Setting profile Gender preference to binary gender doesn't filter out nonbinary/nongender

deefinedeefine
edited September 2022 in General

I'm sorry but if I set Female as my gender preference, I should only be seeing profile suggestions on the homepage for profiles set to Female, not Nonbinary / Nongender and the like. Binary is not non-binary. Non-gender doesn't include Female, it includes NO genders.

There's a few too many bearded or masculine faces in my suggestions anymore, and I use the setting specifically to filter those out.

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Comments

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    I know. It’s not really a filter. But for clarity sake, when you say suggestion are you referring to when you do a search for cuddlers?

  • SmellyFatManSmellyFatMan
    edited September 2022

    Just got out of being in timeout for posts like this and already at it again. Goodbye. [reurbo]

  • Ironman294Ironman294

    The filters reset on phones, I think on desktops they stay set.

  • CozyWolfyCozyWolfy

    Grow up smellyfatman. Take your transphobia elsewhere. People have a right to be nonbianary and that has no effect on you. This is a cuddle site. Spread your hate elsewhere.

  • [Deleted User]RainsCuddle (deleted user)

    Wow you really are a troll looking for attention... @SmellyFatMan

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter
    edited September 2022

    @deefine: As far as I'm aware, you can only filter cuddlers by one sex (intersex) and then a lot of different genders. Male and female aren't searchable terms on CC (though intersex is for some reason).

    "Nonbinary" is a gender category that can include any individual who is neither only a man nor only a woman.

    I think this is why people like me are included in searches for both men and women; some nonbinary people are both man and woman (like bigender and genderfluid folks).

    Unfortunately, you can't filter by facial hair, either!

    Except manually, by looking at photos. Which takes time and energy. It would be convenient to be able to fill out a comprehensive preference form complete in however much detail you want... but I suspect that would strain the site more than a bit.

    The search system isn't perfect, but it's okay given what it's sorting through (complicated human individuals). It'll take tweaking. Until then, we'll all just have to put a little extra effort in.

    Sorry it's especially inconvenient for you, OP. May you have really good luck to make up for it!

  • deefinedeefine
    edited September 2022

    The "filter" I'm talking about is for the suggestions on the homepage, but now that you mention search, that's also what I mean (they're two different pages with their own URLs, but I'm sure there's others I haven't thought of).

    The point is that I want to see female profiles, not male or masculine or non-binary or non-gender profiles when it comes to having a cuddle session (which means I'm fine with whatever kind of profile is showing in forum posts and the like). That seems to most apply to homepage suggestions, like in the top bar containing Professionals, Enthusiasts, Online, and Nearby. The search page has a Filter section form row named 'Gender' with selections for Man, Woman, and Other, and I just have Woman selected (and Other is set to Unselect All), so that page is insular.

    If the homepage is supposed to ignore my gender preference (and I don't mean my gender or pronoun preference, let's just distinguish the terminology), then that would be problematic not only for me but I imagine most others here, but would also be contradictory; because setting a gender preference to a binary gender would contradict someone specifying that they're non-binary or non-gender.

  • deefinedeefine
    edited September 2022

    When I click into 'Edit Profile', then look under the section 'Your ideal cuddle buddy', there's a 'Gender' drop-down, which I've set to Female; when I first was using the site, this filtered out males from the homepage suggestions; since people have started selecting/adding non-binary / non-gender / whatever else like this (I don't remember exactly what I've seen), I'm now seeing these profiles suggested... which is a direct contradiction of my preference, which is only set to Female.

    So, @FunCartel, whether 'ideal cuddle buddy' 'Gender' is technically referred to as a filter or not by the admins or us, it behaves like a filter on the homepage suggestions... and isn't filtering out non-binary / non-gender for me... yet Female is both a gender and binary.

    If someone is trying to specify their Profile > Facts > "I'm a..." selection like "I'm not just binary but the gender I consider myself includes Female", well, that's still not non-binary nor non-gender... it includes both a gender and a binary gender. A specification like that would be more like "Pan-gender"... if people were setting that, then at least I couldn't say that the "filter" isn't working sensibly. In that case, I'd like to request that our profiles allow us to not get suggestions of anyone except the selection (like "female-only" in my case), which of course may require more selections.

