I probably should provide a little context for anyone interested cause I don’t want anyone to feel like they were being kept in the dark regarding some comments of mine earlier.
Basically, a now-banned member had spammed a message to multiple people (he got flagged many times for this). He was saying how he wanted certain parts of a pros body to come into contact with him because it reminded him of an experience he enjoyed as a child with another family member. He elaborated further to some that he now treats women poorly and very disrespectful and wouldn’t be able to control himself and his violent tendencies during a session, but was still looking to book thinking his behavior was normal. It was very strange and he may have been trolling but it was extremely disturbing regardless.
Edit: If anyone quotes this in a response, please put it in a spoiler so no one has to accidentally read any of this.
@Charlie_Bear you made that sound PG compared to what was actually said. Wondering if he did actually dig that 2 am hole? By 3 am he was 100% looking for people to fill it.
I am glad there is a structure in place to handle those sorts of bad actors. After reading about this the past couple days, I wanted to ask is there the ability for mods or admin to enter/read any chats on a whim? Or is a reporting event necessary? Does the report allow full history access to dialogue or just that particular message? People should feel safe through every step, and I feel Privacy falls into that. Just curious, any information is appreciated.
@touchstarved87 reports are needed. I've messaged a mod and asked hey, can you look at this to see if it's report worthy and they've told me to report it so they could see.
@Charlie_Bear - After reading that I think I'm gonna be sick. I can't imagine what was actually said to @stormydaycuddle
Ok thanks @stormydaycuddle ! It's good people can feel safe to discuss personal things and have a system to protect against people with ill intent.
Thinking about it makes the normal d*ck pic seem tame in comparison. Those you can just laugh at, report, and move on.
@Mike403 @stormydaycuddle @everybody if this thread brought me and stormy to a point that we agreed somewhat its a win. And then world is probably ending
People got banned for being time wasters...as in talking to pros with no intent of booking. Also we should message people whose profile we visit so it doesn't come across as stalking.
I like hearing these stories so i can be more empathetic what people actually go through but I get so lost sometimes on this site what I should do.
I often don't remember whether I've visited a profile before, what I thought, or even whether I messaged them, so I frequently revisit profiles. Nothing sinister. Also some people put updates about their availability in their profiles, or add more information over time.
It would help if the site gave us the capability to make notes about profiles and displayed those notes along with pics in the search pages, then there'd be less reason to revisit.
@oak444 You can make a private note that will display at the top of someone's profile that only you see, though it doesn't show in search results.
~ Sunset Snuggles
@SunsetSnuggles - Don't you have to revisit the profile to see the note? His comment was about remembering what a profile said so there will be less reason to revisit.
@Mike403 Just wanted to let him know that notes are, indeed, a feature. But yep, it's within their profile. It would be nice if you could right-click to see a note or someone's Last Online, without having to go into their profile, since so many people are freaked out by profile visits. 😄
@SunsetSnuggles - I could screenshot it, but saving local copies of somebody's profile without consent or knowledge seems creepy in itself.
@Mike403 Screenshot their profile so you don't have to re-click? I mean that's probably weirder than multiple profile views, but they would be blissfully unaware. 😅
My hope is that visiting more than once indicates at the very least, the viewer's interest in the viewed's profile. I visit people that have messaged me at least once, even people that are possibly professionals. I also visit people's profiles to see if they've updated anything, although I'm less likely to visit twice a professional's page not wanting to indicate that I want to book their services.
If the poll is at all indicative, I don't think it's a widespread problem. I'm new here and won't pretend I know everyone or their sensibilities. It seems to me there may just be a portion that is a little extra sensitive to certain things, which is okay. We all have walked different paths. As long as we can be respectful and empathetic to each other, the real problem starters are a little more obvious.
Well, when your stalker of 5+ years that you met through here shows up as people you may know on your other social medias (as of yesterday morning, so it's still on going) after you've blocked over 40 profiles of theirs last five years and they've been banned and labeled as dangerous in many ways ....
