Boundaries ARE boundaries sounds like a new song title for Depeche Mode!
Neither of my parents are still with us, but I'm trying imagine how they would have reacted. I'm fairly certain that my mother would have wanted to know why, and then expressed her approval. Of course, she was a practicing child psychologist, so I would never have been quite sure what she really thought.
I think my dad would have merely shrugged his shoulders, as in "Oh, okay," and not said anything at all.
how do you all have this much spare time
@Calibrate715 yeah, I was all for participating in this discussion and answering respectful questions...this merge and outright disrespectful mockery ain't it. And that this was considered a good move by mods has me disinclined to bother engaging further.
@cuddlefaery while I still have my opinion about things and I'm sure you have yours I used some language I usually reserve for people calling others less than. For that I apologize.
@cuddlefaery I was slightly peeved until I realized the type I want to avoid showed their colors. So a heartfelt thank you to them. But damn you for not living near me lol
@Calibrate715 there is that, haha, and I wasn't all that surprised by who from what I've observed in other threads 👀
And yes, the most awesome people always seem to live so far away! Definitely road trips are in order 😊 Penpals have to suffice in the meantime.
@stormydaycuddle we are good. I enjoy engaging in good faith debate and discussion and don't expect everyone to agree with or even to understand me. Diversity of thought is super important and your questions help me clarify my way of communicating as well as seeing a different perspective.
My problem is more with the fact that 1) a thread created solely to mock another wasn't removed or closed in the first place, and 2) that when they merged them they did so so that the title of the serious original became the mocking one (highly disrespectful to OP and others who have shared imo)
Eating rice rn
@taco_libre Right? lol
Edited for privacy.
@Sideon - Please see @cuddlefaery's post above. I pretty much agree with her. You took two threads that were mocking, trivial, and completely facetious. and merged them into a thread that was totally serious. I don't think this even helped those who are fans of trivial threads.
@cuddlefaery - Your complaint needed to be directed in the right direction.
I can't believe I'm doing this, but I just wanted to add my two cents here.
We can argue semantics and reasons and exceptions till the cows come home to cuddle. But none of that changes what @sillysassy said best "The biggest red flag for me is when someone doesn't respect my no."
If they can't respect your "smaller" no's, they will likely not respect the bigger, most important, life altering ones. Especially, when they can just walk away and leave you to pick up the pieces.
Now, please don't hurt me. /covers up my head and clutches my flashlight. 😉
@GreatHornedOwl and @cuddlefaery - I'm sorry - I did not mean disrespect in merging them, as I was responding on a macro level to the number of reported posts and flags. I wasn't reading each thread for content and I merged the threads. In hindsight, I should have locked them. Mods don't read every post, every comment - we have lives outside of CC too.
Would it be fair to lock the thread and piss off everyone, or just leave this up to you who are disgruntled that I merged superfluous and serious topics ? I'm okay with either direction, but on that note, I'm out of here for the night.
@Sideon - I, for one, am finding that I can (mostly) keep the three threads separated in my head, so my vote would be to leave them as they are.
Btw, I'm also thinking that a few people here that are, may I say, a bit overly sensitive. I can't recall reading any posts in this thread that would warrant being reported and/or flagged. I saw a few posts that exhibited a little bit of anger, but that isn't unexpected when people feel passionate about a particular subject.
@cuddlefaery @GreatHornedOwl @Sideon In an effort to try to help out here, I tried my hand at some forum moderation and added a note to each comment that I believe was from one of the merged threads. I don't know if this was a good idea or not, but I hope it helps navigating it a little easier.
I think the merging of the three posts was disrespectful and rude. It makes me not trust the mods and I’m not going to participate in forums anymore. Bye.
@warm_embrace As the OP and a newbie to CC, I did find it offensive that my post discussing boundaries - something I thought was sacrosanct here - has been used as a tool to mock one of the founding principles of this site.
But I'll tell you this - when people make it obvious that their attitudes towards boundaries, morality, women's rights, and the basic tenets of this dynamic are a joke to them then it tells me all I need to know.
So it gives me a rudder in a sense. There are people here that are simply using this site as a way to - hopefully - get sex/cheat. There are others who are bordering on being incels or already firmly established ones. There are sometimes just people committed to being bitter and this is their soapbox. When they point the arrow at themselves for any of these scenarios, all I am is thankful.
I'm going to lend grace here to the moderators as I imagine trying to keep tabs can be a "kittens in a basket" situation. I've had a number of members contact me who feel the same way or are reconsidering their stance on cuddlers they know are dishonest with their spouse.
So, merging and mockery aside, I'm good with what was said here. These boards have been extremely helpful in helping me learn so, your choice not to participate is respected, but I hope you consider the value they hold in terms of educating and connecting people.
