Ah ok. I'm chastened. I jumped to conclusions before knowing the true situation or the rules well enough to warrant it. Apologies.
I had not seen the input from the moderator in question, who warrants kudos, not invective.
The cui bono speculation about the volunteer moderation staff was another red flag.
@snugbuddy if the conversation between the client and the professional was on the site, as it should have been, the mods would have been able to read it. Even if it was on some other app, screenshots may have been provided.
OP, if you’re still reading this thread…
Canceling day-of is not ideal and I don’t blame you for considering it rude. I mean the rules clearly state you’re not supposed to leave karma in that situation, but ok fine you feel like you should be able to.
But the real problem is that you come off like a crazy ranting maniac. Hardly anybody is going to read your post and comments and feel sympathy with you and feel you were wronged. They’re going to feel like you’re a scary nutcase and untrustworthy and the story you’re telling is only partly true.
I had people that I talked to on dating site flake out and cancel with no reason a couple hours before we were supposed to meet. It's a bummer, but a fact of life. It's less of a deal here. Just hire another pro. Complaining about it on the forums looks bad and will make others not want to be in your presence.
@Mike_Girard - no harm no foul. I didn't mean to pounce. Very hard. The OP's public venting isn't going to gain him any fans. While it's not Survivor or Lord of the Flies, there is something to be said for knowing if and when one uses the speaking stick/public posts.
I sympathize with the frustration. It is terribly frustrating to have your time wasted, it ruins the entire day. This happens to us too, and when I was a new pro, this happened to me many times, and now I realize it was often because the client didn't like the "vibe" he was getting. just going out on a limb from this tirade, its possible she also didn't like the "vibe" she was getting, and came up with the best excuse she could to spare the ego of a loose cannon. and the moderators don't care where the money ultimately comes from, they don't get paid.
@CuddleDuncan In that case then the people involved can clear it up privately with the moderators which is probably what should have been done in the first place.
Your anger made her uncomfortable, and your insistence on oil massage made her further uncomfortable.
And the truth comes out. How convenient that OP left that info out of their post. Thanks @Shake49 for working to make this a better community.
As a side point, users making absurd references to 1984 over routine web forum moderation never fails to get a laugh out of me.
@Arachnea We've always been at war with boners.
If you want an oil massage, you better go find a masseuse who does that kind of thing. In here, you get hugs.
@snugbuddy exactly right.
The OP has deactivated their account, which in my young day was spelt "stormed off in a huff".
The tragedy of tales like this - we get similar stories every few months - is that nobody comes out of it happy. The OP is angry, frustrated and miserable. The professional has lost money. The mods have lost a little more of their hair.
The root cause of all this misery is of course the sexualisation of cuddling. What the OPs really need in these cases is a cuddle, and if they had just tried to have one they would have got it.
I can understand from the Pro's point of view: oil prices have gone through the roof!
Yeah, that oil massage would have been costly.
Wow... I can see being upset about plans falling apart, BUT the way he posted and responded, I'm not entirely sure his plans were in good faith. I would not be surprised at all if the pro cancelled because she felt threatened.
...and then he says he's not upset at the pro, but then gets unhinged at the removal of the Karma? I don't have or need the whole story to tell that the Mods were likely fair and probably even lenient on the guy. 🤷♂️
Like my Granny always said, "Don't you go huggin' that rabid badger!" 😆
Correct me if I’m wrong but contrary to what’s been posted here, one does not have to actually meetup with a pro in order to leave karma. Pick any random pro, hit their karma button and you’ll get this message:
No Cuddle Karma just yet. You can write about your cuddle experience with (cuddler) once you have exchanged a few messages.
If that’s accurate then, putting aside how we may feel about the legitimacy or tone of his complaint, it seems as if OP followed procedure, no?
@Btown - It ain't like the oil shortage of '79, but I reckon it would dig a hole in yall pockets down yonder...
@SammyG_ If I'm not mistaken that message is in place to prevent members who have never exchanged a single message with the other party from leaving the other person karma. Trust me, if this wasn't in place people would leave all kinds of nasty karma for not being replied to in their timeframe.
People generally get unhappy when they put in effort and get nothing out of it so I understand why the OP is feeling this way. This mismatched effort happens constantly here.
The OP would have felt fine if they had put in zero effort. I seriously think a lot of people here would benefit emotionally from putting in minimal effort.
