What are your red flags?

unsocial_beeunsocial_bee
in General

I’m just curious what red flags other women who cuddle men may have when meeting or arranging to meet a potential cuddler. Red flags are things that if you experience or discover and you don’t move forward.

Are all your red flags very straight forward or are they nuanced? I’m sort of second guessing myself and wondering if I should continue to be strict or be more lax.

«1345

Comments

  • pmvinespmvines

    Combo of the obvious and nuanced. Re whether you should stay strict or more lax, I would first question why you feel the need to question your standards . If there is no real reason to change them , then dont . Dont change safety protocols or try to alter your instincts to please someone else. Do what makes you feel safe and comfortable.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @unsocial_bee I'll PM you; I try not to give potential troublemakers a public cheat sheet. 😉

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • unsocial_beeunsocial_bee

    Thank you @SunsetSnuggles

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    No worries, just PM'd you a list! 😊

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • SCityCuddlerSCityCuddler
    edited July 2022

    For me the biggest red flag is when a dude uses the word sensual. I'd sway twords being strict over being lax. If someone ever told me I was too strict, I'd tell em to go fly a kite. :p

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @SCityCuddler Yes, I've reported a few of those "sensual and romantic" dudes. 😁 Wrong site, buster!

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod

    I know you are asking other female cuddlers, but for me if someone messages me right off the bat saying I’m cute or something, my low self confidence immediately sets off my bs detector 😅 though sometimes I take the bait because I really wish it’s not a catfish.

  • Cuddle_RNCuddle_RN

    @unsocial_bee, never lower your standards! The best men rise to the top and the garbage takes itself out. LISTEN to that little voice that says "uh-oh, warning, watch out!" We have that for a reason!

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod

    @unsocial_bee I think you should continue to be strict, even if it means some ppl that are not creeps slip through the cracks. Whether this is good advice or not, I don’t know, but I just think personal safety should not be risked if your gut is setting off alarms.

  • TNNativeTNNative

    @unsocial_bee go read @Cuddle_RN ’s profile. She has great information that I found helpful.

  • unsocial_beeunsocial_bee

    @Charlie_Bear yeah, that's happened to me too. It always gives me not-platonic vibes.

    There's safety issues, but also just being able to figure out if I'll get a long with the people I meet.

    @TNNative I definitely need to be more specific/detailed on my profile and come up with a vetting process...or am I thinking too hard about it?

  • unsocial_beeunsocial_bee

    @SCityCuddler that is for sure, not the word you want to use for platonic things!

  • [Deleted User]denisl (deleted user)

    From guy perspective:

    Virtual cuddling offering
    Traveling cuddles (multiple locations several hundred miles apart)
    Any electronic payment request prior to meeting
    Deposit request
    Hosting in ghetto neighborhood
    Endless communication / questions
    No replies within couple of days after booking attempt
    All of the above should be avoided and blocked

  • RezzRezz

    @denisl

    Virtual cuddles are a real thing for some here. If someone is offering you virtual sessions by cold messaging then by all means block them. It's frowned upon here to solicit services with cold messaging

    Pros travel to cuddle frequently, its quite common especially for those who do this full time or have a wfa job.

    I see both sides to this. Some pros do require a deposit upfront due to a history of time wasters and flakey clients. I wouldn't recommend doing this for new pros and/or those with no karma. They could be scammers.

    Hosting in a ghetto neighborhood? Wth does this even mean? You're blocking people due to their living /financial situation that's likely beyond their control? Ok...

    Lots of communication and questions is how we screen clients, for our safety.

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter

    @Rezz, he may have misunderstood the thread title: he seems to be showing off the red flags he flies.

  • RezzRezz

    @DaringSprinter

    Haha truth. 🍷🍷

  • pmvinespmvines

    @denisl a lot of the red flags you speak of tend to be more along the lines of red flags for seeing an escort . You are new here so I will give you benefit of doubt. Please be abundantly aware that these are not escorts, nor does this site operate in that manner .

  • cde123cde123

    Red flags for me are sky high rates, empty profiles, in particular no mention of anything that would end the session, deposit/pre-payment requirements, demanding ID unless hosting, and any trace of a hint they're expecting more than their rate. (Not a fan of tips unless the pro is intentionally undercharging!)

