Things neurodivergent people wish you knew

[Deleted User]DeadGirlWalking (deleted user)
in General

So, neurodivergent refers to anyone who has a brain that works 'differently'.

_'Neurodivergence is the term for when someone's brain processes, learns, and/or behaves differently from what is considered "typical."

Formerly considered a problem or abnormal, scientists now understand that neurodivergence can have many benefits. It is not a disability but a difference in how the brain works. With this shift, practitioners are no longer treating neurodivergence as an illness. Instead, they are viewing them as different methods of learning and processing information.'_

Things like autism (ASD) ADHD, dyslexia, Tourette's, dyspraxia, synesthesia, dyscalculia, Down syndrome, epilepsy, and chronic mental health illnesses such as bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, borderline personality disorder, anxiety, and depression are all types of neurodivergence.

So, neurodivergent folks of CC: what do you wish people knew about how your grey matter works?

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Comments

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    I know someone with synesthesia and I legit believe it is a superpower!! 💙💜💚

    I have depression and a few other fun treats. I wish the world at large understood how difficult it is to get out of bed and function like a normal person. To smile when you're dying inside, and crack jokes and pretend you're sociable. I wish the world understood that depression is not lack of work ethic, it's the sapping of all our hopes, desires, energy, and will. We are swimming with broken legs.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • Mike403Mike403

    I have a high functioning form of autism formally known as Asperger's Syndrome which means even though I struggle socially, other areas of my intelligence is unaffected so I can still excel in school and stuff. Albert Einstein is thought to have had that condition even though there wasn't a formal diagnosis back then. Autistic people can't read non-verbal cues and have trouble understanding social norms that should come natural.

    i wrote a paper on mental health and autism in one of my college English classes.

    https://1drv.ms/w/s!AklKQgFuN5SqtA7zvlxoTcu3piza?e=jtEM7d

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter

    Well, in person, I primarily find myself wishing people understood how intense eye contact is for me. I'm not looking at you so that I can listen! If I make eye contact, I'm only going to be able to make sense of a fraction of the things that're coming out of your mouth.

    Same goes for talking: I can't put together a sentence if I'm being bombarded by eyes, eyes, eyes. It's too much. Eyes are overwhelming. I almost literally drown in them.

    There are other things too, but this is top of my mind right now!

  • jaswbrownjaswbrown

    I'm quite sure I have high-functioning ASD, though my therapist is hesitant to have me tested. She acknowledges that I exhibit MANY of the key traits, but she states that an adult diagnosis is difficult and rarely benefits someone who isn't having difficulties with work, school, etc... 🤷‍♂️ She still sees me for Depression, Anxiety, and PTSD, and also sees my daughter, who we were able to have tested and diagnosed with ASD (Asperger's) when she was a child.

    In regards to work, I have a tendency to hyperfixate, which can be a huge advantage. I work with highly specialized electronic equipment that is still in its development phase, and it is my job to troubleshoot and correct it when it does not function 'as designed and advertised'. I've had coworkers describe me as a "relentless technician." It becomes a problem when I'm NOT at work, and I see something that needs fixing. I once went to a friend's house, and saw that there was an error code displayed on his microwave's panel. He said that half the buttons didn't work, either. I asked him if I could 'take a look at it', which he was NOT comfortable with. It was on my mind the whole time I was there 'cos I was sure I knew what the problem was. He was also concerned that I was interested in what the appliance repair tech did to fix it.

    I also have a tendency to overshare as a way to connect with others. 😆 It seems to be less of an issue when I'm with other neurodivergent people (most of my friends), or maybe I'm just less worried about it. 🤔

  • [Deleted User]Zundar (deleted user)
    edited August 2022

    That there's a difference between knowing you're different, and being able to really explain or quantify or fully analyse how you're different.

    I think (or rather assume) that everyone has aspects of themselves and how they think that they struggle to understand or explain. It applies to everyone to varying degrees as afterall everyone is different, has had different experiences, and thinks differently, but the degree of difference is greater between some people and others such as with people who are neurodivergent.

    Often the greater amount of contrast between things makes it easier to point out the differences, but the problem with thought is that it's all in your head, your frame of reference is based on how things are explained because the thoughts themselves aren't visible only the actions influenced by the thoughts.

    You can just as easily see something that's actually different from how other people think about it as being the same or see something that's actually the same as being different because of how limited people's ability for really talking about mental processes like that is, and because similar or dissimilar actions can be explained by similar or dissimilar ways of thinking when that might not be the case.

    Growing up I knew I was different but I just thought I was an idiot. I was seeing things that other people were doing and able to do and viewing them through the lens of my own understanding of self in relation to them, but that lens was flawed, and as a result both my view of myself and others was flawed.

