I think most women don't like being told what they should be wearing when they meet interweb strangers. I am sure pro cuddlers don't want to be made ro feel like they don't have control of what to put on their bodies and how much skin to not cover. And the idea that they are getting paid so therefore the other person gets to ascribe what is appropriate attire, how little or what type of clothing to wear , and how much of their bodies they get to have bare access to and touch comes off a little creepy and tone deaf
For logistical reasons, I have worn jeans to cuddle but I feel very bad about it. I like to think I have always apologised. Obviously they don't ruin the cuddle for either party, but they can be uncomfortable and are about as suitable for a cuddle as shorts would be for striding through a field of nettles.
This is in the context of cuddling inside. If we're in a park or something that's different: for a start there might be nettles.
@KarateJuice All-purpose flour is most hilarious, LOL.
Jean shaming. Tut tut tut.
@stormblessed
..jeans are an obstacle to touching?
Yes, they definitely are. It's hard to understand how this isn't obvious.
@pmvines
and how much of their bodies they get to have bare access to and touch comes off a little creepy and tone deaf
This is beyond ridiculous. Yes, by all means everyone has the right to choose what they do with their bodies. And if someone isn't willing to cuddle in appropriate clothing, that is their right, but then they shouldn't be accepting money to cuddle!
Makes about as much sense as a massage therapist who will only give massages while wearing thick rough gloves, or a gynecologist who refuses to look at people's genitals, or a psychotherapist who finds it too burdensome to hear clients' trauma. It's OK if someone has those boundaries, but then they should find a different line of work.
@CuddleWho
"Wear whatever you are comfortable with" is fine and all, but when you're with a pro and she's not dressed appropriately for cuddling, it's a problem. I'm literally paying to touch you, and if you choose to wear clothing that is an obstacle to touch (like jeans or other bulky/thick clothing), I'm not getting what i paid for and I'm not going to see you again.
Paying for a Pro is paying for their time and presence to cuddle with you. Yes, you can use words like "touch therapy" with cuddling, but you as a Client do not dictate what a Pro wears for a session and you are not allowed to "touch" how or where you feel entitled to. A Pro will wear what they are comfortable wearing for a session, within the site rules, and so if a Pro shows up in a puffy jacket and jeans that reflects more on their comfort and trust with you than anything else; It could mean either there wasn't enough communication before the session was booked or something in your conversation or on your profile bio was giving some red flags but not enough for the Pro to outright say no. Sure, you might not book with them again, but unless there was some open discussion either during or after the session as to why they felt the need to dress so protective or distant, it resolves nothing. Sure, it's easier, and lazier, to just move on to another Pro, but unless you take the time to find out if it was something such as they were new and still unsure or if it was you, it will happen again and do nothing but waste your time and money.
@CuddleWho I don't think either of us our going to change our minds and agree with each other on this one . Best to just do you and I do me instead of digging our heals into the ground.
@netrunner
if a Pro shows up in a puffy jacket and jeans that reflects more on their comfort and trust with you than anything else
With the greatest respect I don't agree. It could mean that, but it could mean many other things. And if it does mean that, it's not ok for them not to talk it through. They are the professional, it's their responsibility to manage the session and the client's expectations.
And if they are feeling uncomfortable, they have absolutely no business going ahead with the session. That's just fraud. As well as being foolish. As well as being potentially very harmful to a vulnerable client.
If I ever cuddled a professional who was wearing jeans, it was a long time ago and I've forgotten. I have had a professional arrive wearing jeans: the disappointment was a small, but real, punch in the heart. Happily she changed before cuddling.
so if a Pro shows up in a puffy jacket and jeans that reflects more on their comfort and trust with you than anything else
"victim blaming" is way too heavy a term for this, but I'm not sure how else to describe it. What is with the persistent need to blame the client when the pro does a bad job? Yes, it's very possible if a pro shows up in inappropriate clothing, it may reflect her lack of comfort with the situation. But if she's not comfortable doing what she's being paid to do, she should simply not do it. If you don't want to cuddle with me, don't accept the booking. Instead you're going to show up, take my money, but try to avoid doing what you're being paid to do as much as you can? Completely unacceptable.
Sure, you might not book with them again, but unless there was some open discussion either during or after the session as to why they felt the need to dress so protective or distant, it resolves nothing. Sure, it's easier, and lazier, to just move on to another Pro,
There is nothing to "resolve." I have had great mutually enjoyable cuddle sessions with many pros. It doesn't require tons of communication and negotiation. Calling it "lazy" because I don't want to continue paying money to someone who's doing a bad job makes no sense on any level. It's not "lazy" that I want to pay people who provide a good service, rather than paying someone who provides a poor service so that I can figure out how to make their service better.
@CuddleDuncan you've been here long enough to know all one has to do to be a pro cuddler is check a box, don't come across as malicious or as a sex worker, and provide their credit card info . Even the ones who have been here a long time and held in high regard have gone through bumps and bruises to get to that point. Holding them on the same level of accountability as a therapist with training, licensure, and a code of ethics isn't fair.
You make a blanket accusatory statement about fraud based on them not maybe feeling comfortable with certain clothing etc,, or perhaps having a personal barrier with that person, and then resting the entire responsibility for outcome and expectations on their heads doesn't seem fair, and seems excessive/overboard . Not wearing something you aren't comfy wearing does not hurt vulnerable people,.as you say. And implying that not wearing certain clothing could possible hurt the vulnerable is a stretch , not exactly fair, and kinda odd.
