@unsocial_bee are you still on the subject of red flags, or are you asking now about what makes a suitable cuddle pal ?
@unsocial_bee
If someone sends you inappropriate messages you should not engage and I think that's obvious. But if you are unsure after messaging, I think we both agree meeting in person would be the next logical step.
Violence is an umbrella term that includes assault but I would not digress too much from the topic. I'm glad you were able to find utility in some of the words I said and wish you luck.
@unsocial_bee Yes, I am pretty open minded and wouldn't want to cuddle with somebody who is judgmental, bigoted, or dogmatic. I would also watch out for signs of the 7 deadly sins, especially envy, greed/covetousness, lust, pride. I guess as a guy I don't have to worry about those so much, but if I was screening I sure would.
@denisl Let me go through each of your red flags. Because I agree with many of them and I do not have problems finding wonderful enthusiasts and pros to meet with.
Virtual cuddling offering—Not a red flag BUT I question their motives sometimes because on many profiles it comes across as an opportunistic new revenue stream while still proclaiming they love to cuddle. It rings false to me, while with others it may not Traveling cuddles (multiple locations several hundred miles apart)—This is not an issue. I travel as well. Any electronic payment request prior to meeting—Agreed. Did it once, was burned, so never again. Deposit request—Just too many available cuddlers to do this. I refuse to do deposits Hosting in ghetto neighborhood—Your choice of words is questionable but I won’t go to high crime neighborhoods either. That is common sense. Endless communication / questions—Not a red flag but yes there is a limit to how much back and forth occurs. This can be handled with communication No replies within couple of days after booking attempt—agreed. Usually a good pro touches base. Those that don’t are more likely to fall in the flake column All of the above should be avoided and blocked—Not all, but all are worthy of food for thought
I would add these though:
@unsocial_bee Good thread. I am learning a lot.
Red flags for me are sky high rates, empty profiles, in particular no mention of anything that would end the session, deposit/pre-payment requirements, demanding ID unless hosting, and any trace of a hint they're expecting more than their rate.
@cde123 Very good list. All of these are things that when I see them I continue my search. They can ask for anything but I don’t have to accommodate by booking with them. However, I know a couple of pros that put up sky high rates but if they know you they will do it for a lot less. But usually you have to be on the ground floor when they start. I have one in the Philadelphia area that charges north of $130/hr but I see for $70 because I was her first client. I also have a pro that no longer charges me because we are friends.
@pmvines I’m interested in what would be a sign of a bad cuddle partner, could be a red flag for someone dangerous or just shows that y’all are aligned personality wise.
Here are my red flags:
I speak as an American: my red state is full of red flags marking lethal dangers. I've put one of the simplest in a spoiler.
Any American wearing Proud Boys merch might as well be holding a sign that says "I want you dead." (Folks overseas might not know, but the 1776 store is one to avoid if you don't want people to think you're a literal terrorist. Oh, and also if you don't want to give money to literal terrorists.)
I’m brand new here so I’m sure when I interact with people I’ll adjust my thinking but I would think similarly to the way I looks for red flags in any guy who seems like he’s trying to be a friend. Saying anything even slightly suggestive seemingly to gauge my reaction, commenting on physical appearance beyond a nice, polite compliment, asking questions about my dating type etc, persisting past an initial “no” to any suggestion/seeming to try to plush boundaries...
And always always pay attention to your intuition.
Honestly similar to what I look for even if I’m interested in dating. I never have new dates pick me up or drop me off at home until I feel comfortable enough and have vetted well. If I say this to a date and he seems to push it even a bit I know he doesn’t respect my boundaries and the pace I’m setting.
@The_Lilith welcome! Those suggestions are all spot on.
On this site i question any overt comment on my physical appearance. Mainly because that’s not what we are hear for (at least that’s how i feel). If a guy complimented all the ladies on this site based on physical attributes it make him a walking red flag right….i believe the same for ladies, even though i know I’m beautiful.
Thanks to everyone that addressed the ghetto thing, i like that it was addressed immediately.
Everyone has their own version of what a red flag is. There was one who said that being asked what part of the country she lives in was a major red flag. As in those people are potential stalkers or something.
