@BoomerSpooner wow! Those are some stories. I've never encountered a cuddler like any of those, but there also are very few cuddlers in my region.
They put little reciprocity into the session. In other words, if I ask them to suggest a position, or a topic, or even a preference they reply “Whatever you want.” NO! What I want is genuine input from you as well. Whatever you want does make it feel like you are only there for the money and you employ a one size fits all approach to customer service.
Ha! I always make it a point to ask the cuddler for their preferred position for the last 30 minutes. There was one time I did get a response like "whatever you're most comfortable with!," and this was the third time she said something like that so I put my foot down and said, "no, I really wanna hear your preference!" Actually I had a great time with that cuddler. She wasn't like this to be lazy, she was just very nice.
They fall asleep quickly. This is the ultimate “I don’t give a f”
And actually this is a bit ironic; with that same cuddler, about an hour into our first session, after we had shared lots of stories, we switched to me being big spoon and then I heard her start snoring about five minutes later. And I actually felt honored that she felt so calm and safe that she could fall asleep in my arms like that! Easily one of the most validating moments of my life to date.
Certainly I can understand how, under different circumstances, them falling asleep (especially very quickly) could be offensive. I just found it interesting to see it listed as a negative when I've had such a strong positive emotional response to seeing someone fall asleep.
Migraine once…after a long flight…I had a cuddle and I started to slip into a half delirium.. open my eyes because I hear laugher. I was talking about hydrolock cars in my sleep. Like WTH? I have NO interest in hydrolock cars. It was a really weird half waking dream. Lol. I DID make that cuddler AWARE that I was exhausted and it might be better to cancel. Such a sweet gentlemen.
@MikeLamps She fell asleep five minutes in and I couldn’t wake her up.
That's not a cuddler, that's a highly advanced pillow.
@Mike403
...complimenting on physical appearance usually doesn't get guys very far. It's old. Find something else to talk about.
It shouldn't be obsessed over, but there's nothing wrong with a sincere compliment on physical appearance. I've been told on several occasions that I have "very kind eyes". Why in the world should I find that offensive? Or demeaning in any way?
It's not @TxTom . I find it's insecurity, veiled as arrogance or disdain, when people cannot give, or receive, any kindness or compliments. When I am told by potential client that I am pretty, I say thank you and mention my photos are recent and not filtered. (There's my level of honesty.) It also opens up that I would like a recent photo, if one isn't in their profile. If it's repeated, I will say, thanks, you already mentioned that. If it happens again, I'll usually end the conversation. It's a red flag pattern, and I'm just not playing.
@TxTom a lot of people, especially women, have had so much history of unsolicited compliments on our appearance that have ulterior motives that it we have trauma around it. Our society in general places very high value on people's appearances, tying our appearance to our value as human beings, partners, workers, students, etc. Women and femmes have the added pressure of the threat of violence if we reject someone's unsolicited advances.
So while on a very surface level, ignoring all social context and that people have wildly different personal experiences, complimenting someone's appearance ought to be just fine - but unfortunately that is not the reality of the world we live in. There is no way for a person to know the true intentions behind someone's compliment, so it's understandable given society's track record and individual histories that someone might be put on edge by something as seemingly innocuous as "you have pretty/nice/kind eyes".
That's why if one truly wishes to give unsolicited compliments to people they don't know well, it's generally safest to stick to complimenting observed behaviors or things the person has made a distinct choice over. "I love your outfit, it's so creative!" "Wow, your hair color is so cool. What dye did you use?" "Your presentation in the meeting today was really well done. I can tell you put a lot of time and attention into preparing for it." "I've really been loving your comments in the forum lately. You always make me smile!"
It's an entirely different story if it's someone you know a bit and whom you know enjoys compliments on their appearance in general, but for random strangers or casual acquaintances I stick with erring on the side of caution. I don't know their history or triggers and the whole point of a compliment is to make them feel good, not me feel good for getting gratitude in return.
The vast majority of compliments are received without any emotional damage. The vast majority of car rides are completed without any fatalities.
I reject the Bubble Wrap mentality, which is a projection of one's insecurity.
