Authenticity

Touchdeprived20 · January 2023

I'm conflicted about the concept of paying someone to cuddle me. Doesn't anyone else get the feeling that the experience is inauthentic? That the professional actually doesn't care about you, but is only doing this for the money? Can professional cuddling really fulfill the natural need for genuine human affection through physical touch?

JohnR1972 · January 2023

@Touchdeprived20
I understand your question and had the same concern before my first professional cuddling experience. I can tell you from many first hand experiences that you can have a very authentic experience with a pro cuddler.

That is not to say 100% of pros are good at their profession but I have been blessed to share time, space and energy with many pros (and several enthusiasts) and I have had great experiences with everyone of them.

If you spend enough time on the forums you will find some horror stories about pros who are only in it for the “easy money” but that has NOT been my experience (and you will find 10 to 20 times more horror stories about bad clients than bad pros).

January 2023

I think it depends on the pro. Do I think some are doing it just for the money? No doubt. However, the pro cuddlers I've dealt with to this point have been really warm, genuine and affectionate and I believe they do care. Maybe not about me personally, but they care about providing a great experience and many customize the experience to your needs and what you are looking for. I've been able to tell a lot about the pro from their initial response to my message (the ones that do respond), and that lets me know something about their general attitude and the way they approach things. As in anything, some are better than others, some are not for everyone, you just have to keep trying until you find some that fit what you are looking for. When you do, I can say from experience, it truly does fill your need for affection and in my case, was worth every penny I spent.

cde123 · January 2023

What if a cuddler really does just love money most of all? In that case she'd be authentic from day one. I doubt that's what you are looking for though. You might really be looking for somebody aligned with your values, and that will take time to find. It's sure possible though.

January 2023

@Touchdeprived20 yes and no you have to remember the experience is momentarily or I should say in the moment so when you’re paying for the cuddle experience, they will make you feel like you’re cared for and give you for the most part a great cuddle experience the thing that you have to remember is when the moment is over, that’s it until you have enough money to afford another cuddle

TheFunCartel · January 2023

If it makes you feel any better, I have done both pro and enthusiasts and some enthusiasts aren’t the greatest (though the ones in my karma are). The enthusiasts I have met that were bad I did not leave karma for and asked that they didn’t for me. To me this illustrates that the person, regardless of a pink P or not, makes the cuddle and not the transaction.

What made the bad experiences bad with an enthusiast? A multitude of things:

Smelled like cigarettes
Bad hygiene
Constant talking throughout
No concept of cues (verbal or otherwise)
No reciprocation of energy (selfishness)
Inability to communicate wants and needs (such as I don’t like this position; let’s talk about something else; I really need X or Y right now)

Kempist · January 2023

When it felt authentic I would perhaps see them again, even though I realized I was out of site and out of mind as they were off to another session. When I felt like nothing more than an ATM I'd never go back. One told me she didn't like to go out with friends on the weekend nights because she'd be lamenting about how much money she would be losing out on that she could make cuddling. This is after cuddling over forty hours just during the weekdays. If someone is seeing hundreds a year and making hundreds of thousands of dollars it's difficult to think it's any kind of authentic experience.

pmvines · January 2023

Authenticity with cuddling is not something easily guagable in the first place so I'm not really sure that I feel the expectations are necessarily realistic,or fair .

When you pay for any other type of service, you gauge the quality of service on what they do . Like a massage , pedi, housekeeper, hairstylist etc . You just want to make sure they do the task you pay them to do , right? You dont expect them to act like besties . You dont expect to be able to text back and forth with them endlessly, or expect them to meet you for coffee , or pretend they are your substitute girlfriends do you ? Well maybe some of you do in which case , ooh, weird bruh . So with this being said , why would you expect a cuddler to do anything more than provide the service you are paying them to do ? Why are they expected to address all of your psychosocial needs as well ? Why are they expected to be used as a surrogate for what you are missing in your personal life ? What amount of caring about you do you see as actually being an appropriate expectation? And why do you think it's fair?

sillysassy · January 2023

@JohnR1972 YES!
@cde123

You might really be looking for somebody aligned with your values, and that will take time to find. It's sure possible though.

@pmvines

Authenticity with cuddling is not something easily guagable in the first place so I'm not really sure that I feel the expectations are necessarily realistic, or fair.

@FunCartel

To me this illustrates that the person, regardless of a pink P or not, makes the cuddle and not the transaction.

Omgosh. Thank you for this.

cuddles_ndream · January 2023

Ofcourse a lot of pros care and Ofcourse a lot of pros don’t / Ofcourse a lot of teachers are amazing and of course alot of them are not … same applies to cops / Uber drivers / ect list goes on … I think many people (particularly guys) can’t get cuddles in their personal lives for whatever reason that may be … they than find this outlet where they can, and they tie in their own personal feelings of not being able to get cuddles and or affection in their real lives into pro cuddling and try to hold pro’s accountable … I could keep on going with my thought process to consider many things, but in the end, all feedback is amazing, but chances are, if you want to cuddle, it’ll cost you! Regardless if the cuddle is Authentic or not.

