@cde123 appreciate the information and perspective! Is there anything else that could impact one's professional image in the office even on the west coast? 🤔 Neatness of clothes (even if casual), hygiene, language used, smiling, etc? Is there anything you could do or a way to present yourself, that might turn people away from you in an office setting?
There's gotta be something that would be a parallel example. What if I came in with wrinkly tattered clothes, oily hair, a frowny grumpy face, and swearing at people? 😆 The first two might not be a problem in many other professions. The second two would cause difficulty in more situations.
The point being, image impacts people's perception of you, and that can be more impactful in different ways in certain lines of work than others. And each line of work has different rules for perception. Fir example, a person in a business suit is less likely to be hired for cuddling than to be an executive assistant (apparently maybe not on the west coast).
@ubergigglefritz I'm sure wrinkled, tattered clothes and swearing at people would do it! Hygiene and a good attitude are as important as anywhere. Not being progressive enough can also be a problem professionally, to a degree that could be surprising for some. It's almost expected that you would have strongly held liberal views. Having a neutral accent helps too.
@Mama55mia while what you say is true some of the time, your assessment of folks who smoke weed is wildly incorrect.
@cde123 Ah, yes, I forgot about political opinions! I feel like I'm one of the only non-liberal (not conservative either) cuddlers, lol. It can result in me feeling pretty isolated in the industry, but on the plus side, I offer a safe place for all people (I know for a fact that some cuddlers won't see people who lean in a certain direction). I have clients who cover all political affiliations and all are welcome and feel safe and accepted here. I guess this is another subject, but it bothers me that I worry about saying that, like I am somehow in danger for caring about and loving all people. 😔💜
I'm not so sure about that. Advocating for the legalization of sex work sounds pretty liberal to me. I'll bet that you hold a lot more liberal beliefs than conservative ones.
@ubergigglefritz That's great, I'm glad you are offering care to everyone, you would think that would be normal! I've seen too much self-serving behavior from both sides to call myself anything but centrist at this point. People need to care about each other rather than dividing themselves on silly issues.
@GreatHornedOwl Libertarian. Libertarians have more of a live and let live attitude than liberals or conservatives.
@cde123 thanks for the support. It's a scary world out there right now. As much compassion as I try to give, I hold a lot of fear for being judged after experiencing so much hate from others, especially in recent years. 💜
@GreatHornedOwl @Moxytocin has got it. Libertarians are often described as socially liberal and fiscally conservative (so I can falsely be assumed to be on either side, depending on the subject of the conversation). I have never fit into either of the primary parties my entire life. I'm definitely less "liberal" than ever before though, as our country has grown more and more divided. There are no rules for entry when it comes to receiving my care and compassion. 🙈
@CuddleDuncan posted: "It's all very well me saying Report them, Report them, Report them all. But you shouldn't have to, you shouldn't have to deal with it the first place." This is so true. Sadly, it is the current world we live in, that the way things should be is not as they are.
@littlebluebee I'm terribly sorry to hear you've been groped by men on this site. It shouldn't happen.
The advice given here is excellent: @European_Amazon posted: "Having a clear conversation about do's and dont's at the beginning of a session has been proven fruitful Once I was venting on my profile as well, showing my frustration, but decided to not let it get to me and between me and potential clients and I changed it to a more positive approach." @CuddlesByDeep posted: "1) diligently report the boundary pushers, 2) participate in these forums, and 3) try to attend meet and greet events such as the one which was just planned or community cuddle events."
@sunnysideup posted: "so many people, especially men, only cuddle in relationships and so heavily associate it with sex." This is very true. It was hard for me to believe that platonic cuddles could exist, but reading so much here, I had hope, and then was finally able to experience it for myself and it absolutely exists. Cuddling doesn't need to have a shred of sexuality to it, but it seems very hard for people to separate that out.
