@w8ed_blanket Thank you for the awesome detailed info. Thank you for taking the time to put it together. It took me a while to get through and I had to come back after waking up this morning. I'll admit that the acronym BDSM is initially offputting due to a previous unhealthy relationship.
@Mike403 Agree. Not cool. and kinda reminds me of LA Fitness. As long as your monthy auto pay is in place , you will never hear from them. Nothing like hey where are you, we noticed you haven been here in months ..but miss one payment and they will blow up your phone. 2-3 calls a day.
@Mike403 thats pretty messed up! I could see if you were going but owed a bunch of money!
@matt462 I have insurance and was paying my $60 copayment when I did go.
@Briiyan ~ taking some of your comments into consideration, I want to apply an analogy. You're at the bottom of a big hole. You can't climb out, but you have a shovel. The only way out is to dig the side walls and create loose dirt to stand on. It will take some time and energy, but eventually, you can climb out. After you get out, you realize you were the one who started digging the hole. *In the most positive way I can tell you, stop telling yourself you are a victim and start digging your way out now. You are capable of overcoming these adversities. 🩵 I wish you the best in your journey. And I made a comment earlier that you may like to look at. Good luck to you sir. 🫡
@Mike403 hopefully you can find another good one! I know how much of a pain in the ass it is starting over with someone new.
I stepped away from cuddling to handle my energy issues. I thought I could come back. I had one session. I remembered to as fast as I could get home to take a shower and have an easy day. The next day I was so exhausted, I could barely do anything and only wanted to lay in the bed and didn't know why. Then it started dawning on me, my energy was drained. 😬. I know the power of crystals. So I looked up what crystals I could use to help me bounce back. Poppy Jasper came up as a good crystal that I'll now buy. Now I get to use my friends to help support me. We need various tools to help us take care of ourselves on our journey of helping others.
Here are links to some articles. Maybe you can find something to help you.
https://gem-water.com/blogs/crystals-for-humanity-blog/the-best-crystals-for-increasing-your-energy
https://www.villagerockshop.com/blog/crystals-increase-energy/
https://goop.com/wellness/spirituality/the-8-essential-crystals/
@CuddlingwithKC ~ This may sound weird to some, but I think it might make sense to you. So I just put myself into your experience and tried to find a solution. Perhaps you can try this. After a session find the nearest tree and go put your hands on it for several minutes and then drink some water. Absorb that beautiful energy that the tree provides and replenish yourself with the water. *Another alternative might be to walk barefoot through grass, but I see you have some allergies. 🩵
Sitting down and leaning up against a tree for a while.
I think a snappier post title would’ve been: post session depression. Oh well, too late. My other comment here though, still stands.
At least the COVID restrictions are over. That was a depressing time.
Oh, dang. Didn't think it would resonate this much, lol. Wrote that at the dead of night. Thanks, @Noumenal , @MerandaCuddles , @WestsideMarc , & @sunnysideup.
@CuddlingwithKC I exactly what you're talking about here, because I've experienced the same thing! In the very start of me cuddling, I noticed that I would be very tired and drained after I've cuddled certain individuals and with others I'd feel more relaxed and not as tired. So now I pray and meditate way in advance and ask God for added strength and for protection over my spirit and energy, before I meet the client. I would love to add some crystals to my routine as well. I don't know much, so I appreciate you sharing your experience and resources with us.🙏🏾💕
I think this is not unique to cuddling. If you go on a vacation and then have to turn around and go to work there is a mental hangover or funk. When you buy a new car then have to make the first payment there is a mental disconnect that is not so wonderful. These experiences also produce dopamine but then crater. This is life.
WKplatonic choose to delete his comment
@Noumenal Thank you. I think you put that well. It's taken me a decade to finally admit that I'm married to a narcissist and no amount of effort or energy on my part will heal this toxic relationship. I'm afraid to be alone, but I know it's a necessary step toward positive growth.
@WestsideMarc Great idea. I've updated the title
This did not go off the rails as I was expecting. I am proud to have been proven wrong on this one 🥹
@Mike403 On the psychiatrist not calling, I think I would look at it as any medical professional. I’ve thought about this before. We get attached to the medical professional sometimes when we see them, we love them, recommend them, but it is a professional provider role. Sometimes in counseling situations, they see that you have to put in the time and effort too. Maybe since you stopped going, she decided you weren’t doing your part. From all the professionals I see, I only would get a yearly reminder call from the front desk. The patient is the one who usually has to reach out and schedule and keep the relationship/visits going.
@Charlie_Bear , I would hate to disappoint you!