    I understand gender is complex these days... but we should be cognizant enough to distinguish between "no gender", "not binary", and "binary-inclusive" (which is gender-based so 'non-gender' wouldn't apply).

    Right now, it's like if we were on a philosophy site, and I wanted to only see people who considered themselves Christians or Buddhists, but I'm getting homepage suggestions for profiles with their "I'm a..." set to "non-religious" or "atheist"... like, those are a direct contradiction, and essentially spam filler. If those profiles would also include "Jewish" or "Mormon", well, those selections would be contradictory, wouldn't they? Or at least they would sensibly be separated to a "heritage" field that isn't related to their belief in religion or God.

    Note that I'm neither religious nor an atheist, which has nothing to do with this site anyway, it's just an analogy, and I love analogies.

  • tacpmurgtacpmurg
    edited September 2022

    I'll bite, this person in my opinion is spot on. I have this problem on dating apps too, where I get a TON of guys who clearly are abusing the non-binary category to bypass the filter and show up in women's lists. (Not referencing trans people here, I mean straight up men who just want to force their way into women spaces)

    Its obnoxious. Should be toggle-able.

    EDIT

    It's not a very good filter if it doesn't filter to what I am looking for.

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter

    @deefine: When I go to "Edit Profile" and scroll down to "Your ideal cuddle buddy," I don't see an option for selecting sex. There are three gender options: "Women," "Men," and "Everyone."

    You can't set your preference to Female.

    That's not an option.

  • deefinedeefine
    edited September 2022

    @DaringSprinter I also wish the forum posts allowed reactions 😆 (like this laughing emoji), really any reaction that can be found in a keyboard shortcut (like Win+. for Windows, or like the smiley button on an Android keyboard), because I'd give you a thumbs-up for clarifying well (in your initial comment).

    Actually, allowing keyboard emoji reactions would one-up Facebook, so... get on it admin, you can do something that's better than Facebook.

    While there may be an overlap that's unavoidable if someone's specification includes female but they have a beard or a masculine face, then I'll have to live with that. I'll admit there's many suggested women on here that I skip 😆 I'm just hoping the "filter" doesn't have a bug or a design flaw, and if so, it can be fixed easily. As a programmer myself, this is a logical situation I would absolutely love trying to figure out and implement. I sometimes obsess about how elevator button logic works in different scenarios, which is one of the reasons why I don't like riding in elevators.

    Anyway, to clarify, I'm not specifically referring to the search system, which has its own filter that apparently overrides my profile preference (which I'm OK with). I think the only issue I've seen with this is on homepage suggestions at the top.

    Maybe an Edit Profile page checkbox for "ONLY this gender" would make it work the way I expect, if it's tied to the "I'm a..." setting on people's profiles, which it seems like it is.

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter
    edited September 2022

    @deefine: I try to be helpful!

    This site is a little different to ones that are more concerned with biological sex than they are with gender, which is a psychological and social thing.

    The only biological sex you can pick for your profile is intersex. There's no option on a drop-down to tell people you're male, or female—only intersex. For some reason, that's the only physical sex the site considers worthy of listing. Seems a little unfair, but here we are.

    Similarly, if you're more interested in the biological sex of your potential cuddle buddy than you are in their gender identity, you're pretty much out of luck: you can search for intersex people, but not for male or female ones.

    Hmm. I'm not sure how a "search for women only" feature would work.

    It doesn't seem like you want to see people who put both "woman" and "man," or "woman" and "nonbinary," or any other combination of genders.

    So would you see only people who chose "woman" and nothing else? And would you be happy if it turned out some of those women weren't female? Based on your posts so far, I'm guessing you wouldn't be.

    Unless the site allowed you to search purely by biological sex—which seems strange on a site where there shouldn't be any sex involved—I don't know if you'd be satisfied.

    It really is unfortunate.

    Edit: Actually, I think there may have been a few site updates since I last edited my profile. Maybe if there were an option to search for "cis women" only? I'm not sure what your gender preference is (your sex preference seems clear).

  • pmvinespmvines

    Um, I've never really noticed that there is a huge influx of non women showing up in my search. Maybe a few who arent but to be honest I'm not the type to care cus , whatever. I can either message them or not without any real strain to my day, and plus I am just as likely to reach out to an "other box checked" person to say hi as I am to a woman so again, its just a whatever for me.

