@cuddle_bug88 So which category do I fall under ? Audacious, funny, or disturbing? Remember my entire mood for the day hinges on your response so no pressure ....
@pmvines D) all of the above (gasp....including the nice) ....🤣😂🤣😂
@cuddle_bug88 ah , I didn't see the nice option. I'll take it I guess
As someone who works in private investigation for my day job, do not be this person. 😆😆
The host is SO annoying to listen to (although I like the way he looks. My type in 70s. 🤩) Anyway i would’ve preferred to read the texts without his side comments and role playing. Too distracting. I might watch without sound. The actual stalker? Old news if you’ve ever done online dating.
The FB stalker guy was definitely a certified weirdo but the YouTuber and his 20 minutes of analysis really made me cringe.
This vid caused me to flashback on a friend of mine that I met in a stand-up comedy class. Our first assignment was to spend the week writing 1 minute of material, come back to class and perform it. We all did our bits and when he finished, the instructor (Who also had a degree in psychology) told him to trash the routine. He sounded just like the dater in the video. So instead of reassigning him with another minute, she told him to return next week with three pages of journal material made up of nothing more than what had transpired during the week. He did, and she then put it in stand-up format. When he discovered that what he was actually doing was more entertaining and interesting than what he was making up, and the fact that he was probably the funniest guy in the class, his ego got a boost and he felt way more confident. The next 5 weeks of class were transformative for him. He never returned to the over-self-indulgent cringe master that he arrived as. He realized how much easier it was to be genuine rather than such a constant put-on. He also had that quality that the podcaster eluded to about being on the edge of genuine introspection which is why I think there’s hope.
Has this hirsute fellow never heard of pickup artists, or is he playing dumb to be able to produce this half-hour reaction video? For sure this caller is a creep, but not in the unself-aware way the video suggests. Creepy is the point, and this fails 99% of the time by design. The PUA only wants responses from the 1% outliers who, for whatever reason, aren't immediately repelled, because the rest of the PUA playbook only works on them.
This is the same reason "Nigerian prince" emails are poorly written. It's done on purpose to identify prime targets.
@vector I agree that the stalker guy is working from the PUA playbook...but I disagree that their goal is for that 1%. They (PUAs) specifically teach other men and share tips with each other on how to manipulate noes into yesses. They use manipulation, gaslighting, and abusive tactics to violate consent or to coerce consent out of women. They are not just seeking the easy game - they enjoy "the hunt" and in degrading women by breaking down their boundaries.
Remember folks: Coerced consent IS NOT CONSENT. A yes given under false pretenses is a no. THAT IS NOT CONSENT. A lack of a no is not a yes. THAT IS NOT CONSENT. A yes that comes after 1000 noes because they've been mentally or physically or beaten down IS NOT CONSENT. Consent is fully informed, freely given without pressure, and affirmative.
@cuddle_bug88 THAT is why this is more insidious than it sounds on the surface. He is intentionally using a whole shit ton of tactics (a bunch of which I listed in an earlier comment on tbe first page) well known from the PUA playbook, not to mention throwing in some coded language, that explicitly points to him being an unsafe person.
(Edit: sorry @Lisa123 , tagged the wrong person! 😅)
@cuddlefaery - Agreed and it feels so much better knowing the other person is enthusiastically into it. Talking someone into it after receiving a no from them would just make me feel like a creep.
This is a far cry from helping men with their mental health and holding space for people in difficult situations. I agree with @PeopleLikeUs that some therapeutic intervention could really help this guy present more normally. I'd like to see us being constructive.
🤔... 🙋♀️ PUA?? MRA??
@quixotic_life PUA = pick up artist MRA = men's rights activists
Two misogynistic largely online communities closely related to incels (involuntary celibates).
This isn't directed at you specifically, but to people at large and why I didn't answer the question about the acronyms earlier - Google and other search engines are literally at our fingertips on nearly every device these days. You can always copy and paste unknown terms into a search engine and usually get the answer just as fast or faster than asking people in a forum to answer it. And with voice assistants it's as simple as "hey Siri/Alexa/Google, what does PUA stand for?"
There's definitely some things that are better asking a survey of people's opinions about via forum, but why not empower ourselves with the technology we have to find the answers ourselves instead of asking people to educate us or look up the answers for us?
A magic script? They think that women are robots? Guys, just be yourself and focus on your goals in life. Intelligence is attractive. Not what you have in your pants.
It sounds like some guys are actually trying to speedrun getting as many women away from them as possible. Stalking? Sending unsolicited nude photos? Since when does these techniques ever work?