WKplatonic · January 2023

When I am paying a professional cuddler to cuddle with me, I am not looking for their authenticity; I am looking for them to do their job, focusing on me' and giving me a break from my life. This is my self-care.

Mela_B · January 2023

Most pros who are only in it for the money quickly find that this is not easy, is a lot of emotional labor, and don't last very long at all. You kind of have to have a heart to be any good at this.

TruePower · January 2023

If you're good at something, never do it for free.
Also, it feels good to earn a reward for doing something well AND healing/helping someone.

Think of it in this way, from the PRO's perspective, it's win/win. Reward + job well done (plus personal satisfaction of cuddling with someone in need/reciprocate)
And that, should make you, the Enthusiast, happy!

Calming_Hugs · January 2023

It would be interesting how cuddle therapist's experiences compare with other caring therapies

bekah_cuddles · January 2023

Would you decide not to see a licensed therapist because they're only doing it for the money? Do you think your doctor doesn't care about your well-being because they're only doing it for the money? Sure, some might, but I believe most people choose their job/profession because they have a passion for it and want to do a good job of it. Cuddle professionals are providing a service, but the successful ones are absolutely authentic. That doesn't mean they're going to fall for you romantically, but they will care for you professionally during your time together.

pmvines · January 2023

You're paying a cuddler for cuddling, not to be your friend. Again I ask, why do you think it is fair to put so much emotional labor on someome who is there to cuddle, not to be your psychiatrist or significant other or bestie ? Some of you are looking way more deep into this than it actually is , and ought to be checking your expectations and thinking processes towards this . I partly blame people peddling cuddling as new agey miracle water for this, but you folks also really build up false hopes and unrealistic expectations for yourselves by romanticizing this as a cuddler being some kind of healer and catch all fixer of your problems . Not fair to the cuddler, and certainly not fair to yourselves.

January 2023

@pmvines You are a very wise man.

Rezz · January 2023

@pmvines
Facts.
I recently turned down a 12+ hour session with a former client because he was absolutely exhausting to be around. His requests included asking his cuddlers to do his dishes. I'm not you're girlfriend, date or mommy. Wash your own damn dishes. 🙄

bekah_cuddles · January 2023

Thank you, @pmvines. Some of the expectations and entitlement here are outstanding.

January 2023

@pmvines
@Mela_B @true power
Plus so many out 💯 comments here!

A pro who is not authentic can’t make it.
It is an emotional work and one that one must enjoy to do.

So important to self reflect and ask if your expectations are correct on the service you seek. Don’t be that entitled enthusiast who doesn’t appreciate the value you find.

If your interactions feel transactional, ask the pro how to change that and their response will tell you everything.
Happy Cuddling 💫

UREverything · January 2023

I like the forums it helps understand things and make connections. This one is about paying a pro. Another I read was about a pro traveling to get paid. Here it is understood a pro is in it to get paid. If authentic or not the bottom line is they will be paid as a pro because its a business. In the other thread everyone said a pro traveling on a paid plane ticket is not legit. The pro said they could use the money.
After at that being said, it seems to be a thing in this community to determine how pros should be pros through personal opinions. Make money but do not make money like this becuase its not legit. Although the site has clear rules. Its the gray areas like travel, doing dishes (lol), things like this that make me wonder how long, under the current setup cuddle comfort can maintain a universal understanding of expectations before it becomes a Craigslist type of site.
Just my 2cents of the overall authenticity of his site after being on for about a month.

Lisa123 · January 2023

I do try to forge a relationship with the people I cuddle, it makes the cuddle more genuine to me. I chat/text/message with my cuddlers first to get to know them, and then to keep in touch between cuddle sessions. I put the time and energy in to make sure they are comfortable with me and so far I'd say it's going well & yes I work a full-time job and have other responsibilities as well. I like having that connection with each of them, it means something to me and I've been told it means something to them too. That brings me happiness 😊

tacpmurg · January 2023

@rezz ill wash his dishes for $100/h! I may take a long long time though..

greggerz · January 2023

It was kinda off-putting to me in the beginning, but once I got past that and had some genuine cuddling with some pros I don't even think about it like that anymore. You can typically catch a vibe pretty early on if they're in it for the money or the cuddles. 95% of my pro cuddles have felt authentic and they were in it for the cuddles. A few I've even seen multiple times because they're so amazing.

frankparker9 · January 2023

Yes it can fulfill the need for affection, or at least warmth and care; you just have to find the right pro for you.

While you should not go into a session with a pro with expectations beyond what is stated in their description of services, or with expectations based on an experience with another pro, 9 times out of 10 there is an emotional component to what the pro is offering. It is not unreasonable to look for a pro who is offering emotional labor such as holding space while you talk about your feelings, or providing warmth and some nurturing, if that is what you need. For many pros, that’s why they got into this. There is a wide range of types of cuddle pros, though.

