Got a little taste of what women here go through...

UCpaaHVg6u0UCpaaHVg6u0
in General

A few weeks ago I got a solicitation message from a pro in my state of Arizona, asking if I want to cuddle, and that she's new and not getting much business. I said I'm not ready right now, and I also have somebody else that I prefer. She then messages to say that we could Snapchat to see if maybe I would want to cuddle. I said that now I'm feeling a little paranoid about her. Then she let it go. Earlier today she's asking again if "I still want to cuddle"! I didn't actually in the first place. I said no, and a friendly warning that you might want to be careful about the solicitations but that we are good and good luck etc. Then I see that, of course, I'm blocked! That solves the immediate issue but it also leaves me feeling slightly violated. So, from this experience I'm thinking, multiply this times 1000 and it's probably what the average woman must be experiencing. I think I'll definitely draw on this experience as a lesson going forward, and strive to be more gentle with others, as their perception of my own solicitations or inquiries might be much less enthusiastic than mine. Really it's been a long time since I've sent out a message to a total stranger here but early on I had initially done cold calling like I was trying to sell raffle tickets or something. Actually this place has had a very mellowing effect on my personality. For any pros out there wondering if the cold call approach is worthwhile, I would have to say it really turns me away from wanting anything to do with them because it arouses my suspicious mind. Also I'm thinking it's not encouraged here.

  1. Do you respond positively to cold calls from pros?60 votes
    1. Yeah, I forget all about cuddling unless reminded by a cold calling pro
      41.67%
    2. No, it's annoying AF and makes this place less fun.
      58.33%
«1

Comments

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup
    edited August 2022

    I don’t mind a cold call, as long as they are not aggressive about it like they were with your experience. If a cold call is not done right/in a pushy way, it can be detrimental.

    But I also travel for work and am not in the same city everday.

  • RezzRezz

    As a pro I'll only speak for myself, but I find cold messaging people to hire me to cuddle them, when they may be at their lowest point, is tasteless. If they want to book with me I trust that they know how reach out.

    Now, occasionally I will welcome new members especially if they seem genuine or mostly just shy/nervous, but I never mention booking me. I explain that if they have any questions with how CC works I can help push them in the right direction whether it's with me or hopefully an enthusiast. It lets them know that communication with me is always open.

    The service we provide is a personal one. I want people to feel compelled to cuddle with me because of my presence not because I badgered them to give me money.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    @UCpaaHVg6u0 and you didn't even get any _____ pics! Lol

  • jaswbrownjaswbrown

    @UCpaaHVg6u0 Getting the aggressive cold message from a pro gives me the same feeling I get when I'm in a mall walking past a perfume kiosk and I lock eyes with the salesperson... I know full well they will approach me, but whether or not they will spray me first or chase me down until I relent to buying a 6oz bottle of 'Friday Night Football' may depend on how quick my reaction is. 😅

    @Rezz Having a pro greeting me or messaging me about something I posted in the forums has quite the opposite feeling than the above for me. It gives me a sense of personal engagement and warmth. I'd probably go as far as saying that I would be more inclined to book with a pro that offered a warm 'non-sales pitch' greeting than approaching a pro myself, especially if it came with helpful information. ☺️

  • tygerlillytygerlilly

    I’m with @Rezz here. As a Pro, it feels very tasteless & tacky to reach out and ask to cuddle. I think I’ve only messaged someone first on here once, and it was just a general message. No asking if they wanted to cuddle. Just the thought gives me the ick. If for no other reason than I shouldn’t have to beg. It’s demeaning. If someone wants to cuddle, they know what to do.

  • Cuddle_RNCuddle_RN

    @UCpaaHVg6u0 "this place has had a very mellowing effect on my personality"

    This is beautiful! Yay for growth ❤️

  • tallteddytallteddy

    I've only ever had the "hi, I saw you visited my profile" message from pros. All of them halfway around the world (I sometimes check profiles from people at the forum), so it seemed kind of pointless to follow up with trying to make an appointment. Just once I got a comment that you could describe as creepy. A woman opened with "I like your smile".

