Allowing CC to help guide us to tend to our mental health.

TNNativeTNNative
in General

Hi Everyone, Happy Sunday.
I consistently read forum posts that talk about depression, anxiety, prejudice, attachment, etc. Also in those posts is a reminder that the CC Pros are for cuddle, not mental health counseling (I realize some may have more training than others and thus more adept and capable of tending to others).

So I wanted to write and highly encourage people to find a licensed professional therapist to help tend to the pain and strong emotions which arise when considering and participating in cuddle. Pushing these emotions away or stuffing them down, while successful for a time, will not make them go away, and eventually they WILL make themselves know via further mental or physical pain.

I will go first and own that since participating I have learned SO SO much about myself by asking myself questions like: why did I join? what am I looking for? what are my boundaries, my likes, and my dislikes? what are my worries and concerns and how can I tend to those? The process of finding a cuddle partner made me think about far more questions than I ever thought when I first joined.

I will admit I am a bit nerdy about mental health and emotions ... I prefer to lean into what I am feeling and thinking and ask the feelings "what are you trying to tell me, or have me do, or have me fix" because I FIRMLY believe our emotions are present to teach us something (we are hardwired for emotion ... think about it ... what do babies do when they are born .... they FEEL and CRY until they develop language), even if they hurt really bad. For me, sometimes the really painful emotions are just asking to be seen and asking to process grief from a previous hurt or loss.

AND, I have a talk therapist with whom I discuss all that arises. We come to cuddle for a reason, so what is your reason (not really asking people to state their reasons here, just asking that you consider the question)? Be curious and true in your answer to yourself, AND if it makes you think about past pain and relationship injury, then be courageous and find a professional with whom you can talk, even if it is starting by calling the #988 mental health emergency number - they will probably have other resource information for where you live to help find a counselor.

Wishing everyone well and enough for safety, security, and some joy.

Comments

  • [Deleted User]Mman (deleted user)

    @TNNative That is a very nice and thought provoking message. Depression and anxiety have been a part of my life and I appreciate your sharing this post.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited January 2023

    Quite right.

    They say there are two types of people in this world. People who are in therapy, and people who should be.

    I have diagnoses of dysthymia, depression, anxiety and IBS. I go to a twice-weekly psychodynamic psychotherapy group.

  • dave31415dave31415
    edited January 2023

    @CuddleDuncan Of course the people who say that are professional therapists so …

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @dave31415 👍

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    @dave31415 I don't want this excellent thread to stray off-topic so ...

    Actually it's even worse than that. If you say you don't need therapy, the therapists nod wisely and claim that that is even more evidence that you do. Of course that is true a lot of the time, but I'm not at all convinced that it's true all of the time.

  • sean2589sean2589

    @TNNative Thank you for this post. I've thought about my own struggles with depression. And it's been something that unfortunately, the day to day has become more and more difficult. Have thought about reaching out to that 988 number. Just have felt a lot of shame, and at times, immense brokenness.

  • dave31415dave31415

    @CuddleDuncan Yeah, I don’t mean to make light of it. Plenty of people could benefit from some therapy. But I do believe that there is a time to put therapy aside too. Sometimes it keeps people too focused on their problems and they don’t put enough thought into all the things going well in their lives. Sometimes time is all that is needed to recover from some set backs.

  • TNNativeTNNative
    edited January 2023

    @sean2589 I get it, and I think the shame has a meaning. Ask it what it needs if you want to.

    @dave31415 I agree, however, if someone feels stuck and constantly impacted by the same ole same ole, then perhaps help is warranted to get un-stuck. The only person who knows if help is needed is the person reaching out for help as they are the only one in their body and mind. All I want to do is encourage IF and when another needs the help.

  • sillysassysillysassy
    edited January 2023

    @TNNative

    O

    M

    G

    Thank you so much for writing such a lovely post that begs a question requiring a bit of self reflection.

    I appreciate your honesty, and your willingness to authentically share YOUR experience!!! I’m using a lot of exclamation points because it is so refreshing to read. 😊😊😊

    I absolutely relate that coming into this snuggly world brought up a LOT of questions that I never even knew I had. I have spent hundreds of hours talking about things with friends, other cuddlers, professional therapists as well as professional cuddlers who are trained in relating as well as those who aren’t.

    Going to a cuddle party and being so surprised at my reaction to the non-touch exercises. Wow. Totally changed my outlook on many many things.

    Which led me to more questions for my therapist and non-professional connections.

    I love that people like you take the time to MINDFULLY and gently nudge people to think about things because of your sharing. I also love that everyone here has a chance to speak their truth about their needs and experience because sometimes it sparks a new truth for someone else.

    Thank you for being such a beautiful part of the community and reminding us that cuddling is only one tool in our tool box for being our best self. ♥️💗💕💜💙💛💚🧡💕♥️
    Also… @sideon did a beautiful job here in this stickied thread.

