Too little? Too much?

wrenchwrench
in General

Maybe Im doing something wrong. Im willing to learn in order to have a better experience. When approaching someone for cuddles how long of a message do you send?

I try to be polite, clear in my goals and availability. I offer meeting place options and times as well as food options. Is that too forward?

Just getting bummed out not getting a single response.

If you read this thanks for taking the time and have a good evening.

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Comments

  • quietman775quietman775
    edited November 2022

    I've had some success meeting people on CC, so here's my two cents.

    If you are messaging Enthusiasts, it's probably too much. Don't write a magnum opus for a first message.I wouldn't proceed to offering options for meeting places and times (and food choices!) until you've established a little back-and-forth communication and a decent comfort level. It generally takes quite a bit of messaging with Enthusiasts (especially newbies) before they are ready to talk about specific cuddle arrangements. While I've met one or two Enthusiasts who were eager to bypass the small talk and get cuddling, they were definitely the exception.

    That said, expect most Enthusiasts not to message you back. It's usually nothing you said, or didn't say. Some just signed up to look around, and don't really want to meet anyone. Some want to meet, but are put off by the risks of meeting strangers from the Internet. And almost all are deluged with numerous messages, and just may never get around to answering yours. If you are seeking Enthusiasts, it's definitely a numbers game.

    If you are messaging pros, then the level of detail you provide is probably okay. Most pros (but not all) will respond, since thy are in the biz. Even so, I'd probably save some of that info for subsequent messages, once the pro has agreed to book with you. Get the appointment first, offer food choices after. ;-)

    This approach generally works for me. Hope it helps.

  • achetocuddleachetocuddle

    I agree with @quietman775. It can feel presumptuous to an enthusiast (it does to me) for someone to give me dates, times and places like it's a given I want to cuddle anyone and everyone without knowing them.

    I know not everyone wants to take time to get to know someone, or may not even have time, but that is what it takes to possibly engage an enthusiast.

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    Well I’m going to be honest, i may be wrong but my first few messages will be very short and welcoming. I believe when i write a longer message to someone and they don’t don’t respond I’ll get a little put off. Because of like manners, especially if they visit my profile after or before i message.

    After we begin having dialogue I’ll start putting more thought energy and effort into my responses. I’m sure many of you may think that’s the wrong approach but for me the percentage of responding after the first message is less than 25% and correspondence after the 2nd is probably 25% of that. The amount of views after an initial welcoming message is maybe 50% so I’m assuming it wouldn’t matter what i said to most people.

    But most of my visitors are probably checking my profile thinking “what does this lunatic look like talking crazy in the forums?” But that’s totally and assumption.

    I don’t know if there is a contra-code but i don’t think spilling into the first couple messages is a valuable use of my time or mental balance. Again, rudeness, rejection, lack of appeal and/racism are things I’m not trying to overcome.

    So a “Hello, welcome am here to answer and questions Or have any confusion” is basically how i start. If i get no response i assume lack of manners, so I’m good. If i get a view and no response, i assume one of the negative thoughts, I’m ugly, I’m not attractive enough, fill in any of the thoughts i might have that day.
    If i get a response and a view i assume better manners but not part of their “preference”. I get a response no view, i assume manners no interest.

    But basically out of my control anyway so whatever. What i can control is reaching out in a manner that deserve a response.

    When guys visit i assume you’re just connecting a name to a comment and leave it alone. If i get a message i will always respond.

    But i welcome all local potential cuddles. But for the most part they go away relatively soon anyway.

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    I can only speak as a pro. As long as the message I’m receiving is respectful, I’ll always answer.

    For enthusiasts, it’s definitely a long game. It takes patience 🌸

  • CuddleWhoCuddleWho

    Don't bother messaging enthusiasts. It's possible to get responses and cuddles if you're very patient, but it's just not worth it. Total waste of time.

    Use this site for pros. Pros won't always respond, but as long as your opening message is reasonable you can expect about a 40% response rate. Maybe higher if you only message pros who have extensive profiles and karma and experience.

  • wrenchwrench
    edited November 2022

    Heres a sample of what I send.
    Removed screenshot of private conversation [reurbo]

  • HathorHathor

    As a pro, I often get very short messages despite my explicit request for more detail in a first message. So I always want a longer message to start and I appreciate when I get one!

