What are healthy ways to deal with anxiety or being stressed out all the time?

StructuredQueryLanguageStructuredQueryLanguage
edited May 2023 in General

Of course, platonic affection with someone you trust is one awesomely healthy way to feel calmer and more at ease, but what are some other healthy ways to feel less anxious or stressed about things?

For me, I tend to perceive most of the things that are causing me worry as in my control somehow, so I am of the mindset that the only way I can finally relax is by working all the time and completing all the open tasks in my job and life. In other words, my current mindset for relieving stress and anxiety is this: "I will finally be able to be at peace when all the tasks on my to-do list are finished". And to be fair, this approach was effective when I was a kid and had a relatively short to-do list of homework and basic chores, but as an adult, it's seeming less practical.

When something that's definitely out of my control is worrying me, I usually am able to cathartically let it go, but on occasion, especially when I feel like the situation is very tangible in spite of being out of my control, I just freeze and become consumed worrying about it and am not able to focus on the things worrying me that are in my control.

I think my attitude towards dealing with stress and anxiety, at least regarding worries in my control, is theoretically healthy, though I probably need to do a better job coming up with a manageable to-do list. I feel now like my current job and life aspirations have created for me a situation where I can work round the clock and not sleep but still never feel "done".

I don't know if I have any idea about how to feel more at ease about the occasional worrisome things outside my control that can sometimes overwhelm me, except perhaps to work harder in the present at being cautious to prevent bad things I would be powerless to fix from occurring in the future.

Does anyone else have any thoughts or insights on either how they deal with stress and anxiety or how they might suggest someone else deal with stress and anxiety? I think platonic affection is amazing because it can really make people feel safe and emotionally free, being maybe one of the best things in the world for de-stressing, but is there anything else anyone can do to feel at ease besides that? I'm super curious the thoughts of this amazing group of people ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️.

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Comments

  • CC99CC99

    I would suggest looking into meditation as a way of dealing with anxiety/stress. I also find that exercise works, especially long walks through nature.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesInWI (deleted user)

    Presuming that it is legal in your area, edible marijuana is quite useful.

  • KaaGeeKaaGee

    Wind therapy works for me!

  • Calming_HugsCalming_Hugs

    I love jogging or walking, especially with another person

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    Meditation and “2 wheel therapy”…

    The other part is truly accepting no matter who you are, no matter what your job is or how much money you have, you are just 1 person and you are not responsible for “fixing” everything. For some people with a strong sense of duty, this can be tough to accept. Focus on what you can control / influence.

    In my life, I have a very limited ability to “control” anything other than myself, but I have a tremendous amount of influence. I can’t “make” anyone do anything but I am in a position to influence the long term thinking and decision making of hundreds of people who are, or soon will be, in key decision making positions.

    The question in the original post reminds me of a nearly miraculous crash landing that took place in 1989. United Flight 232 was a DC-10 with 296 passengers and crew flying at 37,000’ between Denver and Chicago when it suffered a catastrophic failure in its tail engine and lost ALL hydraulic controls (the primary, back up, and the secondary back up). This meant the pilot could not lower the landing gear or adjust any of the control surfaces (ailerons, elevators, and rudder).

    Rather than focusing on what he couldn’t control, the pilot focused on what he could control - he still had full control of the remaining engines. He adjusted the thrust of the left and right engines to steer the plane and slowed them down to descend. He radioed ahead to an airport in Iowa to let them know of his situation and they cleared a runway for him and had emergency vehicles waiting as he landed the plane on its belly. His quick actions and incredible mental focus are credited with saving 184 of the 296 lives aboard the plane. 112 people still lost their lives that day but it was not the pilot’s fault as he did everything in his power to save as many lives as possible. A less capable pilot could have easily lost everyone on board.

    The moral of the story is to do an inventory of what you have control / influence over and focus on those areas and try not to worry / get distracted about the things you have no control over.

  • PrettyLuvPrettyLuv

    Music

  • JubalJubal

    Outdoors activity - preferably one that does not involve powered machinery. Bicycle rides, going on nature hikes around the local parks (my home is close to the lake and there's alot of trails to go hiking where you can get away from people for awhile). Fishing. Kayaking. Fishing from a kayak. :)

  • Matt462Matt462

    Meds, therapy, and dogs!

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup

    Lift weights!

  • MotorbabyMotorbaby

    @KaaGee YESSSSSS!!!!!

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited May 2023

    @StructuredQueryLanguage the to do list cannot be finished, because new things get added to it just by the passage of time. And even if it was finished, it wouldn't help because there are an infinite number of things which are not on it, but could be. For example, is your roof reinforced against the possibility of being hit by an engine that has fallen off an aeroplane? No, didn't think so. Life, and the world, is an uncertain place and you can't prevent or fix everything.

    In any case, the roots of anxiety are not related to the to do list. The origins are historical, and therefore cannot be changed. In principle they can be understood, and that's where talking therapies can help.

