When people put THIS MUCH effort into covering their butt, I WALK!! Someone else’s relationship status is NO ONES business. This isn’t an escort service!! I have multiple cuddle buddies who travel for work and we meet at their hotel for a few hours when they come to town, cuddle, then part ways! Neither relationship status is relevant… Unless they want more than cuddling, in which case I WALK (and PROMPTLY report). PEOPLE LIE so it makes no difference either way. If a significant other shows up and in any way makes you feel unsafe, call the cops. Otherwise, leave it be!
@great_pillow08 - Well said. It's about time that somebody brought some sense to this thread.
@great_pillow08 Relationship status was never the issue - I myself am married. Being complicit in deceiving someone's partner and the risks therein were the issues FOR ME. As well as people trying to press MY clearly defined boundaries. The decisions you make regarding such situations don't affect me so I'm not concerned with them.
Of course people will lie. But when the truth is handed to me on a silver platter and runs against everything I've stated in my profile, the decision to nix people becomes very easy. I decided to "leave it be" by never meeting these people 🤷
@Calibrate715 you seem like a very angry person.
You could upload a disability document for the pro you’re trying to see who requires consent from a partner who is unable to give it and end this debate right here and now.
On to your next point:
I will say that it really takes two to have a great experience. If you keep having bad experiences, with people you’ve specifically chosen, who have a monetized incentive to treat you with kindness, maybe reflect on yourself and what you can change to make your experiences more reciprocal rather than forced.
Pros have specific boundaries in place because of their lived experiences with repeatedly being mistreated, speaking from experience. Constantly dealing with certain members of society and their projected, devolved opinion of you that’s established before you even meet really changes a person.
Cuddling is easy with easy clients, I’m able to make them feel comfortable and it feels really rewarding, in return I’m comforted and compensated. Who wouldn’t want that? With difficult clients, pros aren’t set up for success. We have to work a million times harder to grin and bear it (for the same compensation we receive with easy clients), repeatedly announce our boundaries, for sake of getting through the session without upsetting someone who hasn’t officially broken any rules but is skirting them and is statistically likely to harm us if we object to them being awful.
In my best sessions, I leave feeling mutually cared for, safe, relaxed, content, and with less stress about making ends meet. You could think of it as a wage gap tax. I offer a service where I’m able to give comfort to those who are in need and expedite the process so they deal with less back and forth or potential rejection based on superficial reasons.
In my worst sessions, I take on discomfort in order to help others who desperately need it and I am often fearful of every variation of harm imaginable.
@wilderdude - I Don't completely agree with @Calibrate715's position, and while she is probably very annoyed with people misunderstanding her, I don't see her as being angry at all.
It’s not a nice thing to do, generally, I think. But some people are in some unique, difficult circumstances - maybe they are in an abusive relationship they don’t know how to leave, maybe their spouse is ill and they are in need of comfort, who knows. But generally I think it’s a bad and very deceitful, potentially extremely hurtful thing.
@wilderdude If having boundaries and being able to discuss them seems angry to you, then I question your attitude, not mine🤔 I haven't been abusive to any members and your comment is nothing but an attempt to provoke a negative reaction. If it helped you feel better, more power to you.
@GreatHornedOwl I'm not annoyed at all actually. More surprised by the number of people here who think my boundaries aren't valid but, if theirs were crossed, it would be an issue.
I have made no judgements on anyone's choices. But there are various reasons some people may feel defensive about my position - one being they have or are currently complicit in deceiving someone's partner. It's not my business and, frankly, I don't care who others choose to cuddle.
But it's my right, like anyone else's here to have my boundaries and not be shamed for them.
@Calibrate715 The one thing I know for sure is you and I and a few others will never be talked out of vetting a potential cuddler very well
@achetocuddle Well this is the thing - we're all about fostering a space here for what (feel free to add on):
Comfort Safety Connection
How that's possible to do with people crossing boundaries and disregarding your feelings? Ideally, everyone using this site would do it for pure intentions. Based on comments from both enthusiasts and pros we know this isn't the case. Hell, it sounds like a minefield of b.s. for some of the pros, especially.
