Interest in Girls Who Don't do Anything Sexual Nonexistent

[Deleted User]littlebluebee (deleted user)
in General

This is a vent post for me. I'm just being driven crazy by the amount of men on here who do not respect boundaries. I'm incredibly clear that I am not a sex worker of any kind yet without fail I am continually groped and called uptight when I tell them to stop.

I like being a professional cuddler, I really do, but I am sick and tired of being expected to take off my clothes and do extra special "favors".

I've also noticed that since I've made my profile more serious I've hardly gotten any responses from clients. It's like everyone on this site is actually only interested in one thing! I'm frustrated but there really aren't any better sites for cuddling.

This was just a vent. I'm sure there are a few other ladies who need to vent on this issue as well.

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Comments

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    I think this should go in the pro forum. Lots of folks can give you advice. The cuddlers that I've met have had a strict vetting process. Hopefully the pros will help share with you their experiences and advice and that you get the proper validation that you need. Best of luck!

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    Ps - Hope you will report the users that have broken community guidelines as well!

  • BrandiBrandi

    @cylee1180 unfortunately it isn’t just pros who deal with this. I’ve heard a plethora of enthusiast women who have given up on this site as well due to the same lack of respect.
    Buttttt I’ve also heard the side from clients being put in uncomfortable situations during a cuddle.
    It sucks in general to not have people just abide by the site rules, and use the several dating apps that are out there for other things.
    Good on you for sticking to your guns @littlebluebee & being called uptight may suck, but it’s certainly better than having your boundaries pushed. It breaks my heart hearing about the women too afraid to speak up for themselves.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    Rant heard.

    It's all very well me saying Report them, Report them, Report them all. But you shouldn't have to, you shouldn't have to deal with it the first place.

  • [Deleted User]littlebluebee (deleted user)

    @cylee1180 I didn't want to put it in the pros only section because just in case some of these men do go on the forums I'd like them to think about their actions a bit and see the professionals as people, not potential sex partners. I'm wishing myself some better luck to haha! Happy cuddling!

  • [Deleted User]littlebluebee (deleted user)

    @Brandi I feel so bad because I know some women aren't saying anything. Especially when I see these guys have plenty of nice reviews on their profile. Either I'm an isolated experience or these women aren't speaking up for themselves.

    Don't like thinking of the alternative of some cuddlers encouraging the advances and thus making the site unusable for the professionals not interested in sex work.

  • [Deleted User]littlebluebee (deleted user)

    @CuddleDuncan I sincerely appreciate your understanding.

  • caperunnercaperunner

    All this!! I’ve had men ask for my house key so he could come and go as he pleased. Once I turned pro, he only wanted to communicate via text message to avoid paying me. Then asking how much I paid for fees for bookings. Others admitting they wouldn’t stick with terms and be too touchy feely, with minimal clothing. That’s not why I’m here.

  • RezzRezz

    @cylee1180 Nah I think this belongs in public view for all members so men can see how sick we are of their inappropriate, unwanted and disgusting behavior.

    @littlebluebee
    It's not just you. Sadly the site has become overrun with men who have zero respect for the women here. Enthusiasts and pros. Stick to your boundaries. Once you learn how to screen and eliminate the guys who are looking for SW's , you'll uncover the gems who understand platonic touch and who make this job truly rewarding. Don't allow the bad apples to run you off girl. You belong here, they don't.

  • yoda96yoda96

    I've had this issue in the past when I first stated cuddling. I learned to weed out the few who do this by just means of conversation. If they don't want to keep the conversation on here, they possibly want something else. Now not all cuddlers do this as there are some who are very respectful, but this is just a prevention.

  • [Deleted User]littlebluebee (deleted user)

    @caperunner Yes!! And they tell you they're going to violate your boundaries as if it's flirtatious and not a threat. In fact, being flirtatious at all, considering this is a nonsexual and nonromantic service (just like a massage) is disrespectful! I'm offering a service. I am not offering sex, flirtation, or anything you can get by going to a local singles mixer. Leave us alone!