  • [Deleted User]Moxytocin (deleted user)
    edited August 2022

    Pros are not supposed to cold contact people unless there's reason to believe the person would be interested and they are also not supposed to exchange any outside contact info before a booking. Hopefully you reported her which you can still do if you're blocked.

  • RadiantHugsRadiantHugs Mod

    On my profile I invite pros to reach out to me. Doesn't mean I'm going to hire every new pro who comes along, but I do like to exchange a welcome and share a few words of encouragement, usually. I do get a few random solicitations, but not any amount that I'd be bothered by. I haven't blocked anyone, and I'm sure a few people might have blocked me, but I mostly don't know who they are, and I largely don't care. I think blocking someone preemptively is quite silly, honestly.

  • MikeinDavisMikeinDavis

    I actually kinda like pros reaching out to introduce themselves, especially if it's personalized and not just Hi. I may be unique though, as I'm extremely introverted and haven't worked up enough courage to cuddle yet. The thought that a pro is still willing to cuddle me, after theoretically reading my profile and realizing I'm not an easy case, makes me more likely to try. That said, a lot of people likely feel differently.

  • calineurcalineur
    edited August 2022

    I wouldn't identify with either of the two polling options. Mabe somewhere in the middle. The pros who have "cold-called" me have been as low-key as simply viewing my profile, saying "Hi", to starting a friendly conversation. But I've never been bothered by them and none has been disrespectful or pushy in any way.

    @MikeinDavis I did not realize there were anyone nervous about cuddling. It's kind of like jumping into water the first time. It might be scary at first but it's nice once you do it the first time, and you'll be glad you jumped in (assuming you had a good experience).

  • MorganMont81MorganMont81

    I am so sorry you experienced that. As a pro, I only reach out and thank a person to welcome them if they are new or for their time stopping by my profile when I’ve seen they’ve viewed it. I don’t ask for cuddles and I wish them a wonderful day. 🤗🌸 That’s it. Sometimes just saying hi and welcome opens a channel of communication where someone might be nervous to approach. I’ve been in sales and customer service for most of my life and hated the cold calling/messaging. If your profile is informative and you portray a genuine kindness, people will automatically reach out to you for your services.

  • UCpaaHVg6u0UCpaaHVg6u0
    edited August 2022

    @sunnysideup I'm generally for the pros here because they are a special group but I agree with you. Too much aggressiveness spoils it.

    @Rezz Completely agree. I would also think that being aggressive is likely to attract the wrong type of client. I think that affects us all detrimentally. Thank you for raising the bar around here!

    @cylee1180 Right?! What is the point of commercializing human flesh if we cannot visually stimulate ourselves gratuitously via the immense power of the internet?

    @jaswbrown I never had the pleasure of being hunted down in a mall with cologne as ammo. Probably because I stayed far away as much as possible! 😂

    @azuremariposa I think leading with respect is the right signal to give!

    @Cuddle_RN Yes! I'm part of the Club for Emotional Growth!

    @tallteddy There's a subtlety factor that makes the difference. Like when I visited Las Vegas and thought, wow such friendly young women in this town! They really make eye contact! 😂

    @Moxytocin Hopefully she'll clean her conduct up. I'm not looking to ban new pros for crossing the line, unless it's blatant a violation. She blocked me, so my immediate problem is solved.

    @CuddlesByDeep It makes sense to include in your profile what you'd like to receive in terms of contact from pros. I will consider changes to mine, which I've frankly ignored for months.

    @MikeinDavis Solicitations can be good, but when it comes across as the equivalent of a flyer left on my windshield in a parking lot then I'm not too pleased. Subtlety is something that draws attention to itself because of the noisy backdrop of crass commercialism.

    @MorganMont81 I should definitely adjust my profile!