So, to act as if standing your ground on boundaries is illogical/judgemental, etc. is ridiculous. If someone wants to paint me with a certain brush to rationalize their behaviors or piss-poor attitudes, I can't do much about that. But that's the great thing about loving myself and who I am, all those opinions don't affect me🤷
@Calibrate715 Right there with ya. Trying to get me to think something is wrong with me or my vetting or trying to baffle me with bullsh*t does not work, Lol. I'm not feeling eloquent lately, but that is OK cause your saying what I would say if I could think of the words
Seems to me if you are going to say someone else's relationship is none of your business, then what someone else chooses to have as a boundary is none of your business either.
@achetocuddle I'd have to be a lot more insecure to be affected by said attempted shaming or manipulation lol
@WriterGF Yes, this post wasn't meant to shame anyone for their personal choices - in cuddling or life in general. I think it's healthy to have discussions like this and not stick our heads in the sand. At a minimum, if it helps deter boundary crossers as seeing CC as a hunting ground, I feel good about everything said.
Why is it that when strong women like @Calibrate715 and @stormydaycuddle speak their minds and stick to their guns with assertiveness and automony they are called things like angry, disagreeable, bitchy , contrite, and what have you? I think I know the answer to this but do you....
@pmvines - The obvious reason is that a lot of men are intimidated by strong women, and feel that they have to put them down. Are you seeing something that is less obvious?
@Calibrate715 I’ve been on the forums for a while - you don't seem like an angry person, just someone who is adamant in not having their boundaries crossed. Respecting your own boundaries is extremely important and more people should do it.
@sunnysideup I'm not; I actually tend to take a light-hearted approach to most things. But boundaries in this dynamic are a serious topic.
To those who would attempt to invalidate my position through attempted baiting or insults, I ask this:
Why do you feel only certain people are allowed to be assertive?
Why does someone having an opinion different from yours threaten you?
Why can't you engage in conversation without becoming insulting or mocking? I liken this to shouting to "win" an argument. It doesn't make you "right" - it exposes your lack of perspective and control over your emotions.
@sunnysideup This particular scenario just struck me more acutely since I'd only been unmuted for a day and three sheisty behinds in one morning had my brain itching😆
@pmvines or, conversely, "sensitive" -- like sensitivity is a bad thing.
@Calibrate715 I'm finding it rather interesting that we have had several people coming in thumping their chests and talking about how they would never judge other people's relationships by daring to have boundaries regarding behaviors their cuddle partner engages in that actually very much impacts others outside said cuddle partner's relationships.... but I'm willing to bet some donuts they also 1) did not bother reading either of our original explanations in their entirety or did so with selective intent; and 2) that for all they "don't judge" they very much do judge people who have relationships that don't look like theirs, and there's a good chance that is why they are afraid to even consider the possibility that perhaps they should be concerned about the ethics involved.
(please note: this is not at all aimed at the folks who engaged in good faith discussions)
@cuddlefaery To some extent, we all categorize people as a justification for our own behaviors. I'm just not going to categorize boundary crossers as "misunderstood" as a way to rationalize breaking my own boundaries.
And I do believe some people's reactions are borne out of guilt or the realization that they never considered the partner in this situation.
Sometimes "don't judge" means just that ... other times, it can also mean "don't much care."
Personnel boundaries should never be discussed in an open forum such as this. People come here seeking platonic consensual cuddling services for all types of reasons. None of us know what someone is going through unless we have walked in their shoes. This life isn't fair to none of us.
@WKplatonic I don't understand your stance. We're all adults here and establishing boundaries is a key part to how the cuddle dynamic works for both parties.
Nobody (for the most part) is trying to attack anyone. I don't know your situation nor do you need to explain it.
But you're asking me to dismiss my boundaries for the sake of someone else's feelings or needs. That's not being consensual - that's coercion.
@Calibrate715 I agree.
