Specifying intentions

[Deleted User]nateistired (deleted user)
in General

Hi! I am fairly new to this site, as of two months ago. I am looking for some input about messaging women. As a 21 year old guy, I am well aware how many men, especially around my age, act overly sexual towards women and cross those boundaries, even in a strictly platonic context such as this site. Personally, I am not looking for that at all. To me it seems fairly obvious that that kind of behavior is predatory and gross. I can't imagine behaving that way towards someone, even if I started to have sexual/romantic feelings about them. I would not want someone crossing my boundaries like that and I would not do that to someone else. I just want to meet nice people to cuddle and talk to.

My question is, should I be specific about this up front because of my gender/age? Would going out of my way to mention it, even unprompted, make someone more comfortable and at ease, or would it just sound suspicious? To me it feels like apologizing for something I did not do because I know myself and my intentions. But obviously others do not.

Comments

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    I think the easiest thing to do is just state clearly in your profile that you are interested in strictly platonic cuddles only. Then hire a pro or two to get some good karma for yourself.

  • w8ed_blanketw8ed_blanket
    edited June 2023

    Hi, Nate.

    In my experience, it is a rare trait to see men with a sense of self-awareness and emotional intelligence doing emotional labor. These are clients I love to engage with and want to attract. The fact you are aware of the nuances in social interactions is chef's kiss. You're way ahead of a lot of people on this site.

    When we join CC, every user agreed to the ToS, whether they did actually read it or not. The default assumption is that you are here for non-sexual cuddling. Personally, I don't think you have to state it to the other person. I think stating it on your profile is fine.

    Okay, so what can you control and hopefully increase your game?

    • Humanize your profile. You have a great photo of yourself already. Flesh out perhaps at least 2-3 paragraphs so the reader can get to know you as a person. There's a sea of empty/anon profiles on CC. Stand out from the crowd.
    • As @WriterGF mentioned, I've heard that once a person has a good reputation built through pros, it makes the person more appealing to enthusiasts. Granted, take karma with a grain of salt because some are given disingenuously.
    • I would suggest reading the person's profile. Perhaps they have a certain boundary in place. For pros, for instance, some will have specific instructions in how to book with them. It's a green flag for me to take someone as a client if they followed my instructions without causing a fuss or challenging my parameters. This shows they took the time to read my profile, agreeable/compliant, and respectful of boundaries.
    • Keep in mind that because this site is heavily skewed in men enthusiasts over women, there is a high chance you will not get a response most of the time. It sucks. It's okay to feel frustrated or annoyed and finding specific venting threads to vent. But be aware what you post on here signals others if they want to approach you or not. You attract what you put out. For me, the smell of entitlement is a huge turn off to not want to meet them ever.
    • Remember that the other person is human, so treat the conversation and person as such. Don't sexualize them, be pushy, belligerent, etc. (Honestly, based on your opening message, I don't see you doing this.)
    • You will face rejection. A lot. But it's okay. It's part of the process. Move on. Be patient. There's many people who are excited to cuddle and there is definitely someone compatible for you.

    Best of luck. :)

  • [Deleted User]nateistired (deleted user)

    @w8ed_blanket thank you so much for the detailed response. I appreciate you taking the time to give me advice. I will take all this into consideration. Happy cuddling :)

  • [Deleted User]nateistired (deleted user)
    edited June 2023

    @WriterGF thank you :)

  • CuddleHugs01234CuddleHugs01234

    @nateistired52 Your profile looks great! I also do the same thing, list out that I want platonic cuddles only.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    Welcome to the site!! I think what you've currently got on your profile is great. I get your concern that sometimes going overboard can seem suspicious. You've got it sweet and simple and it looks great to me!

    I'm sorry that as a younger guy, you have to worry about being stereotyped that way. I just cuddled one on one with a guy even younger than you and it was one of the most respectful, sweet, platonic cuddles I've had, yet! Raging hormones don't have to override good manners and don't have to overshadow the pure intention to give and receive tender affection. 😊

    I hope you have a wonderful experience, here!

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • frankparker9frankparker9

    @nateistired52 You don't need to say you are looking for platonic cuddles, it is assumed. If you do, I wouldn't say that's apologizing, it's just stating your intentions, but I know what you mean. All men on here will face some fear and skepticism, but it is also reasonable for you to expect some benefit of the doubt, regardless of your age, even if not everyone can give it, while you try to send green flags. Men who don't have their head in the right place often "out" themselves by sending messages like "hey baby" or not bothering to start a conversation and get to know the other person as a person. By being authentic, and writing in a direct, emotionally aware way, like you did in your post, your spirit will come across.

    I do have profile tips about how to convey to the reader indirectly that you really are here for cuddles. Write a paragraph about a topic like: Your experience with cuddling platonically with friends; What drew you to the site; How you realized you needed touch or cuddles and that they don't have to be sexual or romantic, that dating doesn't seem like the best way to get touch needs met; something like that. If you don't have much experience with cuddling in any context, you could talk about that, e.g. "I haven't had a lot of touch and affection..." The goal is to "humanize" you, as w8ed_blanket put it. You could even take a few sentences from your post if you want: "I am well aware how many men are overly sexual towards women and cross boundaries. To me it seems fairly obvious that that kind of behavior is predatory and gross. I can't imagine behaving that way towards someone, even if I started to have sexual/romantic feelings about them. I would not want someone crossing my boundaries like that and I would not do that to someone else. I just want to meet nice people to cuddle and talk to."

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    @nateistired52
    I like the fact that you make it clear that your intentions are sincerely platonic.
    It’s reassuring to me that you get it. I read your profile when you first started this thread and was impressed with it.
    In my experience, people who make an effort to be open and show who they are will be more trustworthy. If they’re being fake, that’s usually more obvious to me.
    I’m not being naive either. I got plenty of experience with scammers when i did online dating.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @carrieanne - I tried online dating. Never again. Everyone who responded to me turned out to be a scammer. Romance scams are out of control. If I wanted to talk to a bot, I'd go to ChatGPT.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    @Mike403
    I’m with you 💯 on dating sites! Done and done.

  • Mike403Mike403

    @nateistired52 - We're supposed to have a high degree of intelligence to suppress those primitive sexual urges. If guys are pushing boundaries, that just shows that they haven't grown up. We aren't apes.

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)

    Planet of the apes happens to be one of my favorite movies… I hope that isn’t bad🤷🏻‍♂️😂

  • frankparker9frankparker9

    Technically humans are apes

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    Technically humans are apes

    One of the reasons Charlton Heston was the worst cuddler ever for telling everyone “Get your hands off me you damn dirty ape”!

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