We all have our boundaries. So, for someone to push another person to change their boundaries to accommodate their situation is inappropriate. Cuddling is supposed to be an intimate and RELAXING activity you share with another person. So why start off pushing boundaries and cause them to be uncomfortable about the concept od cuddling you? It seems counter productive to me. Move on to the next cuddle closest to you and try to see if they are comfortable with your situation. Manners seem to have gone by the wayside with a lot of people these days. Show everyone respect and understand that no means no whether you like it or not.
@GreatHornedOwl totally agree with you on that. I think there are certain people on here that basically just flag everything that doesn’t fit into their worldview. Or they just try to pick apart someone’s words just to start a fight and then flag every response.
It’s bad for free speech. It’s bad for the mods who I’m sure get tired of reviewing nonsense reports.
It's sort of like telling the teacher every time your feelings are hurt. If you can't handle what other people are saying then forums are not the place you should be.
It wouldn't surprise me if the flagging had less to do with specific posts and more to do with the creation of parody topics. I do agree that we do not want the site to turn into nonstop flagging, for the sake of the mods. I don't see it as a free speech issue - the right to free speech applies to the government attempting to censor you, not a private company.
@WriterGF You are correct from a legal standpoint. I'm not disagreeing with forum rules and the ability to deal with posts that violate TOS. But I think at least the spirit of a forum should be to allow a free exchange of ideas without the fear of being flagged, TOS violations excluded.
@WriterGF 100% agreed. Hugs.
Also, @GreatHornedOwl this wasn't directed at you. Hope you have a great day. Actually, if I'm not mistaken you were the one being attacked on that "how do I cuddle an older man post" I didn't see your comment then as sensitive. I saw it as defending you and everyone else who gets mistreated for their age.
Reported and reviewed. Removed portion of comment that was flagged. [Charlie_Bear]
in the time this thread was created and bickering initiated…
i completed a 17 page business plan for a new initiative helping local businesses net more leads from inbound website traffic they already have….
pls somebody tell me how ya’ll have this much bandwidth for arguing
I'm great at multitasking... trolling the trolls is a hobby I'm quite passionate about as others have pointed out. I'm gonna go hang out under my bridge for a bit TTYL.
@taco_libre I'm with you on that one. I was just making a general statement. No arguing from my end.
@taco_libre Well, most of us are quick on our feet and can type out coherent thoughts rather quickly. I daresay @stormydaycuddle possesses an acute talent for it lol
I find it curious you think discussions on boundaries are trivial or argumentative considering the nature of this site. I'd be happy to hear your thoughts on them whether your views align with mine or not.
@taco_libre im a retired lotto winner 🤷🏻♂️😂
I purposefully did not bother tagging the mods when I made my original complaint about the merge, because having been a mod myself of many forums over the past 20 years I know what an often thankless task it is and that they are human, mistakes get made. While I appreciate that GreatHornedOwl was trying to be helpful, I did not need a white knight to tell me what I intended or needed to do.
My complaints were more general and thus addressed so - those "parody" threads should have never been created in a community that supposedly is built on kindness and empathy. I do not find mockery of someone to their face humorous, but rather immature and purposefully hurtful. Those threads were intended to make fun of those having serious discussion here because people couldn't just scroll by - they had to lash out at people they disagreed with or didn't understand and cause hurt through "humor". That's not parody, it's the precursor to bullying, and this isn't the first time I've witnessed it in these forums.
So please excuse me if I'm "sensitive" about this topic or "take it too seriously". Actually, don't excuse me, because I have nothing I need to apologize for - sensitivity is not a negative quality, especially within the cuddle community, imo. I know full well when it's appropriate to make jokes, and will be the first to laugh at my own expense (my comment history is proof enough of this). This topic is not one of those times.
@Easy2cuddle - There is a huge difference between pushing someone to change their boundaries, and pointing out that when they drew up their boundaries, that they had neglected to consider some particular facts, and that perhaps, their set of rules could use a little tweaking.
The towns of Derby Line, Vermont, and Stanstead, Quebec, are adjacent to each other. From the point of view of their citizens, they tend to function as a single town. When border crossing regulations were created, this situation was not taken into account. The regulations didn't consider that a person could enter the town library in one country, and exit in the other. The boundary rules needed to be tweaked. Cuddling boundaries are no different.
@cuddlefaery - I wanted to make sure that your post was actually read by he who needed it the most. Without directing it to him, he might never have read it. I understand that the mods have a very difficult job, and that they, like everybody else, will make occasional mistakes. We all learn from our mistakes, but only if we are aware that our action was a mistake.