If only prostitution were legal

[Deleted User]TheNotoriousHUG (deleted user)

Whoah, put down those pitchforks! I’m not saying I wish I could hire an escort without fear of Johnny law, the point of this post is to bemoan what I see as a major problem with this site which is the prevalence of “secret sex workers”. What I’ve seen is that some unknown but seemingly significant number of women here are using this as a (relatively)safe and efficient way to make money. The profile will assure any reader that they are strictly here for such buzzwords as “connection” or “healing”, etc. but once they’re behind closed doors, they can offer even more intimate services for even more money.
This of course greatly contributes to what some may consider the greatest challenge to the honest cuddler: male clients expecting more than just cuddles. Of course they’re expecting more, they’ve been offered more by someone else! So now all these guys are trying to decipher profiles to find the pros that are offering those services, thinking that this is all a game of double-speak where both parties say they’re going to keep it platonic while understanding that once the meeting takes place those terms can be renegotiated.
Let me just say to both the female cuddlers who are offering those services and to the males who are looking for them: there are websites for that. This is not one of them. Do a bit of searching on google or Reddit and you can find what you seek.

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Comments

  • I completely support the full decriminalisation of sexwork, however despite it being legal in the UK (where I am) there are still plenty of male cuddlers expecting more.

    both parties say they’re going to keep it platonic while understanding that once the meeting takes place those terms can be renegotiated

    Again, I agree with you that some people pursuing or offering more muddies the waters for everyone else, but when the occasional dodgy client has slipped through my screening process they have never made any attempt to 'renegotiate' the terms, they just grope/assault/try to force more and don't take "no" or "stop" for an answer.

    I guess all I'm saying is there will always be predators, so everyone please stay safe out there ❤️

  • Thank you, @CuddlesByGracie, for placing the blame where it lies—on men the men actually behaving badly not the imagined straw women out there in the self righteous imagination.

    I get so tired of women being blamed for “encouraging” men to sexually assault other “honest” women. This line is a direct descendant of rape culture and it’s BS. Men do not require saucy or wanton women to inspire them the solicit sex.

    Vulgar men make sexual advances at all sorts of “innocent” and “honest” women like hairstylists, baristas, nurses, and even school girls.

    The professional cuddling corps could be made up exclusively of nuns and some men would still offer them extra to see under their habits.

  • A few tip offs: overtly sexual pix, over the top skin tight gym clothing w/ in your face T&A, $1,500/night sleepovers or unusually high hourly rates, ambiguously worded profiles, need I continue?

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    I've always felt that a certain percentage of boundary pushers are doing it precisely because they know it's not allowed. They don't just want a sexual experience, they want the "thrill" of rule-breaking. That's why they're coming here and not to sites that offer sex work.

  • Even if there are women who are trying to hint at offering more, that doesn't remotely excuse predatory behavior on the part of men.

    "She started it" wouldn't hold up in a court of law, and should not hold up in the conscience of men.

    Like @WriterGF I'm not certain that legalizing sw would solve our problems here. There are those who choose to interpret the existence of a boundary as a challenge.

  • @WriterGF i completely agree.

    @CuddlesByGracie is right. Even here in the UK, where finding a sex worker is legal, easy and safe, we still have this problem. It just seems to be less frequent than in the US.

  • I've wondered about the question prompted by the post: why is this site filled with sex workers when they could be on a site explicitly targeting that market?

    I don't think legality is the main issue, for reasons mentioned above. I don't have a complete answer, but I think I have part of it. I think a lot of them don't actually want to have sexual interactions with clients every single session, day in and day out. They want to do some real platonic cuddle sessions and sometimes make more money via extras.

  • I’ve cuddled around a dozen pros and about a half dozen enthusiasts - nearly 20 women in total. I’ve never once had a cuddle partner even hint at offering extras (nor have I ever hinted at wanting extras).

    I keep reading theses type of post like the OP wrote, and I have no doubt this happens sometimes, but it has not been my experience. I have my own vetting process and there are certain types of photos and statements in some women’s profiles that I perceive as caution or warning flags and I simply avoid contacting those individuals.

    I also have a short list of potential cuddle partners I have traded messages with who I am looking forward to cuddling with whenever they are in my area or I am in their area.

  • @CuddleWho I think you make a great point. I don't think we are talking about "sex workers" in the true sense. A sex worker is generally assumed to take all clients with some guarantee whereas a cuddler probably will be platonic generally and consider more on a case by case basis. That ability to pick and choose is much safer.