Reason #1145 why men can be such chauvinists:
Men telling women to accept compliments and stop complaining about receiving them.
I told no-one to to stop complaining or to accept anything. I have to wonder if the same individuals misconstrue my comments on purpose, repeatedly, without fail.
@TxTom - Because many guys give women compliments on their physical appearance for less than pure intentions. It's seen as a red flag to some of them. Most guys don't feel the same way when they recieve compliments.
On the subject of cars & bubble wrap…. I invite you all, my fellow travelers in this wild ride we call life, to consider the following…..
Re being complimented for appearances. I have friends who we openly call each other pet names and say how cute and attractive we are to each other . However, that is because we know each other well and feel comfortable sharing these things with each other. Like with most things in life , you can't assume a stranger will be accepting of what those with whom you are familiar are. It's about context and relational dynamics. Know your audience. And @TxTom I'll tell you same thing I tell everyone, which is that if somebody tells you something bothers them it's best to believe them rather than questioning the validity of why they are bothered and why you feel you have done nothing wrong .
And @TxTom I'll tell you same thing I tell everyone, which is that if somebody tells you something bothers them it's best to believe them rather than questioning the validity of why they are bothered and why you feel you have done nothing wrong .
@pmvines 💯 But claiming their words are misconstrued is a convenient excuse to miss the point.
...it's best to believe them rather than questioning...
Where did I suggest to just ignore and pile on?
@pmvines told you so. 🤣🤣🤣
Don't argue if somebody tells you something makes them uncomfortable. Take it as a learning experience.
Still waiting for the receipts.
Don't argue if... something makes them uncomfortable
Agreed. Where did I suggest to argue?
@TxTom - On this thread. Women have commented that it makes them feel uncomfortable when a random guy compliments on her physical appearance. It's best to be avoided unless you know her well enough and know that she will take it well.
.
@Mike403 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
@Mike403 Rejecting the Bubble Wrap mentality means proceed initially without assuming everyone is so frail that standard human interaction will cause insufferable damage to their psyche.
Yeah let’s focus on bubble wrap theorems and not how the women feel about it. 🤦🏻♂️
I'm finding the lack of flexibility here troubling. Somebody wrap me in bubble wrap I'm good to go.
Edit: If I have to wrap myself in bubble wrap to get common decency and not to feel preyed on so be it. However, it shouldn't be like that. People need to consider others when conversing. I don't need someone to tell me I'm beautiful and validate a part of my existence I had no part in (thanks mom and dad). Point being someone saying such things is basically saying , "here have my validation. It seemed needed" or "I'm a rando but I'd like to tell you that I find your physical appearance pleasing" Ew Ew and Ew. Those are things being said. Which one depends on the situation but come on think about it it's not that hard. Some women like it some don't. So wait to find out... Or keep making people uncomfortable and I'll go sit in the bubble wrap @lonelytauros got for me.
@stormydaycuddle for you lol 😂
@lonelytauros ty. I feel protected.
@jplemmon
I do get the feeling that some believe non-business related chat is a waste based on some comments. I guess I'm addressing that more than anything.
If you were referring to me and my comments, you're misguided. Of course checking in on folks after a successful session is a good business strategy for client retention, but that's not even the point. The cuddlers I enjoy having non-business related chat with are the ones I've already connected with in person. Having had a session, I already know they're serious, respectful, and not going to waste my time.
Like @MikeLamps said, "Chit chat after meeting is quite different from before meeting," and that's what we were talking about because that's what the OP was referring to.
@bekah_cuddles I wasn't necessarily trying to counter anyone in particular. I guess I'm just being rhetorical mostly. I guess I wonder if everyone is considered a time waster simply because they keep a conversation going without business having been conducted. That's why I mentioned the realtor that I have never actually bought a house from but still keeps in touch. If the conversation is healthy perhaps it could lead to future business, directly or indirectly.
Just another lovely Sunday afternoon. Hanging out in my bubble wrap fort. I want a bubble wrap shield now...that way if I see a creeper (specifically the guy at the gas station across the street from me) come at me with that lingo ... "speak to the bubble wrap"
@stormydaycuddle - Bubblewrap won't be sufficient here. You need this: