Do you like to message them first or be the one to be messaged first?

RebeccaKeRebeccaKe
in General

Question for both pros and non pros. 🥰 I've been on and off the site for years now. I usually wait for people to message me first to request a cuddle session. I assume anyone that wants to book me will message. Occasionally when a man checks my profile more than once I wonder if I should reach out first. Do any of you non pros ever feel nervous or shy about messaging a pro to book them? Would you rather a pro message you first or would you rather message them first when you feel ready to book? I know some people feel a bit shy about booking their first session especially. I added to my profile that I'm comfortable cuddling with people of all ages, sizes, and ethnicities. I think it helps to let people know as long as they're platonic and respectful they won't be rejected and they'll have a safe space to talk. ❤️

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Comments

  • [Deleted User]MrAdmirer (deleted user)

    I think this question extends well beyond booking a cuddling session. I’m an extrovert by nature so I have zero problems making a first move in term of reaching out to a cuddler or talking to people when I’m out in public

  • [Deleted User]CharlesInWI (deleted user)

    I tend to not reach out first, at least here on Cuddle Comfort, simply because I am well aware of how swamped enthusiasts on this site can be.

    If someone says something kind to me here on the forums I like to thank them here, and in a message.

  • WestsideMarcWestsideMarc
    edited June 2023

    Personally I do not utilize pros it’s just not my thing, but I’ll weigh in nonetheless.

    Despite living in Los Angeles and having a pretty robust profile, it’s extremely difficult to find enthusiast female cuddlers; they’re surprisingly few and far between. Having said that, every once in a while I’ll peruse the pro section, just for the heck of it.

    Once in a while, one of them will just send a quick, brief hello/thanks for checking out their page and invite to book a session. Sometimes as an added touch, they might even compliment me on some aspect of my profile just to show that they’ve actually looked which is also a nice touch. I don’t see anything wrong with that at all.

    If someone is shy that certainly might warm the waters for them, and if someone is just checking out your profile I see absolutely nothing wrong with you reaching out to them once whether they looked at it once or multiple times. It puts you front and center and it just may differentiate yourself as to someone who is responsive, inviting and proactive so I would just say keep doing what you’re doing.

    I also read your profile and it seems very nice. You cover some good bases.

    Carry on…
    :)

  • MeltMyWayMeltMyWay

    Somewhere I read that pros are discouraged from reaching out first, so I have never reached out first. I have recently had someone tell me that most pros will reach out once he’s visited if he doesn’t reach out first. So I’m very interested to see what everyone says here. And I’d love for a mod to clarify wether or not pros are supposed to reach out

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    I don’t have any reservations about reaching out to a potential cuddle partner whether she be a pro or enthusiast. I don’t mind if they initiate contact and I don’t lose any sleep if I don’t hear back from someone I messaged. However, from what I read in the forums, it seems like I have a much better response rate to my 1st contact messages than most men on this site.

  • AllAboutSoulAllAboutSoul

    Pros can initiate discussion with someone who's visited their profile.
    I tend to wait until they've visited my profile several times over a few days before sending a quick message.
    Now, if they're here on the boards, I will send a completely un-sales email about the discussion point that interests me. I'm very social and don't have an issue with chatting back and forth (for free.) Often times. I hear, "enthusiast only; I don't pay for a pro." No problem! I still reply kindly and encourage chit chat. I just like people and have "met" lots of interesting folks here.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    @sage91436 I'm not a mod but I do happen to know the rule. Professionals are not allowed to message enthusiasts first, unless they have reason to believe that the enthusiast would be open to receiving a message from them. This is interpreted as meaning that if an enthusiast/potential client visits a professional's profile, the professional is permitted to send one and only one message. Some professionals do, some professionals don't.

    (I don't know for sure, but I believe that an interaction on the forum would also count as meaning the enthusiast would be open to receiving a message.)

    Anecdotally, the success rate for such messages is not high (in terms of leading to a booking) and some people find them off-putting. As far as I can tell the messages most likely to succeed are very gentle and encouraging and do not mention booking at all. They also show clearly that the professional has read the potential client's profile, if they have anything in it.

    All this raises the question of whether it's really worth it. In pure effort/financial terms, probably not. But there are shy potential clients for whom it could make the difference, and so if you measure success in terms of helping somebody get a cuddle when they would not otherwise get one, then it may indeed be worth it.

  • CuddleWhoCuddleWho

    Generally I'll reach out first if I want to cuddle someone. If a pro messages first, that's probably OK, but that'll only lead to a cuddle if it's someone I was going to message eventually anyway. If her message strikes me as overly salesy I probably won't respond, even if it's someone I would otherwise have messaged.