    Also, ironically, the persistence of the site in eliminating scammers and many of the worst offenders can create more of a sense of safety for a pro who is careful to avoid behavior leading to a ban. The creep factor on escort sites I imagine is significantly higher than here.

  • @AintMisbehavin Thank you and exactly, what one woman consents to with her own body has zero impact on another woman's right to deny consent.

    @WriterGF Completely agree, the thrill of getting something "extra" and taking advantage is definitely a part of it for some. Hence why so many creeps target new cuddlers 😤

    @CuddleDuncan Yes it definitely seems that way from hearing what my US counterparts go through. That being said, my cuddlers on tour were a delight ☺️

  • Yes this! I had so many unwanted advances that I shut down taking cuddle clients for a while. I've recently restarted but I have "platonic only" mentioned at least 4 times on my profile! Its so sad when people don't understand what this site is intended for!

  • Why do I have to wake up to a misogynistic post LOL

    Prostitution literally came from sex slavery.
    When you live in a society where you get fired for your skin color or your gender wish in case women at least two problems like these

    Instead of making post about women maybe actually solve the issue

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    OP was posting based on what he has seen in his searches, which is female pros. It's possible male pros are doing this as well, but there are a lot fewer of them and (from what I have heard) they don't do much business here.

  • [Deleted User]Mman (deleted user)

    Prostitution probably won't ever be legalized nationwide. The government doesn't want competition when it comes to screwing people.

  • @CuddlesByGracie so sorry to hear this. Also I did not know that in UK prostitution is legal.

    I feel like prostitution is something that if you make illegal, it will still exist, like prohibition and alcohol. It’s just been around too long and people have become accustomed to it to get by. Might as well make it safe and legal and regulated (so no one can be trafficked).

    OP is right that the women offering sexual services contributes to the men that ask for sexual services once a session begins, but as @CuddlesByGracie states it doesn’t explain predators that assault people. They will exist no matter what the laws are.

    @WriterGF I share this thought that some predators are just looking for the thrill of doing ill will sadly and having B power over others.

    I believe that a medley of prostitutes exist in this site. Some may use this as a safer alternative to escort sites.

    Some are prostitutes are also genuine cuddlers, so only advertise cuddling services on this site, but if asked in person, may share their sexual options.

    @CuddleWho agree that some want to cuddle but are open to offering sexual services or escalating things sexually to select clients and not everyone.

  • Didn't take long for this thread to become contentious, lmao. Admitting there are women using this site to sell sex does not imply you are denying men are using it to find sex.

    OPs opinion is a great one. It's a shame people feel defensive about it.

  • @veilofsummer, no one denied either fact, just challenged the causal link between them

  • [Deleted User]MrAdmirer (deleted user)
    edited February 2023

    I guess I can see the point the OP is making. But, it should be very easy to spot a profile that might offer additional services versus a legit pro cuddler. And after hearing a few horror stories it’s obviously men that are the problem here.

    A long time ago, I would have never believed that a man could sincerely be satisfied by just platonic attention, but now I’m living proof of it.

    Sometimes I am ashamed of being a man because for the most part a lot of us still treat women of objects of their desires and attention but I do think we are making progress. It is a very ego and power driven thing for a man to hire a pro cuddler and think he has any chance/right to get more than bargained for. It hurts things for the rest of us too.

  • @MrAdmirer posted "it should be very easy to spot a profile that might offer additional services versus a legit pro cuddler"
    Ask the mods; alas, I have a feeling this is not always the case.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • edited February 2023

    Not exactly sure about this one so I'm just going to put a .

  • Regardless of CC, laws that prohibit prostitution should not exist, for they serve absolutely no **legitimate **purpose. In order for a law to serve a **legitimate **purpose, that law must be of benefit either to the state, or to (at least some of) the citizens of the state.

    I maintain that laws which prohibit prostitution benefit nobody except nobody except organized crime. If those laws did not exist, but were replaced with laws regulating prostitution, sex trafficking, sex slavery, and other related ills would also not exist. If such laws are of no benefit, why do they exist. The answer is that they exist purely to appease the misguided moral beliefs of the religious right.

    In the not too distant past, other laws based only on somebody's morality have been struck down. Laws that banned the use of contraceptives were struck down in Griswold v. Connecticut, 381 U.S. 479 (1965). Laws that prohibited inter-racial marriage were struck down in Loving v. Virginia, 388 U.S. 1 (1967). Laws banning sodomy were struck down in Lawrence v. Texas :: 539 U.S. 558 (2003).

