Another Possibly Interesting Article?

GreatHornedOwlGreatHornedOwl
edited April 2023 in General

Here's another article that some may find interesting. Although I only know one black woman very well, I fail to understand why the author believes that the problem is either more prevalent or more severe in the population of black women, than in the rest of the population of both men and women of all races.
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/black-women-touch-starvation-tiktok_n_642f13f8e4b05cef00c82bc9

Comments

  • KarmicKuddles20KarmicKuddles20

    Did you see her TikTok? Heartbreaking... I have it saved.. if it's ok, I can include the link to it.

    The answers to your questions are in the article:
    "Colorism, texturism, classism and proximity to whiteness all impact the love Black women do or don’t receive. Studies show that Black women marry less often and face discrimination within dating pools due mainly to white supremacist ideals around desirability."

  • GreatHornedOwlGreatHornedOwl

    I don't see any reason why you shouldn't post it.

    I'm neither black, nor a woman, but I think that, although I don't have a suitable measuring stick, I have peen pained by lack of touch, just as much as she has.

    The one (almost) local cuddle friend that I have found is a very beautiful (her personality, even more than her appearance) black woman. She is about 1/3rd of my age, 2 inches taller than I, and 50 miles of heavy traffic away. That we are not of the same race, seems to me, to be far less significant than any of those factors. If I were single, younger, and perhaps a little taller, I would be delighted to date he. I have trouble believing that I am that different from other men.

    Even if none of that were true, and and racial discrimination caused black woman were to be restricted to black men, is the ratio of black men to black women significantly different than the ratio of white men to white women? While I can't dispute what she says, I would more readily accept it, if I could understand it.

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup
    edited April 2023

    @GreatHornedOwl One thing I can think of, is that the workplace often has camaraderie. If you’re of an outside race at your workplace (let’s say the workplace is majority white, which is plausible), and especially if other people are being discriminatory as implied by @KarmicKuddles20, that may contribute to the isolation or not feeling included or feeling like people don’t want to hug you, perhaps.

    Also, I don’t mean to say that you’re having an equal amount of difficulties in being touch starved, but just trying to help explain the race thing, which is a touchy subject but I’ve tried to answer as best as I could.

  • KaaGeeKaaGee

    @GreatHornedOwl Please believe people when they relate their lived experiences. Just because you haven't lived it and can't relate, doesn't make it untrue.

  • FragileRockFragileRock

    @GreatHornedOwl.

    Respecting your question and position and speaking only for myself, when a person or group says “We are hurting. We feel different or excluded” my own choice is to immediate empathize and believe them.

    Two reasons why I do:

    1) I don’t see a reason not to and empathy seems to make the world a better place

    2) their suffering has no bearing on my suffering or on my condition. In other words, sympathy for one group is not apathy or disdain for the other.

    Maybe there are other groups suffering loneliness as acutely as a population of black women are, but since this article is about them, that’s who I’m thinking about that.

  • KarmicKuddles20KarmicKuddles20

    I absolutely see and hear your points. I especially agree with you when you said "I'm neither black, nor a woman". I'm glad we got that cleared up 🤭

    You're probably not intentionally meaning to, but it comes across a bit like a competition when another person or group says (insert struggle) and you're reaction is to say something akin to... well, I've had it rough too, soooo. At least that's what I hear in these situations.

    I think I can hear someone (insert struggle) and not internalize it or make it about myself. I can listen and have empathy/sympathy, recognizing I've not walked in their shoes. I don't have to understand, per se, to acknowledge and support. I can accept what she is saying because it is her truth.. I wouldn't ask her to qualify it or prove it.

    @sunnysideup yes, I'm trying to do my best to explain a little, too... without turning this into a racially charged thread. I have typed and deleted, typed and deleted. The TikTok OP didn't say anything abt race, by the way.

    https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRcWT6JW/

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup
    edited April 2023

    @KarmicKuddles20 You’re quite right, the article brought the race up and not the original tiktok. Always important to check sources.

    Well, I think the author does bring up a point as to why her issues may be exacerbated, but perhaps didn’t do a great job in outlining why, and perhaps used that TikTok slightly intellectually irresponsibly. In either case, being touch starved sucks, especially when it involves discrimination of any kind.

  • GreatHornedOwlGreatHornedOwl

    I was not (at least not intentionally) questioning the woman's assertions. I was, however questioning the validity her view of the depth of her problem.

    It is quite natural for most everybody to believe that "My trouble is worse than your trouble." I grew up in a Jewish family. My mother and father met as grad students at the University of Chicago. Back then, in the mid 1930's. The University of Chicago, as well as every other major university in the country, had a "Jewish quota." Only a specific, small number of Jews would be accepted in any one semester.

    I can distinctly remember how much I resented being forced to sing Christmas carols when I was in elementary school. I resented even more, being forced to listen to them almost every where. I still feel severe resentment whenever I hear about somebody being "Jewed down, while negotiating a selling price.

    I have little doubt that both my parents and I, greatly resented how much we were being unjustly discriminated against. It would have never occurred to us to think that black people had it much worse. We had probably never met a black person. It is probably much the same, when a black person never considers that LGBTQ people might face discrimination that may be worse than theirs.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited April 2023

    I think everybody thinks they have it rough. We are in the age of greater self awareness, yet also an age of bloated pity parties. We really shouldn’t put these experiences on a spectrum of bad to worse vs, good to better as it promotes victimization competition which is counterproductive. We should just listen and if we have an idea or even an empathetic word of support to add then offer it.

    One of the greatest things I admired my mom for doing was culturally immersing my brother and I at every turn in our childhood as military brats. We attended a high school that was 70% black in Virginia, an elementary school that was 98% Hispanic in Texas, and an elementary school that was 55% Native American in Arizona. My kindergarten class in California was 70% Hispanic. What I have learned is to listen to other people, have empathy but to never say “I understand” because you don’t unless you are them. You can understand pain however, and that is where human connection can meet. So I grew up never really giving a second thought to having friends of other races. In high school I was the only white kid on the baseball team and my nickname was Ghost. It was a term of endearment, not derision.

    What I do detest are my fellow white people who engage in trying to be a “white savior” and trying to “fix” the problems. This usually happens without listening to what help another disenfranchised group might want from you or even thinking about how their attempts at a “helping hand” make someone else feel because whiteness really is associated with riches, entitlement, and power. Not that white people haven’t established a long history of poor treatment of others that nourished that view. We can make up for that through empathy and listening without judgement. Listening and empathy are a starting point.

  • GreatHornedOwlGreatHornedOwl

    @FunCartel - I most certainly have not opted to cuddle with a black woman in order to "help" her. I want to cuddle with her because she is a wonderful person, and because I like her. I can't understand why some people seem to find that odd.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited April 2023

    @GreatHornedOwl i don’t find that odd. Who said they find that odd?

    My last paragraph was not directed to your situation. It was just a general statement of white people who start noble movements but want to control the narrative of that movement which amounts to a different kind of subjugation.

    The only paragraph that directly links to your story was the first one.

  • GreatHornedOwlGreatHornedOwl

    @FunCartel - I don't recall anybody having actually saying that. It's more of things like a raised eyebrow from people who probably aren't really in need of eyebrow exercise.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @GreatHornedOwl Then no one found it odd.

  • teddybear888teddybear888

    It’s been eight years give or take a decade.

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