    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/12132/moderator-thoughts-on-mental-health/p1

  • KamikaziNinja86KamikaziNinja86

    This is a great post!

    The reason I seek cuddles is to get the human connection that I'm missing from my life AND trying to get practice talking and having conversations with the opposite sex.
    Sadly I attach way to easily even though I was seeing like 4 cuddlers so I have been on an almost 3 month hiatus from cuddling.

  • sean2589sean2589

    @TNNative That's what I'm thinking on right now. When I was able to do therapy really consistently when I had the money to, I could somewhat process that shame. But sometimes even outside of my sessions, I still struggled with what it needs, and how to conquer it. I'm hoping I can get some meaningful therapy again soon to get a bigger picture of it in my own life, and acquire the tools to live life with hopefully some joy.

  • TNNativeTNNative

    I am glad this post has been helpful to some. That was my hope and intention. :)

  • [Deleted User]Saysoh (deleted user)

    I have a huge issue with cuddlers throwing around the word therapy.

  • TNNativeTNNative
    edited January 2023

    @Saysoh ... Was I throwing the word around, or did I just write it? I am sorry this raises an issue for you. My intention is to encourage but not judge. Only the individual can judge if and when they need to reach out to a professional. Just planting a seed. IF it falls on fertile ground, per se, so be it. If it doesn't, that is okay too.

  • xeldaxelda

    @TNNative thank you for starting a meaningful discussion! I agree that cuddling can touch deeper aspects of ourselves in all the ways you've described! I think it can also generate reflection and growth interpersonally:

    • create a safe space to experience connection and vulnerability
    • deepen understanding and practices around consent
    • practice social and relational skills without the pressure of "dating" or "finding the one"
  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @Saysoh I agree that therapy as a term is used way too often but I don’t think @TNNative had any ill intent or agenda behind it. I thought it was more like a PSA.

  • TNNativeTNNative

    Yes, @FunCartel PSA.

  • sillysassysillysassy

    @Saysoh I agree about therapy/cuddlers.... Mostly, I see professional cuddlers using the terminology "cuddle therapy" and equating it to mental therapy. It really really really upsets me to see this unless they have gotten training in the medical field and have the ability to discuss these things because of their education. (interestingly enough.... MOST people with a medical degree would be very clear about discussing these services as two very different things)

    I love how @TNNative mentions that cuddling helped her asks questions that she then took to her licensed therapist to discuss.

    So I wanted to write and highly encourage people to find a licensed professional therapist to help tend to the pain and strong emotions which arise when considering and participating in cuddle.
    AND, I have a talk therapist with whom I discuss all that arises.

    Having the opportunity to connect with other cuddlers helps with certain touch needs but its not "therapy" in my mind.
    @pmvines and @Babichev have written so many great posts about TRULY recognizing the difference of these things.

    So many things have changed in my life because I was curious enough to ask hard questions and lean into the pain like @TNNative mentions. There seems to be pain if we want to grow and pain if we want to stay... but we get to choose.

    Gosh I appreciate this thread and the thought processes it generates.


  • wrenchwrench

    Mental health is the worst in the winter. Especially when youu are alone

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    I am the type of person who frequently takes things too literal but I have always thought of “cuddle therapy” more like “aroma therapy” or “massage therapy” than serious professional therapy.

    That is not meant as a knock on cuddlers in any way, shape or form. I find tremendous self-care benefits in cuddling but I have never thought of cuddling as being equivalent to mental health counseling or talking to a licensed therapist.

  • PeopleLikeUsPeopleLikeUs

    @JohnR1972 Yes. And treads get derailed all the time over those two words in combination, cuddle therapy. Seems silly to soapbox it over and over when we're trying to communicate about something else.

  • TNNativeTNNative

    Thanks everyone for your comments. I think I agree with @JohnR1972 in that cuddle is like aroma or massage, but not the same as mental health therapy. I think all are helpful. <3

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972
    edited January 2023

    @TNNative - exactly. I practice several types of “therapy” from near infrared sauna therapy to red light therapy to my 2nd favorite, “2 wheel therapy” (bike riding for exercise and stress management). I find all of them beneficial but “cuddle therapy” is still my favorite.

  • TNNativeTNNative

    @JohnR1972 ... I guess I need to change that profile. I muted because I was overwhelmed when I first started on the site.

  • [Deleted User]Saysoh (deleted user)

    @sillysassy

    You meme, I've been exploring comfort zones and addiction. It's a real thing with literally everything when content comes into play. Resting on laurels if you will (I love the story behind that phrase). Comfort zones are the devil in regards to growth as a human, I think. So much waste of the tools that somehow nature granted us to grow civilization and humanity.

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