I just blocked someone who messaged asking if I have availability and want to cuddle today. It literally says on my profile that I used to be a pro but I'm only here for the forums now. This person never bothered to contact me the entire time I was a pro but they contact me today. Block. No reply. Just block. Sometimes it's just like that.
@zerocantaloupe In response to @BashfulLoner post and agreeing with his take on blocking. Funny you skipped over the part in the post where I say I understand why the OP asked about blocking because he is new and the previous post I made about explaining to the OP why some pros block. I can see you dislike me which is fine, but be fair about what you attack and realize who is being addressed. I clearly tagged @BashfulLoner to agree with his views on blocking. The OP was not being addressed at all.
I was respectful about your thread and how you were down and asked questions. I was respectful to this OP. You seem to want to create drama here when there isn’t any. Be careful how you parse things because trust me, it will happen to you on this board eventually.
@bigspoon3220 I told about my success because if you really read the post I was relating how I experienced the same thing at the beginning—being blocked and ignored but built up my karma. And I encouraged him to stick with what he is doing. I hope he is as successful or more successful than me. You appear to be spiteful because I overcame my initial struggles and how dare I tell my story to give encouragement that the same thing could happen to the OP. So you don’t like that I told it. So what. Jealousy is a bad look and you put it on full display.
I see your posts re my response and have added to it . Thanks for the feedback.
@pmvines Thank you.
@FunCartel Indeed. You caught me. Extremely jealous of you. I’ve always wanted to act coldly to cuddlers I deem as “bad” so they don’t leave me karma
Indeed. You caught me. Extremely jealous of you. I’ve always wanted to act coldly to cuddlers I deem as “bad” so they don’t leave me karma
@bigspoon3220 Do you even know what they did before you ask why I acted coldly? Or what I mean by coldly? Or are you assuming? Coldly is where I just say thank you and I am done. This is from one person who fell asleep within five minutes of arriving and could not be made to wake up for two hours (probably on drugs), the other smelled of cigarette smoke so bad that I was charged by the hotel I was staying at for “smoking in the room” and the cigarette smoker was an “enthusiast” who asked for a fee when we were done. So yeah, I act coldly to that treatment.
What else would you like to make accusations and assumptions about?
@FunCartel Nothing. I would like to know how to join your cartel though. It seems really “fun!”
@bigspoon3220 You just need a sense of humor.
I block people just to organize my "Visited You" section.
Maybe we should rename the forums “tangent city”, we seem to go into a lot of them lol.
@FunCartel thanks. I try not to over think things. Sure if i were to get blocked without warning I’d feel a certain way, but then i think why should i care? Especially in this arena, i don’t personally know anyone and if they choose to block me it’s about them. Maybe they just didn’t want to be bothered with, maybe they didn’t like something i said. I guess the reason is up to them. On CC I’ve had no reason to block anyone that i can recall but out in the world i walk in, i block people, cut people off, ignore whatever it takes. I burn sage and bridges alll the time so if i have the freedom so does everyone with a block button.
I stopped reading the bickering, i always do, and just skipped to the messages i was mentioned in. I thanked who supported me, and support their statements as well.
OP this is just my suggestion, take it or don’t, it’s just how i handle it.
@Lewis3135 just move on, @FunCartel I only have one Karma review here from a repeat customer but I have my regulars, and I have been doing this for a long time. I only had blocked one person that keep scheduling a sesión and cancel at the last minute or made me drove 45mins all way to the place to cuddle and then cancel while I was waiting for the room number and with a text that he was in "a meeting and couldn't get out" of the meeting, 🙄🥴then I gave him a second chance because he promised he was going to pay for my gas for the first time I waited for him 40 minutes, just to go ahead and cancelled again 🤦🏻♀️. I think that he wasn't a serious person or a good business for me, even though he has really good and many karma reviews. So my advise @Lewis3135 from a cuddler to another just move on, they are many more people here to exchange cuddling sessions with. 🫂🌸😊
@cuddlicious008 you are a pro and a woman so your experience here is far different from us male enthusiasts. I think it is akin to comparing apples and oranges. New pros get bombarded with an overwhelming number of messages while new male enthusiasts get bombarded with the chirping of crickets. Many female pros and enthusiasts do block for whatever reasons as a form of screening because they get so many messages. But yes, as you pointed out, not all females do. Doesn’t change the fact that blocking is a very real thing for several men. Especially if they are offensive linemen.
There’s very little to go off of when messaging on here to get a sense of people . Even someone sending multiple messages before there’s time to respond to the first one, that can come off as pushy. Or if there’s pressure to meet right now without even trying to have a conversation. Anything that can make someone uncomfortable can be an automatic block !
@FunCartel I saw what you did too there.
I don't think it's ever unfashionable to be civil and polite. A simple, "thanks for your interest, but I don't think we're a good fit" should suffice. If a client messages after that, then they should expect to be blocked.
We don’t know why you were blocked. It may have nothing to do with you.
It’s happened to all of us.
