Charlie, you are slightly incorrect. The new member asked if they should have their accounts deleted. He did not advocate for it. He asked it as a question. The solution that seems to make sense is to use the filter feature that I pointed out to him. Not everyone knows about the filter, not everyone knows that inactive status is an option. I choose to give people the benefit of doubt and explain these things politely. Charlie, he might have not known that it was an option. So how would he know to ask it as a question? And I don't see where anyone has called you a bully.
@ManOutdoors - then he said that they were wasting people's time.
@Charlie_Bear you're assuming newbies know about inactive status and a sexual assault problem here. Lots don't realize paid cuddlers aren't employees of CC.
When you search for cuddlers, don't the most recently active accounts show up first by default? It does for me.
@ManOutdoors Well, I said new members (plural) should not be advocating for it. And yes I understand new members may not know about the filter, but these new members should perhaps get acquainted with the search feature before calling others time wasters. I know too many people on here that have had extremely negative experiences and needed to step away. This person could have instead asked if there was a way to filter out members that have been inactive. Instead they asked if accounts should be deleted. I normally have no issue admitting I’m wrong, but in this case I stand by my comment. New members can ask for help without calling for changes to be made to the way the site works.
Edit: In regards to the bully comment, I don’t follow. Did I say someone called me a bully? I hope not since I don’t think I bully anyone.
@AllAboutSoul That is not an assumption I would say that I make. The option to filter by last online is required when searching so if they missed that, it’s on them for not paying attention to their own search.
Also, it’s the “just wasting people’s time” part that got me to comment. That seems uncalled for, due to the reasons i explained in my other comments, which is why I am expressing my opinion and defending those that need to step away.
Yep the filter does exist
@Charlie_Bear when you expect the newbies to make an assumption like that, it's concerning. You didn't mention vacations or family stuff, you went to sexual assault. Yikes.
I appreciate the discussion. I still feel like there was way more hostility than needed. I am not offended at all. Just surprised and a little ammused by so much negativity. I think there's ways to correct people or challenge them that aren't so negative.
When you click on cuddlers it just shows you people. You have to click on the little magnifying class to select the different options. So I see how somehone could miss it. I am pretty terrible with technology. I use a flip phone. So I know that there are people out there like me, or maybe worse than me, at understanding how to use websites and things.
Mike posted that he felt like others were seeing him as a bully, so I responded that no one was calling him a bully. Now the bully comment is gone.
@everyone on occasion when referring examples we go to the most extreme example as human beings to make our point. Everyone does this. Everyone. So maybe not flaying someone else so hard for not providing the example you would have liked? Just a thought…
@Charlie_Bear sees so much more than we do and does so much for this site.
Even if his lack of inclusion of reasons you would have preferred is lacking … yikes guys.
@AllAboutSoul - It literally shows the most recently online first when looking at the list of cuddlers in your area. I don't get having inactive accounts is wasting anyone's time when you have to flip through a few pages to get to those accounts. It doesn't matter how new they are to the site. Calling them time wasters just for being inactive just strikes as trollish IMO.
@AllAboutSoul Charlie is witness to what happens to a lot of pros either via reporting or direct messaging. Yes, it would be nice if these hiatuses were based on family vacations and not due to being verbally or physically assaulted.
@AllAboutSoul I went to sexual assault because that is a very common reason, and vacations and whatnot don’t usually last 4+months. It’s a big yikes. I mean, I’m looking at reports every day about it. I…don’t see why we are debating it.
As a part-time lurker, and exceedingly rare commenter, I just want to check in here. Firstly, I perceive that there's an intention of decency in the mission of CC - treating others with upmost respect and even kindness if it can be mustered! I even perceive that assuming a sensitivity in others is a practice that is held with regard - due to not knowing how sensitive another cuddle may be - and thus if we assume that they might have a preexisting sensitivity, we can go a ways toward building a container of safety, mutual respect, and healthy communication.
And then what I see in this thread is a decent amount of reactivity - and even what I (a self-described "sensitive person") would call aggressiveness, in pointing out what a bad idea this new member suggested with his post.
For me those things don't line up. Perhaps the threads have a different concept of respect applied in them? Maybe I'm just being "over-sensitive"? (I do see others speaking in to try to be little more neutral in their responses to the OP, so I dunno.) My comment has two intentions: 1. Voice my perspective on what I'm seeing, and 2. Invite more respect into the threads. I know that if I was the OP, I likely wouldn't feel welcome to post much, if ever again. But again, I'm a bit sensitive to how others address me. Perhaps it's the amount of reactivity that keeps me in the "exceedingly rare commenter" camp - or maybe it's that it's hard for me not to write a frikkin book each time I comment!
@Charlie_Bear I hear you re: the desire to "defend" others. But perhaps defense isn't the first step. Perhaps a more neutral/compassionate explanation could come first - and then if they respond with something more offensive, some defense would be the natural next step. I see that the OP made a blanket statement about "time wasting", but I imagine he's speaking of his experience - that's a very common experience in how many people talk: saying "this is what 'people' do", when it's really just a comment about their perception of things... (as I'm sure ya know )
Good luck everyone...
Thank you all for the feedback.
@Crispacket Welcome to the site. When searching for people to cuddle, you can expand your search by filtering out profiles you may not want to see, such as cuddlers that are too far away, or others that have not been online recently. This can be done by tapping the filter button within the search page.
