Pros being publicly shamed on the forums

edited April 2023 in General

Every now and then, a user will create a dummy profile and spam the forums by publicly shaming a pro by posting inappropriate photos of her and linking pages to sites like OnlyFans, claiming she is a sex worker. Last night was another instance of this. Before I proceed, let me explain that situation (and vent in the process):

This person created a dummy account to report a pro. He linked NSFW accounts and accused her of offering sexual services for money. Later that evening, he created another dummy account to blast her likeness and links in these forums, accusing the moderation team of allowing sex workers to operate on the site. This report was one I was handling, and I was trying to gather more information from the original account that reported her.

There were already red flags on the reporter's end about not being genuine, such as not providing any evidence of his conversation with her, (which he later claimed in his post was due to "revenge porn” laws - despite me never asking for photos). Also the account he used to report was created that day simply to report her. In any case, the links provided were clearly of the person he was accusing, so I decided to suppress his posts and ban this pro for violating the ToS. This person, under his third dummy account then claimed victory that he forced the mods to finally take action. I was angered by their behavior and made it clear on the posts I modified. This person then proceeded to make a fourth dummy account, this time naming it CharlieBearMad, and used my own likeness on it. Very classy. All of these accounts of his have since been banned, but his real account currently remains unknown. I restored the account of the pro that I had banned to discuss this with her. She seemed to be completely blindsided by it and was very concerned that these accounts existed. They were already deactivated by the time I provided her the links, so either her or the guy closed them. Could she be lying? Sure. But I'd rather trust her over this person that tried to shame her considering how petty and vindictive he was.

This behavior is not new. We see it from time to time, and I believe the person that is doing this is the same person that has been doing it in the past. What I believe is going on is we have someone on here that collects photos of pros. He will contact them requesting sexual services, and if he is denied, he will harass them, possibly attempt to entrap them, and he will create fake NSFW profiles on them if they don’t have profiles they operate themselves. He will then come to the forums, publicly shame them using accounts he created as "proof" of them violating the ToS and then relish in seeing them get banned for having the audacity to refuse his sexual advances. As explained to me by another mod, he is a psycho.

It doesn't really matter if my assumption of their behavior is true or not. Abusing the forums in that manner is not acceptable, and the person being shamed should not automatically be assumed that they are a sex worker. When I see this happen, I will be changing my approach and will not be banning pros going off this person’s word because this person has proven that they cannot be trusted. When you see this happen, please report them and flag their posts, and assume the person doing this is being disingenuous and that their claims have no merit.

I have no doubt that the person that is doing this is reading this, so if anyone would like to share their thoughts on this behavior, feel free to comment (and please don't comment something that will get you in trouble). Thank you.

«1

Comments

  • We are behind you @Charlie_Bear . Keep up the great work!

  • There are tools to build things, tools to get through life, and tools that are trolls. In this case measure four times and ban once.

  • edited April 2023

    With how easy it is to doctor screen shots these days, I'd say unless a mod is able to verify for themselves by also having accounts on the sites in question it should take at least 3 reports to independently verify that a pro has violated this rule.

    I don't even agree with this rule on principle in the first place which I've discussed in pro forum, but from a mod logistics stand point, that is how I have and would approach the issue.

    Edit to add: it should be noted that photos on CC are NOT safe and can be directly downloaded by anyone, they don't even have to be done by screenshot. CC really needs to implement at the very least watermarking if not disabling the ability to "save as" download. This comes down to poor and outdated coding methods, along with the lack of alt text and lack of accessibility in general.

  • @cuddlefaery
    I agree with you and am going to be much more critical of these reports in the future. Especially when they are freely accessible accounts that require no banking information being provided.

  • @Matt462
    Haha yes I feel like I need one of those

  • You've been amazing @Charlie_Bear I know first hand how stressful this part of the job can be, but people like that more often than not are doing shady things themselves and become petty when they haven't gotten their way. We can only make do with what we've got. Sometimes we're going to get things wrong. Most of the time we nail the pin on the head. Keep up the great work, man. ❤️

  • Yes that has happened to my sister as well. Someone made a fake profile of her as a sex worker and then reported her....it was sad because my sister has been on this platform for about 8 years. @Charlie_Bear. I hope in the future there is a better way to screen things

  • @cuddlefaery i do agree there should be 3 reports before a ban....my sister was here 8 years and she got 1 fake report and was banned

  • @Charlie_Bear I missed the drama, but you are sweet and honorable to lay this all out and we appreciate the time and dedication you're throwing at this.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • There are a group of irregular trolls, stalkers, and/or (insert pejorative label here) that create or attempt to create new accounts and cause trouble.

