.
I just expect all my messages to go ignored....I've had worse than that on dating sites... part of the reason why I no longer use dating sites(they were such a self esteem killer)
When somebody doesn't ignore me and talks to me, that makes my day.
@mike403 my inbox is always open even if we disagree. Hugs.
Also, I'd like to put forth the idea that pros charge more so we can afford secretaries to answer every letter we get. And thus ensuring that no feelings are ever wounded by a lack of response. But alas that is another can of worms.
@everyone (except the OP) Maybe in the next 20 - 30 years you come to understand other perspectives, acquire some empathy, curiosity about the way others think, and a desire to separate from your personal agendas. Grow tired of arguing and want to learn something new. Then finally heal from whatever brought you to this site. @Mike403 i get everyone’s “fear” over his username. But instead of ignoring the message sender which is rudeness from someone who’s supposed to be caring, let them know it’s off-putting in this environment.
@carrieanne I'd like to invite you to peruse my inbox sometime. May give you a new perspective and some empathy. It seems yours may be lacking the content that makes pros so bitter, genuinely fearful and unresponsive toward usernames like Hitman but "What's in a name?"
@carrieanne - He made a post asking for advise. All we can do it give it. We can't make these pros respond.
@hitman_12596
The username is homage to my favorite wrestler from the 90’s, Bret “The Hitman” Hart
On some sites that would make yours a great handle. But here, where every woman you message is thinking about her safety, it's borderline inappropriate and a definite handicap. Even if somebody knows the reference, they don't know if that's why you picked it.
The site allows us to change our username once a year, and I suggest that you do.
Geez people, you still don’t get what I meant. And yes, @stormydaycuddle i only get maybe 10 messages a day as opposed to your millions. I think you are such a different type of person from me, but it’s interesting to read your comments and I often agree with you. But no need to get defensive. You do you because apparently it’s working! 🤗 @Mike403 It’s just all the constant arguing and not willing to see anyone else’s pov. Over time, we learn to be more accepting because we’ve experienced a wider range of personalities and don’t have the energy to fight others about what they think. I bet you’re different than you were 20 years ago, right?
Replying and saying things like, "oh yeah. Those pros suck" wasn't going to help the OP. We are showing empathy by offering suggestions.
btw @hitman_12596 , I apologize for calling you a troll earlier. You never know on this site in particular.
@carrieanne that was exactly the thing you said to me directly on another post. So defenses triggered, yes. You seem to know ageism gets on my nerves. Now both you and the OP have done it. Wondering why I don't agree with you...
@WriterGF Right, all I am trying to do is point out the fact that the term 'professional' is problematic on this site. I've been a member of the community and looking at the general forums for less than a year, and it is clearly obvious that the term causes a LOT of turmoil amongst the pros and clients alike.
] RUN CLIENT_WHINE_TOPIC
10) Potential client creates a topic to complain about the lack of professionalism coming from most likely a beginner (or scam) pro account
20) The seasoned pros get VERY defensive and caustic in their replies because it makes THEM feel targeted and they get sick of hearing the same things over and over and have obviously dealt with a lot of unprofessional clients. (I should add, I don't blame the seasoned pros at all)
30) Other platonic cuddlers pile on the client and defend the pro
40) Debate ensues and tempers flare, usually involves mods having to lay down the ban hammer [CTRL+BRK]
50) Promotes an unhealthy environment on a site that is supposed to provide comfort
60) GOTO 20
It’s all good @stormydaycuddle I don’t need people to agree with me, i do wish they could try to relate to another’s perspective as ok to have one. But then there wouldn’t be all the entertaining and learning opportunities from discussions.
@carrieanne there was an attempt. As I said in my previous post the language doesn't incline me toward empathy. I disagree wholeheartedly. I see the plea for empathy as weaponizing compassion...so there's that.
So I’ve been watching this thread for a few days, and the way everyone came immediately with pitchforks for OP hoping to all but flay him in the town square over his username is…interesting.
Only someone who is looking hard for reasons as to why someone may not be getting immediate responses would try to dissect a username, when people here have usernames for every reason imaginable. To be honest, the only ones that ever raise a red flag for me are ones that exude a saturated and forced feeling of kindness…see: “NiceCuddleGuy,” “CuddlesForKindness,” “GentleSnuggler.” Especially when this is coupled with a bare ass profile, a four word introduction, and a two day old account. Also, usernames that think they are “subtly” using sexual euphemisms…see: “NJGuy69,” BigDawg69,” and “CuddleGuru69.”