  • BookishGuyBookishGuy

    Questions about the condition of my kidneys.

  • MelancholyMelancholy

    If a guy posts his red flags you shouldn't tell him they aren't valid. Just like if a woman posts hers we shouldn't tell women those things don't matter.

  • RezzRezz

    @Melancholy
    I'm not discounting his concerns. I'm explaining that majority of these red flags are quite normal if you're accustomed to the site, which he's not, he's new.

    However saying someone who lives in a poor neighborhood or "ghetto" as he claims, is worthy of a block is odd to say the least. Just host them in your 5 bedroom mansion or NYC penthouse if their neighborhood is beneath you. 🤷‍♀️

  • cde123cde123
    edited July 2022

    Thanks for your presence on the forum and helping to educate us clients on safety and boundaries @Rezz

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    @Rezz it’s a red flag to some that we ask a lot of questions and try to connect with the cuddler before meeting? I know some ppl are really lax with meeting up with ppl but to be considered a red flag for wanting to know who we’re meeting up with? Those who don’t understand why we ask questions or don’t think of our safety: that’s a red flag for me.

  • jaswbrownjaswbrown
    edited July 2022

    @BookishGuy LOL! Or when they ask about your blood-type! :lol:

    @Rezz I get cold-messaged all the time, and it usually DOES trigger that 'red flag vibe' for me. It doesn't bother me when someone from the forums does it, as they've typically led to wonderful discussions...

    I'm generally a socially-nervous guy, so when a cuddler has set vetting practices and requirements, it puts me more at ease. If they are concerned about THEIR safety and boundaries, they're probably more likely to respect mine as well.

    @denisl It may not be your thing, but I wouldn't consider it a red flag. There's quite a few reasons why someone would choose to virtually cuddle. For me, the best part of a cuddle session is getting to meet someone and (hopefully) connect with them in a safe place without expectations of anything more. The physical touch of an in-person cuddle is wonderful, but for me it usually comes in second place to good conversation and some laughs, which is still quite capable over a webcam...

  • MxSmithMxSmith

    "Hey Baby"

  • UCpaaHVg6u0UCpaaHVg6u0

    Is it considered "cold messaging" when I've visited the pro's profile, which likely triggered the message?

  • August1August1

    @unsocial_bee
    The following is my recommendation as it pertains to "red flags." Plan an outing with the person of interest in a public place during day hours. You can meet at a park or get some coffee for example. Become acquainted with each other. My suggestion is not to look for "red flags" (reasons to disqualify someone), but the overall experience you had with the person. For example, some men on this site may be socially awkward and not able to express themselves effectively but just want to cuddle. I think your concern is more related to danger. Statistically, the vast majority of men do not engage in violent crimes and are decent people. Meeting men in a safe place would help you filter because messaging can only go so far. I can give you my personal red flags as a client, but I don't think it's related to the question. Hope this helps.

  • unsocial_beeunsocial_bee

    @August1 meeting in person at a public place is definitely a step that won’t be omitted, I’m also employing steps before meeting and during a meet. Of course violent crime is a concern, but it’s not all that I’m concerned about. I’m also concerned about boundaries pushing, people not being truthful, or incompatibility, so I’m open to tips or experiences related to those. I’ll have a conversation and enjoy the moment, but I’m not going to ignore my feelings or ignore something strange. Though one of by biggest fears about interacting with strange men is being assaulted because it’s actually very possible to happen and it’s not always violent like people assume. It’s why I don’t want to meet men in private. I think there are often behaviors that go on before the bad things happen that maybe could be helpful in determining if the man I’m meeting is safe.

  • unsocial_beeunsocial_bee

    @Melancholy i won’t disqualify a man’s response, but just be aware that usually men’s concerned about meeting women they don’t know is very different than that of women meeting men they don’t know. Heck it’s even scary sometimes meeting an acquaintance they know a little. Like I’m concerned about being robbed, but it’s are not on the top of my list.

  • unsocial_beeunsocial_bee

    Is compatibility a concern for y’all? Are you concerned about having similar personalities, cuddles style, able to talk about common interest? Like would it be an issue, for example, if one of y’all liked to talk about politics (or something else the other didn’t) and one doesn’t? Do you set the stage for things to talk about, behavior that aren’t annoying or not?

Sign In or Register to comment.