People Cuddling Without Their Partner's, Parents', or Pet's Knowledge

[Deleted User]Calibrate715 (deleted user)
edited March 2023 in General

Unmuted for one day and already disheartened with the b.s. My profile clearly states I will not cuddle with anyone whose partner is unaware or doesn't approve of this dynamic.

Three inquiries this morning from people in this exact situation - two of which I already messaged with and even further clarified my stance in previous messages.

If you don't understand - I don't want your drama to hit my doorstep. Stop giving excuses as to why you can't speak to your partner about this. On that subject, all you'll get is deaf ears here.

If you "need" to cuddle, then hire a pro who may not care about you not telling your partner (no, I do not speak for all pros).

And @GreatHornedOwl, before you chime in lol - have already explained in a previous post that I relate to and empathize with your situation so I'd cuddle if you were closer☺️

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Comments

  • sillysassysillysassy

    @Calibrate715 I can relate to the struggle of this platform and I suppose Humanity in general when people don't respect other's boundaries. Good job you for standing up for your truth. 😊

    After being on here a minute.... I have realized that every individual has a story, but it doesn't have to be my story. If someone doesn't have the ability to even read your profile for information that is out there, then I think it is completely reasonable to turn a deaf ear.

    One of the biggest things that changed in me since joining this world of cuddling was that I don't have to align or approve with anyone's story. I'm not interested in taking my time to convince anyone of the WHY behind my boundaries. They get to choose how to live their lives and I get to decide if they are the type of person who gets to come across my moat and into my castle. (Thank you Glennon Doyle)

    The biggest red flag for me is when someone doesn't respect my no. Especially when I've started with "no thank you" and given them more than one repeat of my truth. I have actually changed my mind quite a few times in this cuddle-verse, but its not because of anyone who tried to pressure me into it. It was through my own mindfulness and willingness to let my truth be enough.

    Thank goodness @mark was brilliant enough to create the BLOCK feature which lets you choose who gets to keep taking up your inbox space. You get to hush them. 😂😂😂

  • [Deleted User]MrAdmirer (deleted user)
    edited March 2023

    I get very saddened to hear how many people just can't or won't abide by simple guidelines and rules. It's so disrespectful.

  • [Deleted User]Calibrate715 (deleted user)
    edited March 2023

    @sillysassy I am very generous with how elastic my mind can get concerning relationship dynamics. What I don't participate in is deceiving someone's partner. Anybody else wants to, they're more than welcome.

  • RezzRezz

    It's concerning when members become so fixated on a particular pro that they try to change the pros policy so that they can meet with them.
    There's no shortage of pros on this site. Some areas may be less populated than others requiring you to reach further outside your area, but asking anyone to change their rules or policies is a massive red flag.

    Something I implemented a long time ago was requiring a recent photo before I will even discuss details of a session. If they are denied they may come back with a new username and a different story. With a photo I can identify which ones I've already denied and block them.

  • [Deleted User]Calibrate715 (deleted user)

    @Rezz - enthusiast here ☺️

  • RezzRezz

    @Calibrate715

    Pro or enthusiast, NO means NO. Just because you don't charge doesn't mean your policies are any less valid. ❤️

  • GreatHornedOwlGreatHornedOwl

    @Calibrate715 - Thank you.

  • [Deleted User]Calibrate715 (deleted user)

    @Rezz - exactly correct. And smart move on your pic policy :)

  • captaincuddles9captaincuddles9
    edited March 2023

    Reported, reviewed, and removed. If you have an issue with your Ex, who is a Pro, then report them, with verifiable proof. The forums are NOT the place for public shaming and name calling. Tread lightly, @captaincuddles9 . [-Sid]

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    @captaincuddles9 And have you reported her if you "know" all this?

  • HoosCuddlingHoosCuddling
    edited March 2023

    [Removed my comment, since original post I was replying to was mod deleted.]

  • captaincuddles9captaincuddles9
    edited March 2023

    Yes, this site is platonic, @captaincuddles9 . [-Sid]

  • captaincuddles9captaincuddles9
    edited March 2023

    @captaincuddles9 - As to your accusations, you did NOT in fact submit any report on anyone. Your account has been flagged as a potential duplicate, and in the interest of safety, your account is suspended until/unless you do verify your identity. I warned you to tread carefully. I didn't expect that you'd step right into it. 🤷 [-Sid]

  • SideonSideon

    Anyone wanting to air their relationship woes may want to consider doing so elsewhere - meaning - not on CC, not on the forums, not here, not now, not today, not tomorrow.

    Carry on, folks. Get on topic. Any further flags and nonsense on this thread, and I'm locking it down. Thanks.

  • [Deleted User]Calibrate715 (deleted user)

    Well, I have no idea what's going on with this post right now but yeahhh...was just a general PSA.

    I don't want this to become a platform for bashing pros. They provide an in-demand service and help a lot of people.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    There are many people in serious relationships who do not get the touch they need, and in general I have sympathy. It can be a very difficult situation.

    However, it's their situation, not yours. Whether you want to cuddle with them is up to you.

    @Calibrate715 with anybody who was persistent with trying to persuade you to break your boundary, please consider Reporting them. They may not have technically broken the terms of service, but they are boundary-pushers and such people should be on the mods' radar.

