Post-Session Depression

BriiyanBriiyan
edited July 2023 in General

I've had a few sessions and they're so amazing and comforting while they're happening. But, once the session is over I feel my emotions dip lower than they were before the session. I'm sad that it's over and not something I can enjoy for longer. It feels like I'm not good enough to deserve cuddles unless I pay for them. I've even found myself crying because it's over. The excitement and comfort is gone. The time passes so fast. :'(

Does anyone have advice for prolonging the joy and comfort longer after a session ends?

I think that when I joined I naively assumed that requesters and providers would come from both genders. This is something my therapist suggested to help with "Touch Starvation."

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Comments

  • TxTomTxTom

    Try either longer, but more infrequent sessions or, shorter. more frequent sessions.

  • Mike403Mike403

    Set money aside every month and look forward to your next session.

  • BriiyanBriiyan
    edited July 2023

    Okay, that's a good idea. Then it's something I can put on the calendar instead of utilizing it as-needed.

  • [Deleted User]sativamoongirl (deleted user)

    Go to Barnes and noble, find a book, get a coffee, when someone you like come in…. By them a coffee

  • w8ed_blanketw8ed_blanket
    edited July 2023

    This honestly sounds a lot like a subdrop. This effect was happened often that people began to label it in the community. It's a term I am familiar with; I have not found other terms yet.

    Subdrop usually happens after your brain is flooded with "feel good" chemicals. Almost like a high. After this huge influx of happy chemicals, the chemicals leave. Your brain is "rebalancing" itself back to its general baseline since our bodies are designed to be at a steady state. You then experience this physical and/or emotional low. This is the drop.

    Not every experiences this drop. A drop can vary in intensity, duration, and affect people in different ways.

    Aftercare is important to reduce the impact of a subdrop. So I believe this can be extended to platonic cuddling or any experiential high. As a pro, I follow up on clients - especially new ones - to check in on them as a form of aftercare. However, what can you do for yourself? Practice self-care after a session. Self-care looks different for everyone but some examples are:

    • Scented bath
    • Meditation
    • Journaling
    • Wrapping yourself in a blanket
    • Spending quality time with loved ones
    • Enjoying a good show, book, or movie
    • Exercise
    • Good meal or your favorite snack
    • Restful sleep
    • Getting some sunshine
    • Anything that you think will keep you relaxed as those intense chemicals leave your body

    Also, you are absolutely deserving of cuddles and physical touch. A friendly reminder that your needs are valid.

    Reported and reviewed. Removing a few references to another community. [Charlie_Bear]

  • BriiyanBriiyan
    edited July 2023

    Thank you everyone. @sativamoongirl
    Though, I guess it also feels sad that being a male means I'm the one who typically has to pursue any type of partners.

  • PrettyLuvPrettyLuv

    I think this happens to men and women in varying things like after a traumatic event, after birth, after sex/masturbation, after drug use. In addition to the chemical release, I think it’s also associated greatly with the fluctuation in hormones and the rebalancing of hormones too. It could lead to addictive behavior like in the case of a drug or destructive behavior like in the case of postpartum depression. I think the key is to recognize when it’s happening as you have and to seek out a positive thing that’ll bring up the hormones to a lesser extent until you’re weaned down from the original euphoria of the experience on a slowly diminishing wave. Like a sound that gently fades rather than one with a hard stop.

  • ChessGirlChessGirl
    edited July 2023

    Try to be a volunteer for animals or kids with special needs once a week or biweekly 🙂
    enrich your time by providing love to them ( animals or special kids ) and expect as less as you can from human (so when something good happens to you , it brings you surprise feelings , and avoid a lot disappointed feeling )

    E-hugssss… 🌻

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod
    edited July 2023

    Though, I guess it also feels sad that being a male means I'm the one who typically has to pursue any type of partners.

  • BriiyanBriiyan
    edited July 2023

    Thank you @ChessGirl Funny enough, I was recently in the Epilepsy Monitoring Unit at a hospital for a week and a volunteer came around and offered to help pass time by playing chess with me. It's inspired me to do the same for others.

    I think you're onto something because my favorite part of a cuddle session so far is when they let me scratch their back and they started to fall asleep.

  • BriiyanBriiyan

    @Charlie_Bear I don't get it

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery
    edited July 2023

    This feeling is well documented and goes by many names, so you are not alone!

    https://cuddlesanctuary.com/what-is-oxytocin-drop/

    https://www.livescience.com/42198-what-is-oxytocin.html

    https://brightside.me/inspiration-relationships/science-suggests-couples-who-regularly-cuddle-can-become-addicted-to-each-other-795986/

    Tl;Dr: hormones like oxytocin and dopamine come into play with cuddling sessions and give a temporary high - coming down from that high can suck, just like any withdrawal, especially if you were deficient to begin with. Make sure you are getting your needs met elsewhere in your life as well to lower the drop, and watch out for bonding issues if you only have one platonic cuddling partner (this is one of several reasons why it is suggested to have more than one if possible).