    It takes a while though, and there is something to be said with starting with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). This will not seek to discover the origins - on the contrary it will completely avoid that question - but it may help you discover ways of dealing with it. The best approach is to work with a CBT therapist, but there are CBT online courses available. Be careful, and make sure your course is from a reputable source.

    Having said that, the single thing I find most helpful with specifically my anxiety is medicine.

    At a simpler level, living a healthy human life is a good start. Each thing in itself isn't a big deal, but they don't add up - they multiply up...

    Clean and functional place to live
    Plenty of liquids
    Healthy diet
    Time outside
    Interactions with nature, including pointing your eyes at natural green
    Enough exercise of a kind you find fun
    Enough touch and at least some sex
    Genunine connections with other people
    A job which is satisfying in some way
    Optional requirements include: music/art; healthy religious belief/practice; a hobby or interest

    Don't force it or worry about it, but the more of these you can manage the better. Think about your successes, not the opposite.

    The thing that I found second most helpful is to think about consequences, with a realistic consideration of proportion. I'm anxious about doing XYZ? Well, will anybody die if I don't do it? Serious injury? Will somebody I love suddenly hate me? Will I become homeless immediately, or bankrupt? Yeah, didn't think so. (What's that? Somebody might die? Right, can I help? Oh ... no. OK then, my task is clear - shut up and keep out of the way.)

    Meditation and the like is helpful for some people but be careful. Unless you do it seriously, it's just a sticking plaster. And if you do do it seriously, it can become a crutch. Allocating some time to be spent quietly each day is a good thing for most people, but unless it suits you there is no need to burden it with any particular label or cover-activity.

    To manage the to do list, make a spreadsheet. Rank each task for urgency, importance, effort/cost, and consequences of not doing it at all. Invent an overall scoring system to tell you which tasks to do first. Prioritisation is a very powerful tool. Part of the benefit is that you know that the tasks that haven't been done don't really matter. I would go so far as to delete the bottom task and replace it with, "Go for a nice walk in the country with a friend/acquintaince/dog".

    Unrelieved stress and anxiety can get stored in the body, particularly in muscles. Sports/deep tissue massage can be helpful in removing it. This is likely to be physically and/or emotionally painful. A lovely soothing massage is not nearly as useful. This is one of the rare occasions when "no pain, no gain" is actually true.

    Reading your post again it sounds to me like you are already doing a pretty great job. It sounds like you are basically so on top of things that you have the time, space, energy and self-awareness to write a post like this. It's just that you slightly lose the plot occasionally .... but so what? Does that even matter? Sure, it isn't very nice at the time, but it passes.

    Regarding aspirations and the like, some of the best advice I ever heard was, "Most people overestimate what they can achieve in a day or a week, but wildly underestimate what they can do in a year".

  • pmvinespmvines

    Mindful meditation, personal time wirh just myself, tik tok and you tube rabbit holes, wandering around art sales and antique stores, travel, music , my pets, and positive self talk

  • Calming_HugsCalming_Hugs

    @pmvines could you describe positive self talk in a bit more detail please?

  • sillysassysillysassy

    @KaaGee I love love LOVE IT!!!!! Wind therapy.... Yes please.

    Although since I have my scooter to my brother and it came back to my son, I realized how much more peaceful and zen like on the back because then I don't have to pay attention to traffic!!

    I bet @waynewv and @anothermile can agree with this beautiful transcendence.

    Maybe as soon as a Houston Meet Up gets scheduled I'll fly down and hitch a ride!!!

    And goodness.... thank you for your service. 💗

  • Erin_Elle_Erin_Elle_

    I’m a HUGE fan of what @CuddleDuncan calls, ‘thinking about consequences.’

    Tim Ferris calls it ‘fear setting.’

    It’s best done in a journal. You dig into the worst case scenario of, in your case, leaving a task undone, and inevitably come to the conclusion that it’s no big deal. I usually use it to convince myself to take actions that I’m stalling on.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesInWI (deleted user)

    In times of deep stress or anxiety I do my best to remind myself that I absolutely do not matter, nothing that I do has any true meaning, and in 100 years time even those few ripples my life may have created will be long gone and forgotten.

    From darkness, to darkness, and only our ego truly feels it matters.

    It is, of course, wrong.

    Be humble, be grateful, be kind.

  • waynewvwaynewv

    @sillysassy , yes, I love chilling out on my motorcycle, I feel fortunate that I have owned a motorcycle about my entire life starting with a mini bike. I love riding in the mountains and becoming one with the M/C and tune out everything but the curves in front of me. Over 300K miles and still enjoy it. I now can enjoy having a cuddlier as a passenger and I always say, hold on to me tight.

  • pmvinespmvines

    @friendlyhugging

  • Calming_HugsCalming_Hugs

    Thank you for that @pmvines

  • achetocuddleachetocuddle

    Looking at natural green outdoors is helpful, especially on a far horizon.
    @CuddleDuncan 3 thumbs up.
    @sunnysideup is right about lifting weights, but thankfully there are other things that work just as well, lol.