You know the Serenity Prayer? The first part is about about accepting the things you cannot change. That is one of them. It happens. Annoying and confusing? Yes, but it’s not worth losing sleep over.
'#ThisDangSubject!! 🤨
It kinda sucks this site still has this on their front page advertising for prospective cuddlers...
And once in and checking people out [at least on a mobile device] there's nothing encouraging them to scroll beyond the images to read someone's profile.
Also, did you see how instead of, "Send Message", on a Pro's profile it says, "Request to Book"?
But wait! Before getting to the message box, they see this...
Honestly! Is it really that hard to understand how it is that prospective clients do things that aren't in their best interest?
To me this isn't an issue of people needing to manage their emotions or reactions, but for the site creator and architect, @Mark and @Gary , to actually set people up to have more realistic expectations by tweeking some of the ways things are presented and laid out here.
Because, additionally, on the user's home page it shows...
... with no clear way to search past threads for information related to the issues they're having. And when found, the search feature really isn't all that great anyway.
To me, it's no wonder so many people are confused or upset by things here and that we constantly have the same issues coming up over and over again in the forums.
I guess if you're into making people feel foolish for how they navigate that's one thing. But if you really want to help them, or wish people didn't keep coming on here with their woes in the first place, then encourage Mark and Gary to be more proactive (if for no other reason than to reduce a mess of the reactivity around here).
edited for typos ~ whoops
I honestly don’t feel like I would need help o add anything to this. @FunCartel and @CuddleWho summed everything up very well. Now that I have some karma it is a bit easier than before when I did not. Because there are a million reasons someone is blocked and not necessarily for any wrong doing. My only suggestion would be to stay on course and you will eventually find some great cuddlers on here. If blocked don’t worry about it. It’s the past at that point. We can’t control the past only learn from it and look forward to the future.
Well said, @quixotic_life. Those are solid points.
Regarding getting blocked or no response:
I was reading an article this morning about emotional intelligence and resiliency and it hit me: 90% of first messages aren’t worth a response. How do I know this? Because as a moderator who needs to read conversations to check out reports I notice that most first messages are boring, generic, and nondescript. “Hi.” “Hello.” “Wassup?” “Good afternoon.” I’ve read probably thousands of messages at this point sent by hundreds of people and this is the norm, not the exception. Having an interesting, well-written message that demonstrates you’ve read the person’s profile and tailored your message to that specific person doesn’t guarantee you’ll get a response but it probably gives you an edge over the other 90%. If the message isn’t a minimalist “how r u” it’s often lengthy and about the sender and their needs, not about the recipient and getting to know them. Having a decent photo probably helps, something that makes you look friendly and safe and inviting.
Unless they tell us, we don’t know why someone blocks us. That’s life. They don’t owe us an explanation. They are indicating they do not wish to engage. Respecting boundaries means accepting that and this is about boundaries. Move on.
It’s not easy finding a good cuddle buddy but when you do, it’s golden. I’ve found it frustrating, too, but I am so grateful for the cuddle buddies I have found, they are golden.
When this subject gets posted about in the forums it’s usually a complaint. Rare is the person who asks, “What can I learn from this? How can I maximize my efforts? What can I do to increase the possibility of getting a positive response?”
Who are you messaging? Are you pouncing on the new members who may be getting inundated with messages? On the young and the pretty? Are you actually reading their profiles and responding to them as a person? Do you look outside of your preferred age range? Do you send messages to those who may be a little plain? Do you go a bit outside of your preferred geographical range? Are you paying attention to when they were last online?
None of us are guaranteed finding a cuddle partner but at least here there is a possibility. In the outside world, not so much.
I get discouraged, too, but this morning I was reminded that I can’t control what others do, I can only control my response. In this moment I realize that cultivating acceptance and resiliency not only will improve the quality of my life but will also make me more interesting and inviting to others.
https://apple.news/AacG7F2sGQriUEZJ7IgUhlg
@Babichev I almost had to laugh when you ask "Are you actually reading their profiles and responding to them as a person?" Unfortunately, not many female enthusiasts say enough in their profile for that to be even remotely possible.
I just did a survey. I did a search of female enthusiasts with the only criteria being that they are within 80 miles of me (about 45 miles north of Chicago). I then took the first 50 women who turned up, and looked at the "About Me" section of their profile.
Of the 50 women, 12 of them (24%) hadn't "filled in their self-summary yet." It's almost impossible to respond to them as a person, when they don't bother to tell you anything about themselves as a person. Occasionally, I can find something in the rest of their profile that we have in common to comment on, such as "we both love cats," or "we're both atheists," but usually not.
The next group is the biggest, with 26 of them (52%) having bothered to write two lines or less in their "About Me" section. It's rare that those 1 or 2 lines say anything that isn't so generic, that it could apply to just about anybody. The ultimate is "I love to cuddle." Duh! I would never have guessed.
Finally, we get to the 12 women (24%) who wrote more that more than two lines. One of them wrote three lines, which still didn't say anything worth saying. That leaves 11 women who actually put some thought into what they wrote. Then all either wrote a single long paragraph, or, usually several paragraphs. Those women actually tell us something useful.