Of course how someone acts on approach and in messaging is the true rubric of who they actually are. But trying to sell your gentleness sometimes raises my eyebrows more than something so obvious. I also often take into account that some folks here likely have the sense of humor of a fifth-grader, and thus think 69 is hilarious—and not predatory—which is a choice in such a setting and will be off-putting to some, but I try and see the whole picture before coming for someone.
Something as obvious as giving oneself the moniker of an individual who does murder for hire feels just that…obvious. Like, someone with violent intentions would more than likely not put that on display for all the world to see. If nothing else, the most dangerous among us are often wolves in sheep’s clothing.
I’m glad Hitman has gotten his apology, but it feels too little, too late. And sure he’s posting a regurgitated topic, but perhaps it’s the first time he’s been in the forums? This is why these topics are recycled often, after all. New people arrive everyday and have the same frustrations folks have had in the past.
@Rachel_P @carrieanne there's your perspective! Some people don't see outwardly violent usernames as terrifying and some people see anyone with the word kindness in their name as threatening. To each their own. Whether its the OPs intent or not doesn't matter when you have a split second to decide if someone is going to murder you in your home or not and is safe to converse with. I am 100% sure given the context later provided that the OP is unlikely to do such a thing. We all have a bias based on our own experiences. My bias moves me to speak up against pro bashing. Yours it to show empathy to people with precarious usernames. We're all showing empathy here. To whom is up to personal choice. I can see why someone would pick the name of their favorite wrestler. I get a little on edge when they tell people to shut up and they are stubborn about the assessment of how their user name probably comes across.
@MrAdmirer it's a good point. There are really two communities on CC - the people who inhabit the forums (1%) and those who don't (99%). The professionals who are on the boards are mostly seasoned, top-level experts in their field. The professionals who behave in the manner that creates the complaints are mostly new and don't really know what they are doing.
The character flaw that we usually refer to as the 'sense of entitlement' in threads like these sometimes is indeed exactly that; but sometimes it's actually more of a 'lack of ability to understand or accept your own part in what happened'. I don't mean that it's the complainant's fault that the Bad Thing happened to them, absolutely not. Simply that if you message 17 brand new professionals with no Karma you're going to get a different outcome from messaging 17 professionals who've been here six months and have the Karma to show for it.
@Rachel_P for me it wasn't his username alone that was an issue. People rightfully pointed out that the username, combined with no picture AND his profile AND perhaps how he was messaging the pros could be contributing factors. He the. Proceeded to get super defensive and resorted to personal attacks, so in my mind that says WAY more about him and his character than the username alone, and it's how he responded and escalated matters to which most people have been responding.
It may seem silly to some, but picking your username to fit the context matters in how we view people when we don't have a lot of info to go off of. If you're looking for a new doctor and their email is hotmama69@gmail.com vs drlastname@hospitalsite.com, what do those different names tell you about how they view their practice? If you're applying for a new job, do you think you have better chances including a social media handle of "iluvcats123" or one that is either simply your name or a more professional looking one directly related to your career? Or here if you see a profile for platonic cuddling named sukmydik or similar, does it REALLY seem like they're here for platonic reasons only? Like it or not, the word "hitman" out of context of the OP's intent has a violent connotation - at the very least they could add a bit to the top of their profile explaining the context of what the homage is and why it's important to them.
Do all usernames on CC need to be cuddle related? Absolutely not. But also you should consider your audience and how they may perceive it without background or context. And sure, a username alone is probably not going to scare away most people, but combined with other factors it may lead to people not responding.
I use the name Pacman everywhere else but I thought that would look weird on a cuddling site. I don't actually wander around a maze gobbling pills.
So we're talking about why a professional did not confirm a booking? Cuddlers both professional and/or enthusiasts drop a booking for a myriad of reasons. It's called "contingency." Next cuddler up IMO.
@cuddlefaery - LOL. If their username is "sukmydik", they are certainly not here for the right reasons.
@Mike403 Dating apps are awful for everyone, but particularly awful to guys. I’ve used them for years and couldn’t get to them to work, the only success I’ve had in dating was by friends setting me up with someone.
@sunnysideup - I'm 44 and have never been in a relationship. I'm just too introverted and was never able to get much experience socializing with people.