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter
    edited September 2022

    @pmvines: I have my preference set to "Everyone" so I have no frame of reference for what the OP says he's having trouble with. Thanks for providing one!

    And I'm with you. In fact, if a woman or a nonbinary woman (a person who doesn't feel like a woman 100% of the time, but often enough to feel comfortable with the label) or any category of woman has a beard, I say good for her!

    Let the dwarves arise—and if you don't want to cuddle with the bearded folks who turn up under the label "woman," hey. Don't cuddle them.

    Problem solved.

  • pmvinespmvines

    @daringsorinter exactly! Just scroll past or dont message them. My preferences are listed as women. Of course ive been here since way back when the only setting options were men or women . And I'm kinda bummed out that I'm not able to see men in my search because I'm always down for chatting and making friends with whoever ,.and even though the preference is based on experience and comfort level for me , I've come to realize there are prob some men I'd be open to cuddling to some extent or another, and ive always been open to cuddling transgender people. So I may end up doing like you and changing my search option to everyone.

  • deefinedeefine
    edited September 2022

    @DaringSprinter

    The only biological sex you can pick for your profile is intersex. There's no option on a drop-down to tell people you're male, or female

    That's not true; the drop-down contains by default Man, Woman, and Other; are Man and Woman not biologicals sexes? I mean, they're the adult versions of "male" and "female", so... they're just the adult names for those biological sexes. "Intersex" (hermaphroditism) is a mix of male and female (based on gonad placement regardless of whether they produce eggs or sperm or which hormones they primarily produce), and has only recently been used as a sex signifier on a birth certificate (note that I'm not here to debate whether birth certificate sex assignment is right/wrong/necessary). So, when it comes to this site, I can select ONLY Woman, yet I get suggestions for Nonbinary and Gender Nonconforming... which don't align with my setting.

    Now, the profile that spawned this thread contains these three settings: Bigender, Gender Nonconforming, and Nonbinary... but, it does seem like Nonbinary contradicts Bigender... because Bigender requires both binary genders but Nonbinary excludes both binary genders 😆 So... while the filter is maybe technically working correctly (if it considers Bigender to override Nonbinary, which is not typically how which-way logic works, which is based on only returning true if no checks are 'false'), it seems there's no logic in the Edit form to check if any selections contradict 🤣 I'd say the filter at least should fall back to the saying "if it's not all true, it's not true at all" so that if one specifies ONLY Female for their preference, that Nonbinary causes the profile to be filtered out because ONLY a binary gender was selected. See what I'm saying? It would at least be accurate for me in this case's odd profile spec.

    So anyway, I think it's probably an easy filter fix, as opposed to new logic on the "I'm a..." form to check for potentially contradictory selections... I'm just saying, to any mods/admins out there that know how to code the site or know the person who does, just pass along my suggestion and the scenarios I'm pointing out.

    It's already annoying enough that I see people in my "Recently Online" homepage section that have blocked me (a bug several of us have reported over at least the last year that still hasn't been fixed), so I'm only suggesting something that would improve the site. Having worked with marketers, I know how much they know useful vs inaccurate impressions on a page make a difference.

  • deefinedeefine

    @DaringSprinter

    if you're more interested in the biological sex of your potential cuddle buddy than you are in their gender identity, you're pretty much out of luck: you can search for intersex people, but not for male or female ones.

    Look, let me put it simply: most profiles in my homepage suggestions after I click into them state "Woman - [city, state, country]" (until several months ago it was every one I clicked). Every one of those that I've talked to or done a session with, their gender identity matched what I know to be a woman biologically. If you really think the biology doesn't matter but the identity does... then, that's not how I work. It's not how I physiologically work, it's not how I mentally work, it's not how I emotionally work. If I'm expected to feel the way you do, well, sorry, that's not necessarily gonna happen. If I'm a horrible person because of that, I feel zero guilt about it. If I end up passing up or turning down someone that looks/sounds/feels biologically male but states they're female or any inclusion of it, oh well, we're better off that way anyway. There is a line for me, it's a matter of taste, and I can't be expected to just change my tastes per someone else's whim like any gay-hater expects gay people to change their tastes to being straight. I can't change my tastes in biological sex any more than I can change my taste in food. It's not a decision, it's a taste. One thing generally attracts me, the other generally repulses me. That absolutely has nothing to do with how someone feels about their gender identity.

