The fact that men don’t really have boundaries has been tested in a YouTube video where a woman walks around and grabs guy’s junk. There is never a negative reaction. Maybe that’s not exactly a scientific study but it’s some data.
@Moxytocin I hate that you got piled on for body/slut shaming. Maybe we are fixing to get it now. Who knows?
For me dressing comfortably has always been a priority, so my clothes tend to be conservative and borderline dowdy. It's only after being grown for several years that I realized how much potential trouble I saved myself because I was sending a message that helped and protected me without knowing. Not to be rough on the guys (I love guys, even if I am giving them stern advice, etc.), but I have had so many guys misunderstand me, when coming on to them or being romantic was the furthest thing from my mind, that I know nuance and subtle details of all kinds can really matter. This includes several nice guys who innocently misunderstood. Plenty of guys need kind help.
@dave31415 That's interesting. It's scientific enough for me. Lol. I would hate to be the woman who finally groped the wrong man tho. Was the number of men mentioned? I'm curious as to how diligently they tried to find a guy who would object. I know there are some and I would not blame them for being beyond upset.
@dave31415 That's been my thought but maybe all men have boundaries just not as strict as most women (or what most women say at least). But also the number one goal for many males from the time they discover how their junk functions is where can they put it, where will it fit, and how will it feel. 🤷♀️
Well, if folks wanted to label me a body shamer, they'd probably also typically label me as a SWERF (look it up) based on things I've said too. But if folks know me, they know I'd be the farthest thing from a SWERF based on... well, site lore. I just have an utter annoyance for 1-5% of them who want free reign, when it is far from the glamourized profession it is, for the majority.
But you know something, maybe I'm even still guilty of touting an image that's sending mixed messages. See that profile picture I've got now? I've got my model face on. The blue border one? Yes, I am modelling there too. I wanted folks to see I'm clean, I'm serene, I have nice eyes to gaze into, there is a calm beneath my words, I'm respectful, and I don't feel I leave any room for interpretation on that. But you know, the "model" look is often confused for something else too I'm just pondering.
I'm done hiding my bad teeth, I'm done not smiling. I'm done modelling. I'm done. Because if I model, if I "try", if I pose or express myself any kind of way which exudes the confidence in mty femininity as a (GNC) woman, even that is sending a potential message.
So I've had that reflection, and if my bad teeth means less guys find me attractive or want to sleep with me (ergo, less men are going to contact me who are looking to purchase a couple hours with a steaming hot piece of meat). I'm not going to be showing my skin, I'm not wearing a dress, I'm not going to be wearing heavy makeup so I won't be using those things, specifically, in my photos. Because they do not exist during a session. Those things exist in my personal life, not when I'm cuddling. I don't wear makeup during my sessions - therefore why would I advertise myself in makeup to potential clients? Why would I advertise myself wearing clothes or doing poses or giving looks that I don't intend to wear, pose in, or give during the session?
Bodycon dress, sexy smile and a big old crimson pout looking hot? That's great for your dating profile or your Facebook. For a cuddling site? If you want to show that you're curvy or show your body off, or show off "them there assets"... folks will feel like they know what you're doing... and you're going to more likely attract the reported majority of men who are after that specifically, for a specific reason.
I'm not saying you're playing with a gun in this industry if you're presenting yourself a certain way, but you're playing with a gun in this industry if you're presenting yourself a certain way. Take it from someone who has the years of experience. Having been on this site ---and in the scene--- since 2017 and 2016 respectively. And a long forgotten struggle before that, which brought me to the authenticity of being a pro cuddler.
Don't give them ammo unless you're ready to go to war.
This argument has more body to it than "slut shaming".
Why are there not more imagery standards in place for pros (that goes for men and women, but we know who the majority is)?
I'll tell y'all something. The bad actors have largely stopped bugging me. Why? Because I've made it incredibly difficult for them to even bother doing so. I know other profiles in my city that are probably getting way more action than I am. But the fellas meeting up with those ladies probably aren't ending up with me as a long term client or even getting through the door, I'll tell you that much. And I'm not even mad about why men are this way or that way, not being contacted as often as I used to be, before I really standardized everything for myself, because I'm not relying on this work.
This is partially why I think unless you are really trying to establish a practise as a true professional or unless you have that goal and are serious in setting it, you should think twice about professional cuddling. When you need to rely, you will adjust for discomfort to make ends meet. You cannot adjust to discomfort. That is not the job.
@achetocuddle I used to be a shift manager at Starbucks and it was our job as baristas to be friendly and personable...so many guys mistook our customer service for hitting on them. There are even guys who have a thing for "green apron girls", like the Hooters girls. Some of them would systematically ask each of us out, one after the other. 🤦🏻♀️
~ Sunset Snuggles
There were a 100 men sampled in the video. I think it’s not really true that all men want random women grabbing their Johnson. But it does, I think, show how men don’t seem to have a natural physical reaction against it. It’s something they have to reason about in order to find grounds why they shouldn’t let it happen. I think it’s easily explained by the differences in selective pressures between the sexes. From a man’s genes perspective, there is no downside to having more sex. For women, there certainly is.