People take a break from the site for a multitude of reasons. Some may simply stop using it and forget to delete or deactivate, others may go on a family vacation or have some issues in their personal life they need to attend to. Others may have had a negative experience on here and may be afraid to log back in. The site does not delete profiles for going inactive, and they are not generally viewed as time wasters due to their absence from the site.
Thank you for participating in the forums. Your involvement is encouraged and we are happy to see new faces around here. Like any other online forum, there will be debates and comments made in defense and others trolling in order to provoke a response. I hope that this does not discourage you from being active on here.
The comments I made on here were initially out of revulsion of a particular member’s comments which I needed to remove. I also responded to your post taking issue with you calling people time wasters since that is a general statement that does not seem appropriate in my personal opinion. I also have a lot of insight into why people step away due to me being on the moderation team, so I reacted more negatively than I normally do because people I care for have been driven away from the site while the ghosts of their profiles remain. If my response offended you, as well as anyone else I replied to, my apologies. Thank you.
@everyone seriously we’re talking to a teddy bear about compassion?
Go after me if you’re angry but gd. this feels like an overflow not going to lie. So.. yep.
Gonna have to agree that it would unnecessarily punitive to delete accounts for being inactive. Losing your entire chat and karma history just for stepping away is too much.
There's no way that accounts will be deleted for being inactive for a few months. It's not like the original poster was in charge of the site and actually going to change it. I think everyone was just afraid to lose what they already have. He was just asking a question because he ran into a problem and he didn't know how to solve it on his own. Don't we all run into problems we don't know how to solve on our own and need a little help from others?
@ManOutdoors For next time: “Hello! I have noticed there are many users on here that are no longer active on the site. I seem to be having to look through a lot of profiles that are no longer active. Is there a way to hide these profiles from my search? Thanks!”
@Charlie_Bear I hope you know that you're appreciated by the majority here. Anyone looking to pick apart your words and intentions are not worth dwelling over. hugs you're a fantastic mod and human being.
@Crispacket yes they should be allowed to stay on.
Choosing to not be active on the site is in no way a waste of anybudy else's time. People are free to come and go as they like.
I’ve only read a few comments and i noticed it’s a lot of energy going in to frustration about the question and not really answering. The question was should they be allowed. I think the answer is a simple , yes.
If you have justification share, but the vitriol seems unnecessary. Geesh.
@BashfulLoner If its my vitriol in question I apologize for it. My break recently was exactly 4 months so I was a little irritated. The removed comment where I was specifically mentioned in regards to nudes also got me. So to everyone sorry if this one came across as upset.
I’ve also asked some dumb questions on this site and created some stupid threads. I learned and i stopped, if I’d have gotten this i don’t know if I’d been here long. Maybe i don’t add much value to anyone or maybe I’ve found more value in CC than I’ve given but be patient, people have to catch up to what’s going on here. In my experience this is a very unique consent for people. New folks have to learn what you all are doing, it’s more to it than what’s in the terms.
it is threads like this which is why I rarely post in the forums anymore. I swear a lot of us spend more time arguing about or debating the 'intentions' of some of these posts than we do actually cuddling, so it's like the site gives us more negative energy than positive at the end of the day.
as @Charlie_Bear pointed out, it is all in the delivery. The original post came out as having a negative connotation and so the replies were in kind by some of the veteran posters who have seen this all too many times before. Then we have the over sensitive people trying to defend the original poster, or if the original post was a troll, then the alt troll accounts jump in and say something really offensive and get modded (which of course happened). Now the thread is just a dumpster fire.
This site has a very basic user experience. I'm sorry but I find it hard to believe that if someone can not only create a profile on this account and then find the general forums and make a topic, that they could not find the very easy to see search and filter button and see the 'last online' drop down. So yeah, between that and the 'waste time' comment I was skeptical that the topic was just a new user and an innocent question. The problem with new profiles is that we've seen that a lot of them are not new users but are alt accounts created by people with an axe to grind.
so yeah....I vented again.
I'm going to go back to my self imposed forum timeout again. It's much more peaceful.
Remember when cuddlers were supposed to be open, caring, kind, and compassionate people who didn’t judge and embraced each other?
Pepperege Farm remembers.
@EthanNeedsHeld Exactly why I have only ever started one thread, and since then have not commented one time on any other thread. I thought empathy would he the norm here, but judgement and hostility reign supreme. Thanks for pointing out what should be so obvious. *I respectfully request that no one, except Ethen, tags me in any comments. Thank you.
I guess I have a completely different perspective as to the topic.....I actually LIKE to see old accounts, especially if they are compelling! Yes, I mean it! I have a couple of favorites that are 2 years inactive.....and many that are 6-12 months inactive. When I scroll through my favorites, I check to see if any of the older accounts have logged on, and keeping that hopefulness is fun for me! I have seen it several times over the last year, and I quickly send a message of "Welcome back, love to schedule!"
I know, I'm kinda weird.....
@stormydaycuddle (typed with a smile and playfulness) I’m not talking about a teddy bear; I’m talking about the teddy bear. I don’t doubt for a moment that Charlie has a HUGE heart - I was just pointing out something that I observed. I certainly don’t have anything against Charlie - and I don’t need to have my perspective received fully. But there are some whose experience match some of what I was saying about care and kindness in the threads. This isn’t an attack on anyone - it’s more a request. A request for greater alignment between the threads and the cuddle ethos. And look I know there isn’t a YouTube comment section kind of nastiness going on here - but maybe there’s room for more of that beautiful cuddle care in here. 🤷🏻 I hope Charlie is well - and I hope my earlier comment and directing that part of my response toward him wasn’t too stressful for the chap.