@WKplatonic I also am not following why you think these issues should not be discussed openly if done so respectfully.
If we never discuss our boundaries, then: 1) others will not know where the line is to not cross; 2) because we as a society do a terrible job of teaching boundary and consent skills to children and adolescents, many would never learn what healthy boundaries even look like, or how to have discussions about them; 3) we would never be exposed to a diversity of ideas that challenge our ways of thinking and help us solidify and grow our own concepts of where our personal boundaries are - as evidenced in earlier discussions, many don't spend a lot of time thinking about where their particular boundary might be in a situation until someone else talks about it.
A key phrase from your comment: "platonic consensual cuddling services" (emphasis mine). In order for it to be consensual, the consent has to be mutual from both sides, correct? All Calibrate and I have stated is that in order for us to give our consent, we require that we not be put in situations that go against our ethics. We do not ask that our cuddle partners follow our ethics, merely that they not force us to break our own by means of dishonesty or coercion.
In my case at least, I do not even ask that they disclose to me verbally - I place trust in them as adults to honor my boundaries just as I will honor theirs. It is only if I am given cause to believe that my boundary will be or has been crossed that I will take action accordingly by withdrawing my consent to cuddling with them. I am not judging them for seeking cuddling, or their situation - I am merely ensuring that I am behaving according to my ethics.
(Since people still seem to be having trouble wrapping their heads around this, let me try spelling it out: I have zero problem cuddling married or partnered people. I am partnered myself, and my partners know fully of my platonic cuddling activities, including working as a professional as they are my safety contacts. Informed consent is a vital part of my cuddling practices. I will not even pry about a cuddling partner/client's relationship status unless that is something they wish to share. What I will do is when we discuss boundaries at the start, I ask that if they are partnered they do not place me in a position where I am complicit in breaking their relationship agreements, whatever those may be, or in violation of a partner's consent. I don't need to know what the agreements are, I don't need to know anything about their partner(s) or relationships unless they wish to share it. Some degree of mutual trust is necessary in platonic cuddling, and boundaries affect my actions, not those of my cuddling partners.)
@cuddlefaery Very yes to 2). I wish this could be taught in the public school system or something like that - that and basic finance stuff.
@Calibrate715 - I don't think that @WKplatonic was asking you (or anybody else to either dismiss, or in any way to changes your boundaries. Rather, he was suggesting that a public forum may not be a suitable place to discuss them.
I'm not entirely sure that I agree with hi, but I also don't think that his suggestion should be so casually dismissed.
I think that this thread may have initially served a good purpose, but we seem to have gone well beyond that. It seems to me that foe the last 1/3rd of this thread we've been doing not much beyond gong round and round in circles. We all have our opinions on he subject, and I doubt that anybody's opinions are about to change.
Is it time to just let the thread have a peaceful death?
@GreatHornedOwl I could see if we were violating TOS or being very explicit about our romantic/sexual lives but adults discussing boundaries is too risque?
The statement about not knowing about someone else's life/being unfair is meant to imply that my stance isn't considerate of those who approached me. It's meant to portray them as victims and/or elicit a guilt response from people like me who draw a line on the sand for cuddling requirements. But I'm to be considerate of them blatantly disregarding boundaries?
Some people posting here are feeling attacked for whatever reason - too many come to mind. But to tell us we need to shut our mouths (and minds) because they felt targeted for some reason? No sir - free, respectful exchange of ideas is what I enjoy so I'm not going to be told to "hush."
Discussing boundaries (and the violation of same) is about 25% of these forums, not to mention that they are listed in people's profiles, so not sure why anyone would think they should be kept confidential. What about them needs to be a deep, dark secret?
Let’s clarify what @WKplatonic wrote.
Personnel boundaries should never be discussed in an open forum such as this.
The only question needing to be asked is why an HR Manager would even know all the boundaries of a company’s employees. And yes if you know their boundaries they shouldn’t be discussed. I think it would be subject to labor laws and employee confidentiality.
End of story.