    Nobody should be expected to feel that gender identity alone determines taste; if that works for you, great. I won't try to grief you for it. Neither should anyone try to grief anyone for their tastes unless it's literally causing harm.

    To use another analogy, because I love analogies: Beating someone up for being gay is one thing, not wanting to have sex with them because you're not into their biological sex is another. One is harmful, the other is simply a decline based on taste.

    If anyone's feeling guilted into cuddling with someone against their taste, that's wrong of anyone to try to push them into feeling guilty or into a cuddle they're repulsed by.

  • OnTheJourneyOnTheJourney
    edited September 2022

    @deefine

    Maybe you need a bit of space here with this. You've more than made your point that this should be passed onto the devs.

    Also, I'm not sure about this...

    ... their gender identity matched what I know to be a woman biologically.

    I'm not sure how anyone is expected to know that on a platonic site. However, I believe I take your overall point in this regard.

    To ease your mind as far as the results are concerned, the "men" showing up in your search results are not suppressing or otherwise keeping you from seeing all the "females" found as well.

    So, trust your technical point about the site now has been made and heard and we can now move along to another topic.

  • pmvinespmvines

    @deefine with all due respect,.and this isn't a statement about your preferences as I totally get and support that folks like what they like and shouldn't be made to feel like there is anything wrong with it . Ypu have been on the site since 2018,and have met quite a few people here . Are you really having that hard of a time navigating the search function with the odd non woman popping up here and there , or is this more of just a general complaint about not wanting to see something that you dont want to see ?

  • deefinedeefine
    edited September 2022

    I should have included in my original post that I'm only posting it here because I didn't see a better place to report a minor issue. Note that a years-old thread with dozens of stale pages on it is not something I consider to be a good way to do that, but I'm open to being wrong if a mod or admin shows or says otherwise.

    I also should have taken more seriously the risk that using the General forum to point out a minor issue with the site (that I just wanted a mod or admin to consider, or have sent to a dev) is like tossing a burning cigarette into a dry forest.

    If you know the proper way to report a minor issue with the site here (like directly messaging a mod or admin?), that isn't tossing it out into the masses, feel free to say it without anger or snark or taking a pot shot, because I'm not taking a shot at you.

    Thanks admins or mods for your consideration on my attempt to improve site experience.

    Anyone who's gotten offended or angry or is taking pot shots can continue to have their posts doing that in this thread ignored or forgotten by me, though if you're legit offended at something I said, just message me your feelings about it and we can have a civilized discussion about it.

  • pmvinespmvines

    @deefine I dont think you are taking shots or being angry at all. We are all entitled to preferences. I didn't intend for my question to sound accusatory, if indeed it did . As someone with a son who is LGBTQ who I am a staunch defender of , I realize the importance of freedom of choice on all sides. I'm going to cc @mark and @Gary to see if they can advice .

  • CuddleWhoCuddleWho

    Practically speaking, why does this matter? As you say, it only affects your homepage suggestions. Are those suggestions a major part of your use of the site? They’re not filtered by location, so how do they do you much good anyway?

  • SideonSideon

    @deefine - you're welcome to add your thoughts and suggestions to this thread.

    I think you've made your point multiple times. Good luck with your filtering adventures in the meantime.

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter
    edited September 2022

    @deefine: Sorry, I needed sleep!

    are Man and Woman not biologicals sexes?

    They are not. Male and Female are sexes—Man and Woman are genders.

    I understand this is a recent change in the English language (much like how "literal" now means "figurative" too) and as such it may be confusing... but that's how it is.

    Every one of those that I've talked to or done a session with, their gender identity matched what I know to be a woman biologically.

    Like @OnTheJourney says, I don't know how you'd know! If I told people on this site that I was 100% female, would you be able to tell I was lying? You'd probably notice my personality was a little weird, might think I didn't behave in a particularly womanly way, but I doubt you could tell my biological sex unless you did something you shouldn't.

    Now, the profile that spawned this thread contains these three settings: Bigender, Gender Nonconforming, and Nonbinary... but, it does seem like Nonbinary contradicts Bigender... because Bigender requires both binary genders but Nonbinary excludes both binary genders 😆

    Oh, I see the misunderstanding.

