Blocking button option

[Deleted User]ChasAlton (deleted user)
in General

How about a button option along side of 'BLOCKED' that would say something like this:

I acknowledge that I have participated in meaningful conversation with you for some time but have concluded recently that we are not a good match for further conversations...but I just don't have the time or the guts to explain it right now lol. Thank you for your investment in our relationship. I wish you the best! Goodbye

I realize that this would take a big box to get it all in but it sure would be a whole lot easier to take for us soft hearted ones, than the current option! ( especially since the monitors seem determined to not allow the mention of this on the members karma)....have to of met them in person...[I thought karma included both positive and negative]
Anyway I'm trying not to be offended...🙃😊

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Comments

  • RezzRezz

    We don't need to explain why we block.

    since the monitors seem determined to not allow the mention of this on the members karma)....have to of met them in person...[I thought karma included both positive and negative]

    The last thing we need is a bunch of butthurt members who think that because we exchanged a few messages that they can leave us frivolous karma because we refused to meet them in person , cancelled for valid reasons , or merely because their eggs were cold that morning and they are feeling vindictive.

    Instead take it as a lesson to not get emotionally attached to anyone here. There's other cuddlers, focus on them instead of those who want to be left alone, whatever their reason it's theirs and valid to them .

  • [Deleted User]CuddlelessinLB (deleted user)

    @Rezz 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited April 2023

    Reported and reviewed. Removing comment. [Charlie_Bear]

  • [Deleted User]ChasAlton (deleted user)

    I would like to think that 'butthurt" and 'frivolous karma' don't apply to my situation...but rather I am just suggesting a kinder way to end a conversation than "hanging up the phone" or :slamming the door closed" in the middle of conversation. The member that blocked me, I would like to think, felt that there was no other option even though, in my opinion, there was no abuse on my part of any kind. In the real world we don't usually treat each other with abruptly " hanging up the phone" or "slamming the door closed " so why is it OK here?

  • [Deleted User]CuddlelessinLB (deleted user)

    @FunCartel 🎯

  • RezzRezz

    @Chastheplumber

    Obviously something upset them enough to feel it was warranted and they didn't feel like giving a reason. You're not entitled to this reason.

    The fact you want to leave negative karma for someone you've never met in real life speaks volumes. The karma system is limited to those who have actually met in person for this very reason, to prevent abuse from those who can't control their emotions.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @Chastheplumber I totally get where you're coming from. Yes, everyone has the right to "hang up the phone" without explanation... Can people block without a giving reason, or having any just cause? Absolutely. Is there a better way to behave? Absolutely. 🤦🏻‍♀️

    In a year on this site, having conversed one on one with over 500 people, brushed shoulders with many others here on the board, and met and cuddled dozens of members in person, I've only felt the need to block two of them. In both instances, I gave them the common courtesy and respect of letting them know exactly why; and even then, going out of my way to let them know I didn't hold malice, but simply didn't feel comfortable with them having access to my profile, given their behavior/actions.

    It would be nice if everyone would communicate so clearly, but alas, it's easier to hit a button and "erase" someone on the internet, than take ownership of your actions and treat people like human beings.

    @Chastheplumber Unfortunately you and I are in the minority, or at least some of the few willing to stand up and say how we think humans should be treated. We'll be attacked for it, clearly, but I think speaking up for respectful treatment is worth it.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • [Deleted User]ChasAlton (deleted user)

    @Rezz
    Not sure why the phrase "not able to control their emotions wouldn't apply just as well to the person "hanging up the phone" in the middle of normal conversation...in the real world we don't normally abuse each other that way...why here? Keep in mind I am not saying that there isn't a time when someone should just "hang up the phone" ...but I am just suggesting that there may be another option to handle this in a less (perceived) abusive way.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery
    edited April 2023

    No is a complete sentence - that is a basic premise of consent, which is a major tenet of platonic cuddling and this site. Blocking is a no. The sooner you get comfy with accepting a hard no with zero explanations, the easier your life will be. Attend some consent workshops to practice. Learn some healthy coping and processing skills to practice.