    But the only way you can work out if the lens is flawed or not is through analysis and talking to people and getting a better understanding not that you are different, but how.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    @DeadGirlWalking - thanks for asking 😊
    I am 56 and only learned a couple months ago that I am neuro-divergent after having my whole genome sequenced).

    There are a couple of things that immediately come to mind that I wish everyone realized…
    1) Some of us may have trouble expressing our feelings but we still have them
    2) Some of us absolutely excel in areas that other people struggle with (my “gift” is in data analysis and finding hidden patterns / connections). But we may struggle and have to put extra effort into things that come naturally for most people such as interpersonal / non-verbal communication.
    3) We tend to take things more literal than what someone else may actual intend when they speak or write. I am convinced that is a major reason why some threads on these forums get derailed so quickly. When someone writes “all men _____” we tend to read that as a personal attack because we are a part of “all men”.
    4) Finally, I have the following quote as the first sentence on my profile - “I’m just a soul whose intentions are good, Oh Lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood.” - The Animals, 1965.

    I can’t speak for everyone who is neuro-divergent but I suspect I speak for many when I say I don’t mind at all when people disagree with me. However, I hate it when someone disagrees with a misunderstanding of what I said / meant. When that happens, it is a no-win situation because trying to explain what I actually meant is often perceived as arguing or trying to convince the other person their position is wrong when in reality it was just an attempt to clarify something I had said.

  • achetocuddleachetocuddle

    Regarding your last paragraph @JohnR1972 : You have just explained me also. Thank you.

  • tallteddytallteddy

    Please don't use the term Asperger's syndrome anymore. Hans Asperger collaborated with the nazi's to develop a way to tell which neurodivergent children would be fit for the society Hitler was trying to create, and which ones weren't. 800 children were killed because of this.

  • achetocuddleachetocuddle

    @tallteddy Really? I thought Asperger's was the proper term. I've heard other educated people use it. Just curious.

  • [Deleted User]DeadGirlWalking (deleted user)

    If we're going to get into phrasing and political correctness, @tallteddy then we also shouldn't use labels like 'high functioning' or 'low functioning' as to say someone is 'high functioning' denies them assistance, and 'low functioning' denies them personal agency.

    Unless you are neurodivergent yourself, please don't police the terms people are comfortable using to describe themselves. White-knighting and tone policing in a way that silences the voices of the people that this thread was created for is not OK.

    If you ARE neurodivergent you will understand the importance of being able to speak for yourself in ways that best suits your interpretation and understanding of the world around you.

  • [Deleted User]DeadGirlWalking (deleted user)

    @achetocuddle 'Aspergers' was combined with 'autism' and PDD under the label of 'Autistic Spectrum Disorder' (ASD) as of 2013.

    It was done because previously people with ASD best described as 'Aspergers' were thought to have very few problems related to their neurotype, and didn't necessarily get all of the help that they needed, because people assumed they were 'only mildly autistic', or 'just a little bit autistic'.

    In fact, if you think of autism along the same terms as pregnancy, you can't be 'a little bit pregnant', just like you can't be 'a little bit autistic'. You either are or you aren't.

    Sure, some people experience more issues with regards to their autism, just like some people experience more issues with their pregnancy. The amount of problems or issues someone faces doesn't warrant a need to label different types of autism, for the reasons I stated above- either lack of assistance/help or lack of personal agency.

    Hope that helps.

  • achetocuddleachetocuddle

    @DeadGirlWalking Thanks.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @DeadGirlWalking - Autism is a spectrum. You can be mildly autistic which is what Asperger's is. I can speak on that because I was formally diagnosed with Asperger's.

    I wrote a paper about it in school that I posted near the top of this thread in case somebody hasn't read it yet who wants to.

  • [Deleted User]DeadGirlWalking (deleted user)
    edited August 2022

    @Mike403 the fact that it is called Autistic Spectrum Disorder as an umbrella term insinuates that it is, indeed, a spectrum.

    The point I was making, is that you cannot be 'slightly autistic', or 'mildly autistic'. You either are or you aren't.

    You can, however, experience autistic behaviours in less extreme ways, which is what 'Aspergers' used to refer to, but you are still on the autistic spectrum.

    Also, simply being given a diagnosis does not make you an expert on the topic, as you can only speak on your own experiences, and whatever research you have bene able to do. I'm not going to get into a debate with you about who knows more about autism, because that's not what this thread it about, and I am loathe to see ANOTHER thread devolve into pointless bickering.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @DeadGirlWalking - wow. Such hostility. I was only commenting on my take on it.

  • [Deleted User]DeadGirlWalking (deleted user)

    @Mike403 and if 'your take' detracts from the real world, lived experience of other people, especially if it talks over them, then expect to be pulled up on it.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @DeadGirlWalking - All I said was that you can be mildly autistic because I was diagnosed with it. Jesus

  • [Deleted User]DeadGirlWalking (deleted user)

    Maybe at the time, the phrasing 'mildly autistic' was acceptable, just like functioning labels and 'Aspergers' were acceptable.