Then let me know if you'd care about random people viewing your profile over and over again with no response. 👍👍👍👍
[Image of stalker removed]
Reported and reviewed. Removing image for privacy reasons, though that person is probably not deserving of having their privacy maintained. (Sorry Cassandra) [Charlie_Bear]
I never understood what these guys are trying to accomplish by stalking. They have absolutly no life. Wouldn't it be easier to find somebody who wants his attention?
I understand as well as I can @MissAdventurous and you absolutely should take your privacy and security seriously. I wouldn't judge anyone for being sensitive after going through something traumatic or upsetting. I do hope the day comes where you don't have feel on edge or hide them anymore. I can see how it could damaging and invalidating to have an omnipotent chameleon causing issues from any angle.
Instead of stalking, If they used that time and energy to learn a new skill, who knows what they would accomplish in life?
It's mostly lackluster and confusing....
I definitely wish he would move on and get a better hobby. I've updated the on-going police report yesterday. It's going to eventually get him legally in trouble if he doesn't stop, especially since I've been reporting him to authorities for his stalking for years now.
@everyone we are talking about 2 very different return viewers here. I have ones who look weekly if not more and it's chill. Then there are ones like the guy the mods took action over. (See Charlie's comment above SPOILER SENSITIVE!!! Careful viewing it) So this should really be 2 different topics...
POTENTIAL signs they're NOT bad... (Not always but...) *Are they active in the community? *Are they in your area? *Have you traveled to theirs? *Have you read their profile and it was well thought out and empathetic? *Have you had a nice session with them and possibly checking up a bit? Maybe can't afford a session now but almost saying hi in a way?
NONE of those guarantee a good viewer but its more likely.
BAD VIEWERS - doesn’t mean it’s always true either. *No profile info *No karma despite years on the site (NOT SAYING EVERYONE IS but it is a wonder why they are visiting so much though ... like constantly) *Have you seen them before a long time ago, they gave you bad vibes and now they're looking all the time? (I'd block asap but yeah...its hard to decide sometimes) *Is their picture profane or creepy in some way that does not break TOS? (NOTE: PHYSICAL APPEARANCE DOES NOT MATTER AND IS NOT WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT) *The list goes on.
Take these things into consideration if you think you might be being stalked... If anyone has anymore that may be helpful to provide insight to Pros and ENTHUSIASTS alike maybe post them. Anyone can be stalked and I think while pros have experience with a lot of this enthusiasts may ACTUALLY need to know warning signs for themselves and might not.
@stormydaycuddle - Thank you for that comment. I was starting to feel a little uncomfortable earlier in the thread after that first comment by @Charlie_Bear about risking being blocked because I do click on profiles often especially those who are active in the forums.
@touchstarved87 Mods cannot go and read anyone’s conversations on a whim (the option to view is not available to us). Your conversations are private unless there is reason for us to check. If you are reported, then your conversations become accessible until the report has been resolved, in which case your conversations once again become inaccessible.
This site needs a hall of shame with pictures of known stalkers available to the public so we can recognize them if they come back.
@Mike403 It totally depends on the person if they would block or not. You are certainly not at risk of being banned from the site for viewing profiles, in case that was a concern.
Thanks for the clarification @Charlie_Bear 😊
Somebody reported the image of the stalker? I wonder if it was the stalker himself that is still on this site discreetly.
@MissAdventurous @Charlie_Bear
@stormydaycuddle as others mentioned, stalkers absolutely can lurk, and that was not at all what I was referring to. There are obviously multiple types of stalking and I am in no way intending to victim shame here. The point of my comment was that there are quite a few people on this site who jump to using labels simply because they do not like a behavior - not because they actually feel unsafe or because the behavior itself is unwarranted. My issue is not with the people dealing with actual stalkers - it is with people who use hyperbolic language and jump to conclusions because they do not understand how this site or internet privacy work.
Language has nuance for a reason. Using it unspecifically can cause not only confusion but a lot of damage. Are definitions always going to be the same? No. But it still stands that jumping to using a more extreme term in place of a lesser one can have unintended consequences.
And again, it's not that a person needs to lock down their online presence entirely - but the should work on becoming more educated on risks and internet safety if they are going to use it.... especially if they want to go around accusing people of using it for ill intentions.