  • [Deleted User]Calibrate715 (deleted user)

    @CuddleDuncan - correct - some enthusiasts or pros may not mind. It just irked me since my profile is very clear on the matter.

    I've blocked them but will definitely report anyone who overreaches in the future. Thank you and other mods for helping to ensure everyone's safety ☺️

  • GreatHornedOwlGreatHornedOwl
    edited March 2023

    @Calibrate715 - I may be a bit dense, but please, what does PSA mean in this context?

  • [Deleted User]Calibrate715 (deleted user)

    @GreatHornedOwl - public service announcement

  • GreatHornedOwlGreatHornedOwl

    @Calibrate715 - Thank you. I didn't think it meant Prostate-Specific Antigen :)

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod

    @GreatHornedOwl haha I just had to look up PSA because I would have guessed public service announcement would be the top result, but nope…what you said was all I saw 😅

  • [Deleted User]CuddlelessinLB (deleted user)

    New to all this, just joined a few days ago, but I completely agree with you and also have this boundary in my profile. My husband knows about me on here and I expect anyone else in a relationship, that I consider cuddling, to also be open and honest. I’m glad I’m not the only one with this hard stop boundary.

  • neverdonethisneverdonethis

    Well if its platonic what business is it if yours that he has or hasn't told his partner?
    Perhaps he doesnt cuddle his partner because she is constantly yammering and stressing him out. Only he finds the same crap with cuddlers he paid. A bunch of drama in this thread whether valid or not is stress. People cuddle and even pay to relieve stress. Are people coming to cuddlers to be judged? I dont think so

  • GreatHornedOwlGreatHornedOwl

    @Calibrate715 - I greatly appreciate that you've stated that you empathize with my situation, and even though I'm a married man, whose wife is unaware of this dynamic, and that you'd cuddle with me if we were closer. Clearly, you believe that exceptions to your rule are appropriate.

    Although I may be the only man who has written about it, I absolutely can not believe that I am the only man in my situation, or in some other situation where an exception to your rule could be appropriate. Unfortunately (from my point of view), there are other women who share your prohibition as a rigid rule.

    @CuddlelessinLB - Since @Calibrate715 seems to prefer that I don't restate my position, and it's her thread, I'll respect her wishes. If you or any other woman who shares your prohibition have any interest in knowing at least one good reason why you might have exceptions to your rule, I invite you to read my profile.

  • [Deleted User]Calibrate715 (deleted user)

    @CuddlelessinLB I have no issues with married or single on here but - as you mentioned - this is about openness and honesty (at least on my end) so deceiving a partner is not something I'm interested in.

    @neverdonethis I don't know what your home issues may be but your response tells me enough. I will not even entertain the possibility of an angry spouse harassing me or showing up at my doorstep to harm me or my family. If you lack the awareness to consider that possibility, take a beat and think about it. If someone can't be honest with their spouse then their focus needs to be on the relationship with their spouse and with themselves - not trying to convince me they "can't" for whatever reasons.

    @GreatHornedOwl Actually familiar with that one too as my father had prostate cancer. As I stated in another post, your situation was actually very similar to my own parents. As it is, providing your wife with knowledge about this dynamic, would be superficial at best. My issue arises when a fully cognitive person is deceived by their partner.

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    @neverdonethis The issue is that we know it's just platonic, but a lot of people outside the site think CC is a cover for sex work. So the potential for being dragged into a couple's drama can easily come from that misunderstanding.

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod
    edited March 2023

    @neverdonethis What business is it of hers? @Calibrate715 can choose to cuddle who she wants. She’s also not a pro, so there is no exchange of money and the person she would be cuddling is not a client. Also if the other person is hiding cuddling from their partner, that’s pretty optimistic of you to think that they wouldn’t potentially get angry at their partner cuddling platonically with someone else. There’s nothing relaxing about getting caught up in someone else’s relationship drama.

    Edit: Noting that there are certain circumstances that I would feel do not apply (such as a partner/spouse dealing with a medical condition such as Alzheimer's)

  • RezzRezz
    edited March 2023

    @neverdonethis

    Well if its platonic what business is it if yours that he has or hasn't told his partner?

    What business is it of yours how she chooses her cuddle partners?

    Perhaps he doesnt cuddle his partner because she is constantly yammering and stressing him out.

    Ah yes just what we all want, a "yammering" wife showing up to our doorstep accusing us diddling their husband causing us unneeded stress in our life.

    Only he finds the same crap with cuddlers he paid.

    She's an enthusiast. She doesn't get paid to cuddle or deal with others marital problems.

    A bunch of drama in this thread whether valid or not is stress.

    The thread seemed pretty drama free until someone with a new blank profile showed up.

  • GreatHornedOwlGreatHornedOwl

    @Charlie_Bear - What you say is very true -- usually. However, you know what my situation is. If too many women accept that as a self imposed, absolute rule, without exceptions for different circumstances, I may never find a cuddle partner.

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod

    @GreatHornedOwl yeah 😢 esp since @Calibrate715 exempted you from her original post, my comment isn’t meant to be touching on unique situations like yours

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