What's a reasonable "Getting to know you" process and time period?

FitSmartCuddlerFitSmartCuddler
edited September 2022 in General

I'm wondering what is a reasonable or commonly accepted "getting to know you" process and time period for a man hoping to cuddle with a female enthusiast? I recently met a woman who was extremely skeptical about cuddling someone "she just met" and seemed to indicate that it would would require numerous meetups (3? 4? More? Who knows?) before she would even consider cuddling. She had met another potential cuddler the day before and they had gone out for a meal and movie so apparently there are "courtship activities" required as well.

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Comments

  • TNNativeTNNative
    edited September 2022

    I think everyone is different. You can read various people’s profiles to get an idea of what is expected. Read some pro profiles and enthusiast profiles to get an idea.

  • FitSmartCuddlerFitSmartCuddler
    edited September 2022

    I read her profile and we exchanged several messages. There was no way to tell from this what the "getting to know you" period might be.

    I don't do paid cuddling so a pro's profile isn't really relevant to me. I assume most pros have a much brief and simpler "getting to know you" process. Thanks TNNative!

  • RezzRezz

    Depends on each individuals comfort level. Some require multiple public meetings before cuddling in a private setting
    You could very well be one of many she's chatting with.
    Men outnumber female enthusiasts here by a long shot. Be happy you found someone who replies, many don't.

    You're a complete stranger to everyone here. To be invited to partake in a close and personal interaction they need to know that you're both on the same page. This could take hours ,days , weeks or months.

  • TNNativeTNNative
    edited September 2022

    Some pros are much more detailed in their statement of expectations, and I found their info helpful as I started thinking about how to start meeting with and cuddling others.

    I think this process can be more scary for a woman than a man (maybe, I could be wrong and making a sweeping generalization). I know I am going to be asking for movie setting and park setting cuddles before inviting someone to my home. I have, however had a cuddle in a “neutral setting” of a hotel that went well.

    Good luck with your cuddle search.

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod

    Yeah I think it’s gonna be different for everyone. For me personally, I have found that I love getting to know someone from cuddling and building a friendship via being cuddle buddies. It’s totally different for me because our friendship begins and stays at platonic cuddling. It seems weird, but I think knowing they want to embrace me right off the bat makes all my insecurities go away with them. If we haven’t cuddled, the longer we wait when hanging out in person, the more uncomfortable I get because I feel like I have to prove something and I’m not hitting that mark for them, so all my insecurities flood in and I feel like it’s impossible to bring up cuddling anymore.

  • [Deleted User]IllinoisDave (deleted user)

    I don't think there is a magic number. The same person might feel differently about different people. This is about close contact with a stranger. You can't force it if they don't feel comfortable. You aren't guaranteed a cuddle from anyone.

  • FitSmartCuddlerFitSmartCuddler

    Thanks for all your feedback--lots of good points made. I do understand, though, that there's no magic number and it's different for everyone, so maybe I need to rephrase the question: for men, how many times would you be willing to meet up with someone (assuming your interest in them is "average"), and how many lunches and movies would you be willing to treat them to, before, seeing that they still aren't planning a cuddle, you finally say "I've reached my limit--I don't want the cuddle badly enough to keep pouring time and energy into this person"?

    For women: same question, but from the female perspective. How much time/energy do you think a man should be willing to expend before he gives up if a cuddle is still not in the plan?

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod
    edited September 2022

    I don’t think I would be treating them to anything; not to be cheap, but because I wouldn’t want it to feel like a date. I wouldn’t want there to be any expectations of me other than just showing them that I am a kind person that is safe to cuddle with.

  • FitSmartCuddlerFitSmartCuddler

    @Charlie_Bear , I feel the same way. However, when she told me about the other prospect and the lunch/movie "date," it made me feel like I'd have to do that sort of thing to remain "competitive." As @Rezz pointed out, enthusiasts have many options.

