Dealing with being an unattractive male

MohamadMohamad
in General

I'm wondering how many men here have below average looks and are prevented by said looks from experiencing love from a woman.
I ask because I am in this situation. My ugly looks have prevented me from ever being in a relationship ( except once) and due to my looks no women ever gives me a signal of interest.

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Comments

  • LoreleiLorelei

    Attractiveness is extremely subjective; I'm sure there are women who can / would find you attractive.

    Besides, there are people to whom your appearance means literally nothing because they don't feel attraction to anyone or even just don't care if they do; such as women who are asexual. Personality is more important than society gives it credit for and I would very seriously rather be with someone who I could have a genuine, pleasant conversation with than a guy who looks like Chris Evans but is dense as a brick and has the conversational skills as such. Looks are nice for looking at, and that's... really all they're good for, period.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited February 2018

    I know and accept that I'm not very good looking. Been alive too long to not know this already. But like @Lorelai touched on, there are so many people who aren't very interested in looks, or at least looks not being the primary reason that they are drawn to somebody. And we are all always our worst critics. Things we dislike about ourselves may be appealing to another. And with this consumerist shallow society, you cant discount the fact that the standards beauty is gauged against is a false ideal and a false standard. There are features I find very attractive on a person that the so called majority do not, and vice versa. As cliché as it sounds, beauty really is in the eye of the beholder, and is not a category to be judged upon from one 1 to 10 like flanks of meat.

  • DreambuddyDreambuddy
    edited February 2018

    Mod Notice: This post violates the rules of the forum and has been removed.

  • DreambuddyDreambuddy
    edited February 2018

    Mod Notice: This post violates the rules of the forum and has been removed.

  • DreambuddyDreambuddy
    edited February 2018

    Mod Notice: This post violates the rules of the forum and has been removed.

  • respectfulrespectful
    edited February 2018

    @Dreambuddy "you charge for affection"

    I don't see it that way. Most professionals are very loving and generous hearted people ... what we pay for is their time and presence (and being the focus of the cuddle).

    Take a look at some of the karma comments about professionals and the impression you get is that this is a group of very loving and kind people. The affection is genuine, not because they are being paid to be that way (which would make it seem fake).

    I am glad to support someone monetarily for something that feels priceless to me. :)

  • DreambuddyDreambuddy

    I didn't mean it in a bad way. Basically it is their job to be be affectionate. However? in that platform it gives some people a false sense of confidence. It's simple. Can one acquire affection without paying for It? If yes then that will give them the confidence.

  • pmvinespmvines

    @Dreambuddy just because someone is a paid cuddler does not mean that is all there is to them, and that they do not love and accept unconditionally. No one person is the same nor are they going to all behave and treat others the same, and to say that because someone charges to cuddle means they are not capable of being genuine and sincere in their empathy and advice is completely uncalled for.

  • DreambuddyDreambuddy

    I feel like I'm not attractive. Therefore accepted it but it does bug me. My advice to Mohamad was based on my personal experience. It does not need to be followed.

    Peace.

  • DreambuddyDreambuddy
    edited February 2018

    Mod Notice: This post violates the rules of the forum and has been removed.

  • pmvinespmvines

    @Dreambuddy You are insulting someone who you know nothing about. It is not fair to take it out on someone who charges for cuddling if you are unable to find someone to give you affection for free. For those who genuinely do need it, and aren't able to find someone who is interested in platonic cuddling, especially since platonic cuddling among adults is a bit of a novelty, these paid cuddlers offer a very much needed service. This is not a dating site. Some people just need a cuddle every once in a while, but that doesn't mean everyone and anyone on here is going to want to cuddle you.

  • DreambuddyDreambuddy

    My intention is not to insult anyone. Let's be clear. My point is a paid professional CANNOT provide the same affection as someone who doesn't charge.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited February 2018

    @Dreambuddy but you imply that they are not able to provide sincere affection. What you are doing is splitting hairs about the context, and if the context that is available is to see a paid cuddler then it is still affection. Many people want a cuddle buddy who they can just hang out with and call when they want, but that sort of friendship and relationship takes time and effort and is obviously not going to apply to every single person on here. So if the cuddling is what you need, which is the entire basis of this site, not dating, but cuddling, then it is good to have the option of being able to pay for it if you are not able to connect with someone in your area.

  • DreambuddyDreambuddy

    I agree ^

  • WhoamiWhoami

    @Mohamad attractive is subjective. Just develop different skills as much as possible, articulative, confident. Few things we can't change, the happiness depends on how you deal with it.

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    @Mohamed created this thread to discuss something and get advice for what appears to be a serious topic for him. It’s very unfortunate that some of you have taken this as another opportunity to hash out disagreements. It would be nice we could all come together an offer up some positive opinions and advice for @Mohamed

  • DreambuddyDreambuddy

    If there is a formula to become attractive please share. Cause I need it

  • LovelightLovelight

    Have yet to read the rest. Though I agree with #Lorelel.

