Celebrating Sensitivity

JoyfulHeartJoyfulHeart
in General

In "recent" years, (most of my life) I've seen sensitivity pointed out as though it were a moral flaw. I'd like to suggest that it's a superpower.

Sensitive people can continue to navigate life even if they are in pain.

They can communicate about their pain to others around them when doing so has the possibility of yielding good results, even though they know it may yield negative results, such as mockery or exploitation.

They can recognize pain in others, and do whatever is in their power to avoid adding to that pain, even if it is inconvenient for them.

They can recognize joy in others and join the celebration even if it's not something they themselves are excited about.

They can recognize that others have different perspectives, and embrace those people even while disagreeing with their opinions.

They can recognize opportunities to grow in wisdom by entertaining the ideas of others.

They can "read the room," respond in productive ways, recognizing that careless words can cause injury.

The accusation "you're too sensitive," is one we often hear and is intended as an insult, but I'd rather be that than the opposite.

Comments

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    👏🏻

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    As a proud sensitive person who views their sensitivity as a strength, SO MUCH YES TO THIS.

    And for anyone who has not read about Highly Sensitive People (HSP) and the Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS) trait, you should. It goes way beyond emotional sensitivity and includes nervous system and general biological sensitivity to stimuli as well. There has been a ton of research into this over the past 40 years with implications for not just the treatment of mental and emotional issues sensitive people face, but also things like adjusting the ways we use medications (since we can be more sensitive to interactions and side effects), studying heightened senses and how to harness them as tools, studying the interaction between genetics and personality, etc.

    One thing that I learned more recently that has been particularly helpful for me is finding out that not all highly sensitive persons are introverts. It's estimated 20-30% of the world population have the SPS trait, and of those 30% are actually extraverts. (30% of 30% is a measley 9% of the population). For me, how that plays out is that I love socializing with new people, hosting events, and get energy from the external world and connecting to it (traditional extravert traits), but because I easily get overstimulated and drained by everything, I quickly crash and need lots of downtime in between. This back and forth between people-ing and hermiting made me think I was an ambivert, but seeing as we already knew I have SPS, the idea of being a highly sensitive extravert makes a lot of sense - especially as I've gotten more extraverted with age and better coping skills.

    I don't believe sensitivity is a fault any more than I believe ADHD, autism, or any other inborn trait are. Rather they are genetic anomalies that happen at predictable intervals and have both pluses and minuses depending on the environment we find ourselves in. If our environment is not supportive of our traits, we either need to move or we have to adapt coping skills. Up until very recently the predominant mindset was that everyone must conform, that diversity is a bad thing...but we are far beyond that mentality now, and I am here for it!

  • JoyfulHeartJoyfulHeart

    @cuddlefaery I'm grateful for every person who comes to see that it's not something to be ashamed of.

    I appreciate your reference to a variety of traits that people tend to label as disorders. The fact is, I've never met an unremarkable person. There are some who have not yet discovered what makes them remarkable, but with the proper encouragement, they can.

    I value diversity too, partly because I tend to learn more from people dissimilar to me than I do from those more like me. I just have to listen with an open mind.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    I have seen the phrase "you're too sensitive" used to mean two entirely different things.

    1) Sometimes it means, "I'm an idiot". That is, the person saying it is simply proving that they are being an idiot, in that instant at least.

    2) Sometimes it means, "In this moment you are valuing your own emotions so highly that you are actively causing harm to others." This meaning is often directed at people who are not highly sensitive, but merely selfish. Or both, obviously.

    @cuddlefaery I concur with the idea you quote that sensitive people can be either extroverts or introverts.

    @JoyfulHeart

    The fact is, I've never met an unremarkable person.

    Oh, I envy you because I have. I have had to deal with many. I have met people who are utterly, utterly without worth. It's a small group - but it does exist.

    There are some who have not yet discovered what makes them remarkable, but with the proper encouragement, they can.

    These I have met many times. Along with those who are highly remarkable but genuinely believe they are not.

    Quite separately, you happened to use the common term 'disorders'. I'm not at all sure there is any such thing and it's a term I don't use myself, except perhaps in the kind of way that you used it.

  • JoyfulHeartJoyfulHeart

    @CuddleDuncan

    I'm not at all sure there is any such thing and it's a term I don't use myself, except perhaps in the kind of way that you used it.

    I agree.

  • jplemmonjplemmon

    As with everything, I think there are limits. If there is someone who I constantly need to walk on eggshells with, I find it very undesirable and my hope is that that person would seek to improve their self-esteem. I can't imagine having to avoid humor simply on the possibility that someone could find it hurtful (light-hearted humor that is).

    Of course, if you are talking about being sensitive in an outward way, like empathizing with others and trying to understand different points of view, absolutely.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    @JoyfulHeart
    Beautifully written. I’ve had criticism about this. I’ve said, I’d rather not be the opposite of sensitive.

  • SoosonSooson

    @JoyfulHeart you're kidding, right? We are already over-celebrating sensitivity. we are literally worshiping it/elevating it over truth in many cases, making people softer and softer. we cover statues, avoiding stating biological facts, so people won't get offended, don't say this don't say that. people run to a safe space because someone unliked them on social media. celebrate that? no thank you. if anything, it's time to scale back.
    @jplemmon you literally have to walk on eggshells every time you post here. that is why I promised to stop posting. but I can't just can't so here I go again LOL.
    Good night, everyone.

  • JoyfulHeartJoyfulHeart

    @jplemmon I agree 100% about not wanting to walk on eggshells. Interestingly, the only person I've ever felt the need to do that with was one of the least sensitive people I know.