    People use the term "nonbinary" to mean "neither strictly a man nor strictly a woman." A bigender person doesn't fit neatly within a binary, where they're either A or else B—they're AB, which is a third option, not one of the binary two.

    I repeat: the only biological sex you can filter by on this site is "Intersex." Everything else is genders.

    Edit: Oh, and "cis man" and "cis woman," apparently. Maybe "trans man" and "trans woman," if we don't consider that some trans people aren't perisex. Wait, are all cis people perisex? Come to think of it, no! They're not! Ah, humans are complicated.

    I wish you the best of luck in finding cuddlers who look, feel, smell, act, etc., the way you want your platonic cuddle buddies to look and feel and smell and act and so on!

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life
    edited September 2022

    @deefine and a few others ~ I believe the reason you're experiencing this is due to how people self-identify when setting up their profiles.


    See... Up to 5!!

    -VS- How you set up your searches. Just to double check your settings, you might want to select the "Other" box, click "Select All", exit, then go back in and click on "Unselect All" and exit again.
    Then see who all is showing up.


    You can select soooo many! But sounds like you should make sure all but "women" is deselected. mine is set to return anyone who might have more testosterone than I do... tbd if that's gonna work out for me

    Also, you might benefit from clearing your browser history, cache and cookies - then repeating the above too.

    But ultimately, what CC has filtering into "Men" vs "Women" may be what's giving you the returns you're seeing too. In which case, if the above suggestions don't clear things up, you could send the issue along to Gary for clarifications/assistance.

    Adding: And I'm pretty sure your home banner is populated based on your 'search' criteria selections (so if there aren't any, or it's too limited, it will default to showing 'everyone' new).

  • [Deleted User]natickben (deleted user)

    Here’s my super easy suggestion: if, after clicking a profile, you are not interested in cuddling with someone for any reason, simply don’t cuddle with them.

    The really great thing about this life hack is that it is transferable to other platforms: if, after clicking on a dating profile you are not interested, don’t date that person.

    Magic!

  • [Deleted User]Joel_le (deleted user)

    TLDR; Filter settings is a potential area of improvement.

    This post has mostly been resolved so anyone making it this far down know I posr not to enrage or fight. Feel free to read a bit from a Non Binary (NB) perspective.

    Biological sex nor gender affect how I cuddle. My gender identity and gender preference affects who I wosh to cuddle with as it makes me comfortable. I like to be the little spoon or the big spoon. Like to have my hair played with and play with others.

    So does this mean. Since I have a penis, I should identifyas a man? Or should I because im masculine? If I am more feminine is it possible to upset a person if they are looking for a masculine male with a penis and I show up and am a bit flamboyant in how I dress?

    Personally they asked my gender. Not my biological sex. I am neither overly masculine nor feminine but I am me. I don't fit completely into either?

    Again, as others have said, the problem is definitely imo with the filter. Not people identifying as non-binary. (Not saying that's what you are doing.)

    Also, spwaking as a genrally basic NB. (Meaning idgaf about my personal pronouns call me what you like) Good luck trying to understand. I get lost trying to keep up. Most don't understand what it is they are themselves, hence the NB category as an all others. Lastly, NB is not Trans. Trans are men or women.

    As to the fix. Add another filter for biological. P V or No Preference. You will still get Woman and Men that are Trans (post or pre op). Shit is expensive.

    Consider other questions no one asked for.

    If I only wanted masculine women or feminine men, how would one do that?

    Rather, if I wanted a masculine person and a feminine person.

    For me I really like nice people. (Insert bad corn joke)

    I wish I had more options of people to meet since I'm in Wyoming.

    End of the day I just want someone to spend time with.

  • [Deleted User]Btown (deleted user)

    @natickben I agree with your simplified approach. Things don't need to be complicated.

  • KempistKempist

    I didn't read most of the thread so this might have been mentioned. When a bearded or masculine face of which you speak shows up, block the profile and you won't see it again. If I cared it wouldn't be a big deal anyway, for my preferences are set to female and it's rare that the I see a non female profile.

  • CuddleWhoCuddleWho

    @natickben In principle this suggestion is completely inadequate. If the available filtering options were so bad that only a tiny percentage of my search results were people I was interested in cuddling, that would be a major inconvenience.

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