Cuddling Rut

[Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)
in General

Lately, I’ve been kind of feeling in a cuddling rut where I don’t have the same excitement or enthusiasm for it anymore. I would like to know if anyone has felt this way before and what the reasons may be, whether it be financial, stress, health, personal. if you don’t mind, please share.

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Comments

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup

    Sometimes I feel a bit cuddled out. The desire to cuddle again returns for me again in less time than I think.

  • Hamtaro1Hamtaro1

    Expecting for a serious relationship from cuddling stopped me from seeking cuddling overall. I was naive to think that if a person was willing to hold me means they care to be involved with me deeply. I'm not making consistent money either so the want to cuddle is pretty low from that too.

    I learned a lot of my needs could just fulfill for myself instead of expecting someone else to be the solution or to save me.

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)

    @Hamtaro1 thank you for sharing that it’s actually very insightful and very deep. I think sometimes I fall into that same trap of either wanting or expecting someone to rescue or save me from my loneliness.

  • stormydaycuddlestormydaycuddle Mod

    @lonelytauros I just got back from a 4 month break yesterday. I understand what you mean. I’m so glad to be back though! 🤗🤗🤗

  • Hamtaro1Hamtaro1

    @lonelytauros It's a cliche and true. Doing things you like with others will help. I fostered a dog recently and a of the things I want from human companionship can also come from a furry friend.

  • [Deleted User]MrAdmirer (deleted user)

    I don’t cuddle enough to be in a rut. I’m more in a lonely rut. All my friends and family are in New England and I’m alone here in NC so I can be close to my 2 kids.

    I do have a cuddle session a week from Monday so that will be good.

    I’ve thought about fostering dogs but I live alone in a small apartment. I hear some animals may get anxiety and do damage to rooms so I don’t think it would work for me since I’d have to leave it alone from time to time. If I was a cat person that would be the answer but I really love dogs

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    Usually if I find myself in a rut it's because I've neglected some area of my life to hyperfocus on another. The Wheel of Life assessment tool is a fantastic way to get a visual picture of where you might need to refocus to feel more in balance - if you do a Google search you can find dozens of examples and pick the one that best works for your current life stage (for instance having a section on "career" might not be important for everyone). The important thing is to not let yourself get overwhelmed if it feels like several areas are lagging behind - just pick one and start there.

    For instance, when my social was/is lagging, I make it a priority to schedule time to visit friends, attend events, etc. I put appointments in my calendar to make calls, send emails, and otherwise reconnect with old friends. I look at Meetup and Eventbrite for local and virtual events to attend. I go for walk & talks where I'll call someone and talk with them on the phone for an hour while we both go for a long walk outside (or if they're local we'll walk together in person). Basically, I'll just focus on that one area for a week, schedule more things for several weeks out, and then next week I'll focus on another area if I feel like I'm ready to move on.

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)

    @stormydaycuddle glad that you’re back!

    @Hamtaro1 thanks for the advice I need to step out of my shell a little bit more I’m very introverted

    @MrAdmirer I’m very happy to hear that you have a cuddle session set up. I hope that you enjoy it!

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)

    @cuddlefaery thank you for your input as well. I will check out that assessment tool. Sometimes I wish things would just magically happen but I guess I’m gonna have to put the work into it Lol

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    @lonelytauros ~ I've for sure been 'touched out'. But I also know that when I start to feel like something I typically find nourishing, or that brings me feelings of enjoyment, has started to fall into that "meh" sort of place, I try do what you've done ~ Asking why/what may be contributing to the change, and checking in with others to see if what I'm experiencing is 'normal'.

    Ultimately though, when I'm no longer getting what I could typically rely on another for, it's because what I need is something I can only get from myself.

    Checking in on my mental health for feelings of overwhelm, or if I've been saying 'yes' to too much thereby overloading my capacity to manage stress effectively, or perhaps needing to up my attention to my physical health (incuding the quality of sleep I'm getting) all tend to be initial check-in points.

    But something else that just occurred to me is the northern hemisphere has entered into the "being outdoors" and the "getting sweaty while exploring nature" season. It's just not as cuddly a time as winter might be, you know?

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)

    @quixotic_life those are some very good points that you mentioned. Thank you for your input.

  • quixotic_lifequixotic_life

    @MrAdmirer ~ too bad you're not closer. I'd offer to introduce you to my pupper to hang out with.

    It may seem odd, but I bet there are a mess of pooch people out there that would love to connect with someone who'd like to give their doggo some attention (more than they're able to give on their own anyway). IDK... I would...

  • pmvinespmvines

    It's possible to grow bored with all things enjoyable. Try to find something else to do and come back to it again at a later time when you feel like you've had a chance to miss it .