    But at the end of the day a no is a no is a no is a no. Stop trying to get it dressed up prettily for your comfort in the hopes of just maybe, someday having wiggle room to change their mind. Stop expecting people to be unhealthy people pleasers. Stop demanding that other people go out of their way to prop up your sense of self-worth. I've been there done that, and ultimately it is up to ourselves to take care of our own feelings - not others.

    Kind does not equal nice, and nice does not equal kind. It's not about a lack of human decency - it's about recognizing that the people doing the blocking have the right and the autonomy to take care of themselves first, just as the person who has been rejected has the right and autonomy to do what they need to to process and take care of themselves afterwards. Sometimes the kindest thing we can do is end things before they progress, and blocking is one of the tools available to that end. If we were being "nice" we could just let it go on and deceive them, just like we could let them continue with their fantasy by giving them the words they want to hear rather than leave it as a hard boundary.

    No is a complete sentence, and block = no.

    Reported and reviewed. Removed a couple sentences where it seemed assumptions about the OP or reader had been made. [Charlie_Bear]

  • [Deleted User]ChasAlton (deleted user)

    @SunsetSnuggles
    Thank you for some common sense!
    I think anyone being honest with themselves knows that to treat others the same way we would like to be treated is still the best guide!

  • [Deleted User]ChasAlton (deleted user)

    @cuddlefaery
    Thanks for your explanation of things that certainly would apply somewhere. I don't question your sincerity but am surprised at your application of all that to me whom you have never met or heard any details...
    I am not trying to be funny...just honest...but thank you for reaching out...I am re reading it several times btw😊
    Good night!

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery
    edited April 2023

    @Chastheplumber apologies, I was responding to the topic in general and not you specifically (thus why I did not tag you but I definitely could have been more clear). This topic gets brought up frequently, which is rather irksome to someone active in the forums who is particularly passionate about consent and boundaries. The "you" and audience I'm addressing is the general you/one rather than you specifically. Again, my apologies for making it seem all of what I said was necessarily directed or applicable to you.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery
    edited April 2023

    Let me give an alternative perspective to the "hanging up the phone" analogy. (For clarity: assume all "you's" in this comment are general, not direct)

    You're on the phone with someone having an argument. It keeps escalating despite your best efforts to calm things down or redirect. The other person keeps crossing your boundaries despite you explicitly asking them to stop doing/saying something. Clearly nothing is getting resolved during this argument, but the other person is too emotionally wound up to properly hear you and process what you are saying. You've tried multiple times to gracefully leave the conversation, everything from subtle hints to flat out restating your boundary that if they continue using abusive language towards you, you will leave the conversation. They continue yelling and being abusive, so you uphold your boundary and hang up the phone.

    Now, to the person who is all riled up and angry, the hang up is sudden because they did not have the awareness in the moment to recognize all the steps leading up to the cut off. They were too fixated on their own feelings, or formulating their next counter point, or ranting louder to drown out what you were saying for whatever reason. It's not as black and white as one person being bad and one being good - it's one person crossed boundaries and the other enforced them, but the first person missed the memo and so now is confused and upset that they are cutoff.

    In text conversation it may not be that extreme or drawn out. It doesn't have to be. Perhaps you were caught up in the conversation and excited and missed the hints. Maybe because text is a difficult medium to convey tone you missed the less subtle clues. Regardless, the block means there's a hard boundary drawn, so now you can torture yourself over the "whys" that you'll probably never know, or you can take care of yourself and your own feelings rather than relying on someone else to do the emotional labor for you.

  • [Deleted User]TheLatina (deleted user)
    edited April 2023

    @cuddlefaery The fact that he didn't want to continue the conversation because he wasn't getting the answer he wanted is what makes me think that he is not wanting to accept rejection nicely. If someone blocks someone else is cause something was said that made them uncomfortable. I've blocked people, said my peace and didn't want to no longer continue the conversation for my own peace of mind. There is nothing wrong with that as far as I'm concerned. Why does anyone have to explain anything to the person they blocked? O.o .