  • RezzRezz

    @FitSmartCuddler
    I don't think many female enthusiasts expect you to treat them to movies and dinners. I'd assume most pay their own way to create boundaries and make it clear that this is not a "date". You are getting to know each other. I go to dinner with friends all the time, I may treat them to dinner as an act of kindness, nothing more or less.

    You said yourself that you just met recently. Either go with a pace that works for the both of you or move on to someone else.

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod

    @FitSmartCuddler ah yeah, in that case I’d take myself out of the running. I’m not trying to compete for cuddles and if there was any pressure at all to prove myself, I’d feel like the platonic aspect is lost.

  • CuddleWhoCuddleWho

    This is one major reason I focus on pros. I understand that some women aren't comfortable meeting and/or cuddling without a lot of relationship building. I get it.

    But from my perspective... if I wanted to court somebody, and invest lots of time into building a relationship before any physical contact happens, I'd just... you know... date. In a very traditional, old-fashioned way.

    Part of the promise of this site, theoretically, is that you don't have to do that. If you visit the site while not logged in, you see some steps that boil down to “search, message someone, then meet up and cuddle.”

    Sounds great. But it doesn’t actually work like that. Unless you see pros, in which case it does. Sort of.

    Meeting a stranger, then immediately jumping in bed, cuddling up and getting to know each other is a weird thing to do. But it’s so much fun. It’s why I’m here. Messaging somebody I don’t know for weeks on end is usually not fun (for me). I participate in the stuff I like, and I don’t participate in the stuff I consider to be tedious nonsense.

  • Cuddle_RNCuddle_RN

    There's always cuddling when I decide to meet. Whether the cuddling ever goes from public to private depends on whether I feel safe with my cuddler or not. I try to keep the expenses pretty even unless my cuddler wants to pay for me. As a single mom, I happily accept :)

  • PeopleLikeUsPeopleLikeUs
    edited September 2022

    Out of the enthusiast cuddles (a few dozen) I've had only one that went beyond meeting twice and with her I gave up. I honestly thought she was dating, not cuddling. Most of mine have cuddled within an hour of meeting. But I don't think that's the norm. And honestly, I don't have a time frame. In fact, I have several that I've never cuddled due to proximity and I'm in touch with them regularly. I like the cuddle community and I find the connections to be deeper in certain ways that I don't get from non-cuddlers (or people that don't know they're cuddlers yet). So there is no time frame here really. I may be talking to people today that I may not cuddle with for a year or so. Oh yeah. There's one Pro I have met with twice and never cuddled and that's because of me, not her. I've never cuddled a Pro either.

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter

    As a financially challenged enby, I can't pay for anything. That said, if I'm getting on well with a potential buddy, I'll hang out without cuddling forever. New friend!

    I've never had to, though. All four people I met through this site (3 men, 1 woman) felt comfortable going straight from the initial meet up to a cuddle. ...Which tells you something about how quickly I'll be ready to cuddle with someone I've just met. Note that, physically speaking, I'm tiny and fragile—so I don't think it's a confidence-in-my-own-strength thing. Just personality.

    I think every person ought to decide for themselves how long hanging out without cuddling is worth it to them. I mean, you can't guarantee the other person is ever going to want to cuddle you, specifically, however long you wait. Best to only wait as long as you feel good about the waiting.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101
    edited September 2022

    I see any positive interaction you have with this person as putting money in the bank. You are fostering trust and a friendship- not just "doing the necessary stuff" before we can cuddle imo. If you do start to cuddle long term, you will spend a lot of time around each other, so the more familiar you are, then the better the cuddle imo.

    If you don't want to work for it, I suggest you pay for the service- but I have a feeling that a good enthusiast interaction will be longer lasting and more rewarding imo.

  • [Deleted User]Jacob879 (deleted user)

    It really depends on the person.

    I've met women that wanted to immediately meet privately, I've encountered many that wanted to meet publicly, trauma dump for a few hours, then never heard from again.

    As a guy who can usually hold his own, I still prefer a public meeting first, somewhere with people and cameras, that way if anybody says anything there's proof, and I have a somewhat better idea of who I'm dealing with.