@Mike403 I'm 34 and never been in a relationship, either. I'm introverted, described by others as neurodivergent, not conventionally successful, I'm a smaller guy, I'm brown living in areas where there aren't many brown people, but socializing more and being active in friend groups probably helped the most with dating. I hope you can find a group of people to go and do fun things with and maybe introduce you to someone one day. Have you ever been speeddating? I've been once and the competition is not very high level. Someone who is even slightly engaged in conversation is going to stand out.
@sunnysideup - I've gotten so afraid of meeting new people. Even on this site I stick to the same cuddlers that I've interacted with many times and feel comfortable with. The forums has been incredibly helpful in getting to know people.
@Mike403 That's a good data point. You'll need a bit more time to open up to people. Luckily, some women are like this. Dating apps are like "did you WOW me on the first date?"
If a professional cuddlier doesn't reply to my message, I take it they are busy with life or not a true professional. With respect, I don't understand the neediness that some guys on this website have
@stormydaycuddle I think you are missing the point: how we relate to usernames is subjective. I am stating how this plays out in my mind, and that doesn’t resonate for everyone else, nor should it. As I said…using 69 in a username could just be a poor attempt at humor—though it will undoubtedly turn off most. Usernames exuding kindness could just mean the person is genuine and could also be a predatory attempt to hide poor motivations. My point is that we all feel differently when we see something and base it on past life experience and opinions. This colors how we interact with others, but letting something as innocuous as a username have a heavy influence seems petty. And it seems silly to come for another user specifically for that…and this is not the only time I’ve seen it happen here in the forums.
Not to sound antagonistic, but you make it sound like pros are some marginalized group. Is “pro bashing” an actual thing? I mostly see salty and impatient men using the forums as a place to vent because booking a specific pro didn’t work out. I could honestly care less what some dissatisfied stranger on the internet thinks about a title bestowed on me by a platform where I find clients in order to ply my trade.
At best, the pros on this site are varied and diverse. At worst, [some may not have the best intentions.] I value the opinions of everyone who interacts in the forums, because it shows they are invested in the community here. 🙂 But you’re offended by ageism, pro bashing…what else? You’re entitled to feel however you want, of course, but I am unconcerned with random people who are angry about prices, lack of free emotional labor, and what they consider “unprofessional behavior.” Those are the three main complaints I see being made of professionals on this site. It’s quite freeing to not take it personally. The same people will continue to bitch about the lack of free or near-free cuddling, and most of those folks are never going to be serious paying cuddlers anyway. ✌️
@cuddlefaery you are making my point for me. 🙂As I stated above, a username alone does not dictate how I respond to someone and I feel it should not be a deciding factor. It’s a culmination of many factors. I agree that some usernames raise eyebrows, and while I completely agree with you that your audience should be considered when selecting a username, I don’t think many people think that far ahead when signing up…especially if they are here as an enthusiast only.
While I didn’t read every bit of this thread, I did see that you and OP had a tête-à-tête a few pages back. I think it’s normal for people to post in the forums to vent and find validation, versus actually wanting an answer to their questions. People take things extremely personally around here, including not getting responses from a stranger on the internet. So while someone poses a question, they often are seeking validation versus an answer. I think this is exactly what happened here. I only feel for OP because the hubbub over the username felt a bit like a dog pile, ya know? For what it’s worth, your comments here are always thoughtful and grounded. I am generally nodding my head in agreement and am unsure why anyone would start attacking you, as you never come at people in a way that causes defenses to go up. I use the word “attacking” extremely loosely, as I can’t remember the exact exchange you two had.
Reported and reviewed. Edited part of the comment that could be taken as offensive to fellow pros. Also, in the case of usernames, we will force users to change their username if it is offensive or has sexual innuendo in it. Having 69 in their name, for example, is not acceptable. We respond to reports of inappropriate usernames so please flag any that you see that appear dangerous, offensive, or non-platonic. [Charlie_Bear]
@Rachel_P There is a lot of pro bashing. And maybe if you stick around long enough you'll see it for yourself. I'm offended by a ton of things. Bigotry, people who are clearly sympathetic toward mysogony. It's quite freeing to not add to the retoric spewed by the uneducated masses as well. Should I add smiley faces?
On a side note: he can go with his username if he wants to. Actually, not what I'm irritated with.
@stormydaycuddle - I'll add them for you.