    While I hear Grey/Asexuals and Demisexuals/ combined are like a 1% there are still many who are not so looks driven and some like mentioned, it plays very little if any to them.

    How to deal with is um well I am a woman first of all... though I figure this is general. Anyways, know your worth and awesomeness. Keep your head up, nobody is ugly as long as they're decent being who take care of themselves. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." ** Unfortunately, even those in relationships around you didn't have it easy. Most who have it easiest go through at least 100 rejections not to mention the gives - then some more of short last - then there are those who perhaps go through a thousand - okay maybe I am exaggerating some - well take that thousand in terms of time where you feel like you're really not getting anywhere. Though when it's meant to happen it will and it will be so worth. **Remember, it's not something wrong with you. It's just that you've yet to find the right person(s). Also be kinder to yourself. Calling ourselves ugly is a no good - imagine if you were to speak with a friend like that or a loved one - I doubt we could even utter to speak the way we some times speak to ourselves. Be your best friend first.

    I suppose you say you love yourself so it's not okay to call yourself ugly or think low of yourself. You're unique so embrace yourself - when you carry yourself high it will show through and others will gravitate to that confidence - love yourself. Just because others don't "find" you attractive for a time doesn't mean you stop finding yourself attractive! It will take time, I too went through some time of some low self-esteem though I know you will overcome and hope life sends you the goods you desire. :)

  • LovelightLovelight

    Treat yourself the same way you would if you had that someone(s) you're dreaming of and never stop loving yourself no matter what! :)

  • DreambuddyDreambuddy
    edited February 2018

    Mod Notice: This post violates the rules of the forum and has been removed.

  • [Deleted User]SJSpooner (deleted user)

    Oh my...I can see this has the potential to get ugly and hurtful quickly. Be gentle with one another folks. Going to sit back and watch....

  • LovelightLovelight
    edited February 2018

    Dreambuddy

    I hope you've some good advice you can share with OP instead of going off topic. This is not a debate. It's each of us offering the advice we can. Don't like it?? Cool. Give your advice or peace out. :)

  • [Deleted User]VIPirate (deleted user)
    edited February 2018

    I agree with those who mention attractiveness being subjective. I met my last partner at a time in my life where I was carrying around 18 pounds more than I am now. I didn't feel good about myself and didn't think I would find anyone, but then she came along and I was stunned by how much affection I was shown. Granted, my story comes with the side note of the relationship not ultimately working out for other reasons, but it doesn't tarnish my memory of the experience. She is someone I would have considered to be a bit "out of my league", as the old saying goes, so the point is that people can occasionally surprise you.

  • [Deleted User]DeliMan (deleted user)

    Emotional attractiveness is as deep as the heart

  • pmvinespmvines

    @Dreambuddy it is sad that you have chosen to hijack a thread to air out your personal issues. Again , you talk as though this is a date site. People who pay to cuddle are not paying for a girlfriend . If that is the way they are seeing it, then it is for the wrong reasons . And you are blaming the paid cuddlers for not being able to find someone who is willing to be your cuddle pal . There are several people on here attempting to give feedback to the original poster , and you are making this about you and about your grievances

  • [Deleted User]DeliMan (deleted user)

    Attractiveness is in the eyes of the beholder. Behold your eyes on a beautiful heart.

    In my opinion

  • Matthew12321Matthew12321

    @Dreambuddy,

    . . . REALLY????? I don't see a word you have written here that 1) makes any sense to me, and 2) it actually pertinent to the convo . . .

  • cuddlebugTMcuddlebugTM

    Just because you are paid doesn’t make it less real just isn’t in the same category as dating . I have been a caregiver in some capacity for 20 yrs . It is my profession that being said I genuinely cared for and had affection for many of my clients . I’m friends with many of them after they were no longer. My clients . This isn’t a place to date so this post has nothing to do with pros or not .

    I’ve dated people who were not conventionally attractive . Their looks weren’t the first thing that attracted me to them . Usually it was meeting them as a potential friend and I became attracted to their personality and character . Looks are fleeting , they fade . Who you are as a person , how you treat people , being able to have intelligent conversations , laugh together , respect each other that is what makes lasting relationships . If I’m looking for just a hook up then physical attraction is all that matters . If I want something real it’s really low on the list .

    even as a platonic cuddler pro or enthusiast I don’t care age race , looks for me it’s about connecting and enjoying each others company without expecting anything more .

  • DreambuddyDreambuddy

    Perhaps my life experience has shaped my opinion different than yours. I hope I didn't come off disrespectful. If I did...i apologize.

  • cuddlebugTMcuddlebugTM

    I see people who are not conventionally attractive in relationships all the time I think it’s more about putting yourself out there , not trying to make instant relationships and working on people skills . How you talk to people . How you interact with them makes the biggest difference . I have had clients ( many with depression , anxiety and social awkwardness ) that struggled with people skills and talking to women . The more they worked on those skills with me in a platonic setting the more confident they got . They later went on to to meet someone and had great relationships .

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