@OnTheJourney I go thru some of the same stuff, trying to word things the very best so as not to come off as some kind of bad stereotype and also being concerned my mere presence (or less) will inconvenience or bother someone in some way. As @Mman said I appreciate your thoughtful comments.
@GreatHornedOwl It was not clear to me either what @lonelytauros was saying.
@craM What you said!
I appreciate every post made in this thread. So much opportunity for me to learn and also feel heartened by such a together group discussion.
@GreatHornedOwl I look at it this way:
When women create threads saying “I’m tired of men doing this or that” or “do men even bother caring about womens boundaries”, they are only writing from their own experiences and the amount of hardship they themselves go through with men. They can’t speak on behalf of the other side. And because a lot of men don’t create their own threads to discuss this (politely), they simply backpack off of threads where the predominant topic is hardship that women go through.
If I say “I’m tired of men sexually abusing me”, your first thought should not be “she said men. I’m a man. Which means she means me. She’s lopping me into this pile of men. I’m angry! And women rape men too!!!” This is where an important discussion suddenly gets overrun by hurt men that don’t care to listen.
When I say “I’m tired of men raping me”:
I’ve said it before but there are more threads about women and their hardships because it happens more. I can’t control how anyone feels when these threads are created but I’m always shocked at how careless and misunderstood the comments are towards the original poster.
Every word of this, @Sheena123 .
Every. Word.
@GreatHornedOwl when a woman is giving her experiences and they involved men, the audience assumes these are the particular men she is talking about when she is using the term men. If you are not a part of that group of men then there is no reason for righteous indignation. Perhaps it is a chance to learn from a woman’s point of view.
And if you want the point of woman do it too, then you can start a thread called “Women Do it Too” and when a woman comes on that thread and points out “so do men”, then you can let your resentment flag fly without question. The fact remains there are far more inherent dangers and far more real life cases of misogyny than misandry as @cinephile77 factually pointed out.
I said the OP has a point but there are times and places to make your point in the threads he was asking about. Coming in and switching the focus because you resent the topic or the person’s experience is minimizing and dismissive of their complaint, and there is an element of “thou doth protest too much” when one does that. You are better than that. And I am not pointing just you out, I have been guilty of doing the same thing, but you can learn things in the forums if one wants to improve themself.
I can’t say that I have ever felt like a woman conveying negative experiences with men is a direct reflection on me. If anything, I want to feel empathy for her having gone through something like that. Everyone should have control over their own body. Harassment and assault are about power and control.
I’m left wondering how we as men can do the right things to prevent these situations? Can we hold other men accountable for their bad behavior? I’m of an age where I’m over the so-called “locker room talk”. It’s crass. It’s juvenile. Enough.
If you take a woman sharing negative experiences as personal criticism? I think it might be time for some self reflection about why you feel that way.
So much good stuff in this thread. I extend thanks to you all for having open, insightful, and somewhat vulnerable "conversation" about this topic. And I hope the responses are found helpful by the OP.
Misandry.... I thought this was a post about using lotion. Like your skin is really dry... Mi San dry
Cant tolerate ashyness
When I had read those other threads mentioned, I never got the impression that the OP’s of those threads were exhibiting misandry. Frustration with certain individuals, sure (and in the case of the assaulter, some justified hatred towards that person,) but nothing that would put anyone on the defensive unless they were guilty of the act in question. I guess I don’t personally care one way or another if the questions are gender-neutral. Unless the post is calling out women. My shiny armor could never tolerate such a thing (I kid..I kid..)
Sometimes the reaction to hearing something negative about a group you are a part of is to be defensive, which can blind you to the actual issue. I would say that at times it does seem like there are generalizations being made. However I dont feel like that is usually the intent . These are often times things that are brought up through compounded experiences, and in my view are related to experiences on the site, which can certainly lead to a disheartened and negative opinion of things in general. I would say that rather than feeling defensive about it , be mad at the men who are consistently doing these things to cause the bad experiences that lead to these sort of threads ,and to work on yourself to be a better example and better human
It’s a 2 way street. Everyone probably has 1 fib in their profile.