  • CozyWolfyCozyWolfy

    I usually don't mind. Its never been so persistent like your experience though.. usually the pro is to far away.. once it was someone super close.. like 10min away and they where like hey im new an realised were super close so just wanted to say hey, an that was pretty cool and i was glad they messaged me cause I didn't realize.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    Imo , pros are entrepreneurs- they're trying to market and sell and build clientele. Doesn't bother me.

  • robroorobroo
    edited August 2022

    I don't mind cold calls, in fact I've had several since I've been here. I've declined most due to scheduling, money or timing issues etc. They all politely thanked me and that was that. Some check back with me once in a great while and I'm ok with that.
    Addressing some previous responses:
    So pros are not supposed to contact someone? Thats pretty dumb. How are pros supposed to generate business/income?

    If you don't want anyone contacting you then why are you here? If you don't want to be bothered by anyone or if you have a dedicated person you only want to cuddle with, feel free to mute your account. Problem solved.

    I do agree there is a level of aggressiveness that needs to be acted on if it does not stop.

  • MelancholyMelancholy

    Hmm, I wouldn't use the word "Violated" in describing this incident. To me, being violated is a lot more serious than someone trying to sell their services.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited August 2022

    @robroo

    So pros are not supposed to contact someone? Thats pretty dumb. How are pros supposed to generate business/income?

    It isn't dumb. It's utterly sensible, caring and intelligent.

    Professionals gain clients by advertising on their profiles. Anybody who is interested in booking them may contact them. Everybody on the site is interested in cuddling in some way, there is simply no need for cold messaging.

    Cold messaging is always offensive. It is hassling somebody for your own gain. By definition it is rude and selfish. If you are not offended by it, it is mostly likely that you have been conditioned by years of it to think it is normal or acceptable. It isn't.

    In joining Cuddle Comfort a member is not giving consent to a professional to contact them with a view to selling services. It is, de facto, giving consent to being messaged by other enthusiasts or professionals acting in a non-professional capacity (for example, messaging in relation to something in the forum). Cold messaging, apart from its other problems, therefore violates the principle of consent.

    All of the above of course, applies in general. There is the additional problem that virtually everybody who joins Cuddle Comfort is vulnerable in some way. As a community, we do (or at least, should) seek to protect our most vulnerable members. For a relatively strong and emotionally fit person, an occasional cold message from a professional isn't going to cause them any bother. However, for some people, it will be a very intrustive and unpleasant experience.

    If you don't want anyone contacting you then why are you here?

    I can think of half a dozen reasons off the top of my head, and if you give me a day or two I could probably come up with a dozen more. So can you.

    If you don't want to be bothered by anyone ....

    This is perhaps the most concerning part of your post. Why should you have to worry about being bothered by somebody? Why can't you just .... not be bothered? Your comment suggests that the aggressor has the right to be bothersome: and therefore the target does not have the right to live in peace.

    Vulnerable people who come to Cuddle Comfort for help should have the right to live in peace.

  • CuddleWhoCuddleWho

    I am not bothered by cold messages from pros. However, I usually don't reply. I think the only time I've ever booked a pro from a cold message is when it was someone I was already planning on booking anyway.

    Theoretically if a pro sent a message that was somehow specific to me - saying she had heard about me from someone else, or had a positive feeling about my karma, or something I said on the forum - I might be more inclined to respond positively. In practice, although I have received positive messages about those things, it's never been from a pro who is local to me.

    I do find it irritating when cold messages come across as really salesy and/or when I receive multiple impersonal cold messages from the same pro. I've blocked pros for that.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    Cold messaging is always offensive. It is hassling somebody for your own gain. By definition it is rude and selfish.

    @CuddleDuncan Pretty selfish to think that since you believe it is offensive that it is fact. It isn’t. Depends on the message and the approach. Some of the best pros and enthusiasts I have ever dealt with cold messaged me. You can tell the greedy from the true cuddle artists.

