Questions - Interested in Pro Cuddling

[Deleted User]Sunflowerfield (deleted user)
in Pro Cuddling

Hello pros!

I'm interested in possibly being a professional cuddler, but I have a few concerns. It seems like most of the pros on here experience men crossing their boundaries and behaving in a sexual or inappropriate way.

Is there a way to prevent this with platonic cuddling? I have had four unpaid cuddle buddies over the last year (two men, two women), and they have been quite respectful of my physical boundaries. Do you think it's more likely to happen in a paid context than an unpaid context? Why do you think this might be the case?

Also, how do you go about screening people in the initial stages and explaining your policies to them? I was thinking it might be a good idea to do one or two Skype calls, meet in person and talk through the contract, then maybe cuddle in public before cuddling somewhere in private (like my house or other people's houses).

How do you deal with the possible safety risks of cuddling at your own house? I was thinking I could ask a neighbour to watch out for me but I'm a bit concerned someone might turn out to be abusive or have a mental illness, then try to track me down or stalk me... I have to admit I have come across a few shady and unstable characters in platonic cuddling websites/groups.

Look forward to hearing your thoughts and suggestions!

Cheers.

Comments

  • BrandiBrandi

    Sent a message! ^~^

  • alarisrainalarisrain

    Brandi, if you would be willing, I would love to hear your thoughts on this as well. I was specifically thinking of asking you in a message, anyway. :)

  • ubergigglefritzubergigglefritz

    Me too =)

  • BlueIrisBlueIris Mod
    edited February 2018

    Since this thread died months ago, I'll answer the questions.

    There is no 100% way to prevent some people from crossing boundaries and behaving inappropriately. Some people will just do it. It doesn't matter if you've asked have they read the Client Services Agreement. Some will lie and say yes, they have, when they obviously haven't by the requests they make or the questions they ask. Some won't even answer the question. You can ask that question and explain your boundaries until the cows come home, and it will make no difference to some people. It's entirely up to you how much boundary testing you'll tolerate before you leave or throw them out.

    I don't believe it makes any difference whether you are an enthusiast or a professional. If you cuddle strangers long enough, you are going to run into boundary pushers. Count on it. The only thing you have control of is your own adherence to your boundaries and, as I said, how much inappropriate behavior you'll tolerate before you end the session.

    As to screening, I find that the people who make conversation with me first are the ones with whom I have the best cuddles. There are some people whose first message is two sentences, one of which is a booking request. No polite conversation, no interest in getting to know me, no offering me any information about themselves. Those types usually disappear after one or two messages when I try to draw them out in conversation.

    The vetting process as outlined in the original post I find too complicated for a professional. It's more in line with what an enthusiast would do. I will Skype if the person is far away geographically to make sure he doesn't drive a long way only to discover when we meet in person that we don't click. A little conversation online, one Skype if need be, one in-person meet and I'm ready to cuddle, if he gets that far. You should know by the end of the in-person meet whether any red flags have been raised.

    I'm a new professional. I've cuddled a dozen guys, only one so far as a professional. None of the ones who made it to my house or with whom I met at a hotel were anything but nice guys. I simply decline the ones who aren't interested in talking and us getting to know each other first.

  • ubergigglefritzubergigglefritz

    Thanks for the advice! How do you do the in-public portion? Is it a separate meeting, and then you arrange to cuddle at a later date? Or is it more the first step of a cuddle session, where you then move to a private location to continue? Do you charge anything for the in-public portion? I was thinking at a discounted rate... Thanks again =)

  • AshleyCuddlesAshleyCuddles

    A lot of us will do this right before the cuddle so we can decide to proceed or not to proceed from there. I don't know anyone that charges for this. It's something we ask for as a safety precaution and vetting process also helps make the client feel more comfortable moving forward. But really you shouldn't charge for this

  • cuddlebugTMcuddlebugTM

    I wouldn’t charge for meeting before . Now if client wants s few meetings , lunches to get to know each other I would charge a lower rate

  • ubergigglefritzubergigglefritz

    It's a decent drive for me to get to public meeting spots, so I'm leaning towards recommending a public meet with public cuddling for the first session, at a steeply reduced cost. Basically just covers my miles and time driving...

  • AshleyCuddlesAshleyCuddles

    You don't have a Starbucks or MacDonald s or anything like that around you?

  • ubergigglefritzubergigglefritz

    Nope. I live in between two cities, about 30 minutes to the perimeter of each. There are restaurants a little closer, but not by much.

