If someone needs a reason, just tell them what my parents always said when I asked “why?” “Because I said so!”
@Rezz said "...bunch of butthurt members ..."
I came to CuddleComfort for a cuddle.
I return to eagerly read @Rezz 's latest tongue lashing.
I agree with FunCartel, MonkeyNeedsAHug and GreatHornedOwl.
@carrieanne what is "common courtesy"? Who defines it? Who does it benefit? Who decides where the line is where someone must sacrifice their own safety and comfort in the name of it? Can you define "common courtesy" in a single simple sentence in such a way that the examples we are talking about here clearly fall within its parameters, without having to give a bunch of caveats and exemptions?
I'd like to propose that what most people are calling "common courtesy" in this thread is neither common nor courtesy. It is not common because it is not being applied equitably and fairly to everyone - preference is being given to the vocal complainers, namely men in these situations of blocking, and little to no "common courtesy" is being applied to the people doing the blocking. They instead get villanized and invalidated. And courtesy can mean being polite (as in maintaining social conventions), but it also means showing people respect and consideration. Where is the consideration for the person doing the blocking and their feelings? If this is common courtesy, then we need to be equally concerned about the blocker's emotional well-being as the person they blocked.
There is a reason we are told to put on our own life vests and oxygen masks first before aiding others. We are best able to help others and contribute to society when we are taking care of our own needs first and foremost before attending to the needs of others. Self preservation is not selfish - we need to stop treating it as such and stop worshiping at the altar of unhealthy people pleasing.
@cuddlefaery I’m in a really happy courteous state of mind tonight. I do what’s right for me, you will likely do the same for yourself. Kind wishes 🤗
Another silly idea that gives people the thought to go overboard on their soapbox. Ugh
As a general rule, far more people are overly self-absorbed than overly giving. Both women and men. So while there are people out there who certainly need to learn to put their own needs first, when that's given as a blanket statement across a large population it's outright comical. I can't relate at all to someone who looks at the world and decides people are too selfless.
And it seems so overly wrought to call it "self preservation" to block someone. If someone's being rude or pushy or something, sure, but let's be real, many of these blockings fall into the category of "I didn't feel like talking to this person anymore, and I didn't want to explain myself." You're just doing the thing that is most convenient for you. And so be it, that is your right, but that is in no way "self preservation."
I also see some of the same weird double standards I see in this thread that I've seen in many others - in some people's eyes, the things women tend to do more often are always justified. The details don't even matter.
All that said... Blocking/ghosting/etc is common behavior and you just have to accept it. Honestly, unless you've known somebody for months and have been seeing them regularly, don't emotionally invest anything into them. Women block or ghost for no apparent reason all the time, and if you are too attached to them or too invested in a given outcome, you'll drive yourself crazy.
“Moving parts in rubbing contact require lubrication to avoid excessive wear. Honorifics and formal politeness provide lubrication where people rub together. Often the very young, the untravelled, the naive, the unsophisticated deplore these formalities as "empty," "meaningless," or "dishonest," and scorn to use them. No matter how "pure" their motives, they thereby throw sand into machinery that does not work too well at best.”
True when it was written many decades ago. Probably still true today.
It is certainly true that "No" is a complete sentence all in itself. One has no obligation to explain the 'no' once said. But blocking someone without even the courtesy of saying 'no' is just giving the silent treatment, which was covered pretty thoroughly in another forum thread. I grew up pre-internet and pre-smartphone, so I view the act of giving that simple one word sentence as a courtesy. Younger generations may not see it the same way, and take things like 'ghosting' for granted. So I'm guessing that younger generations don't see a reply as a courtesy.
Couldn't say at the moment which philosophy is right, but I'll stick to politeness where possible.
Thanks @Jubal for your comments. Very well-said.
@Jubal @CuddleWho Thank you both for your perspectives on something that's shouldn't be that complicated although sometimes we make it that way. Somewhere back in time somebody came up with something about a 'golden rule'.... in my humble opinion I think it still works:-) Somewhere else I read that 'love is the answer'... sounds pretty good to me too! And thank you everyone for sharing your perspectives.... it can be helpful in understanding each other better as we together try to spread the love this world so desperately needs.😊
Anyone watch The Circle on Netflix? It’s a guilty pleasure of mine. If I block someone, I’ll just send them this:
And then block them.