    All of those had several factors in common. The were of no benefit to the state or to any citizens of the state. They were created only to impose the moral beliefs of one group of society on another group who did not share those beliefs. They infringed on the civil rights of some citizens of the state. The laws prohibiting prostitution share all three of those factors, and should be abolished.

    In actuality, banning prostitution not only is of no benefit to the state or its citizens, but actually causes harm to them. It is reasonable to believe that if prostitution were legal, the incidence of rape and other sexual assault would be at least somewhat reduced. If, instead of being prohibited, prostitution were made legal, then it could also be regulated and taxed. Sex workers could be licensed, and regularly tested for stds. Clearly, both the state and its citizens would benefit.

  • But, it should be very easy to spot a profile that might offer additional services versus a legit pro cuddler.

    It isn't. In fact it's often impossible, and I mean genuinely impossible, not just very difficult. (Sometimes of course it's easy. And sometimes it's possible but very hard.)

    It's impossible because sometimes the person concerned is a genuine platonic cuddler, and sometimes they are something else. Depends on the day, the mood, the client and the bank balance.

  • Trying to separate platonic touch therapy from 'cuddling as a code word for sx' is hard enough without sworkers using this space to get clients. I understand there are fewer legal spaces to advertise but damn, it makes it so much harder on those of us who are trying so hard to make the difference known. Most, not some but 90% or more requests I get here are for people who assume it's a front for sx services. It wastes a LOT of time and it's frustrating.

  • [Deleted User]MrAdmirer (deleted user)

    I think it’s all about intent. I literally have zero interest in anything but cuddling so I believe can look at profiles and tell. And should I land a cuddler who may have an alternate menu, they are going to be disappointed when I don’t order.

  • @MrAdmirer Not always. I met a pro off of one of the big sites. We had one session before the pandemic that went fine.

    Sometime last year she messaged me here from a new account saying "I just made a new account here because I'm being targeted for harassment, if you want to meet, email me". By the time I read it the mods already deactivated her account.

    I emailed her and her response included "My prices have changed since we last met. 100 for cuddle, 150 for undies cuddle, 200 for nude cuddle, 300 for more than cuddle".

    I ended up googling her screen name and sure enough she used the same name on an escort site. (again, I have absolutely no problem with that, just giving my account of being propositioned for sex indirectly through this site. Shout out to the mods for taking care of it quickly)

  • [Deleted User]MrAdmirer (deleted user)

    @veilofsummer well, she made her intent pretty obvious there. If there are pro cuddlers who keep it platonic on the site and then try to “upsale” once they arrive for a session, they won’t last long here.

  • It isn’t always men. As I posted on here previously, I had one woman get very aggressive during my session to the point I had to cut it short.
    I have had quite a few women get carried away during the session and not in a solicitation type way as well. I have NEVER had any of these women try and upsell me nor imply anything further would happen in person. I have had sessions get almost to the end and then the hands have started wandering. I have been told a session with me has felt like a date because I am confident and self assured with how I present myself. And I make sure my partner is comfortable the entire time. But I have always been a consent type of man so maybe that is why I have gotten the response I have.

    There are scum bag guys for sure, I am not disputing that. And I do not expect anyone to act like someone else did previously.
    The scummy guys will be scummy even if this site allowed nuns as someone said.
    I knew the minute Backpage and Craigslist went away for SW that the “market” would somewhat implode. Getting rid of the main stream outlets for it created problems all round.
    And it did almost nothing to actually stop human trafficking which was their reasoning.
    I am sorry for anyone that has to deal with something or someone they don’t want to. My worst encounter made me leave the site for a bit and I am sure women have had it 10 times worse than I did.

  • edited February 2023

    @MrAdmirer

    If there are pro cuddlers who keep it platonic on the site and then try to “upsale” once they arrive for a session, they won’t last long here.

    I wish. In fact I suspect there are people here who have been doing that for years. Firstly they pick the upsell clients carefully, and then they start with very innocuous language. If you are tuned into that kind of talk, you will soon notice and respond. If your intentions are platonic, you won't pick up on it and you won't be offered the upsell.

  • @MrAdmirer the ones who persist are simple more cautious and patient than the ones who don't. I suspect not many will start trying to upsell once you walk in the door.

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