My red flags- asking what I’ll be wearing very specifically; and asking what they can wear. 🚩 asking about giving me a massage 🚩 calling me “honey” “babe” or other things along those lines. 🚩 sending me a booking request before even messaging me 🚩 wanting me to meet them NOW 🚩 and there are so many more!
@cuddleanurse - I wouldn't call sending a booking request a red flag. Some people might be new and not fully understand how this site works. I don't have to message and have a conversation with my doctor before I book an appointment online.
@UCpaaHVg6u0
Is it considered "cold messaging" when I've visited the pro's profile, which likely triggered the message?
No. Professionals are allowed to send one and only one message to somebody who has visited their profile.
🚩 red flags for me: and these are all before even meeting them -Messaging after 10pm -Wanting to meet “now” -Wanting my phone number or other social media info -Asking my name. (There’s no need for that if we haven’t even met yet) -first message saying “hey beautiful “ -complementing my body -asking about my feet Gosh, the list goes on and on. I mean seriously do be careful on here and follow your gut instincts. These people are not background checked and there are many creeps. I have reported many of them. And I do ask for a deposit if it’s more than 30 min away. I have been flaked on 3 times after arriving to the location which was about 45min drive.
Messaging after a certain time is a red flag? Maybe if it's combined with wanting to meet at 3am. Some people might work nights and be online during strange hours before they go to bed.
@unsocial_bee a red flag is a sign or indication that somebody might unsafe for anybody to meet.
You are also talking about having a safe but unsatisfactory meeting with somebody. That's a completely different thing. You can never be sure that you will get along with somebody until you actually meet them, so in the end of the day there is nothing you can do. However, this is why it is wise to take things step by step. First, plenty of message, then perhaps a phone call or video chat, then meet for coffee or something in public, then on towards cuddling if you're both still there.
It kind of bothers me that a couple of the red flags listed are things I have personally done. I have messaged someone around midnight just because I was awake and bored and couldn't sleep at the time. it doesn't mean I was expecting to meet them right then.
@Mike403, I wouldn't be too bothered by the "messaging at the wrong time" thing. There are cuddlers here from many different time zones, and not everybody works a day shift. The wrong time for one person could be the perfect time for another.
One of the joys of sending someone a message here is that they don't have to read or respond right away—the message isn't going anywhere. It'll wait for them.
I don’t get the messaging after 10 pm. I mean i often look at the site at night also since there is no alert on the site i don’t think I’m bothering anyone. Unless there is a new feature or app i only see messages in my email or when i visit, there fire the time would never disturb me.
I wouldn't say it's a red flag but when he can't seem to relax or is super fidgety it will stress me out and nervous. It will make me think something bad is going to happen. Just my thoughts.
@Mama_Bre - ADHD will do that to someone.
@beauty_cuddle I work funny hours and I have trouble sleeping. I often message after 10pm, it's one of the main times of day I do that stuff.
Some of those others on your list though .... straight to Report. Do not pass Go, do not collect £200.
🚩🚩🚩
-Asking if I'm "open-minded" - Being upset if I don't respond to the message right away
One red flag that I've experienced several times, is a woman using terms of endearment way too soon to be realistic. When she starts calling me sweetheart, or honey, or darling, it's a sure sign that she's after something that isn't cuddling. It isn't sex either, although she may hint that it is. What she really wants is money for a sick grandmother, to get her back from wherever she happens to be stranded, or whatever phony story she concocts.
I had somebody on a dating site tell me that a single guy who owns a cat is a red flag.
@Cuddle_RN I like how direct your profile is for potential creeps. I tend to think I come off mean on mine, but I now see I'm not at all.
@unsocial_bee red flags for me are making anything vague or unnecessarily difficult, trying to make it romantic/too familiar, excessive remarks about my looks, too focused on what I might wear/asking if they're allowed to wear something not permitted, immediately trying to meet with 0 conversation, "discretion" no face no case vibes - the sort that don't have a photo or any info on their page, lack of respect for my requirements/willingness to actually read my profile, too worried about seeing my photos, random friend requests, pre-emptive talk about their "possible" attraction/arousal, push to talk off site right off, & vibes varying from person to person - never ignore intuition.
I verify photos by reverse search & ask for vaccination cards & IDs.
@Mike403 I've heard that too. Some people can't distinguish between "red flag" and "weird prejudice".