    There's a distinction that I'd like to make in that regard. Using a physical analogy, if someone had broken an arm, I'd be careful not to bump it. I wouldn't feel bothered about having to be careful. Sometimes people have physical injuries, and we only discover them after a collision that was unintentional.

    If they react by saying, "That hurt, please be careful," it would seem reasonable to me. If they responded by calling me names and insulting me, I'd feel differently. I would never accept sensitivity as a valid excuse for bad behavior.

    In my view, it's not the sensitivity that's the problem: it's the fact that some sensitive people don't turn it outward, and end up being unkind.

    If I react to someone who is being unkind, I want to be sure I'm addressing the unkindness, not the sensitivity. Even when sensitivity is twisted, it often comes from a place of pain, and if we attack that, we aren't improving the situation.

  • [Deleted User]Julesocean (deleted user)

    Sensitivity is a wonderful trait. Sometimes it no doubt can be troublesome, but the ability to feel so deeply is an absolute gift
    As a man suffering since my youth with ADHD, I have had a key to all my senses, feeling much of everything, and at times feeling much of nothing. What I have always known is how I have felt, for better or worse.
    Music has always touched my inner soul, wether it’s the musicians playing instruments or Dj’s cutting recorded, I imagined how they felt at the time, and it allowed me to go deeper Into the moment, a thing I still do today
    The same is said for the singers, rappers, and crooners, an attachment to the feelings of the artist or words, moving me into an imaginative place, only the most sensitive know of. Music like a good hug, can bring me to tears often allowing me to shed the stress my sensitivities keyed into through the day, leaving me feeling refreshed, and grateful for my present moment

  • SuperManCuddlesSuperManCuddles

    @JoyfulHeart I 💯 percent agree. Thank you for sharing!

  • SideonSideon

    @Sooson - eggshells? No. The forums have a wide range of diverse voices and perspectives. It's when folks don't follow forum rules and commit personal attacks where they get into trouble. Your post itself is a trolling drive-by, so I'm going to let you in on a little woke secret that your media-driven narrative hasn't and won't teach you:

    It is our sensitivity that is our greatest strength. Sensitive people are not weak, nor lacking. We are mighty, and THAT is why others fear them, because they have no idea how to feel and be strong.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited March 2023

    As somebody who is not always seen as dripping wirh sensitivity, I really appreciate this post. I don't wear it on my sleeve , but am pretty sensitive and mushy inside , even if salty and prickly on the outside.,which is abundantly clear to those who know me. I am by nature very protective of others, and that extends to myself as well. My sensitivity is protected. It is how I cope

  • [Deleted User]Mman (deleted user)

    There are these super sensitive condoms available now. After the guy leaves they stick around and talk to the woman.

  • pmvinespmvines

    @Mman 😂😂😂

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    @Mman but do they cuddle her and tell her how wonderful and valuable she is?

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    Sensitivity is not always about yourself, mostly it’s being sensitive to others, more empathetic and aware of what others need and want.
    And sensitivity to everything around them! Nature, for example.
    All their senses are alive if your sensitivity is focused outward!
    I’m overly sensitive but I need to be for everything I do. The only negative is unkind behavior from others doesn’t bounce off of me so easily

  • [Deleted User]Mman (deleted user)

    @carrieanne AI has not quite developed that capability but will soon be releasing cigarette smoking capability.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    Food for thought:

    The sensitive folks who are unable to turn their empathy outwards and instead are focused inwards on their own feelings - sometimes to the extent of causing harm to others?

    Perhaps they are that way because for their entire lives they have been told their sensitivity makes them weak, their feelings are invalid, their pain isn't real, etc. They have been traumatized daily their entire lives by the people closest to them, often with the best intentions, trying to "toughen them up" for the real world. And all it has done has made them question their reality, disconnect from the people around them, struggle to empathize with others when no one seemed to empathize with them.

    Does that mean they should be allowed to cause harm? No. But villainizing them and further ostracizing them doesn't solve the issue, either. It is in fact possible to mitigate harm while still showing compassion and providing support for those who would cause harm. Our mental health and rehabilitation systems are so broken we don't even consider that there are better ways that have been used elsewhere, and that there's so much untapped creative solutions at our disposal.

  • JoyfulHeartJoyfulHeart

    @cuddlefaery I agree 100%. While the behavior of lashing out is problematic, the people who are lashing out are people.

    I read a book titled Hurt People Hurt People, and the title alone is profound. One of the key points of the book relates to healing. It says that while the pain of past trauma may not always fade completely, we can get to the point where that pain no longer causes harm to others.

    In my work, I'm constantly among people who are at a low point in their lives. At times, this will come out in ways that can be uncomfortable, confusing, annoying, or even unsafe. I have a choice in those moments to respond with the "big guns," or to to be calm, and see if there is a way that I can engage them that lets them know their humanity is seen. I can often lead them into conversations where they are expressing themselves reasonably and opening their minds to other perspectives. This never happens successfully if I've used sarcasm, shaming, or dismissal in the process.

    Thank you, @cuddlefaery for your contribution to this discussion.

  • [Deleted User]HolisticHoney_ (deleted user)

    Instead of sensitive, this sounds more like emotional intelligence and empathy. I agree! Many people are disconnected from their emotions and often not by choice. Maybe it’s our gift to help support them ✨

  • [Deleted User]Julesocean (deleted user)

    Absolutely right that some folks who are sensitive are empathic as well, and sometimes those who are sensitive have been hurt, and in turn hurt others
    Sensitivity is a strong emotion and can be used in good, and teach us, when we need to change things up, or cope in a new way
    I am very proud of my sensitivity, and wonder why some here find it necessary to crack jokes, and it dawned on me, cracking jokes is a coping skill, sensitive types use, to avoid the difficult moment/conversation
    I appreciate those that have chimed in. Adding to the conversation

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