    Reported and reviewed. Removed a sentence that assumed OP's intent. [Charlie_Bear]

  • [Deleted User]ChasAlton (deleted user)

    Thanks! I'll be all right by tomorrow😊

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    @TheLatina agreed. Absolutely no explainations are necessary - as I said, no is a complete sentence.

    @SunsetSnuggles I would encourage you to remember that in all of these complaints of "I was blocked without explaination" we are only hearing one side of the situation. And while I applaud your desire to extend compassion for the posters' hurt feelings, I wonder how much you consider the potential other side of the story? How much compassion is being shown to the person who did the blocking? Did you consider why they might have felt the need to block suddenly after much conversation? That perhaps the version of the story we are getting is clouded by bias and the other person's version is entirely different?

    "Treat others how we wish to be treated" - I would rather be treated honestly and fairly as an autonomous human being who is responsible for their own actions and emotions, than "nicely" according to outdated propriety rules that are about giving people the appearance of being comfortable and "respectful" rather than actually respecting them.

    For me, whenever I see posts like this I equally remember all the posts from other women about times they've had to block because some guy wouldn't take no for an answer, wouldn't stop crossing boundaries, made them feel unsafe/was a creep, broke TOS, or just plain gave them a bad gut feeling. We don't need to know their reason for blocking then - they have every right to do so and should do so for their own health and safety - and likewise we don't need to know now in order to still support them. So why do we suddenly question the "why" when we only hear the other side of the story? The situation has not changed. Personal autonomy, consent, and boundaries have not changed. The person doing the blocking has not somehow become rude, unkind, or selfish for enforcing their boundary just because we now know the other person's side. We can have compassion for both people without negating the need boundaries and consent.

  • pmvinespmvines

    Uh, no , pointless idea and hard time taking it seriously

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)
    edited April 2023

    Even if you did something like this, what would it achieve? Wouldn't the blockee just be left going, "But why aren't we a good match?" If they blocked you, guess what, they have already told you that you are not a good match by doing so. No reason to belabor it.

    If you are going to try to meet people online, you are going to get blocked and you are going to get ghosted, it's the nature of the beast. Happens here, happens on social media, happens on dating sites. If you can't handle it, online is not the place for you.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited April 2023

    @cuddlefaery I agree. No is more than enough.

    I also think when someone gives their grand pronouncement about why they are blocking and they do it publicly it reeks of self-righteousness, ego and judgement. It is the “I am taking my ball and going home” move because they won’t even allow a reply and it only serves as the only way they can feel better about themself. That is the insecure child’s way of blocking someone.

    I have also had people block without comment. I do not feel offended. I can infer they do not wish to speak to me. That’s cool. I was not in any intimate relationship with them and I know it is just two people who didn’t vibe. This is how an adult handles relationships with complete strangers. If they have to say anything do it through DMs. There is no need to “mansplain” (the word applying to men and women) why you are doing it—that is just ego and insecurity talking and a burning desire to feel that by getting the last word in you have won an argument. The people who I have seen do this I have also seen how insecure they are and small their world is.

    @Chastheplumber So if you look at your message you propose for a block button you use the word I frequently. That projects insecurity, hurt feelings, and judgement. If you absolutely have to have the final say and pass your judgement instead of simply blocking, do so in a more mature manner such as “We have conversed and we do not seem to be compatible.” Any conversation is between two people which is we, but if you use I it is only about you trying to hurt the other person and it comes across as petty and self-serving.

  • MonkeyNeedsAHugMonkeyNeedsAHug
    edited April 2023

    There is a danger with OP’s suggestion.

    If you create an expectation where the rejecter has to explain every rejection with a summary of her rationale, it puts her in a situation where - when she does come across a person she feels might be a consent-violating creep, she either has to lie and downplay her gut response or else confront him with her assessment, and face the backlash.