Regardless of what women wear and how they pose, men are gonna do what they gonna do. Women CEOs, politicians, investors, entreprenuers etc. can all choose to wear and accessorize themselves how they choose, and looking good does not affect their professional ability to perform.
Singling out one or other members and football piling on them just sets a negative precedent imo, even if it's just to make a point.
Why are men not put on the spotlight for what they're wearing? I think it's a double standard - especially if everything is just about what you write and what you do according to some of you.
I'm not really attacking anyone, but just making a point based on principle.
@Catloaf I don't think your photos send mixed messages at all - other than "does she or doesn't she offer double cuddles with her cat". 😜
Honestly, men do get put on the spot a lot as well for how they present themselves. I'd say they have just as much work to do as some of the women.
I know a man who was groped in public, did not want it, felt shocked by it, and didn't know what to do. It's called sexual assault.
@Catloaf Possibly, but I haven't witnessed it yet on the forum : just the whole sexual assault , angry, mansplaining, and lonely angle.
Most of what I've seen, it's related to how a guy isn't smiling, or the lighting, or the angle, and prior to a new moderation process, men were outright banned for shirtless or skin-baring photos.
I don't know, maybe they still are being banned for that. I'm not using the site as much as I have in previous years.
I miss you guys.
@cylee1180 I haven't seen one man on this site that made me think, "Damn that man needs to dial it back. He's trying to look way too sexy for a cuddle site". Lol
@Moxytocin Kind of a slow burn. Lol hahaha 🔥 Anyway, let's be easy on the ladies. Lol
@Moxytocin Oh I totally have. They get banned. 🤣🤣🤣
@SunsetSnuggles Of course I am not talking about being friendly and personable. That is so far from what I said. And there is not a thing any of us can do about people who are attracted by a kink, green apron, uniform or whatever.
@achetocuddle I was commiserating in response to this part of what you posted: "I have had so many guys misunderstand me, when coming on to them or being romantic was the furthest thing from my mind"
Green aprons just make me so crazy.
@dave31415 May I borrow your brain? I could really use it. I hope you don't get tired of posting on the forum.
@Catloaf You can help many people if they will thoughtfully consider what you are saying. Your profile is fine, but I get what you are saying about "modeling". It takes thought and effort such as yours to minimize bad experiences.
@SunsetSnuggles I apologize. This makes me think of your post in another thread where you said you used to not realize that when people asked about your weekend, they often really want to talk about their weekend. I used to be that way. I still don't get what people are trying to say to me sometimes. And I would be irritated as h*ll if I had to wear a uniform that incidentally? encouraged men in a way I did not like. Lol.
I know people get sexually harassed at work often. SMH. The very idea that a person can't earn their living without putting up with that chaps my hide.
@achetocuddle No worries, you had double posted so it would have behooved me to quote which part I was responding to. I was just chiming in with my similar experience of men misunderstanding something as a come-on when it wasn't. 🤗
I have a soft spot for men who pose shirtless in profiles. Same with men who think showing their biggest caught fish is going to get them the swipe they want. Again, blame evolution. Both were probably fanstastically successful strategies for dating in the Paleolithic.
Both were probably fanstastically successful strategies in the Paleolithic dating era.
You mean they weren't posing with tigers?! (Or the Paleolithic equivalent)
@Catloaf 😅
@Btown I was just thinking about an hour ago how much I appreciate your unflagging humorous and/or productive posts.
@cylee1180 I like your level--headed post about not being hard on the women and applying similar thought? or standard? I am gonna be woefully short in explaining how it is different, unfortunately, for a woman as soon as she is born. Women don't always have/can't afford the luxury? of thinking/acting like a man. It could get them in some sticky or very undesirable situations. As I said, I am not one to explain this well AT ALL. As for myself, I really want to help women not get mistreated. It is just a sad fact that women might have to do several things they should not have to do just to merely lower their chance of mistreatment. For attractive women, it is my understanding that it is pretty much from sun-up to sundown. I think Moxytocin and Catloaf want to help.
@Catloaf I do think it is at least easier to have a profile pic that represents how you will look during a cuddle. And I am darn sure not putting on makeup for a cuddle. Good grief! I want to enjoy my cuddles and the anticipation beforehand. Lol.
I'm getting tired. I hope I have made sense
@dave31415 - Maybe the guys are too shocked to do anything, like "wtf just happened?" Nobody knows what they were thinking.
@Mike403 Thank you, yes, that would be the freeze response and I know a guy who had that happen. 🥺
@Catloaf You’ve got a point there. Pretty sure it isn’t men deciding what to put on the cover of romance novels. Maybe there is more to it than I think.
@achetocuddle Thanks! I like your way of explaining too. You and @SunsetSnuggles have a great of talking w pple.
I'm still gonna be militant, if for nothing else, to right some wrongs. I still think it's unfair that one particular woman was at the center of this in a sea of women, but I'm glad that she said that she has had only one negative incident.
I happen to think self-confidence and positive self-efficacy are also important factors in setting effective boundaries.