Didn't the OP ask for our opinions and preferences on what to wear?? So why are we getting it twisted about making suggestions? How about we give this pro and others a little more credit instead of trying to play hero to imaginary damsels in distress lol. @thickcuddles4me thanks for asking, I think the consensus is soft items that allow for some good cuddling contact. Keep up the positive vibes, you're gonna be a superstar in this space 🤗
Yes @SammyG_ . That's exactly why i post . To save damsels in distress. White knight here at their beckon call and service is I. You sure got me pegged super sleuth good job 👏
Holding them on the same level of accountability as a therapist with training, licensure, and a code of ethics isn't fair.
Yes it is. It's completely fair. But you're quite right that a substantial majority of current professionals don't achieve such a standard, and therefore there is no point in actually expecting it.
However, unless we demand such a standard things will never improve. There are numerous cuddle training courses, some of which are very inexpensive, and if you want to call yourself a professional cuddler there is absolutely no excuse for not doing one. (Or educating yourself in some other way.)
Bad professionals do widespread and serious harm in our community. I've spoken to experienced professionals who were considering leaving the profession because of the stress of helping clients damaged by bad professionals. The pain is just too heartbreaking. (Being groped and stalked they can live with, but not this.)
What is with the persistent need to blame the client when the pro does a bad job?
Seconded.
It's a false equivalency. You are not paying the pro to touch their skin unless that is what has been negotiated. Period. Platonic Cuddling and skin-to-skin contact are not the same thing. If you cannot cuddle with someone because of their attire choices, that's lack of creativity and/or lack of compatibility - not them being a bad cuddler.
Massage therapy can absolutely be practiced over clothing - well trained massage therapists know this and know how to work creatively with clients to work around any clothing or draping needs as necessary. Some massage therapists only practice on clients who are fully clothed for a variety of reasons.
Clothing at most is an obstacle to either massage or cuddling, and well trained professionals or knowledgeable enthusiasts will know how to work around and even with said obstacles.
If you know that a certain item of clothing is a deal breaker for you (say you're allergic to wool, or you hate the feel of buttons, or bare feet freak you out) then communicate that up front before you ever meet as a boundary, not as a rule to place upon the other person. That way you can find out right away if you two will not be compatible and both go your own ways, no harm no foul.
Examples stated as boundaries: "I have sensory issues and cannot tolerate the feeling of rough fabrics or scratchy seams, so I only cuddle with partners who can accommodate clothing requests. Does that sound like something you could do?"
"I'm allergic to wool and polyester, so I only cuddle partners wearing cotton or other hypoallergenic fabrics. Would you be willing to accomodate this?"
"I know it's generally taboo to discuss, but skin-to-skin contact is important to me during platonic cuddling. It doesn't have to be much - even just bare arms or lower legs. I usually wear short sleeve shirts and capri leggings or gym shorts. Not having at least some skin contact is a deal breaker for me - would this be comfortable for you?"
I think it should be a simple short discussion between the two people who will be cuddling. Some days, I love a hoodie and sweats, others shorts and a tee, and others a onesie, and still others it's outdoors in a park in everyday clothes... There is no right or wrong unless the person you're cuddling with isn't okay with it or is wheezing from an allergic reaction. I don't think anyone should be telling others what to wear for cuddles unless their one of the people cuddling.
Anything that isn't too abrasive or bulky is fine by me. Denim or cargo are a no-go.
I'm a big guy, so I'm not too crazy about cuddling on a hot day - unless the A.C. is cranked. I usually wear a cotton sweater with sweats, and I always bring a separate, freshly laundered outfit. As far as the person I'm cuddling with, almost everyone has worn some type of pajamas - though their comfort is my primary concern.
I don't think anyone in here said it's "impossible" to cuddle with someone wearing heavy clothing, or without skin to skin contact. But some people (myself included) have a preference for soft, comfortable clothing and skin-to-skin where possible. I have said here and in other threads that this is simply my preference, I would never tell someone what to wear for a session. But it may be that our preferences are incompatible, and we wouldn't be a good cuddle match. And that's perfectly OK.
Similarly -- yes, you can get a massage over your clothing -- chair massages in an office space or a shopping center, thai massage that involves more stretching, etc. But I personally believe that a massage through clothing is never going to be as enjoyable or effective as a directly-on-skin massage where the muscles can get properly warmed up and relaxed. Again, I would never tell a massage therapist "you have to massage my bare skin" but I just wouldn't book a fully-clothed massage (or I wouldn't return for a second session if I didn't know in advance).
My point is that we (as cuddle clients) don't have the right to tell professionals what to wear. That's completely, 100% their choice. But I think we have the right to ask the question, and to book/rebook professionals (at least to some degree) based on their choice of attire. That's what I do, and it has worked out well so far.
Comfy pjs for both parties
usually my birthday suit. Cuddling IS a special occasion!
/end sarcasm (just in case)
Just a covid mask.
Has anyone studied what's the average number of posts on a thread before a fight breaks out?
Food Fight!!!!!!!
"Can't we all just get along."
Rodney King