I’ll keep that in mind next time not sure if I was aware at the time... I
wrote someone a negative karma after a bunch of messages here, but then like WELL OVER like 150 or 200 text messages AND another 2 hours on the phone… only for her to cancel our meet the day of!!
I wanted to make sure no one else broke the internet’s bandwidth with an inexcusable amount of wasted time and brain cells…
It needed to be said.
@Charlie_Bear 😂 I’m going to save that image and use it next time. lol
@WestsideMarc Now that’s just RUDE.
I have blocked people that have absolutely nothing to do with cuddle comfort or anyone on its website; believe it or not, some of us have lives away from here and just doing our best to make it through the day.
@CuddlelessinLB 😂 That would have me cracking up.
For people who are sending notes of explanation before blocking, I'm curious how that works -- do you send the note and then block immediately? Do you wait for a response? Do you respond to the response and it turns into a whole, long conversation about why you don't want to talk to them?
@WriterGF Yes, let’s talk about not talking.
I don't want to talk about it.
Both sides of the coin ....
It is really uncomfortable when you are the one who has questions and would like an explanation, but we are not entitled to one. And, we should get comfortable knowing we also have the right to not give an explanation when setting a boundary or saying no.
Just thankful for the amazing cuddlers who who seem genuinely happy and actually enjoy cuddling. As for common courtesy, you know it when you see it! @SunsetSnuggles seems to be cornering that market 🙂
I send a very brief message saying why I’m blocking, then block. I’ve only done this a couple of times. It was when the person was really clueless, sometimes needing a lecture about playing dumb and it didn’t work because they sent something sexual. Like, grow up, reread the TOS. I’ve never blocked anyone who was being sincere. Why would I, but again it depends on the individual. If I don’t want to chat because they’re just trying to play me, i say, “please let me know when you’re ready to book. Looking forward to meeting.” Rarely, if they are going through a rough time, and they’re polite, I’ll talk for a while. See how I can help.
Like it has been stated before, NOBODY OWES NOBODY an explanation for blocking/ghosting. Over the years of internet interaction I have learned to not get emotionally invested with many folks over the internet. I do this for my own sake and sanity, BOTH mean a lot to me now.😁
When I first started joining other social/dating sites, I was blocking left and right, due to people (mostly men) not capable of accepting rejection with GRACE AND DIGNITY!🙄 A lot of responses to my simple polite rejection of "I'm not interested" would receive all kinds of insults like: "fat,ugly b****, I didn't want you anyway". Or they would ask "Why not?" and end with a retort like "From someone looking the way you do, I wouldn't be so picky". Lol!😆 And some of these insulting responses would include racist slurs like "I don't like nappyheaded wh****" (that one I recall receiving from Okcupid, thank goodness I deactivated when I did😉) or the occasional "n-word" would get dropped a lot as well. Lol! Oh yeah, it was a "real butthurt party" happening in my inboxes when I FIRST got started doing the "interneting thing".😜
Lol! SO...due to possible responses (whether it's rejection or simple lost of interest in said inbox conversation😏) like what I have mentioned, blocking/ignoring/ ghosting is totally understandable. 👍
After all, no response is a response. 😊
Accept it and move on, I do it all the time when I don't receive a response after sending a message to someone. It's not the end of the world, it's only the internet. 😉
👆👆👆👆💯
[some of us have lives away from here and just doing our best to make it through the day.]
@WKplatonic ^^^Thank you for mentioning this one, I have been blocked by some likely for not responding "fast enough" too.😆😆😆
My life isn't on a website, sometimes there are other things happening OFFLINE that I have to deal before I get back ONLINE.😉
[Uh, no , pointless idea and hard time taking it seriously]
^^^^@pmvines I agree.😊
I've only blocked one person. I had a very poor experience with her and I chose to not have her come up in search results anymore.
My only wish is that blocking also worked for forum posts and comments.
@CharlesInWI I had made that suggestion to the site admins and that could possibly be coming in the future. As a mod, that would definitely make my life a little easier.
@katota and others make a valid point. Sometimes a simple no thank you escalates pretty quickly into insults and harassment from the rejected. I can see where blocking and moving on without explanation is less postnatal to be volatile
Not only that, but sometimes they want to debate why your assessment of them is wrong. What is the point?