@Rezz Copy that 👍🏿
@SammyG_ So yes, the ability to leave Karma for someone becomes active after you exchange a few messages, but the assumption is those back and forth messages are to set up and have a session. Only after having met for your session or if someone was a no-show for a booked session can Karma be left. If 2 people merely talk on the site with a dozen messages but never book, hypothetically they have a falling out and decide not to book a session, while they have the ability to leave Karma for one another, typically it gets flagged/reported. Myself or one of the mods confirms if a session took place or the overall situation before removing the Karma as it has specific conditions for being allowed to remain.
Ok so in my very first comment, I said it seemed like I wasn’t being told the whole story. That was denied, but according to the mods, I was right on the money.
Being right feels good 😎 Thank you @Shake49 for providing us with an explanation, you rock!
When ever I book an appointment I always confirm night before or day of to make sure we're still on.
It appears that we have some "less than honest" communication. Who shall we believe? Isn't that the purpose of forums and reviews? Each side gets to share their view of the narrative, and let the readers be advised.
Allegedly, the pro cancelled because she could not justify the trip with so few cuddlers. Then, we learn that she may have cancelled because of the client's unacceptable demands.
Which is true? If the former, then the client's complaint against the pro has merit. If the latter, then the pro had legitimate grounds for cancellation.
What concerns me is: if there is a penalty when the client cancels with 12 hours, then, there should be a penalty when the pro cancels "without legitimate grounds."
@waskul I may be wrong, but I don't think posting it on the forums would've been the right thing. If had happened to me (as either party), I would've reported it. That way if anything needed to be done, it could be done discreetly, or I could be corrected without openly making myself out to be unhinged.
@jaswbrown I agree
@waskul I believe the sanction for a pro is they have to offer a discount on a future cuddle. If this becomes a habit, the pro would be warned and potentially banned down the road. It sounds like the pro only responded when he left negative karma ... she should have reported him for violating TOS. Pro cuddlers are not in the massage business.
@waskul
There is no penalty if a client or pro cancels last minute. It's advised to pay for any associated costs such as hotels, but you won't be banned for not doing so unless you have a problematic history. Pros get flaked on frequently by time wasters. Clients find the unprofessional pros. It goes both ways. But.. My safety will come first. If someone is suddenly asking to be oiled up like Christina Aguilera and rubbed down, I'm going to cancel. Their waste of gas and travel time are at that point meaningless. They can get bent along with their whiney karma.
@Rezz Especially if he responded to her in any way like he did on the forum... "My safety will come first." 👍
A lot to unpack in this thread.
First thing I thought of was if she cancels because he is setting off alarms puts her in another difficult position because now the client will expect another session at a cheaper rate and likely with far more coercion. Since she stated her cancelation was for other reasons to him. So, she's already worried about setting him off and she's done literally nothing and she's further behind the eight ball. Thankfully mods can step in here and help things out.
And I'm sorry, and not to directly impune the OP, but no one here is owed a cuddle! I don't care if you paid $5000 per minute and she nopes out 15 seconds into it. Or if you prepaid half and drove to Poughkeepsie and she canceled an hour before. What's the expected outcome here? Force the person to go and cuddle as agreed? Pro's are human beings and because they receive money doesn't make them some form of property or chattel.
Are there pros here who have received money and bailed on purpose just to keep the money? I'm sure there are. But it's up to all of us to trust in the system that they'll be quickly found out and removed. And the policing of the Pros seems fairly active.
But we can not constantly grab our pitchforks and torches anytime we're upset. However, I would rather hear someone complaining on here about the loss of time or money, than the alternative of yet another woman feeling like they either won't be believed, or it's just easier if she plays along, or worse it's somehow her fault and goes against her instincts and cuddles the wrong person.
If you pay for a pizza you are freely able to decide not to pay or at least expect you're money can achieve a fair outcome if something was wrong with it. But these are human beings, not something you buy off Amazon, I still can't believe that was bandied about! We are all these super complicated constructs all trying to make our way through life. We all fear the pangs of both hunger and loneliness the same. We're all spinning, absurdly fast, through space on the same mostly wet clump of everything we'll ever know. We must, must, must be better to each other and ourselves (and also the mostly wet clump).
At any rate, I think we can all agree that no system is perfect, but the system here works quite well considering.
Also, i just used these gender references because that was the original construct. I don't believe any gender is more or less capable than another to cause harm or be vulnerable, etc.