ago still had my number and texted me today. She said times were hard and some bills had made things tough for her and her three kids. While I like to take people at their word, this sounded sketchy and I pictured her strung out and maybe put up to this by some guy. She offered PICTURES! I passed on them. I might have sent her something except she then said some manipulative, hostile, guilt tripping stuff! Maybe she was just wanting a hand temporarily but I can think of dozens of reasons to just forget about it, and maybe two or three reasons to give up some cash. I'm not doing it. Even if she is doing the best she can, and isn't strung out or into Lotto scratch offs or something else like that, it's not my responsibility to worry about people who would never reciprocate if I needed something. There's no friendship there. She got into my head a little.
Given the demographics here and the dynamics, I have a strong suspicion that many guys get calls like this one. Perhaps most don't want to spill their guts on the forum about it. This one isn't even from here so it shouldn't matter if I talk about what happened today.

Comments

  • Ouch.

    Actually there's nothing I can add to that. An unhappy experience all round. My sympathies.

  • I'm sorry that happened. Manipulation sucks. Block that number and don't enable that behavior!

  • @UCpaaHVg6u0 I am so sorry this happened to you!! It's shameful people choose to be decitful and dishonest. I would report that person and block that person. If you need to talk I am here!!! Hang in there!!!

  • Idk. If they are not trustworthy, then wish them luck.

  • @UCpaaHVg6u0 I am 100% in agreement with @Cuddle_RN

    I have never had that type of experience from anyone I have known. On rare occasion I get a random text message or email from a spammer with a URL offering photos, meet ups, etc. that I simply delete and promptly forget about. I am sure it is harder to forget when it is a personal message from someone you know but again, 100% agreement with Cuddle_RN on this.

  • @UCpaaHVg6u0 I am sorry that you experienced this. Many red flags, including reaching out to you for money (without a deep friendship/relationship connection), contacting you randomly for money (but not when times are good in here life). Due to money need, offering “PICTURES”. I agree with your decision and hope that you feel better soon, have an enjoyable weekend. I had many people in life try to use me but happy to have much stronger boundaries over the years.

  • I received a similar message recently from a pro cuddler I had a session with earlier this year. Out of the blue she sent me a text saying that she had some unexpected expenses and if I could loan her money for said expenses and that she would pay me back later. I politely declined.
    @UCpaaHVg6u0 yours is different though and if I was in your shoes I would’ve declined as well.

  • edited June 2022

    🤦🤦🤦I told that idiot if she poured it on to hard, that you was to 🎓Smart to fall for it...
    i told her "🗣️pics 1st , pics 1st.".. Sob 🤧sorry later...🤷oh well🍜ramen noodles it is again tonight!!

  • This happened to a male friend of mine only it was another male friend who contacted him out of the blue, giving him a hard luck story and hitting him up for money. My friend said, simply, “I’m sorry, I can’t help you out.” And that was it.

    One has to wonder about their life that they have to reach out to someone they haven’t seen in years. I can only conclude they’ve burned out all the people closer to them.

  • I appreciate all the support from everybody.
    The pics she offered was not something I would have wanted because if I'm going to help somebody, it's not going to be at the price of their humiliation.
    At first I assumed she was in deep with drugs and/or a human trafficking situation. Sending money would not be the way out for her but I would wonder how to really help. But it appears she just was targeting me as a softie. I'll look at it that I'm helping her more by encouraging her self reliance to grow a few sizes at this juncture.
    Thank you again!

  • Yup, I feel for you. I've been a yes man a lot. Many people do this (note: I haven't met anyone from here who has). Then finally I had one keep using her kids over and over, and I had enough. So I'm better at saying, "I can't right now", and if they get upset about it, then it's somebody I don't need in my life. I still like to give people the benefit of the doubt first and assist until I feel like I'm being manipulated.

    Sending money would not be the way out for her but I would wonder how to really help.

    That's the real key it took me awhile to learn, if send money, not sure who is actually using it and for what. If they really want support, they'd let me assist in other ways.
    I find it similar to the people on side of street asking for money for food. If I try to offer real food to them, and they snear because they just want cash...smh. I do like the ones that are at least honest about what they want it for.

    She used a picture of her son in the hospital, and when I showed it to someone that also knew her, they were like, "I think I've seen this picture before" went to her FB page, and found the same picture of her son from 6 years ago. Oof. They were like, "I thought he was way older now...yup".

    Then later, she used her "long lost daughter now reunited", and in a matter of 3 days, - needed a ride or gas money to go see her daughter, needed money to help her because daughter was pregnant, needed money to help her because daughter attempted suicide and was in hospital, needed money for funeral costs because daughter passed away. Literally in a matter of 3 days. Just didn't know how to react to that.

  • edited June 2022

    This is one big reason I like to hire pros - at the end of the session there is a money exchange, and no expectation or obligation that I have to reciprocate or complete the exchange later in some other way.

  • @CuddlesByDeep - money exchange should happen at the BEGINNING of any session. That is the protocol we ask of Pros.

  • @UCpaaHVg6u0 - you are right. Enabling someone who is engaged in unhealthy dependent behavior is not doing them a favor. Encouraging them to cultivate self-efficacy and perhaps pointing them to resources that might help them achieve that is going to be much more helpful in the end.

  • edited June 2022

    @sideon, yes, I was speaking loosely about when the money gets exchanged. My point is still the same, the money exchange "completes" the transaction in a way - so no later exchange is implied or expected.

  • [Deleted User]Btown (deleted user)

    I have had these from a cousin that I had no relationship with and had not even seen or heard from in over 10 years. She was getting divorced due to domestic violence and had no one to turn to. BTW she has six siblings and many other cousins that she has a relationship with.

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