  • marcustanakamarcustanaka

    From observations from experience and the forums, there is no magic bullet and little chance for meeting female enthusiasts. The more successful men can give you a few pointers but you will notice female advice comes from the same women (no offense). While they are more open and straight-forward, the response and interactions from the majority are not. They are probably bombarded with the usual boorish requests and online harassment like every other online/public medium so I do understand. It's the world we live in. I have the cash for meeting with pros and have had nothing but good experiences.

    To answer your question, I would need some indication during the first (public) meeting (handholding, head on shoulder, etc.) showing they are comfortable in my presence. I want both of us to enjoy our time together and while a friendship would still be possible, it makes no sense to pursue cuddling if something creeps her out.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972
    edited September 2022

    I do not mean to sound snarky but the short answer is the process and the duration are based entirely on your potential cuddle partner’s comfort level with you. Depending on circumstances that could be a quick or a lengthy process and it will depend greatly on whether your potential cuddle partner is a pro or enthusiast.

    I have met a couple of enthusiasts and cuddled the first time we met in person but that was after weeks (in one case months) of getting to know each other by written messages and phone calls or video chats.

    There are other enthusiasts I have met in person that I have not actually cuddled yet but we had a great time together doing non-cuddle activities together in public. I am optimistic that we will eventually cuddle but even if we don’t, I am OK with that. They are great people and fun to be around and talk to so even if we never cuddled, I would not feel like I had wasted my time.

    To get the most out of cuddling, both partners have to be 100% comfortable with each other. If either party feels rushed / pressured into it the experience is NOT going to be as good as if everyone had slowed down and waited until everyone was comfortable.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    @JohnR1972 Good advice! Thx .

  • TNNativeTNNative
    edited September 2022

    @FitSmartCuddler I would not expect a perspective cuddle partner to pay for me when we meet for coffee or anything else. I actually felt bad about not helping to pay for the hotel used when I had my cuddle in the neutral space (they made the reservation) so I wrote after and offered to pay half after the fact.

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter

    @TNNative: You died!?

  • TNNativeTNNative

    @DaringSprinter ... lol. Thank you. :s

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter

    @TNNative: No, thank you. You made my night. 😂 That was wonderful.

  • [Deleted User]IllinoisDave (deleted user)

    I agree with JohnR,

    This is about both of you, not just you. If both aren't comfortable, it's not gonna work for either.

    This isn't dating, but it is close social interaction. You can't treat the other person as if they exist to satisfy your needs.

    How well or badly you treat the other person will have an impact on your future prospects. If what you are getting out of the interaction isn't worth it, politely end the connection. But never assume you will get something if you just hang in there.

    Be the person someone wants to cuddle.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    @IllinoisDave - ”Be the person someone wants to cuddle.”

    That is the most beautiful, simple, and dare I say… “eloquent” way to put it. Those 7 words speak VOLUMES. 100% agree with you!!

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter

    "If what you are getting out of the interaction isn't worth it, politely end the connection. But never assume you will get something if you just hang in there."

    @IllinoisDave, you put it perfectly. That's exactly the idea I wanted to get across, expressed much more clearly than I managed. Beautiful.

  • [Deleted User]ClubSamwiches (deleted user)

    🍿 🍿 🍿 🍿

  • [Deleted User]penwah (deleted user)

    I think it really depends. If i feel like its possibly going towards texting off site ok cool... I usually ask can we text off line. Out of everyone I have chatted with locally there was 1 person come out and said it usually takes awhile ok, great. So I literally ask about a month or month and a half later and I didnt hear anything back. In like i thought it might be a lot easier since we have messaged each other for over 2 months. Never heard back. In like ok thats fine.

  • [Deleted User]loves2cuddle123 (deleted user)

    At least she was straight forward so you can find someone else that will cuddle with you when you meet them. That's crazy it's like let me spend money just to talk and get to know each other. This should be free consultation. Better off just trying to find a girlfriend. Or go on dates where you hug the girl at dinner.

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