    Now, in 2022, we don't use those terms, as language changes and terms become obsolete.

    Now we know there is no such thing as 'mildly autistic', just that people may experience autism-related behaviours in milder ways.

    I am not going to keep going round in circles on this with you because I don't want this thread to be derailed and turn into another flame war. Kindly do not tag me again, especially as I have made my point several times and you are apparently not understanding it.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    @achetocuddle - On the MBTI my personality type is INTJ. There is a meme about INTJ’s which states, “I don’t mind being hated, but I hate being misunderstood.” That really resonates with me 😂

  • [Deleted User]DeadGirlWalking (deleted user)

    @JohnR1972 that's how I feel a lot of the time. Couldn't care less if people don't like me- I'm confident enough in myself that I don't mind if I'm disliked by others- I like who I am, and the people I care about like me as I am, so it's all good.

    Can't stand being misunderstood though, as is perhaps evidenced by this thread.

  • dave31415dave31415
    edited August 2022

    I agree with Mike. Autism isn’t like being pregnant and you can be mildly autistic. There is no definitive test for autism and ultimately being diagnosed with it is just the opinion of a professional. As far as we know, autism could be just a normal dimension of brains and when a you are far enough along that dimension, we tend to call you autistic. Same with ADHD and many other mental aspects. Yes, Asperger’s is a term that has been abandoned by professionals because they can’t find a distinction between it and milder cases of autism.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    @DeadGirlWalking - I am right there with you. Thanks for starting this thread.

    I was never formally diagnosed but my DNA results put me in the 99th percentile for one ASD marker and in the 100th percentile for a second ASD marker. When I started looking up common symptoms I recognized myself pretty quickly. I have always excelled with numbers and pattern recognition and struggled some with interpersonal communication, all of a sudden, it all made sense.

    I am very thankful to a cuddle partner who helped me process things and realize nothing about me had actually changed other than I learned something about myself that I did not expect to learn when I did the genome sequencing.

  • [Deleted User]DeadGirlWalking (deleted user)

    @dave31415 Are you neurodivergent?

  • dave31415dave31415

    @DeadGirlWalking Really?You just said this:

    Unless you are neurodivergent yourself, please don't police the terms people are comfortable using to describe themselves.

    Then you went on to tell Mike that he really doesn’t have Asperger syndrome and that he can’t be mildly autistic. Take your own advise and let Mike speak about his condition they way he feels comfortable describing it.

  • [Deleted User]DeadGirlWalking (deleted user)
    edited August 2022

    Never said he didn't have Aspergers. I said there is no such thing as being 'mildly autistic', but sure, if that's how he wants to describe himself, go ahead. I could describe myself as green skinned if I wanted to, doesn't mean it's scientifically accurate.

    Suggest you comment on threads designed for you instead of hijacking everything in sight. If you're not neurodivergent, why are you even posting here? Did you not read the thread title?

  • BabichevBabichev

    I’m personally familiar with a couple of people who lost assistance after the diagnosis of Asperger’s was dropped. And I know people who still refer to themselves as having Asperger’s or being “aspies.” As a result, I would not push any single linguistic approach as being the correct approach.

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter
    edited August 2022

    I was officially diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome right before it left the DSM, so I think I can explain: "mild autism" is what non-autistic people call it when someone's autism impacts them, the non-autistic people, mildly.

    Doesn't matter what I'm experiencing—if they're experiencing very few autism-related issues when dealing with me, my autism is mild.

    "High-functioning" just means "has a high capacity for masking," in my experience.

    Edit: And, in this sense, the term has meaning and usefulness. I think most (if not all) aspies are familiar with things like masking too long and burning out!

  • ohnonotagainohnonotagain

    Well. This thread took a turn.

  • dave31415dave31415

    @DeadGirlWalking How do you know I’m not neurodivergent? How do you know that I don’t have kids that are? You don’t.

    You seem to like starting fights on every thread you are on and especially seem to like attacking Mike. Well it’s your thread but people usually don’t get so aggressive on the CC forums. We’re usually quite polite to each other. It’s not really making the place any better to be so combative.

  • [Deleted User]DeadGirlWalking (deleted user)

    Thank you @DaringSprinter, that is a very useful distinction, something I've seen mentioned in a couple of places before, and does seem to ring true. I've been called 'high functioning' by people who rarely see me without social masking, and I think they'd be surprised to see me in a more natural environment, like my own home, because I'm a LOT different when I am comfortable enough to not mask, and in those situations I'd probably be described as having high support needs, even though my coping strategies work for me, because people tend to be concerned or confused by physical and vocal stims, and self regulation, and assume it's a 'bad' thing.

    Hope that makes sense, it's 3am and I'm exhausted from Covid and arguing 😴

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