    Whether it is effective or attracts the wrong people is a different question. But If so many people already responded in this thread saying it doesn’t bother them, then how can you be so arrogant as to totally dismiss their views?

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup

    Enthusiasts can message like this too. Messaging in regards only to their wants, and not showing what they have to offer.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    I'm a small business owner and I 200% respect the hustle. Let it be known. *inbox gets flooded with "Hey sugar, do you want to book a session?'s" ...

  • netrunnernetrunner Mod

    My understanding has always been unless you message a Pro first or at the minimum visit a Pros profile, a Pro isn't allowed to message first. New Pros can and do easily get 20-60 people messaging them within the first couple of days of joining the site, many may not even in the same city, state, or country as the Pro. How many are actually serious about meeting is another matter. But yes, for the most part you did get to see what it's like for many Pros on the site.

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup

    Thanks for the clarity. I've only been messaged by pros who've profiles I've visited first.

  • MarkBPhxMarkBPhx

    @UCpaaHVg6u0, thank you for being vulnerable enough to create this thread. @Rezz I really appreciate your response.

  • MaxCuddleMaxCuddle

    Sometimes I visit a Pros Profile. Not leaving a message. They might message me-Thanks for visiting... that's fine. I have had Pos that I have Not visited and left this message-Hello. Or Hey. I don't usually message them back.

  • CuddleswithCatsCuddleswithCats

    I’ve had a handful of pros reach out to me in the time I’ve been here.

    One messaged me after seeing a post I made, saying how they liked what I said which I really appreciated. I enjoyed that interaction because I didn’t get the impression that she was trying to get me to book a session with her.

    More often than not though it comes across like they’re hoping I will book a session, if they don’t outright ask if I want to. I don’t find it offensive, just a bit off putting I guess. I always respond kindly, but like others have said if I want to book a session with someone I will reach out first.

    The one pro that messaged me first that I did eventually start to book some time with, I would have without her messaging first. Her replies gave me the impression that she wasn’t actually reading my messages, which were about when and where we would meet, so I thanked her for her time and left it at that. I’m sure she is a nice enough person, but the interaction reinforced the feeling that the pros that message me first are probably not ones that I want to book.

    In some cases I get the feeling that they are predatory, and given that two of them are now banned that feeling certainly isn’t unfounded.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    One messaged me after seeing a post I made, saying how they liked what I said which I really appreciated. I enjoyed that interaction because I didn’t get the impression that she was trying to get me to book a session with her.

    This is not uncommon.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited August 2022

    Earlier in the thread I wrote

    Cold messaging is always offensive. It is hassling somebody for your own gain. By definition it is rude and selfish.

    On reflection, I would like to amend that to

    In principle, cold messaging is always offensive. It is hassling somebody for your own gain and therefore by definition it is technically rude and selfish. Whether or not the recipient sees it in those terms is of course dependent on circumstance. And obviously - especially in the context of something like cuddling - the message itself may be perfectly pleasant, and may lead to a perfectly lovely session.

    A lot of the people who have commented in this thread are comfortable receiving cold messages. I am too (not that I get many). Lucky us.

    Two other thoughts have occurred to me. Firstly, it is important to note that this is originally and remains conceptually an enthusiast site. A person being a member does not make them a prospective client.

    Secondly, if cold messaging was generally allowed, it could degenerate into spam wars.

    I should perhaps also declare an interest, in that in a past life I did cold calling. However, it was part of the job of the people I called to talk to me, and by virtue of the job they did I had something that was of interest to them.

    @CuddleswithCats

    One messaged me after seeing a post I made, saying how they liked what I said which I really appreciated. I enjoyed that interaction because I didn’t get the impression that she was trying to get me to book a session with her

    She probably wasn't, the message just meant what it said with no hidden agenda. It is not uncommon.

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    I had a few message me to say hi when I first joined, but they always ended up suspended or deleted in short order.

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