For example, one pro might be happy to give you lots of massage-like touch, while another might coolly say that they aren’t certified for that, or they are certified but it wouldn’t be appropriate to incorporate it into a cuddle session. One pro might be happy to chat with you the way you might chat with your barber or hairdresser while you cuddle, while another sees their role as a kind of therapist, not a psychotherapist but a “nurture” or somatic therapist. They may apply various trainings, and encourage you to be open and vulnerable, or lead you in a guided relaxation.

It wouldn’t make sense to say that we need to give pros the credit of acknowledging that cuddling is inherently emotional labor, but also that clients shouldn’t expect any emotional labor. Or to take the therapeutic benefits of cuddling seriously while disclaiming it isn’t a therapy of any sort.

If a pro signaled that I was sharing too much about my feelings, that’s a valid boundary, but it would not mean I was confusing a cuddler with a friend or therapist. I would find a different cuddler if I wanted that kind of care, which might be relatively effortless for another to give.

Same as if I went to a friend looking for an empathetic listening ear about a mundane topic, and they said, “Whoa whoa, I’m not your therapist,” I would go to a different friend to talk about that.

January 2023

@Touchdeprived20

You and I really should talk. You're not alone in those questions.

FitSmartCuddler · January 2023

"Can professional cuddling really fulfill the natural need for genuine human affection through physical touch?"

I'll speak for myself--no, it wouldn't fulfill my need for authentic connection. For me, a big part of the enjoyment of an "intimate" situation like cuddling is the feeling that the person wants to be with me for who I am and what I have to offer them aside from a paycheck. Someone could appear to be warm and cuddly, but if you're paying them, then, at best, it muddies the waters. You can never really be sure it's genuine--they may have just developed good acting skills. And I don't want to pay someone to be my "cuddler" any more than I'd want to pay someone to be my "friend" even if they're really good at acting like they enjoy my "friendship."

I get that some people accept that in the end, this is an illusion, and are willing to pay for that. And if the illusion is good enough, some can even convince themselves that it's more than illusion. But it seems that many men, according to comments in this thread, apparently would like to turn this into more of a "girlfriend experience." That should tell you that this is not the same as paying someone to be your doctor, or talk therapist, or massage therapist, where it's clear that you're paying for someone's knowledge or skill without there needing to be any kind of emotional component.

January 2023

@FitSmartCuddler

I've brought up the question if female cuddlers are taking advantage of men that don't have the opportunity (for whatever reason), to connect with organic cuddling and if it can really be duplicated. Also in conversations with many female cuddlers, I've asked what they were getting out of it. I stopped challenging all of it, though.

I've met some chill people, hired a cuddler, met a few people I talk to frequently that I genuinley call friends and do have connections with. So, here's how my take changed from curious, to challenging, to understanding and I'm going to offer unsolicited advice; ust be vulnerable to ANY human interaction. Whether there's a transaction involved or not, just being close to another human being whether it's friendship, romantic, hiring a cuddler, whatever, changes perspectives.... If you really want to have a human experience, you have to put the ego down and just be vulnerable. You'll learn a ton about yourself.

frankparker9 · January 2023

@FitSmartCuddler To offer some counterpoints as food for thought:

If you don’t have your own sense of whether someone is being authentic or pretending, it will be hard to find someone authentic or have the experience of receiving someone’s authentic care—whether or not money is involved.

Is it more plausible that all these professional cuddlers are looking for a play-acting job or that they are looking to give what care they authentically can? Arguably it’s easier to care about a stranger than to pretend to, and just as likely an explanation for someone’s behavior.

There are many types of psychotherapy, but an authentic emotional connection is considered crucial in many. Warmth is important in the client/therapist relationship, in my opinion, and I’ve read books on particular therapy modalities that lay this out in detail—how, in order to heal from developmental or relationship trauma, the client needs to be able to draw on the relationship with the therapist. There are plenty of bad therapists, and fine therapists I’m sure who apply certain techniques in very emotionally detached ways. But there are also occupations like birth doula and caregiver that very much involve being present for someone’s emotions, which is a skill. And it doesn’t much matter what your roles are to experience warmth and connection with someone; you can have an interaction that makes both of your days with your barista, just by being friendly.

I think some people romanticize “warmth” in their heads just as some people romanticize cuddling. If spooning can be platonic, being friendly and sweet can be platonic.

ReltvlyCanshes · January 2023

Yes Siri feel like that all the time. I struggle but try to have faith in an altruistic type of way. But I’m still really not comfortable doing it. I consider it often but at the end of the day, it’s not my thing.

PeopleLikeUs · January 2023

Cuddling is different from praising and rewarding someone for living up to sexist-defined notions and identity. Cuddling a person because of what they do for us is not the same as cuddling someone for simply being.

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