@KozyKim posted: "When a guy says to me I’ll respect your boundaries but I don’t have any that’s a red flag for me." Yessss, totally. Those are the guys who are happy to engage in anything further. It's like the people who used to post all over the Strictly Platonic section of Craig's List, "Just here for friends, but open to whatever happens." Um. Not the point! Everyone should be seeking to simply cuddle. If you're also wanting to date or have sex, then you should be on a dating or hook-up site. But I honestly think that most single people are open to more, it's just the nature of the beast. I have met a few happily single people here though, who are actively not wanting to get into a relationship.
@Mike403 posted: "Pros tend to want to get straight to business as soon as possible since they aren't getting paid making friends and may see it as a waste of time." Exactly the problem... Take the time and they would have better chances of having safe, platonic experiences, as I have.
@BashfulLoner posted: "It disturbs me that i believe that sometimes many of us men get viewed in the same light as the handsy ones. We do try and be safe and viewed as safe but too often we are lumped in with the others." This is because girls can't magically know which is which. Unfortunately, some girls take the approach of distrusting all men until proven otherwise... I don't take that approach. I trust until proven otherwise. People show their true colors plenty fast, I see no reason to be hateful or negative from the get-go, as mentioned by others. It would only drive off the nice ones. That's why my profile focuses on positivity and encouraging people to contact me as a friend; I don't have any loud warnings or negative vibes in there, at all. There are other ways to deal with it, in my opinion.
@Sheena123 posted: "I know so many amazing men that are incredibly respectful and actually see me as a human being. They understand why women say “all men”" I am a female, and I don't understand why you would say "all men" when you also say there are amazing, respectful men out there. "All" and "none" statements are usually incorrect, and that's coming from a very black and white person who has trouble seeing gray. If it's not all men, as you stated, then the phrase should not be used. It alienates me as a female, so I cannot imagine how offensive it must be to men. Just wanted to throw my take in on this one, as a fellow female.
@ubergigglefritz posted: "A professional cuddler shouldn't be filled with bitterness and anger that can harm their clients. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having these feelings or struggles, but it can be indicative that maybe this work isn't the best idea for you" I agree. I have seen some incredible bitterness and hatred spew from Pro's, and even though it is directed at men, it tells me so much about them. I wouldn't want that kind of person as a friend, and I would feel bad for anyone paying to be "nurtured" by someone with that energy.
~ Sunset Snuggles
@SunsetSnuggles 100% everything you commented. 💜 My only comment is about boundaries. I have had plenty of successful and safe sessions with men who don't identify any boundaries. (1) I'm ok with cuddling with people who don't have their own boundaries as long as they respect mine. (2) Many people don't have the skills or knowledge around boundaries to really have a conversation about them; that's one thing they can learn through sessions with a professional. 😇
@ubergigglefritz Thank you! That does make sense; I think there's a difference between "I have no boundaries" and "I don't know my full boundaries, yet". I tried to post a thread about this just before I began cuddling, asking if people had boundaries above and beyond the Terms of Service...things that they reserved specifically for their significant others, so they remained special. I feel like if the thread had been read by female Pro's in relationships, it would have gotten a very helpful response, but unfortunately, it was read by a few single men first, who accused me of wanting jerk-off fodder. 🤣
So I absolutely get the concept of wanting to figure out your boundaries because you haven't had the experience to build them, yet. In that thread, I was looking for helpful advice from people who had experienced more than I had and might have words of wisdom, so I could avoid having to learn by mistakes or through regret. But I still had boundaries, namely everything in the Terms of Service, and likely holding hands with males. As I began cuddling I also discovered I have a (current) boundary with hotel cuddles. So I've been able to figure some things out as I go, but there were always baseline boundaries there, and that's what I feel all people on this site should have...namely, nothing sexual, and not looking for dating. More specific boundaries can certainly be figured out as they gain experience. 😊
I am truly sorry for your experience being filled with this. I don't know why more men don't like just cuddling. Cuddling by itself is amazing and rejuvenating. Respecting boundaries is key. I wish there were fewer predators out there. Too many men think it's ok to cross the line
Just on the point of boundaries, I do have boundaries but we're simply not going to meet them in a routine cuddle session.