  • [Deleted User]CharlesInWI (deleted user)

    @pmvines

    If I ever grow bored of ice cream…

    Nah, that will NEVER happen.

  • pmvinespmvines

    @CharlesInWI my want for ice cream is merely limited by the amount of poops it creates

  • warm_embracewarm_embrace

    I tend to cuddle in spurts with long cuddle-free periods in between.

  • CuddlesbyJenCuddlesbyJen

    One of the things I love most about cuddling is the unpredictability. Every session is its own experience even with a repeat cuddle partner. Maybe try adjusting the cuddle environment: move from bed to couch, try a new essential oil or aromatherapy candle, use a feather wand, ice, or marbles to invite new sensations. Learn about new cuddle positions and experiment. Play a silly game while cuddling, like Uno or 20 Questions. Look for a cuddle meetup near you to expand your partner repertoire. Good luck!

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)
    edited June 2023

    @CuddlesbyJen although I appreciate your suggestions it’s not about the physical cuddling experience for me; that has always been there. There’s never been a problem with that. It’s more the mental side of it. The connection just doesn’t set my mind on fire anymore. It’s like I don’t see the meteor rain in anticipation of cuddling like I used to.

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)

    @pmvines thank you for your suggestion as well. Sometimes I feel like I don’t know if I’ll miss it if I take a break. Maybe during my stay here maybe I cuddled too fast and too much if that’s possible I don’t know.

  • nurturingmannurturingman

    Like @MrAdmirer , I don’t cuddle often enough to get into a rut. All I know is that at some point, even after I feel or say “I never want this to end,” I do get to the point where I want a cuddle session to end. The moment arrives when it’s just time to move on to the next thing, be it sleeping, eating, or some other activity.

    I like @cuddlefaery ’s idea of checking one’s life for balance. Thanks for suggesting the Wheel of Life!

  • CuddleHugs01234CuddleHugs01234


    @MrAdmirer Consider a Guinea pig for a pet. We took in one that didn’t get enough attention, and are loving it. We only have one and we give her lots of attention, but they do like to live together and cuddle each other.

  • [Deleted User]MrAdmirer (deleted user)

    @quixotic_life when I need to dole out some doggie love I visit a brewery. Most of them are dogs friendly and there is never a shortage of doggies to spoil there.

    @CuddleHugs01234 I’ve gone through my fair share of the more exotic animals too. After our 2 ferrets died (about a year apart from one another) I was done with those types of lovely critters.

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    Any new experience can be consuming if it's something you enjoy. You go back to that well again and again because the water is unlike anything you've tasted before. But you can get accustomed to even the most wonderful thing and it loses its novelty and luster, unfortunately.

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)

    @WriterGF very well said…I agree

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod

    I had cuddles that I had never experienced before and they were so good that it’s making me question my life choices. Now I am in a position where I feel I may not ever get that connection again during a cuddle and it hurts to think about.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesInWI (deleted user)

    @Charlie_Bear

    As the Avett Brothers wrote…

    “There’s nothing good, because nothing lasts.
    And all that comes here, it comes here to pass.
    I could voice my pain, but the change wouldn’t last.
    If it comes here, it comes here to pass.”

    The only thing worse than bad things are good things.

  • warm_embracewarm_embrace
    edited June 2023

    @lonelytauros and @Charlie_Bear - I wonder if maybe this social construct of platonic cuddling once served a purpose in your life, and now you no longer need that, or you need something else? Or maybe you have your protective emotional wall up, and you are not as receptive to connecting with another? Maybe you need to try to cuddle with someone different from the type of person you usually cuddle with? Depression can also cause a reduction in joy from the things you used to like. Idk, it could be a lot of things, I guess.

    I hope you can find that joy in cuddling again, and if not through cuddling, I hope you find it in some other way.

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)

    @warm_embrace that’s the $64,000 question right there. I’ll try to answer it as best as I can. When I first joined the website I thought there would be so many options to cuddle with an enthusiast and would be able to find one somewhat effortlessly, since most of the profiles would read, I love to cuddle, and then you can fill in the blank with whatever else they wanted to say, well I was very naïve and quickly realized that a lot of these enthusiasts that say that they love to cuddle really don’t so I ended up hiring pros to cuddle with and I think at that point, It did serve a purpose and then somewhere down the road the excitement of it all just died out I guess maybe I was looking for more of a mental connection with someone and I think at that point I realized I’m expecting too much now

  • warm_embracewarm_embrace

    @lonelytauros maybe you have relationship needs that can’t be met by cuddling? 🤷‍♂️

  • warm_embracewarm_embrace
    edited June 2023

    @lonelytauros Idk, maybe look for other ways to connect intimately with others? Meet up groups? Clubs? It sounds like the “social construct” of platonic cuddling with strangers isn’t doing it for you anymore….

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