I tried dating seriously for the first time, and it was awful.

StructuredQueryLanguageStructuredQueryLanguage
edited March 2023 in General

I don't understand what's so great about dating? Having a life filled with close friends where you see professional cuddlers on occasion is absolutely perfect.

Granted, I'm asexual and never planning on having kids, so I'm not interested in the "sex" part of dating, but even the supposed "cuddling" part of dating is just awful compared to a professional cuddler. Everything is so much more awkward and emotionally-weighted with an unnecessary sexual subtext, and here you are with all this commitment and responsibility and worry when dating someone, feeling like you have to take care of them, when there's nothing special about dating that you couldn't get from other relationships in your life.

I completely understand dating and marriage for sex obviously as well as for having a family and also financial security and housing and things like that, but I'm economically independent and already live with a very close friend and, as stated, am asexual and don't want kids. Professional cuddling completes my life as far as I'm concerned and represents that amazing kind of platonic affection that's so much more relaxing and enjoyable than this so-called "romantic" affection.

Comments

  • [Deleted User]1_teddybear (deleted user)

    As a young person not looking to have a family that makes perfect sense. Looks like you have all the things you need, and none of the things you don't. Consider yourself competent and fortunate that you can set your life up that way. Many people cannot say that.

  • StructuredQueryLanguageStructuredQueryLanguage
    edited March 2023

    @1_teddybear I do feel like our society does a disservice to so many people essentially forcing them to date or marry in order to sustain themselves financially since so many people cannot afford to live on their own.

    I think we could have less dating and marriage and also happier people if we further normalized people living with friends or building close family-like friendships more often.

    Providing folks in the USA with free health insurance could also help since getting health insurance from a partner is a big reason people pursue romance and marriage too!

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    Not sure I see the point? If dating/marriage would not meet your needs, great. For others, it does, and for reasons beyond what you have stated.

  • TxTomTxTom
    edited March 2023

    I'm happier dating, even married, rather than single. I joined CC after a relationship ended due to a hectic work schedule that made dating difficult. CuddleComfort has allowed me to enjoy the physical affection I need until I'm back in a relationship.

    Reported and reviewed. Removing part of the comment referencing politics. [Charlie_Bear]

  • jintxjintx
    edited March 2023

    @StructuredQueryLanguage (phenomenal name, btw), sounds like you're aromantic as well? My youngest is aroace. As much as life sucks to be lgbt+ in the world right now, I'm happy that they're growing up in a time that has words (phrases) like queer platonic partner in the lexicon

    It's unnecessarily hard being atypical, or running contrary to societal norms and expectations. Here's to you living your best life

  • CuddleWhoCuddleWho

    when there's nothing special about dating that you couldn't get from other relationships in your life.

    If that's how you feel, then so be it, maybe dating just isn't right for you. In particular if you aren't interested in sex then a major motivation to date just isn't there. But there are other things to be said for dating that can't be found in pro cuddling or friendships. For instance that "awkward and emotionally-weighted" feeling you talk about can actually be fun and exciting instead.

    @TxTom

    Any service provided to you by the government, such as "free health care," is actually paid for by your neighbors with their tax dollars.

    Everyone understands the concept of taxes perfectly well, so besides being off topic, this is a non-point. You realize that in private health insurance, one's health care is also paid for by everyone else's premiums, right?

  • mimtheplantmommimtheplantmom

    i completely agree!! I realized i might be aromantic because the idea of dating and being married seems so foreign to me 😂

  • TxTomTxTom

    @CuddleWho Yes, of course, I realize that. My off-topic comment was only meant as a sidebar comment to @StructuredQueryLanguage 's brief comment about free health care. Whether private or public, there is no free lunch. Somebody has to foot the bill.

    And I agree with you about the benefits of dating vs. transactional cuddling.

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)

    @mimtheplantmom at first I thought you said aromatic I was like oh that’s nice lol 😂

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @StructuredQueryLanguage you say your life is complete near the end of your post yet at the beginning you say you don’t understand the attraction to dating and romance. I think your statement near the end answers your question to the beginning. It completes some people and makes for a cheesy Tom Cruise line.

    Emotions are messy and there will never be a one size fits all answer to your question and like @WriterGF said, what’s the point if your life is complete? It shouldn’t bother you that you don’t get it. I am a serial dater and I have no idea why. I am happy in my life and I definitely never want to be married, but I get bored with people easily and sometimes it is to my detriment and I burn some bridges that probably would have been beneficial to my emotional infrastructure. But I am happy and feel content. No real purpose to screw up happiness by overthinking it.

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod
    edited March 2023

    I feel like there are so many different ways people approach life and I will personally never be able to understand how other people think. I can't form images in my head, which I discovered was a thing (aphantasia) when those articles made the rounds on the internet years back. I didn't know the "mind's eye" or phrases referring to something like a "mental image" actually meant "seeing" in your head. Can you imagine what it would be like to not see in your head? I literally can't comprehend how you do it - my imagination is not based on visuals at all. Some people have no inner monologue; how much different would my life be if I didn't have that? I only know what it's like to be me. I don't have an interest in dating but I don't think my approach and my way of thinking is the right way, not even remotely. Other people love dating/being married/etc and just because I don't doesn't mean there is anything wrong with me or them. We just approach life differently and it's ok to not understand why.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    Can you imagine what it would be like to not see in your head?

    Yeah, I looked inside my head and there was too much blood and cranial fluid for me to stomach. That’s why I avoid eye rolls.

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod

    @FunCartel
    Hahaha see there's no way I would have expected that response, despite the joke being right there and ripe for the picking 😂

  • frankparker9frankparker9

    Yeah if you are ace and/or aro and looking for cuddles and platonic affection, conventional dating is a pretty difficult, and probably painful, way to go.

    I can relate to this, but I also have romantic parts of me.

    If you aren’t willing or interested as far as spending a bunch of time with a new person, maybe taking care of them a bit and being taken care of a bit, getting a bit emotionally attached, considering structuring your life around this connection at least a bit, in the name of increased intimacy and connection, feeling feelings that may be challenging… you aren’t available for a romantic relationship. Which is ok.

  • PeopleLikeUsPeopleLikeUs

    I'm with you in a lot of ways. I don't date either. I like maintaining a cadre of friends that I spend time with both in groups and one on one. If the sparks go flying I just let it and never concern myself with how much I love my friends. If a relationship develops it's not because we dated. My love relationships have all grown out of friendships. I would need to have a relationship up and running before anything sexual could occur. My cuddling encounters have all been companion oriented in part because I treat it that way but also because that's just how it plays out. I've come to know myself as demisexual and gender non-conforming.

  • jintxjintx
    edited March 2023

    (Deleted as it adds nothing to conversation)

  • PeopleLikeUsPeopleLikeUs

    @jintx Your unblocked

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