One option is after finding a cuddle partner that you’re comfortable with, see if they would be willing to set up a “subscription” service with you. Meaning, you would maybe get a discounted price or something for regular sessions. Based on how much you two agree on, maybe you could do a weekly, bi-weekly or monthly session. You can have a set time and date for them all and that way you know that another session is right around the corner.
Another thought, when I was younger and a college athlete, I would need to get regular massages. Since I wasn’t a star quarterback or anything, I would have to go pay for them myself. So I ended up going to the PA School of Massage a couple blocks down from my university. I would get massages from the students for like $15-20. It was super cheap cause they’re learning and need the practice. You do get who you get though so they’re not all going to be great, but if the idea is to feel someone’s touch, that’s not a bad option to keep costs down.
@Briiyan posted: "I naively assumed that requesters and providers would come from both genders."
They do. There are several lovely female enthusiasts in the Littleton/Denver/Boulder area.
There are also regular group cuddles, for $25 per afternoon, frequently held at Clement Park or in Lakewood: https://www.eventbrite.com/cc/all-community-cuddles-events-434019
I also visit Colorado numerous times per year, and I am an enthusiast.
~ Sunset Snuggles
@SunsetSnuggles @Briiyan - Guys usually need to attend the group cuddle events to meet female enthusiasts as it's hard to stand out from the other messages that are entering their inboxes.
@Briiyan Thank you for sharing. This post and the other one shows that you are trying to find ways to help your mental state.
I’m sad that it didn’t work out with the cuddle party this weekend and I applaud your efforts to put yourself out there.
I love this cuddle world and what it has taught but I REALLY appreciate the understanding that a lot of people have mentioned so far.
_THIS IS ONLY ONE TOOL IN YOUR TOOL BOX. _
It sounds like a lot of things are going on in your world and there are ups and downs from all of it.
I’ve been here for awhile and I have seen a LOT of people trying to make cuddling be the ONLY option to find a healthy lifestyle balance. (Which sometimes leads to a huge drop in the feel good stuff leftover from the cuddle coma)
I don’t want to diminish the congratulations on stepping outside of your comfort zone…. This seems instrumental to wholehearted living. That is a BIG DEAL and it’s worth celebrating.
@sillysassy Thank you so much for the positive reinforcement. I refuse to become "jaded" by negative experiences in my past and will defend this hill of compassion, even if it kills me.
Every human deserves love.
I'd much rather struggle with my own coping mechanisms than bring more negativity into this world. I'm 38 and haven't given up yet. That's one thing I can continue to feel proud of.
I think Latin dancing is a great way to engage in safe touch and to have a good time and get fit.
@w8ed_blanket , thank you for that useful info!
I've found that journalling, afterward, allows me to mentally call back the experience, over and over. After a while, this sort of fades, but it is a way to kind of stretch out the effects.
Just wanted to share..
@w8ed_blanket I agree with what Umoja said. I started doing journalling after certain events and have found it to be very useful.
LOVED reading this thread SO MUCH. I even posted to another page of mine. It is vital to do an impressive amount of self-care after sessions. A lot of pros I know that do this for the heart of it, not the money, reach out regularly to their clients, new and old, to help them process what's going on for them after they see us.
I want to comment on the comparison of post-cuddle/oxytocin drop vs. sub drop. I'm speaking purely from personal experience, but on paper while the two may have some similarities they feel really different to me as someone who has experienced both. Perhaps it is because they are dealing with different neurotransmitters 🤷🏻♀️ Or maybe it's because I'm neurodivergent and have sensory issues so I'm hyper aware of minute changes. Who knows.
For me, oxytocin drop feels more sad, depressed, or numb - I feel drained, craving more touch, teary/sad. After particularly long cuddle sessions or many in a short time span I can be exhausted and have a headache and want nothing more than to curl up with very specific non-demanding people who don't drain me further, or my cats/other pets work too.
Sub drop can include oxytocin drop depending on what led to it, but more often it's endorphins, adrenaline, and serotonin. Where as oxytocin drop can make me feel weepy, sub drop feels more like a hard crash or withdrawal - hyper vulnerable and on edge, in need of soothing and being cared for. I'll generally be overstimulated and need things that sooth my nervous system - quiet, dark, cool, deep constant pressure touch, etc. I may not even want to cuddle as that may be too much stimulation - but things like head pets or a long hard hug can work. I may feel physically exhausted, but usually my mind will be going 1000mph and my ADHD may briefly be much, much worse. It's the whole "tired but wired" feeling, vs oxytocin's more just plain drained emotionally and physically.
I'm not sure I'm describing the difference well for folks who have not experienced both, but I did want to point out that there may be a difference in how they feel, and thus a need to respond to them differently.