Ways to restore internal peace?

[Deleted User]presentrare (deleted user)
edited August 2022 in General

Hi, I have interacted and cuddled with a individual multiple times and feel connected and resonate with their stories or situations. I am a compassionate person, get involved quickly, and ultimately disturb my internal peace. I wanted to check with some of the experienced members here to get an idea about how to deal with the emotional attachment and connect one feels.

How to get over the entanglement, dissociate from their situations, and be at peace?

Comments

  • MCcuddles2MCcuddles2

    Tricky question. I've fortunately got enough of my own turmoil that there is little space to borrow someone else's.

    On a more serious note, look up how psychologists maintain emotional distance from their clients.

  • cuddletohealcuddletoheal

    I completely empathize with you. I think you are emotionally exhausted. You should focus on your needs and not neglect them.

  • cde123cde123

    Oh, cuddle with someone else for sure. Lots of pros out there. Find one that keeps appropriate distance.

  • JohnfromViennaJohnfromVienna

    Find someone else to focus your empathy on. Someone who won't cause so much disturbance.

  • BabichevBabichev

    @presentrare - I’m not sure I understand the question.

    The issue of boundaries is not just about where someone touches you, etc. It’s also about our emotional boundaries, of having a clear sense of ourselves, what is our stuff and what is someone else’s stuff. Many people have poor boundaries around this and take on other people’s emotions as their own. This is not helpful for either person and in a cuddle relationship is not good for either client or pro.

    I’ll give an example from my own experience as a massage therapist. Perhaps my client has suffered some serious trauma recently, say the sudden unexpected and tragic death of a loved one. They may talk about it during their massage session, they may even start crying. As a professional, it’s my responsibility to stay centered, calm, and clear-headed so that I can be there for the client. If I start allowing myself to become emotionally involved in the client’s grief and take it on as my own, I can no longer operate from that clear-headed space. In fact, now the client may feel a need to take care of me because now I’m upset. It’s almost as if I am robbing them of their grief, which belongs to them, not me. And they can no longer fully let go because I am no longer providing a safe space for them.

    This does not mean that I need to be cold and impersonal. I can have a lot of compassion for the client and their heart wrenching situation while still maintaining a strong sense of self so I can be fore them.

    This even happens with friends. If my friend is hurting, if I start joining her in her pain then I am no longer able to be very useful to her. She can’t lean on me if I’m collapsing, too.

    You know how on an air plane they tell you if you’re traveling with a child and the cabin loses pressure that you need to put on your own oxygen mask first and then assist the other person? That’s because if we pass out then there are now two people who can’t function. We have to keep ourselves breathing in order to be able to help the other person. It’s like that but on an emotional level.

    Having healthy emotional boundaries grounded in a strong sense of ourselves protects us from taking on other people’s emotional distress.

    And if that is not what you’re asking about . . . never mind.

  • TNNativeTNNative

    @presentrare … I am new to CC, but am not new to the idea of being easily influenced by others and their emotional situations. I’ve spent a good bit of time working on this, and for what it is worth, what is helpful to me is being clear with myself about what is mine and what is not mine emotion wise. Sometimes I’ve had to coach myself to let something go, or even had to literally (in private) physically shake something off. I’ve also imagined de-sliming myself. If I know I have to interact with someone again, I have imagined a bubble/force field around myself and actively been mindful of what is mine and what is not in an interaction. I hope this is helpful.

  • TNNativeTNNative

    A quick example video

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life
    edited August 2022

    @TNNative ~ Love that!! Though I don't think I've ever seen a "bouncy" tree... 😅

    I have a thing I do that's similar in principle. It begins with an acknowledgement of taking on too much and being thankful for the awareness of burden. Then dropping all of the everything with a thud (and wiping off any residual), and only picking up/retrieving what you can reasonably carry in the now (and examining what that is while tuning into it's importance too).

    It ends up looking kinda like one might imagine 'flow yoga' to be (if that were a thing), and has worked really well everytime I've done it. If I can find a video of someone doing something even close to it, I'll post it.

  • TNNativeTNNative

    @quixotic_life … glad you like it. 🙂

  • [Deleted User]presentrare (deleted user)

    @Babichev Thanks for so eloquently explaining the various examples. This is very helpful.

    @TNNative great video resource. Thanks

  • TNNativeTNNative
    edited August 2022

    :)

  • [Deleted User]SoulParaTodos (deleted user)

    This is where being a “professional” in this field really helps. I emphasize that word bc in CC anyone can be a “pro” with very very little training. In fact, there is no training. Just read some articles and done.

    A trained professional is NOT that. This is what it concerns me about CC. A pro is not someone who makes money out of doing something. When it comes to this, or that, I’ve been a professional dishwasher for 6 years (lol). I’m a trained IT Pro with 26 years of experience. I have 2 degrees in it and i have been trained more than just reading articles.

    So, can a masseuse be a pro just by ready articles? Heck no. Nor can a cuddler be one at CC. Some here though ARE trained and certified cuddliests.

    These are the real pros you want to seek. They know how’ to deal with someone else’s emotions.

Sign In or Register to comment.