    I see often on this site women overinterpret the meaning of their visitors, and it's possible you may be doing this too. I think since women generally use the site passively and don't spend a lot of time browsing people's profiles to cuddle, they haven't thought this through fully. Women seem to think when someone visits her profile repeatedly, it means he's very interested in her profile but just too shy to message. That's possible I guess. But more likely, he's just browsing around the site, searching, clicking on a bunch of profiles, and not necessarily remembering who he's already looked at. There are times when I click on some of the same profiles many times over a week or two, but the thought process consists of things like "Have I looked at this cuddler yet? Oh right, I saw her profile already, and she's not a good fit for me" and "Wait, why did I decide not to message this cuddler? Oh I remember, it's for this reason" and "Was this cuddler one I decided I'd like to meet? Yeah, she looks like a good fit for me, I'll probably message her next week." Etc.

  • MeltMyWayMeltMyWay

    @CuddleDuncan thank you for verifying that. I have prob a dozen people who have visited my page half a dozen or more times and have never said hi. I always thought I wasnt supposed to reach out.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    @sage91436 in that circumstance you are. But as @CuddleWho suggests, there are many reasons why somebody might click on a profile multiple times. For example, I once looked at a profile dozens of times because I recognised the location in the main photo, but couldn't put my finger on where it was and it was driving me nuts. I messaged her and asked but she didn't reply. I did figure it out in the end.

  • CuddleHugs01234CuddleHugs01234

    I don’t mind reaching out first, as I’m an extrovert. On those that are not local, that travel, I prefer them reaching out, because I won’t know they’ll be traveling here unless they tell me and reach out first. I do message some non locals and state if they travel, to let me know and we can have a convo and see if we’d be a good fit.

  • TxTomTxTom

    Either one. The very best initial contact always ends in a cuddle.

  • WKplatonicWKplatonic
    edited June 2023

    @CuddleDuncan, Thanks for verifying that it is the client's responsibility to contact the professional first. Window shopping shouldn't be discouraged. I enjoy reading different profiles to get a handle on a feeling or for writing ideals.

  • MeltMyWayMeltMyWay

    @CuddleDuncan I totally get what you and @CuddleWho are saying about doesn’t mean they want to set up a session. I guess I just felt a little silenced not being able to reach out and say hello. I am definitely not pushy or a salesman when it comes to this. I enjoy talking to people even if they don’t ever book with me. There are several enthusiasts who I’ve been chatting with for months now and we’ve never met. This site is more to me than just having clients. I believe in connecting with people in whatever way they are comfortable with. I study and practice holistic health and believe so much in the power of not only touch but also community.

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    I have had a few pros reach out, most people I had visited (and some who got banned before I could finish reading their message). Doesn't bother me, I like getting mail.

  • RebeccaKeRebeccaKe

    Lots of interesting feedback and perspectives. That makes sense. I'm sure pros vs non pros are looking at different factors as well when we browse profiles. That's really interesting what cuddle Duncan said about pros not being allowed to reach out to potential cuddlers first unless they have good reason to believe they'd be interested in booking. I was never aware of that rule. It's been a long time since I've messaged anyone first though. I just assume anyone that wants to book will come to me. And I try to make it clear on my profile that anyone is welcome to send me a message about a potential booking as long as they're respectful and platonic. That seems to work best. I know some men, especially those that are shy or new to the site have expressed in the past that they're unsure of how it works or what to say. Honesty is really the best policy. Just send a pro a message saying "I'm new/shy/etc, not sure how this works, but I'm interested in a session, can you tell me more?" And we'll lead it from there ☺️

  • RebeccaKeRebeccaKe

    @CharlesInWI Pros definitely do get swamped sometimes, and I can't speak for other pros necessarily (maybe they'll chime in here regarding their reasons for responding or ignoring) but I respond to the majority of my messages. There have been times when I've taken a break from the site though when I've ignored everyone, but, when I'm regularly active on the site, I typically respond unless I see red flags that the person is looking for something sexual. Or if the client starts the message right off with "come to my hotel" instead of "hi, I'd like to book a session" (or some sort of introduction) then I'll usually ignore it. I wonder if there might be some men who may feel a bit awkward and shy and might come off the wrong way when they message pros. I've seen quite a few men on here saying that they get ignored by most pros and I'm wondering if the reason might be their wording/lack of introduction/etc. Have to remember that pros generally look for red flags to maintain safety.

  • TxTomTxTom

    I don't understand the rule about Pros not initiating contact. I don't mind being contacted at all, if it's practical.

    Perhaps a Pro in another city, who wouldn't otherwise show up in my local search, is planning to visit my area. Or, perhaps a Pro who hasn't logged in for a while, doesn't show up in my search which is limited to those active within the last week.

  • CuddleWhoCuddleWho
    edited June 2023

    @TxTom

    I don't understand the rule about Pros not initiating contact. I don't mind being contacted at all, if it's practical.