    Side note: certain conditions can raise your risk of addiction and withdrawal symptoms in general, usually by rewiring your brain's reward center and/or hijacking the neurotransmitter and hormone receptors. Most common culprits: family or personal history of substance abuse, ADHD, chronic mood disorders like depression/anxiety/bipolar, PTSD and repeat trauma, chronic pain, chronic loneliness and social isolation, etc.

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod
    edited July 2023

    Let’s meet back here in, say, 12 hours, and see if things have remained civil. If so, I’ll be very surprised.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    @Charlie_Bear aren't you supposed to be off celebrating your birthday, Mister? 🤨

  • BriiyanBriiyan
    edited July 2023

    @Charlie_Bear why wouldn't they? It's simply a documented statistic among the majority of ̶l̶i̶v̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶o̶r̶g̶a̶n̶i̶s̶m̶s̶ ̶ mammals. The males compete.

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod

    @cuddlefaery
    Instead I’m just pretending I’m not a mod and making dumb comments when I should be trying to sleep 😇

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    Also, @Briiyan , if you had a mental health professional suggest professional cuddling for you as adjunct therapy and it's not going as expected, it sounds like it's time to revisit the original professional and talk with them about why you're feeling how you do. It sounds like there's more going on internally with your negative self dialogue ("It feels like I'm not good enough to deserve cuddles unless I pay for them.") than just the usual oxytocin drop. If it's bad enough it's making you cry after every session, I'd say it's time to put the cuddles on hold until you can work out your mental health more with a trained mental health practitioner first.

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod

    Another thing organisms do is find reason to fight over everything.

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod

    I appreciate your optimism though. I would love to proven wrong.

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod

    As for the topic, after I cuddle and the oxytocin rush dissipates i get that same feeling you get when you get home from an amazing vacation and you need to unpack as you realize you have to go in to work the next day. Just hits like a freight train and it sucks.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    @Charlie_Bear ok now I'm facepalming because I didn't even notice the fight til this last comment.

    @Briiyan 1) no, it's not a "simply documented statistic" as the majority of living organisms do not reproduce sexually, let alone behave along modern human dimorphic gendered (not even sexual) stereotypes;
    2) you're spouting off a bunch of cliched jargon you clearly don't actually understand;
    3) if you did understand what you were talking about you would know that in sexually dimorphic mammals (such as humans) both males and females compete, just in different ways for different things;
    4) maybe part of the reason you feel you need to compete so hard is you spend way too much time listening to pickup artist bs pseudoscience instead of actually socializing with women as equal, complete human beings and not prizes to be fought over or won;
    5) I have a hunch that at least some of your current mental state has to do with how you're viewing other humans and your place among them, and this is translating into feeling lonelier and more adversarial even in connecting with professional cuddlers.

  • NoumenalNoumenal

    @w8ed_blanket ~ You offered really good information. Not sure if he saw it, understood it, or ignored it. I agree and from the sound of it he needs to treat himself to self cuddle and relive the emotions he felt during his session. If he has a food vice, maybe he can follow up his self care with that. *I wanted you to know your thoughts were appreciated. 🩵

  • CozyWithMemeCozyWithMeme

    @w8vygrl My immediate thought went to "sub drop", after reading his post and then came I came across your comment. I am familiar very with this term and appreciate you sharing this knowledge and information. It didn't go unnoticed.💕

  • WestsideMarcWestsideMarc

    There are some VERY good responses here. Especially @w8ed_blanket !Good topic, too.

    The only thing that I can possibly add, is that a good woman next to you is the most amazing thing in the world. Period.

    And when they step away from you, it’s like getting out of a Jacuzzi into the snow. It’s cold out there and you’ll do whatever you can to stay in their warmth.

    Women are what makes life worth living.

  • PrettyLuvPrettyLuv

    💗 That’s really sweet @WestsideMarc

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    I've met one person who gave up sex because of this. They said the massive oxy high wasn't worth the emotional crash afterwards.

  • SoosonSooson

    @WriterGF I consider giving up Ribeye steaks for similar reasons.

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup

    @w8ed_blanket this was extremely helpful to me and Makes sense, thank you!

    Cuddling can definitely be an oxytocin overload sometimes

  • BriiyanBriiyan
    edited July 2023

    @cuddlefaery haha i appreciate the laughs

  • Mike403Mike403

    This is something really depressing:

    I stopped seeing my psychiatrist for several months and she sent me a letter saying she was dropping me as a patient. Not one call to see if I was okay.

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