The distinction between "no boundaries" and "no relevant boundaries" can be a tricky one for new cuddle partners to negotiate.
@CuddleDuncan another solid point. 👍
@Kiroshi - Some people want more than platonic cuddling which is fine and they shouldn't be judged for that alone, but they need to look for it at the right place. You don't go to a vegan festival and expect to be served meat.
@Mike403 but if you go to a vegan festival and are someone who eats meat, if someone offers you meat, you probably wouldn't say no just because there's not supposed to be meat there. 🤷♀️
@ubergigglefritz But if you signed a contract upon entering that festival... 😉
@ubergigglefritz @SunsetSnuggles - I'm sure meat selling vendors won't be allowed in such festival... or at least agree to only serve their vegan options.
I'm getting hungry...
Where's the beef?
@cde123 writes: With apologies for being off topic, there is a huge difference between areas of the country on this one. If you dress casually at the office you'd be just fine in west coast cities like Seattle or San Francisco, whereas in uptight New England you probably would be perceived as someone not serious about a career.
That's right. Out there you best be wearing Birkenstocks with socks, shorts, and a tweed blazer atop a t-shirt (usually a crimson one with "H" prominently embroidered on it) lest you be shuffled off to the non-ivy league floors of the workplace.
@SunsetSnuggles true about the contract. I was more thinking about boundaries, since it was mentioned that not voicing boundaries in cuddling would be indicative of someone who would not be safe to cuddle with. If I eat meat, I wouldn't expect meat at a vegan festival, but if asked for my boundaries around food while there, I wouldn't mention meat, because that's already a given in that environment. But that doesn't mean I plan on smuggling in meat, just that I have no boundaries applicable in that environment.
All this talk about food is also making me hungry.
@ubergigglefritz - I agree. Do I really need to bring up "don't touch my naughty bits" in a platonic cuddle session? That should be a given. Some people also don't like their face touched for example. That is what should be brought up when discussing boundaries.
@Mike403 exactly. I use that as examples with people, places they don't like to be touched or old injuries that may make certain body parts sensitive to touch or positions, etc.
@ubergigglefritz "snuggling in meat".🤣
Now picturing vegans snuggling on a nice soft bed of Romaine lettuce or extra firm tofu.
@Moxytocin This is us...
@ubergigglefritz Echoes what I have had to learn first hand. And I'm not even really conservative or leaning that way in the slightest these days. I am smack dab in the middle. We can say what we like about people having the right to dress or express how they want. Dressing or expressing yourself a certain way DOES NOT entitle anyone to abuse you.
However, there is some truth in the statement "mean what you say, say what you mean". Communication is not achieved until it is understood. So some "pros" need to be doing more work to reach those who do understand.
If you are showing yourself in cosplay of a sexy anime character, or you're showing a scheiße ton (I'm not talking just shorts, I'm talking literal bodycon dresses, club wear, sexy summer dresses etc.) of skin in your photos, or you're EVEN winking and giving a sly smile? I'm sorry, but you're sending a message.
Whether you like it or not, in business, you are sending always sending a message with your image, and in an industry like this, the majority of society is not going to understand the grey area of what we provide. You need to feed it to them like they're simple.
So yes, if that means you need to wear less revealing clothes in your photos to send a less sexual message (even if you didn't intend for your advertising to be interpreted sexually), do it.
You can't say you didn't try anyway. I know this sounds gross, but it's just the way this industry is. There is a reason legit massage therapists and other professionals typically wear a uniform, and not their own clothes. To send the message, "I am this person. I am at work. I provide this service."
The more personal and "open" and "free" you get, the more likely folks will misinterpret what you're offering.
@Catloaf I agree and I have missed you on the forum.
@Catloaf - absolutely 100% correct. I've said it myself before, not so tactfully, and understandably got piled on as "body shaming/slut shaming", but it's true a picture is worth a thousand words. The combination of clothing choice, pose, and facial expression can change a subject from just friendly to seductive.