@cuddlefaery ~ Mainly I wasn't invested enough to care to look them up, but also knew I'd likely get something completely off... Case in point, these were the top returns for each...
And it's not like I was demanding an explanation from you or anyone else. But as much as you're putting an expectation on me to be responsible for my education, there's a responsibility on the side of one communicating a message to ensure it's comprehendible by the receiver(s), especially if they actually want to be understood and/or genuinely want to encourage engagement.
FWIW (for what it's worth), people use insider/'in the know' speak and acronyms all the time at work. Which is fine for those who are all within the same group. But when two or more groups get together, the acronyms often have differences or variations that can lead to all sorts of confusion, communication breakdowns and/or a mess of wasted time. kinda like here 🙄 So it's beyond preferred they aren't used at all. IMO (in my opinion).
edited a smattering of typos (I may not have caught them all though), whoops!
Oh, agreed that without context jargon gets confusing... I'm a teacher and we looooove our acronyms lol. But we have context here. If you searched say, "what is MRA + men stalking" you get Men's Rights Activists.
And here's a counterpoint to consider: if you're not invested enough to find the answer yourself, why should I or anyone else be bothered to invest time/energy on your behalf? When people talk about having to do emotional labor for others, this is what they mean. You're not invested in the exchange, and yet you expect the other person to do the work or else you wouldn't ask in the first place. Granted this example is a very, very small and mild form because our social relationship is not that intimate. But this process gets replicated on larger scales and in far more entwined relationships.
So no, you didn't demand an explanation - and I did not have to answer. But you did ask when the info was readily available to you even though as you put it you weren't invested enough to look yourself.... So the cost of my labor was reminding people at large (not even you specifically because this is a larger societal problem that I have mentioned multiple times) that they have tools at their disposal. You could have ignored that reminder if you didn't feel it applied to you.
@Mike403 they make it into a sick game like they're hunters or predators, "alpha" males while everyone else is inferior. They're insecure and this is their way of compensating. Unfortunately because they tend to target lonely men with mental health issues and trauma, it's hard to undo the the baked in conspiracy theories and echo chamber mentality even when they're confronted with reality. They can't handle the cognitive dissonance.
@cuddlefaery ~ Fair enough. I'm also tired and could have chosen something better than "wasn't invested enough to care to look them up" to describe why I didn't. Such as... Having some great fun at the ADHD convention in my mind today and can't figure out what you all are referring to, even with context clues, without the potential of getting sidetracked, more confused or just plain frustrated, because I'm all out of the patience myself requires of me. ~ *or something like that
I get the ripple effect of emotional labor, but boy howdy do we ever assign ourselves the burden of giving it. It's a maddening cycle really.
And funny you're a teacher because I'm in student services support and it's when all the CMs, TOSAs, OTs, PT's, SLPs, SLCs, ATCs, ABATs, etc. get together for consults/reviews that things get twisted. "Yes, you need to be providing ____ accommodations. That's what's meant by ____ on the IEP." Said with controlled exasperation because it's mid-May and it's just coming to light that they haven't been doing whatever it is all year. Ugh, it's so frustrating!! But it's also mostly avoidable if things are clearly spelled out in the first place, you know?
And thanks for doing a job that is well beyond what most could manage day in and day out. I hope it's fulfilling for you.
@quixotic_life I feel ya on the ADHD though. Mine has been worse than usual of late for a number of reasons, to the point my meds are barely touching it 🙄 that feeling when it takes you 20 mins to type a sentence because you keep getting side tracked and forget what you were saying.... I don't even want to talk about how many email, text, and comment drafts I have right now 😅🙃
I actually burned out on the full time classroom teaching some time ago lol. Been freelancing since 2016 which in someways is both more and less stressful. Still going in to schools (besides the pandemic) but more after school, summer School, preschool. Nice not to have to do official lesson plans at least 🤣
Edit to add: and lol, I'm a bit proud of myself that I still remember most of those! I worked closely with SPED since arts and special needs compliment each other well...and I was one of the few teachers willing to step in to crisis mode 😂 plus it's why I went in to classroom instead of private sector anyway - to work with the kids who need it most.
Edit 2: we should probably move nerding out over job stuff to DMs before we completely ADHD the thread 😅👀
Being a genuinely good person means to respect the other person's wishes. Guys, if you get irritated just because she doesn't want to be with you, that isn't being a "nice guy". That's having selfish desires which is anything but nice.