    They are invariably found, with or without a bridge (cf troll comment, above).

    We have an extensive son-of-a-bitch watch list we keep track of and add to. The moderator team leverages technology to limit or block individuals from creating further havoc. When in doubt, I'm one of the first to shoot first and ask questions later - and I won't apologize for it. One whiff of troll or trouble and I'll be damned if that profile isnt nuked and linked to their other bullshit accounts.

    My favorite FAVORITE response, when these dudes appeal, is when they say "this was my first one!". Yes, sweet (insert pejorative label here), yes it WAS your account briefly, but no more. I will nuke them every single time.

  • edited April 2023

    What, are you telling me there are a subset of guys who make it their mission to piss and moan about pro cuddlers on here? Wow I never would have thunk that what a surprise!

  • @pmvines some people can't take a breath without complaining about air quality.

  • Wow! I had no idea. Some people really need to get a life. Hats off and a big “thank you” to the mods who have to deal with this childish and toxic behavior.

  • Thank you soooooo much for this Charlie! As a pro who has had a similar experience to this woman in my early days, it is VERY emotionally disturbing when we experience retaliation like this for sticking to our rules. I would not be suprised if this new harasser is the same individual. I am just now coming back from a 6+ month break and I am sticking to my screening process!

    Stay safe out there ladies. <3

  • I don't know why this is such a common tactic for guys when they experience rejection. Years ago, when I first started out, I had someone on here pressure me to contact him via his number. After a few text exchanges, he wanted me to call him. When I declined, he called me a prostitute and sent all sorts of threats, including trying to have me blacklisted from ever cuddling again...all because I refused to call a stranger I've never met.

    The very reason I refuse phone calls with folks I haven't met before is because I wouldn't be able to capture the evidence of any abuse like I can with messages or text. Now I keep all communication on this site until a session has been had (and gone well) because reporting directly through the site is much easier than sending screenshots to the mods and having to prove the connection there.

    Like @cuddlefaery, I also personally don't agree with the rule about pros having accounts on other sites. While I understand the reasoning behind it, to prevent sex workers from offering those services here, I believe most of them know that this is a different site with a different purpose. Until there's any evidence that they are actually soliciting those types of services on THIS site, I think it would be considerate to give them the benefit of the doubt.

  • I don't know why this is such a common tactic for guys when they experience rejection

    Because, unfortunately, it works. While I don't normally handle domestic violence type matters, I've been involved in a couple such cases and seen firsthand how these kind of tactics get used. The criminal has experience preying on vulnerable women, and presumably hopes that he's found another one. If he gets the desired response, then he's found someone new to victimize. If not, he moves on to the next one.

    It's not dissimilar to the behavior of spam/scam callers who will bombard hundreds of phone calls with high pressure pitches in the hopes of finding one vulnerable person who is willing to share financial information.

  • What sucks is when it works and pros get banned. The said banned pros end up on that other cuddle site which doesn’t even have karma and makes them vulnerable. Would be great is banned pros get a chance to come back. To be permanently banned is unfortunate. If a pro does or had an OF but never publicized shouldn’t they get another shot? Just my thoughts

  • edited April 2023

    Reported and reviewed. Inappropriate comment removed. Pros agree to not operate non-platonic profiles on external sites when signing up. [Charlie_Bear]

  • edited April 2023

    @bekah_cuddles, @cuddlefaery, @JasonCuddles, Mark (the site owner) has commented about professionals not being allowed to have 'dual' platonic/non-platonic careers. Unfortunately I haven't been about to find the post, but the gist was this.

    There are places around the internet where Cuddle Comfort is discussed, in particular the question of whether it is a front for sex workers (spoiler alert: it isn't). Anything that could be construed by a malicious actor as adding weight to the false claim that it is, is bad for us. Consequently CC seeks to be squeaky clean, both in itself and by association. Professionals having dual careers adversely affects the image that CC wishes to create, and therefore it isn't allowed.

    Mark also said this recently:

    I'm personally very supportive of the sex positive movement and if I were to guess, I think the rest of the team is also.

    Please consider that as a website it is natural for us to strongly push against these type of associations when we regularly see members of various sex forums debating whether this website is what it says it is. That is highly damaging to this movement and website's value proposition. This is a cuddling website for cuddling and anything that stretches that definition and purpose is at our discretion on a case-by-case basis with our public image as the primary consideration.