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup

    @achetocuddle I've learned that physical activity is so important for my mood regulation. weightlifting, rock climbing, jiu-jitsu, mma I generally feel so much better. I'm afraid of sustaining an injury in mma/jiu-jitsu, though.

    Activities that are not physical that help me are: good food with great friends (or just hanging out with friends in general). Sometimes I feel really sad, then I hang out and I feel a lot better. Going for a drive with some good music. Shutting out the world and binging a Netflix show. Little accomplishments.

  • [Deleted User]delicatesoul (deleted user)

    @pmvines You sound like excellent company, and I really vibe with your healthy outlets to alleviate stress and find happiness and peace! I’d like to add hiking/outdoors time and crafts (think crochet, learning embroidery, sewing, and wanting to venture into stained glass work, etc) to the growing list
    @CuddleDuncan Soooo well said. Thank you for such a thoughtful post
    @sunnysideup I need to get back to that! Whew, weight training brought on some epic good feelings 🏋️‍♀️

  • achetocuddleachetocuddle

    @sunnysideup Yes, I can't forgo all physical activity and keep a good mood and low stress. You're right.

  • [Deleted User]delicatesoul (deleted user)

    @KaaGee OH MY GOODNESS!!! You are a badass! That kind of therapy sounds so invigorating! I get lost driving, I can’t imagine what being on a bike is like 😍🏍️

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    Learning to let go of the need to control everything (an anxiety response to past traumas for me, and often for many others) has been a major focus of my healing journey. Perfectionism is counterproductive and trying to do all the things all the time led me to burnout, major mental and physical health problems intensifying, and overwhelm paralysis. Learning to let go has been...a process, to say the least, and more than a little terrifying. Various forms of guided and self therapy, plus lots of self care for stress reduction. Basically learning to slow the eff down and having to reprogram my brain and lifelong habits. It's a challenge, and the unlearning process will never be over, but it's also worth it.

    Most importantly lessening the amount of things on the to-do list, and realizing the folly of the to-do list in the first place. Reprioritizing what is actually important and vital. Learning to delegate better and have better boundaries at work and with social contacts. Losing the weight of unnecessary relationships that no longer serve.

    Physical movement tends to help me more than "traditional" meditation or self care practices - may be the ADHD, may be the dance background, or both. Doesn't have to be strenuous exercise, just has to be moving enough to get me out of my head and into the present moment with my body. Walking, yoga, Pilates, swimming, biking, dance. Ecstatic dance and contact improv especially.

    Grounding practices used for anxiety help a lot: 5-4-3-2-1 exercise, breathing exercises, getting out into nature, progressive muscle relaxation, self massage, using binaural beats and other audio theories, float tanks, deep pressure stimulation, etc.

  • [Deleted User]justfun2nt (deleted user)

    Go for a walk/exercise and try to get a good sleep, spend time in volunteering.. a lot of happiness and comfort .

  • StructuredQueryLanguageStructuredQueryLanguage

    @cuddlefaery I just feel like if I keep trying harder and give even more of my all that I can achieve that perfect ideal!

    Surely, I can do it... I just have to drink more coffee and have less leisure and go even harder... surely... just have to be even harder on myself and then it will all work out... surely...

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    I've been thinking on this here and there and have come to the conclusion that I feel best about my 'worst' when I lean into the humaness of it all. That, and embracing the wounded child within and letting her act out in the most silliest of ways ~ Pretty much inviting stangers to dance in my chaos with me and not being hurt if they don't.

    I don't know that it helps me be less anxious, but it makes my world more tolerable and generally gets people around me to lighten-up a little or, at the very least, to smile.

    For the most part I likely seem like I'm an obsurd being for delighting in the disruption of monotony and tension. But to me that's a win so, Yay!! 🥳

  • KaaGeeKaaGee
    edited May 2023

    @JohnR1972 any 2 wheel therapy is pretty awesome! I haven't ridden my road bike much since I got my motorcycle, but I still love it and won't give it up completely.

    @Motorbaby let's see your ride!

    @sillysassy I lost my pillion earlier this year so I'll have to replace it, but I'm game! Or you can just talk @waynewv into heading this way too and we can all go!
    I'm honored to have served, and to be able to continue to serve :)

    @delicatesoul it is amazing, and sometimes the point is to get lost lol. Also, @pmvines is most excellent company! I look forward to being able to spend time with him again some day.

    I will also say that I used to get all achy and stiff and then loosen up and then muscles would stiffen up again in the car on the way to work. That has been alleviated since I ride to work as often as weather allows. I feel so much better!

    @StructuredQueryLanguage
    Sometimes you have to tell yourself it's OK to take a break. Look at yourself in the mirror if it helps and talk to your reflection like you'd talk to a friend and tell yourself you've done a great job, go sit down and have a beverage of your choice and relax. You deserve it!

  • [Deleted User]DaniIsHere (deleted user)

    If cuddles won't save me, the booze will.

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