    But as a femme human who has also had experience connecting with humans on other sites, I think it’s less about the length of the message and more about the content. A super long message that doesn’t addrsss anything specific to my profile is less likely to get a response than a short, well-worded message that is addressed to and written specifically for me.

    It sounds like you know exactly what you want, and are willing to articulate it, and you’re proactive about offering options, which is great. But without anything specific to the person you’re addressing, that may come across as too much too soon.

    Hope this helps!

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101
    edited November 2022

    I subscribe to the @CuddleDuncan method:

    • short polite intro
    • comment about their summary
    • sometimes they're new, so I just ask them how their experience on CC is
    • I tell them about myself and my hobbies
    • end with a question
    • my little extra thing is to be a little friendly- like talking to a neighbor from your yard (hows the holidays, hows the kids, enjoying the weather, etc.)

    I write about two short paragraphs and a short good bye or question. I'm putting my English degree to work! Lol In general, asking questions and being an active listener are the most important aspects of conversation.

    I realize I wrote too much (tldr). More on the topic if you choose:

    I send the message into the ether. If I get a response , cool, if not then onto the next. I think a dance partner and a cuddle partner are kind of a sacred thing, so I put in the work and send off a few messages every couple days.

    Personally, I don't bring up cuddling at all. I converse with them and let them feel comfortable with me. Overall, your comments and behavior on the forums matter a lot too - I do have a decent amount of pple approach me just to converse and create friendships and connections - I'm opinionated and feel strongly about humanistic and environmental issues and I let that be known to, so I also piss off a few pple that message me too. 😜 No hate to them. But, overall I try to be open, engaging, and friendly on the forums- you get back what you put out.

    I will say if you approach this as an all or none situation, or with a self-defeating attitude , then you'll get the results that you manifest. But besides that, go about your day and week and don't get bent out of shape.

    Just as in Investments, you should diversify your social group, so if one tanks you're not going to go under. I try to keep decent relationships with family members, friends, neighbors, co workers, new communities I've joined, teachers, dating prospects, dancers, and cuddlers. If I put all my eggs on cuddling alone,, sure I'd get bent out of shape, but there's more to life- it's just one prism in the kaleidoscope of life...

  • CuddlingCricketCuddlingCricket
    edited November 2022

    @wrench are you messaging Pros or Enthusiasts? They might not respond because it appears you are looking for an overnight. Maybe, change up your wording and say you are looking to cuddle for 3-hours.

  • [Deleted User]NourishinNorski (deleted user)

    As a pro who is LOVES detail (my about me section makes this very clear haha), I think detailed intro messages are great, as long as they are focused, share relevant info, and are tailored to the person you're messaging. There's nothing more frustrating than getting just a few words in a first message or even worse, a booking request without any prior message.

  • achetocuddleachetocuddle

    @Hathor Absolutely!

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    @wrench Might want to mark out the person's sn next time for anonymity's sake.

  • VaniRae31VaniRae31

    As a pro I do prefer a longer detailed message to a random booking without so much as a hello (🚩). I appreciate the effort that goes into them and it usually puts me at ease. Bonus is it also takes a lot of the guesswork out of things and tends to let me know a little more about your intent and what you hope to gain from a session.

    I personally like the message you’d sent to Dreyawolf and would have responded within the day since most days I check this site pretty consistently.

  • pmvinespmvines

    If you are seeking honest feedback, the example you give for an initial message to someone is way too forward and I can understand why someone would not respond to it . A few hey how you doing, let's get to know each other a little bit first messages would be way more appropriate. You are coming across as very eager and hungry , and that you have an end goal in mind but skipping the steps involved in building trust and rapport and a connection, which is very much needed when building a cuddle friendship like that. It takes time. Slow down and enjoy getting to know each other a little.

  • achetocuddleachetocuddle

    @pmvines Yes.

  • VaniRae31VaniRae31

    @pmvines True. I guess it really depends on if he’s reaching out to pros or to enthusiasts. For a pro he did a lot of time saving but also gave enough for me to lead into more of a conversation as well (because even I don’t like cuddling with someone if we haven’t had the chance to talk at least a little).

    But for enthusiast I definitely think it comes on a little too strong. Especially from what I’ve been learning from the forums about the log game that eventually meeting and cuddling with an enthusiast tends to be.