My conclusion. is that the 78% of female enthusiasts don't care if they receive a personalized reply, because they do nothing to facilitate the writing of one. If they present themselves as a generic woman, then generic replies are all that they'll get.
Personally, I think using such a small sample size of the last 50 individuals to login near you and applying the percentages you worked up to the entire enthusiast female population is just misleading and plain bending of statistics to fit a narrative. It does not even come close to accurately representing the whole. 😅 If you did the same but looking at the male profiles you'd be surprised to find that the number of empty profiles is extremely higher than theirs.
Though I do understand your frustration and point you are trying to explain.
@GreatHornedOwl that is consistent with my experience, so I thought, 'let's have another data point'. I did a search of women enthusiasts within 80 miles of London who had logged on in the last month. There were 55.
I'll hide the analysis since we are straying away from the topic here.
@Gabriel2k
Of the 55 women's profiles:
17 .. (31%) .. had some kind of face photo, sometimes partial 4 ..... (7%) .... had some other picture 34 ...(62%) ... had no picture
23 .. (42%) ......... had no profile text at all . . . . GHO data 24% 16 .. (29%) ......... had one or two lines (minimum one emoji) . . . GHO 52% 16 .. (29%)(sic) .. had three or more lines. (Of those, 10 (18%) had more than five lines) . . . GHO 24%
Of the ten who had written more than a few lines, only three had a face photo and at least one other photo.
To put it another way, fewer than one in five women created even the chance of a genuinely individual message. And fewer than one in twenty created what you might call a full profile. This is consistent with @GreatHornedOwl's (GHO) data. I have not done the analysis on men but I doubt it's wildly different: most men don't create worthwhile profiles either.
Sorry, @Babichev. It looks as if writing a nice, individual message to a woman in the cuddling world isn't really a Thing. Or at least it's very much the exception. (I'm not saying the average standard of male message writing isn't woeful - clearly it is.)
I don't know what response rate I get when I am able to write an 'ideal' opening message. It's better than one in ten I would say ... is it one in five? Certainly not more than that. (I know I don't consider looks when writing such messages, partly because I've done the analysis and partly because many of them have no photo. I do consider age, in that I am less likely to write to somebody very young.) Note that that response rate is with good forum presence, complete profile, a year of writing unanswered messages under my belt, and lots of good Karma. A new member is not going to get anywhere close to that rate. When I was new it was more like one in twenty.
To put this all in context, I would estimate that the response rate (within a few days) from professionals who have logged on in the last month and receive a half-decent message is around 50%.
In a non-cuddling world I did do the experiment and the evidence was clear - when the sender is me, writing 'ideal' messages is a waste of time because it makes no difference to the response rate. What you do need is a 'good' message, and "hi" isn't it.
Some time ago a woman enthusiast on the forum did an analysis of her Inbox and if I remember rightly it was consistent with @Babichev's observation: 90% of the messages were totally worthless.
It's worth noting also that although I do receive initial messages from women enthusiasts connected to the forum, I have only once received such a message from a woman with a view to possible cuddling. In cuddling, women don't appear to write to men.
In summary, the enthusiast cuddling world consists mainly of men with no profile writing rubbish messages to women with no profile. It's a wonder anybody ever gets cuddled at all.
@Gabriel2k - Any statistician would tell you that 50 women is a perfectly reasonable sample size. You're perfectly welcome to test it yourself if you can find enough women in tour area, if you can find that many who are actually active on the site.
I feel ya, I’ve been blocked by people I don’t even remember having a conversation with. And what about closure. Couldn’t they say why they blocked you. Wouldn’t that be nice at least. Like you’re an asshole so I’m blocking you. Instead of just doing it without saying anything. What power they have lol.
Try not to overthink it. I’m sure you didn’t do anything terribly horrible. You may not know all the protocols and the ins and outs of professional messaging but I’m sure your heart was right.
This is a day and age of ghosting and people that have a problem confronting or constructive criticism or helping you in anyway they’d rather just ghost or block you.
Good luck on your next message.
@GreatHornedOwl @CuddleDuncan Really glad you made so much effort and enlightened us. I had no idea. Your point is well made
@KozyKim Well-worded and a good way to look at it. I just realized if someone told me why they blocked me, I would want them to be more specific than what you mentioned. Lol. But I'm fine with not knowing.
I think a little blocking just says "I can read your profile and tell we probably won't make a connection". No one connects with everyone.
The only real reason to block someone is if they’re nasty or they keep bugging you after you say that you’re not interested other than that it’s really not nice to block someone. Just because you don’t make a good connection why would you just block them. That’s my just my thoughts.
I think the people that blocked me I called out on a few questionable things. They erase the conversation and then blocked me. But I don’t remember what was said, Because I hadn’t gotten back on to look right away.. I guess that’s a good reason to block someone so you don’t get in trouble:)
Welcome to Cuddle (sometimes) uncomfortable😬🤣
@KozyKim I'm inclined to agree with your philosophy even tho I have not always followed it A forum post from you is always worthwhile reading.