    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/comment/222006#Comment_222006


    @supadupa bans are occasionally reversed. Everybody who is banned has a chance to appeal. My impression is that sensible appeals are considered very carefully.

    @cuddlefaery, CC is one of the best coded sites I've ever encountered. It's up more than google (I'm not exaggerating) and I've never seen it hacked. Given the paucity of coding resouces this is about as close to a miracle as you're likely to see in real life. I don't doubt that the management would like to have better accessibilty options, but sadly that is only one priority amongst many. I do like your watermark suggestion, since it would make it harder for bad actors to create fake Onlyfans accounts to frame professionals. @Charlie_Bear what do you think?

    Here's the site suggestions thread: the management do monitor it.

  • @CuddleDuncan I definitely understand that, and I appreciate Mark's comment. It certainly makes sense given that there are too many people offering services here that they shouldn't be. I wouldn't ask the site to change their rule because there's good reason for it. It's more a matter of principle for me and the general stigma around sex workers. Unfortunately, the bad players have ruined it for the respectful folks in the industry who keep that part of their lives separate from any other job(s) they have.

  • @bekah_cuddles I'm entirely with you. I wish we didn't need that rule ... but we do.

  • @CuddleDuncan i know site wants people to not get the wrong impression, but unless people are on cc and other sites hard to spot if a cuddler has another profile. But if the rule is to not have another profile when they sign up , then those are the rules.

  • Oh man. Quite the trail of destruction. I had no idea.
    Thank you for your diligence ~
    You and the rest of the mod team <3

  • edited April 2023

    @CuddleDuncan
    While i have no control over features that are implemented, I like the idea of a watermark and I am probably going to add one to mine. Though in my case it's probably completely unnecessary. As for pros that operate accounts on non-platonic sites, I personally could not care less. I am a volunteer moderator, so my opinion doesn't really have an impact on the operation of the site or the rules in place, but since Pros charge money to cuddle, I can understand why it's important that anyone that earns money on here has no external link to anything non-platonic. It's also why enthusiasts are not limited to the same restrictions in regards to their external profiles that pros are.

    @supadupa
    It is indeed a rule that a member agrees to when they sign up to be a pro.

  • Huh I noticed my post got removed. I will consider it a badge of honour for supporting people in what they want to do outside of this site.

    Also that's news to me that they agree to that.

  • edited April 2023

    @JasonCuddles
    Heh your analogy was pretty graphic though and I can see why it was flagged. And really, it's quite a stretch to be making a comparison like that, especially considering it's a rule that they agree to follow when becoming a pro. I'm pretty sure if they were known for doing that at their job at Walmart, their managers at their second job at Target may reconsider their employment.

  • @JasonCuddles we agree to it in the Pro Contract when we sign up for Pro Status, but it is a bit brief and buried among the other wall of text. Considering how many people skip reading TOS before clicking Accept in the first place, I wouldn't be surprised if it's missed by most pros. I missed it when signing up, so I guess it is a good thing I'm no longer active on OF and never would have been recognizable even if someone had managed to be one of my very, very few subscribers back when I was 🤦🏻‍♀️

    I get wanting to avoid liability, but CC is seriously taking it entirely too far imo, which is why I'm currently muted and most likely deactivating or deleting altogether. I've been holding out to see how the admin & mod discussions go, but considering the same dismissive and placating comments get referenced, I'm not real hopeful that anything meaningful will happen. They are of course able to do what they want with their website, but I want no part in participating in those kinds of ethics that continue to prioritize perpetuating these dynamics.

  • @Charlie_Bear except in the Walmart/Target example you're talking about employees, not independent contractors, and ignoring the fact that having a profile on either CC or OF, even with pro status, does not mean someone is actively engaging in both simultaneously for profit. Peoplw have profiles on OF to subscribe to other content creators, for instance. Or to host non adult subscriptions as while OF became famous for hosting adult content that's not all that it has. Similarly, there's likely a lot of pros here who mostly function as enthusiasts are rarely book for pay as the means for returning to non-pro status isn't clearly advertised and duplicate profiles is not allowed.

  • This kind of behavior is horrifying and sounds a lot like he was told no about something and then got mad. Or he had a crush on her, found out she DID have an OnlyFans, and decided to shame her for it. Both of which make this kind of thing really scary.

Sign In or Register to comment.