  • UCpaaHVg6u0UCpaaHVg6u0
    edited July 2022

    Reluctance to report men who cross the line (or anybody for that matter) is not doing the community any favors. There's a world of sex workers out there. This is supposed to be a refuge from that world. I also find it questionable to see pictures of pros that emphasize their bodies and expressions in suggestive ways. I don't want to sound like a repressed prude, but it's actually important to me to focus on cuddling from the standpoint of nurturing people. The world seems harsh at times. I want to feel sheltered and safe, and not like I'm preyed upon. Back in the day, I had my time in that life. The destructiveness and soullessness took a toll on me. I find honest cuddling to be restorative.

    @Rezz 👍 The only way to clean up Cuddle City is to crack down on the grope bandits. We need to assure the women that we all have their backs.

  • BrandiBrandi

    @littebluebee
    Absolutely there are women who have spoken about being too afraid to speak up out of fear of aggressive behavior, or not wanting to make them “awkward” and losing a client, I cannot stress enough those are not clients you want to keep around. Money is not worth safety or your self worth.

    even though women don’t say no and their body language says it all. it truly is disgusting. I know not everyone can read into body language, which is why it’s SO important to speak up and say something beforehand, during and have no issues leaving the situation or kicking them out of their home. I have roommates I can call for if anything gets out of hand who can call the police at any time, but I know not everyone has that option and predictors will find their way around to women who lack safety precautions and women who use their voice.
    We live in a scary world, but our voice is a tool we have to implement to help lower the chances that things continue to happen and we need as many kind loving people with respect as possible to make this world slightly better.

    im speaking for women mostly due to the consistent facts that we are the majority when it comes to harassment, however this doesn’t exclude the unfortunate situations where men are put in uncomfortable or unsafe positions and I truly hope they can use their voices as well

    This site is a beautiful place and I’ve met countless incredible friends and human beings, and I wholeheartedly agree with @rezz when she said those people don’t belong here, and the ones who take this seriously to help others absolutely do belong here ♥️

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    Either I'm an isolated experience or these women aren't speaking up for themselves.

    It absolutely is not just you. It's very common.

    There are many professionals who do not speak up. One of the reasons is that they are afraid of "revenge karma" which will damage their business. In fact false karma is routinely removed by the mods. If you encounter it, Report it. It can be difficult for mods to decide who is telling the truth, when it gets into a "she said, he said" kind of situation. The person who remains calm and polite is more likely to get the benefit of the doubt.

    It's also worth knowing that people who are banned do not reappear under a new account. The site is extremely effective at catching and re-banning such people.

  • RezzRezz
    edited July 2022

    I feel so bad because I know some women aren't saying anything. Especially when I see these guys have plenty of nice reviews on their profile. Either I'm an isolated experience or these women aren't speaking up for themselves. Don't like thinking of the alternative of some cuddlers encouraging the advances and thus making the site unusable for the professionals not interested in sex work.

    It's not isolated. Some women encourage this behavior and use karma as a commodity. They exchange karma for karma either not caring or understanding the implications of giving these guys good reviews so they can go on to be pushy and request sexual conduct with the next pro. Rinse repeat.
    This is why reporting these guys is crucial.

    Guys if a pro offers you more, report her. These "pros" make not just us ladies look bad, but the site as whole. If you love this sanctuary, protect it.

    I have no problems with SWs or the men who seek their services, they just don't belong here.

  • GreatHornedOwlGreatHornedOwl

    @littlebluebee I wonder if, in place of what you added when you made your profile more serious, a statement such as this might be useful: "A single violation to our agreed upon limit will result in a warning. A second violation will result in the termination of the session. No refund will be granted."

  • [Deleted User]littlebluebee (deleted user)

    For the love of God do not come to my profile and critique it for being aggressive and unfriendly. It is the way it is because men have disrespected my boundaries and attempted to have sex with me. This was not an invitation about my profile needs to be sweeter or more professional. You are absolutely missing the point on purpose.