    It's unsolicited direct advertising. AKA spam, the worst plague of the Internet. If there wasn't a rule limiting the situations in which pros can initiate contact, we'd likely all get multiple worthless salesy messages in our inbox from pros every day.

    Perhaps a Pro in another city, who wouldn't otherwise show up in my local search, is planning to visit my area.

    Then she should list the city she's visiting as a second location, so she will show up in your (and everyone else's) local search.

    Or, perhaps a Pro who hasn't logged in for a while, doesn't show up in my search which is limited to those active within the last week.

    This... doesn't make sense. In order to message you, she has to visit the site, which means she will show up in your search anyway.

  • RebeccaKeRebeccaKe

    @CuddleWho I wish they would allow us to put multiple locations on our profiles. I live in Sacramento, California but I love traveling. I have San Jose as my secondary location. I mean, yeah, we can list potential cities and states we might visit this year on our profiles but we're not going to show up in the search. It makes our profiles more difficult to find.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited June 2023

    @TxTom I don't know why that rule exists. From what I know about the site's philosophy and practice, I would guess there are two different reasons.

    Firstly, many of the people who come here are quite vulnerable. Yes, a caring and gentle message from a good professional would probably be helpful, but the potential benefits of that are heavily outweighed by the risk of high-pressure sales messages. This site was founded on enthusiast cuddling, and that remains its heart.

    Secondly, the site likes simple rules. No messaging potential clients is a nice simple rule that prevents spamming, pressurising, high-pressure sales and a host of other undesirable practices.

    Would the average man mind an occasional pleasant message from a random professional? No, of course not. But if you allow it then you risk a spiral of marketing-message-wars amongst professionals.

    Separately, professionals who are planning to travel can use the Second location field in their profile. They will then show up in searches in both locations. Professionals who tour are smart about this, and when they arrive in a town they change the locations to the next two places they are going to visit on their tour.

  • TxTomTxTom

    @CuddleWho

    This... doesn't make sense.

    But it does make sense. I'm not on CC everyday. So if a Pro who hasn't logged in, say, for 6 months, logs in again after my last login, she will not show up in my search.

  • TxTomTxTom

    Thank you @CuddleDuncan . Those reasons do make sense, except that the Block button seems an adequate solution to unwanted, high-pressure sales tactics.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesInWI (deleted user)

    @RebeccaKe

    For me, because I have no interest in hiring a professional, I tend to simply be polite when replying or thanking them for a kindness in the forums.

    But then I sort of think of contact beyond that as invading their professional space.

    I wouldn’t do that with a waiter, or musician on stage, or manager in their office, so why do it here on Cuddle Comfort?

    And, like any public professional, I take the kindness and courtesy as a professional thing, not an actual interest in me.

  • RebeccaKeRebeccaKe
    edited June 2023

    Ah that definitely makes sense then @CharlesInWI , I was referring to people that book pros. :)

  • CuddleWhoCuddleWho

    @TxTom

    So if a Pro who hasn't logged in, say, for 6 months, logs in again after my last login, she will not show up in my search.

    It seems like you have in mind a very particular sequence of events timed just perfectly so that you'd miss her except for her message. It seems very unlikely. If you're interested in a cuddle, you can visit the site and see everyone who's logged in recently. Worrying about missing someone who hasn't logged in recently but will log in tomorrow seems like a very narrow concern.

    @CharlesInWI

    And, like any public professional, I take the kindness and courtesy as a professional thing, not an actual interest in me.

    Yeah this is the key point I think some of the other commenters are missing. While it is definitely possible to build a personal connection with a pro cuddler when you meet her, if you receive an unsolicited message from one it is unlikely because she is very interested in you personally... it's because you are a potential customer. In that sense it's no different from receiving a marketing email from some random company.

  • WKplatonicWKplatonic
    edited June 2023

    Yes, they are vulnerable people on here; some of us have gone through a lot; we are only trying to get our names out there so that caring souls can support us. Unless you have walked a mile in someone's shoes, it is hard to understand what life is like for them. All a professional has to do is view my profile, and the next time I log in, I see where they view me. I can view, read their profile and message them if I wish.

  • [Deleted User]1_teddybear (deleted user)

    @WKplatonic ,well yeah but that's not fair at all because you're absolutely adorable. 😊

  • CSnMUS87CSnMUS87

    I usually prefer to be messaged first, as I can be shy and awkward when I initiate a message. I also however don't want to waste anyone's time, as I can't always have time or afford a pro cuddle all the time. Still it is nice to talk to people and sometimes I do initiate a message though I'd prefer the other way around.

  • WKplatonicWKplatonic

    @1_teddybear, Thanks, much appreciated, some days are weeks are harder than others.

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