Advice needed

[Deleted User]CuddlyCharlie (deleted user)
in General

I am a 41 yr old male and I have a physical disability limiting my ability to travel anywhere and I can't ask my family for help. I was finally able to get a cuddle partner to come to me, but the person quit b/c of personal reasons. This individual was a big help with my severe depression and loneliness. I'm having a hard time finding a new companion. I'm open to any helpful suggestions I may receive and can pay reasonable travel fees. For obvious reasons, I cannot ask for this kind of help on Facebook. For reference, I live in Dubuque. Thank you

Comments

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited March 2023

    I can empathize with your situation and hope you are able to not be dragged down by your feelings. Just want to ask what other support systems and interventions do you have in place? I'm sure I'm not the first person to say this, but cuddling interweb strangers is not a cure for mental illness . It, just like any other activity that can help boost mood, might make you feel a certain way at the time but it's really important to have multiple things in your toolbox and not rely on something singular and temporary like cuddling .

    As for your post, if you are wanting to seek another cuddler then simply message someome else in your area . Many will come to you .

  • [Deleted User]SivaSky (deleted user)

    I'm sorry you're going through that. Have you thought about doing Virtual session? I know some cuddlers offers that, or does it have to be a physical thing only?

  • [Deleted User]kindnessmind (deleted user)

    Hi Iā€™m new at cuddling. Someone me for other things besides cuddles not sex. Are there different ask besides cuddles for individuals? Is there a charge for cuddles?

    Thank you

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    As both a pro and a client/enthusiast myself, I'm going to second both the reaching out to other pros in the area and trying virtual sessions.

    With asking other local pros, you never know unless you ask. Many pros are willing to travel locally, especially if you are willing to cover travel expenses, and I several besides myself will go out of their way to make sessions accessible to people with disabilities. Unfortunately I don't know anyone in your area that I might recommend, but I hope you find someone to get your touch needs met as I know how much not doing so due to health sucks.

    Virtual companionship (aka virtual cuddling) is pretty much limited only by your imagination and the requirement to stay platonic. I started exploring it as a client & enthusiast before I decided to become a pro because I was in deep isolation myself during the pandemic. I've had virtual cuddling sessions that involved mental imagery, meditation, and self-massage exercises that could trick the brain for awhile into feeling like physically I wasn't so alone. I also did activities like Netflix watch parties, body doubling work sessions, or just venting to a friendly compassionate ear. When all my friends were able to return to more normal life and I had to stay isolated, virtual cuddling was an option to help me feel more connected to the world despite my friends not having availability so it was important to me to keep offering it to my clients even after I returned to in-person sessions this year myself. Maybe finding a virtual pro, or even just a community to hang out with on video, can help bridge some of the gap for you as well.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles
    edited March 2023

    @CuddlyCharlie I'm sorry you lost your regular cuddler! I've heard it's dangerous to rely on a single cuddler and this would be an example of why. šŸ˜”

    I would so come to you if I were in your state! Best of luck finding those within travel distance.

    Also fully agree with @pmvines; make sure you're treating your depression through mental health professionals, and view cuddling as a hobby to delight in, when it's available. šŸ¤—

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    P.S. @cuddlefaery You continue to be an astonishingly wonderful asset to this community. šŸ’ž

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited March 2023

    @AscendedHeart no offense, serious question here. Your profile says pro pending. Why apply to register as a pro cuddler and then decide to ask those questions, and on a thread topic that has nothing at all to do with your question?

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    @pmvines I think they may have posted in the wrong thread. Happens sometimes, especially if using mobile. I did it the other day šŸ˜…

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery
    edited March 2023

    @SunsetSnuggles aww thank you šŸ’–

    But a quick word of caution for you and @pmvines as I know both of you have the best intentions -

    Be cautious of giving unsolicited medical advice.
    We don't know that OP isn't already receiving mental healthcare for the depression. For all we know, a medical professional could have been the one to recommend trying a professional cuddler (I actually got my first paying client that way).

    I can only speak for myself, of course, but I also know some chronic health experiences are fairly universal. As someone who has had major recurrent depression for 2/3 of their life, hearing "make sure to do this really basic thing thing, which you're already doing, that literally everyone suggests" feels really harmful, like "gee, thanks!!! I never would have considered going to a psychologist for my mental health issue." It just adds to one's sense of worthlessness because it validates all the negative self talk that says everyone thinks you're stupid, lazy, not trying, etc etc.

    It's hard because we know they're hurting and we just want to help, and I'm absolutely guilty of doing it too - it's fairly normalized in western culture, but is finally starting to get pushback thanks to more accessibility. But often one of the best things we can usually do for someone with mental health struggles is to allow them agency that so often gets stripped away. Ask if they want advice/help on a topic, try not to assume what they have or haven't tried, and try to default to offering support rather than offering advice. (That last one is the hardest one for me)

    All this to say - OP asked us for advice on finding local professional cuddlers - not on solving their mental health issues for which they may or may not already be seeking professional care.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited March 2023

    @cuddlefaery respectfully to the OP, I wasn't giving medical advice.
    I am a hospice social worker, and mental health wellness is part of my career and training and something I advocate for . Every time I see someone say that they are having mental health issues and seem to be relying on cuddling as a fix for it, I always strongly caution them to not put so much stock into this and to have realistic expectations about the outcomes. Some people out here peddle cuddling like it's miracle water , and some people are desperate and naive enough to believe it . I said what I said to OP because he brought up his issues and how not having a cuddler is distressing. I feel it's not doing harm to give a friendly reminder to keep things in perspective. When it comes to mental health I don't feel one can ever have enough tools and supports. I believe you and I both can agree on that, and that we both want OP to be well.

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