  • RadiantHugsRadiantHugs Mod
    edited July 2022

    @littlebluebee great profile! However, I agree with you, a lot of men get on here to find themselves more than cuddles. Sadly, it's the reason why there are so few enthusiast women on this site! That said, there are men who truly come here for just cuddles, but they are vastly outnumbered by the creeps. This is why screening is important. I screen the pros I hire too - a great way I do that is by focusing on hiring only those pros who consistently participate in these forums and make thoughtful comments. So there are some good ways to establish yourself 1) diligently report the boundary pushers, 2) participate in these forums, and 3) try to attend meet and greet events such as the one which was just planned or community cuddle events. That last one I might be saying somewhat out of self interest, but not really - in general it's pretty hard for creeps to function and pull their stunts in a group setting. Speaking for myself, I facilitate group cuddle events, and a lot of people who attend those are seeking the true healing that comes from human touch, and as a general rule, come with sincere motives.

  • RezzRezz
    edited July 2022

    @GreatHornedOwl
    How about they just not violate the TOS and show this women some damn respect instead of her having to hand out warnings like we are in preschool? These are grown ass men with checking accounts. They shouldn't have to be warned like a child. Not even once.

    I don't give warnings. You act like an ass, I'll show you the door. No refunds. I don't care if it paints me as unfriendly or uncaring. My sympathy and empathy runs deep for those who have respect and ceases to exist for those who don't.

  • BrandiBrandi

    @GreatHornedOwl warnings can and will be abused and it really shouldn’t be necessary. Boundaries and a contact was signed. They know the rules, they want to see what they can get away with. There is zero reason that we should straight out say “you get one opportunity to make me uncomfortable. Other than that. No.” That doesn’t make sense to me.

  • SuperManCuddlesSuperManCuddles

    @littlebluebee Sorry to hear about your negative experiences on this site with boundary pushers and potential/current clients treating you non platonically! Your profile has clear communication and looks awesome to me! If we are ever in each other areas sharing platonic/respectful cuddles would be fun! @CuddlesByDeep 💯agree!!!

  • [Deleted User]Btown (deleted user)

    @littlebluebee I appreciate the wording of your profile. Thanks for reminding us of the
    boundaries in the TOS.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    Sorry this happened and I hope as a community we can be vigilant about this issue and support each other.

  • BabichevBabichev

    For those who are reluctant to report, consider this: there’s a good chance this person has done whatever they have done before and if someone else had reported them, they may have saved you from having an unpleasant experience. The only way to weed out bad actors is to report them. It’s possible, for various reasons, they may not get banned this time but at least there’s a record of it and if it happens again they will probably get the ban hammer.

  • SnugggleBunnySnugggleBunny

    I have honestly only ever been legitimately creeped out twice but I’ve definitely had to tell people like no, you agreed to strictly cuddling and that’s what this is. They are usually OK with it and a little embarrassed. But I had one the other day tell me that he has never before had a cuddle that did not turn sexual. I think it’s a bit like bartenders who pour heavy handed drinks because they know they will get personally good tips, and don’t much care about the fact that the establishment is losing money because of it, or the fact that customers then expect extra liquor from bartenders who are pouring accurately.

  • Mike403Mike403

    Warnings should be given for using swear words when the other person doesnt like it.. Not for attempted sexual assault.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    @SnugggleBunny claiming that other professionals have done this or that is a common lie told by creeps to try and pressure you into doing things you don't want to do.

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup
    edited July 2022

    Not that this makes sexual assault okay, but so many people, especially men, only cuddle in relationships and so heavily associate it with sex.

    Anyone who requests sexual favors via CC should be reported and banned. The site is clear on what it is. This will will help others in the community too. Anyone who pushes for sexual activity should have the police called on them and hopefully jailed, no matter where it is.

  • snugglebug3snugglebug3

    @littlebluebee @Rezz 1000% to everything you've both said here.

    In my admittedly short experience here, the vast majority of men are not looking for purely platonic cuddles.

  • xeldaxelda

    @Brandi

    even though women don’t say no and their body language says it all. it truly is disgusting. I know not everyone can read into body language, which is why it’s SO important to speak up and say something beforehand, during and have no issues leaving the situation or kicking them out of their home.

    You're right, we need to use words, because body language can be misinterpreted. Cuddles are yummy! So we can get squirmy, close and happy, which can look a lot like arousal or encouragement for more. Even "freeze" can be interpreted as "yes" (even though it's a loud "NO!") Men have been socialized to try to "read our minds" or see what they want to see, so it's not always as easy as "body language says it all".

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