    I can see both perspectives of charging or not for initial meetings, especially depending on the activities/interaction which will be occurring.

    Hopefully once I get a bit more karma, people will find the offer fair...

  • BlueIrisBlueIris Mod

    @ubergigglefritz - Most pro cuddlers I know are ready to cuddle right after the in-person meet, if the client passes muster. You don't want to make your vetting process too complicated or drawn out, or you'll lose clients.

  • ubergigglefritzubergigglefritz

    @BlueIris, I'm sure I'll get there in due time =) Right now, with my location, it's either a public cuddle or a private cuddle. I might get more comfortable with hotel cuddles, which could make things easier, as I'm only comfortable with hosting once I've met the person (and like I mentioned, I can't host immediately following a quick public meeting, because of my location). Unless they have sufficient karma, in which case, I could be fine going straight into hosting.

  • BlueIrisBlueIris Mod

    @ubergigglefritz - Wow, you have some challenges ahead of you! Good luck!!

  • ubergigglefritzubergigglefritz

    So most of your sessions are with people only looking for one-time private cuddles who have no karma and are new to the site?

  • AshleyCuddlesAshleyCuddles

    @ubergigglefritz Who are you asking?

  • ubergigglefritzubergigglefritz

    Doesn't really matter. Was responding to blueiris thinking I'll have a tough time, but curious anyone's stats.

    If someone is looking for regular cuddles, it doesn't seem like a big deal to do one public cuddle first. Especially when talking about people who are new to the site and have no karma yet. But I could be wrong.

    It seems like the process would be the most inhibitive to people looking for one-time cuddling, but have no karma yet. But those people seem the most risky.

  • ScarletteScarlette

    It all depends. Some people just want to try it and they do and then they are done. Some are looking for a long term cuddler. Many are traveling and look for cuddlers in their travel areas. That doesn't necessarily make them risky.

  • ubergigglefritzubergigglefritz

    Those who travel and look for cuddlers in the area count as repeat cuddlers. They should have karma.

    Those who want to try it and be done should appreciate a discount option for a public cuddle to try it before investing a lot more into a private cuddle. Just another perspective :-)

  • ScarletteScarlette

    I don't count someone as a repeat client unless they are repeating a cuddle with me. Not everyone leaves Karma and Karma that is left can be deceiving.

    Those who want to try cuddling, want to actually try cuddling not meet for a coffee and hand holding.

  • ubergigglefritzubergigglefritz

    Can cuddle at a theater, in a public park, etc. Those are the two best suggestions I have heard on here. If I will be less successful than you in order to feel safe, so be it.

    I am just starting. I don't think it's normal to start out 100% comfortable letting strangers with no peer reviews into your home to cuddle with you. I will hopefully get more comfortable over time and develop a routine for vetting, but I'm not starting there out of the gate...

    I don't know why people would leave inaccurate karma. We should be able to count on each other when it comes to safety and recommending others.

  • ScarletteScarlette

    You should always follow your gut when it comes to safety issues. A theater or park are great options for a public cuddle. You can also try the lobby of a nice hotel or intimate restaurant. Public cuddles can be great.

    When you are ready to move into private cuddles you will know.

    The reason people leave inaccurate Karma is addressed in a number of threads.

  • AshleyCuddlesAshleyCuddles

    Hun you do know that some will ask you to go to their house or get a hotel room right? It doesn't have to be your place if you are not comfortable.

  • ubergigglefritzubergigglefritz

    @Scarlette, I've been reading the forums and haven't found a thread on that subject yet. I'll keep looking. Thanks for pointing it out. I would always post a positive karma after good experience, because I appreciate the karma myself when getting inquiries. I'm surprised so many people don't seem to post karma automatically, unless they have had a bad experience =( It's sort of similar on Airbnb, where posting accurate reviews really helps everyone out, both the guests and the hosts.

    @AshleyCuddles, actually, I read a forum post that made me actually more comfortable with my own house than theirs. I'm definitely comfortable with my own house, just mostly after I have met the person at this point, unless they have a lot of good karma...

    I'm reading a lot on these forums and doing the free webinar on Thursday, plus at least one more free cuddle with someone experienced. I'm continually getting more and more insight into everything =) Thanks!

  • ubergigglefritzubergigglefritz

    @Scarlette, I found some of the forum posts. Thanks. I'll probably comment in some of those threads. The system definitely needs to be improved upon to encourage people posting accurate reviews (especially when it comes to safety-related concerns), without risk of retaliation.

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