  • PrettyLuvPrettyLuv

    I just wanted to add my two cents. I personally don’t see anything wrong with your messages. I think they’re cute actually. you might just be missing the elephant in the room and that’s just plain old attraction. She might’ve looked at your pics and just wasn’t attracted enough to see you as someone she’d cuddle with. That’s the only reason I never respond. Just being honest.

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter
    edited November 2022

    @PrettyLuv: You're talking about platonic attraction, right?

    (Just want to make sure—there are many different types of attraction, yet sometimes it seems people only ever talk about the one....)

    [Edited to swap in a better link.]

  • PrettyLuvPrettyLuv

    @DaringSprinter attraction is attraction. I’ve never heard of “platonic attraction” before. It doesn’t mean if you’re attracted to someone you’re going to act on it but, it does certainly add a level of comfort in cuddling with them.

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter

    @PrettyLuv: You may find the article linked to in my previous comment interesting. I know it explained a lot for me when I first learned that attraction isn't just one thing. I am attracted to people, I realized—just not sexually or romantically.

  • PrettyLuvPrettyLuv

    @DaringSprinter that article doesn’t mention anything about “platonic attraction” and I don’t even know why you’re linking me an article on it. Everyone’s felt attraction at one point or another. If you need an article to define it for yourself then you could read your own article again. I’m not interested.

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter

    @PrettyLuv: All the attractions it lists that aren't sexual are platonic.

    I thought you might be interested in expanding your vocabulary and understanding of attraction—but yes, I see now that I was wrong. Thank you for making your meaning clear, though: you choose cuddle partners you're sexually attracted to. That's good to know.

  • PrettyLuvPrettyLuv

    @DaringSprinter putting words in my mouth and making this about sexual vs. non-sexual attraction is on you. Like I said, whatever attraction means to you, it’s still attraction. If you want to be offensive and nasty that’s on you too. You’re trying to define something that I never asked for. I’m answering the original poster’s question. You should probably try doing the same.

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter
    edited November 2022

    @PrettyLuv: I like to know what people mean when they use vague words. "Attraction" is a vague word!

    I understand your desire to keep it vague. Admitting that sexual attraction is important to you on a platonic site does seem like something to be avoided. But (as you implied), so long as you keep that sexual attraction under control and don't do anything sexual, the site really doesn't care.

    You can admit that you choose your platonic buddies not just because you're drawn to them visually, or emotionally, or intellectually, or in any other platonic way—you can admit you pick your cuddle buddies on the basis of non-platonic attraction. You won't be kicked off the site for it. Plenty of people here pick their buddies on that basis! As you know, it's not a problem so long as everyone keeps their pants on.

    I just abhor vagueness, and value precision, and so... I asked. I had hoped you would appreciate the opportunity to learn something I personally thought was really cool the first time I learned it! I didn't mean to offend.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    @PrettyLuv I believe @DaringSprinter was clarifying since it is a platonic site. While we all have our preferences, I'm sure attraction does play a part in some people's preferences. But I think clarification was sought - I don't think anyone was being nasty. At least not until this instance.

  • PrettyLuvPrettyLuv

    @DaringSprinter I honestly don’t understand why you’re so concerned with whether or not I’m sexually or non-sexually attracted to someone. You’re making this way more personal than it needs to be. Yes, there are many different kinds of attraction. Im sorry that I don’t share in your epiphany moment on what those are.

    You’re abhorrence with vagueness is really not my problem. Again, please just stop.

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    I wonder when McDonald’s will have some vegetarian or vegan burgers?????

    In some instances there is a thing called too much… in all imstances

  • DaringSprinterDaringSprinter

    @PrettyLuv: The OP might be relieved to know that attraction is not just attraction, broad strokes, full stop.

    @wrench: Even if some people are rejecting you because they don't find you sexually attractive, there are many other ways in which you can be very attractive indeed—especially on a platonic site! Don't take PrettyLuv's comment too much to heart.

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    There should be a vegan glizzy joint all around the country BTW, no need to respond if you disagree. <~that technique works everywhere. Rest well while we sleep on what we’ve learned.

  • PrettyLuvPrettyLuv

    Yes, and @wrench, please don’t take @DaringSprinter comment to heart either. I’m sure there are people out there that will find you sexually attractive and otherwise as well.

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