Feeling lonely

UKrobUKrob
in General

I woke up this morning and just felt extremely lonely not sure where this came from or what I'm supposed to do about it but I guess I just have to ride it out. I'm single and have social anxiety so that makes it very difficult to meet people, it's strange because I want to and yet at the same time I'm scared to meet people.

I have an idea why this might be happening you see I've been working from home for the last month with no contacts or seeing anyone, and that has now come to an end. So I guess I'm just left here twiddling my thumbs. I do have a backup and that's working for Uber which I'm going to do today so that at least I can see faces.

It would be great if there was some sort of chat where people could talk, from this group, a forum post is not the same and feel very disjointed from people.

If you feel lonely, what do you do about it?

Comments

  • [Deleted User]MrAdmirer (deleted user)
    edited May 2023

    I also work from home a lot so I get what it's like to sometimes not even speak for a entire day.

    I do go out for a 'happy hour' once a week to my local beer/wine shop. I usually sit alone and just people watch and have a couple beers. I am friendly with the bartender and talk to her when she is not busy, or chat casually with some of the regulars or anyone game to talk.

    But, with your anxiety that might not work for you.

    Another thing you might try is immerse yourself in a hobby. Not casually either....I mean full blown immersion. I built an entire bartop arcade machine. And I mean from soup to nuts. I first built a raspberry pi computer and then loaded it with over 4000 arcade and 1st and 2nd generation console games. Then I bought all the parts to build a bartop cabinet to house the computer and use real arcade sanwa joystick and buttons. I had to do all the wiring. I have it set up as a two play machine each with six input buttons (just like a Street Fighter 2 setup). Then I spent over a year just tweaking the interface and adding game descriptions and remapping the controls so they play just like in the arcades, or support all the different controllers like the NES, SNES, Genesis, etc. I didn't know how to do ANY of this. I learned on the internet. I spent a good 2 years tweaking on this thing and now consider it done. Now I have more games to play than I will even need. Of course, I do have a new computer I built with more storage so I can always add even more games if I'm looking for something to do.

    My latest hobby is music. I casually played the bass guitar when I was younger and have gotten back into it. With the internet, you can find so many lessons, especially lessons on playing all your favorite songs. I now play way better than I did as a kid. I even joined a band to jam. Jamming is only with a couple of people so that might be a good way to slowly get yourself out there again. And if you play at a bar, then people watch you and you can just do your thing.

    If I didn't live in a small apartment I would get a puppy. Everyone tells me that is the best thing to do to keep me from being lonely.

  • CuddleHugs01234CuddleHugs01234

    I get out and see people, or make a phone call to a loved one. But I don’t have social anxiety. A friend of mine does, and she told me that one interaction I had would have made her extremely anxious. It was a time of me staying in front of someone’s van and waving to say hi. It was the wrong person. I thought it was hilarious, and she said it would’ve caused anxiety. Maybe counseling would help in that area of your life. I hope you find a way to get that need filled. :)

  • Eileen_98144Eileen_98144

    I get a bit of social anxiety too, depending on so many factors. During the initial stages of the pandemic, I exclusively connected via video chat with my friends instead of going out. I know many people still only use that option so I offer virtual sessions. I think quite a few other pros might for the same reason. Happy to set something up, or if cost is a concern then it’s possible other enthusiasts would also do video chats. 🙂

  • TxTomTxTom
    edited May 2023

    @UKrob I, too, get extremely lonely a lot. I come home to an empty house; my kid lives with her mom most of the time, et al. I work hard at my job, sometimes just want someone over for a movie & cuddle. It's tough, even on a website like this one, which is devoted to helping with such things.

  • PrettyLuvPrettyLuv
    edited May 2023

    Oh @UKrob - you touched on something. Perhaps in lieu of meetups, there could be virtual chat meetups. This is a kinda interesting idea. Where we essentially call in to a line, a conference line of sorts, and chat for a little.

    I would actually be kind of interested. Everyone could go around the “room”, introduce themselves and orient around a topic of choice.

    It could be held monthly, or weekly and since it’s virtual everyone in the cc world is invited.

  • UKrobUKrob
    edited May 2023

    @PrettyLuv Then maybe we should take action and set it up because it won't happen unless someone does something about it. A lot of things get talked about but never get done.

    Maybe we should start a new thread for this, if you are up for this let me know.

  • SoftHairForDaysSoftHairForDays

    Virtual chat meetups are a great idea. 😊

  • PrettyLuvPrettyLuv

    @UKrob you’re in the UK, I’m in the US. Sid wants some sweat equity lol. Yea, why not. I’ll DM you.

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)

    “Sweat equity?” Sounds like a violation of a labor law is that supposed to be another term for teamwork?