    Because there are lots of dudes out there who overreact to the hurt of rejection from women. Many even get violent.

    So, it is vital to women’s physical safety and well-being that we normalise taking a “no” with as few hard feelings as possible, and without calling for explanations.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @MonkeyNeedsAHug 💯. In addition, explanations attached to a block, be it by a man or woman, is a bad faith way of trying to absolve themselves from any culpability. What we do not have is the other person’s side of things. So is it an explanation, an attempt at absolution or an attempt to mitigate their insecurities? We will never know.

  • [Deleted User]Mman (deleted user)

    I went to my Dr. and told him my ear was blocked.
    "Which ear" he said.
    "2023" I responded.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    @Chastheplumber By nature, I’m more like you and @SunsetSnuggles
    Where did common courtesy go?
    Accepting we have no power over other’s behavior seems simple but needs to happen.
    We’re all reminded constantly that when dealing with strangers online, better have zero expectations. No one owes us anything.
    I’m ok with that.

  • [Deleted User]CuddlelessinLB (deleted user)
    edited April 2023

    So, let’s say I just get a bad vibe from someone that messaged me and no longer want to continue the conversation.

    I let them know that I don’t think we’re a good fit/compatible.

    They respond with, “How can you know that, we haven’t even met?” “What exactly makes you feel like we aren’t compatible?”

    How should I respond?

    “I can’t quite explain it, but something about you makes me uncomfortable and I just don’t want to continue this conversation.”

    This now opens the floor for the other person to ask for specifics, get offended because I can’t give them a good reason and they feel judged for something they perceive is unreasonable, or for them to get angry because they want to continue it and your reason just isn’t good enough for them.

    Then what?

    A lot of men (I didn’t say ALL, so don’t come for me), do not take rejection well, especially if they don’t agree with our assessment of them.

    To avoid the potential conflict, the needless back and forth, or the potential anger of a male, which could be triggering for MANY women, this is why we have the block button.

    Truth is, we don’t know what someone’s reaction will be, but if we’ve had enough experiences that have taught us that “explanations” don’t always work, in order to protect ourselves, we’ll do what we feel is best for US. Not for the other person.

    I hope that made sense… especially to the males that don’t quite understand. It may not be YOU, per se, but we’re not going to stick around to find out, especially if we’ve already had negative experiences with several other males before you.

    No is an answer. There’s does not need to be an explanation. This is Boundaries 101.

    If you feel the need to explain yourself, you may not feel confident enough in just saying no without appeasing the other person and making them feel better about your “NO.”

    If you feel the need to receive an explanation, you’re basically saying, “I don’t care how you feel, I have the right to an explanation.” And sometimes, “A right to an explanation that makes sense to ME, otherwise I’m going to keep pushing back until I get what I want.”

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @CuddlelessinLB Spot on. Courtesy is a construct and like any construct it can be insincere and subject to manipulation for personal agendas. I find explanations unnecessary because they are usually just a veil for someone justifying their own actions. Your examples are real world proof of that.

    In the end the result is the same—the platonic relationship, if you want to call it that, is severed and done. I do not want to hear someone’s bs reasons. And for a female, the safety aspect is very real. Just rip the band aid off and if they are hurt they will get over it much quicker.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited April 2023

    I think the question is kinda ridiculous and pointless. All it stands to do is give yet more people yet more things to piss and moan about

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    Why does anyone have to explain anything to the person they blocked? O.o .

    @TheLatina I know right? As a woman isn’t it so charming when men demand an explanation why you won’t go out with them or have sex with them? It isn’t charming and courtesy has nothing to do with it. It is about consent. Why should it be any different on line? Explanations are just putting lipstick on a pig.

  • GreatHornedOwlGreatHornedOwl

    It would be absolutely impossible for any single message to fit all circumstances. Even a choice of a dozen messages wouldn't do it.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @GreatHornedOwl Agreed.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    All it stands to do is give yet more people yet more things to piss and moan about

    @pmvines Oh. You now made it look like an attractive option.

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