  • PrettyLuvPrettyLuv

    lol @lonelytauros no idea. His words.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972
    edited May 2023

    LOL - “Sweat equity” is an old expression for putting manual labor into a house. It used to be common for a person to have to pay for mortgage insurance if they financed more than 80% the value of a house (may still be that way - it has been many years since I bought a house). Anyway, a lot of people don’t have 20% to put down for a house so many people would need to pay for mortgage insurance the first several years of their mortgage until they had 20% equity in their house and only owed 80% the value of the house.

    “Sweat equity” meant doing work such as repairs, installing a deck, putting on a new roof, or other labor intense activities which increase the value of the house (but not the loan amount) so the house is worth more relative to the amount owed on the house. The increased value of the house from the manual labor was called the “sweat equity”.

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)

    @JohnR1972 thank you for the background I feel like I learn something new every day from this website lol 😂

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    @lonelytauros - you are welcome. I’m glad all the trivia in my head comes in handy sometimes 😂

  • KozyKimKozyKim

    I work at a nursing home and I know that they are very lonely. Their family works and they don’t always come to see them. And I know a lot of people with anxiety don’t have anxiety talking with the elderly because they are very calming.

    To me when you feel lonely that’s just a sign that you should reach out to someone else. Because there’s somebody that’s probably worse off than you.
    Sometimes I like to hear other people stories and listen to them. A great places to go to a nursing home they have amazing stories and the elderly are very inspiring they come from a different generation of hard-working people and it’s amazing what they Have accomplished in life. So if you want to feel fulfilled and helpful and not lonely visit a person at a nursing home. You will be so valuable to them.

    As I was walking out of the nursing home the other day a bunch of them were standing at the door to go out to smoke and they all waved and said we love you Kim. What an amazing feeling.

    Most joy comes from reaching out to others. Even Oprah Winfrey said one of her most joyful times was when she went to Africa to feed the poor.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    @KozyKim - excellent points!

  • KozyKimKozyKim

    Thank @JohnR1972

  • Cali6886Cali6886

    I'm a stay at home parent and recently came out of a long relationship so I completely understand feeling lonely. I'm the same, I have anxiety so meeting people is hard but I crave it so much at the same time, it's a vicious cycle.
    I'm going through a hard time of facing homelessness at the minute and that is making me feel even more alone. Just for an hour I wanted to feel held and like I matter to someone.

  • heldbyhopeheldbyhope

    I literally get this feeling so much yall, I was weeping about it yesterday...
    The need is deep, and the longer I go without physical touch and connection the harder it becomes for me to actually have healthy interactions when I fianlly do get time with others...

    This lonliness is literally how I found cuddle comfort...waking up one Saturday morning just desolate- I googled platonic cuddling and found this site- I have only shared one in person cuddle, with an angelic kind and respectful guy, but I would cuddle every dang day if I could...
    Ive spent the last year living alone and working from home alone,
    after being married and raising a kid for 26 years...there was so much emotional abuse at the end I was in shock the first 6 months alone, the relief and grief overtook my awareness of how I felt in other ways...the rawness kept me in a cocoon for so long I almost lost myself...

    On that morning my heart finally shattered, I could barely lift my head I was so lost in the isolation and deep despair...
    it catches up to you...make the time , keep reaching out....dont delay or hesitate...is my best advice...

    I have a massage therapist I really love and trust and see him on a regular basis when I can afford it...
    I got a partime job in a warehouse 2 days a week and that has been such a social uplift also...

    I also go outside and hug and sit by trees and throw a blanket down somewhere pretty and just sit and lay on the earth...and listen to the birds and feel the connectedness of all of life...also I joined some online communities (that are more healing centered and aligned to my vibe) and study groups...one is an astrology study group because that is a passion of mine- bookeclubs like at the library, or online, and meetups is also a cool site for finding like minds,,,you may even find a support group for people with social anxiety....It helps sooooo much to be with others you dont have to explain your struggles to, they just know...have I done many of these things...NO)))) but I still believe they could help.

    I have social anxiety and complex ptsd, from the years of psychological and emotional abuse, but I am high functioning and when I reach just beyond my comfort zone I am usually rewarded...when I open my heart the universe reciprocates abundantly...even if it also means feeling the grief and the sadness, the equal amounts of joy and peace then have room to come closer in that releasing...

    Another fun option is a karaoke night or trivia night somewhere...community service meetups, volunteering at an animal shelter or homeless shelter...the above contributor is so right- when we shine on others our own heart is also filled....
    Do I do these things often? No.
    am I suffering deeply from isolation...yes...so dis I need to write this journal entry to motivate myself to take my own advice yes again hahaha!!
    I love the idea of community cuddle chats, please sign me up if someone facilitates one!!??

Sign In or Register to comment.