@AriaEss1 - Sorry you're going through that. You'll get better at weeding out all these awful people and don't be afraid to walk away if they show any signs of wanting anything more than platonic cuddling. Take the money first always before a session begins so you never have to worry about choosing between your safety or getting paid.
I think part of the problem is that every single one of my clients maybe with the exception of two or three had a pro suggest more to them. One lady in her 50s asked one of my regular clients if he wanted a blow job and says that a lot of the girls do that, he actually cuddled her on a different site so he couldn’t ban her on this one . One pro undressed, and got naked, and got her cuddle clothes on right in front of the client. Some showed up in their underwear so that’s the problem. Men are thinking that this says platonic, but it really doesn’t sometimes. Just like a massage Parlor sometimes says it’s just massage but people know there’s more. I’ve had a few clients with good karma that were very strange to say the least. And I’m thinking how did they get such good karma.
Unfortunately, even some regulars that I have cuddled that started out great get kind of boundary pushing.
I guess the sad part is not even the boundary pushing but that weird feeling that you get some times that they are thinking about you more than just😬
I think my favorite clients are ones that need more therapeutic motherly type, cuddles, or ones that actually have their own boundaries and would feel unsafe if I was a boundary pusher. To me, those are far and few between.
@KozyKim - It's probably for the best that I stick with the few pros that I know and trust. I don't need to be put into an awkward situation.
@Mike403 Yes, it’s very smart to stick with pros your trust. When that woman that offered my regular client a blow job he said to her my regular pro doesn’t offer blow jobs, and she said I was lame!!😐
I know I’ve said this before, and it falls on deaf ears, and no one ever really comments about it, but a lot of profile seem very provocative. Especially when they’re taking pictures of just their butt, because as a pro you’re not even supposed to allow someone to touch your butt that’s against the rules, so why are you taking a picture of your butt? it’s just makes the person that’s inquiring about Cuddles think that there’s more to it.
@KozyKim - I hope that client reported her. Most don't if they're also into the non-platonic activity which is a big problem on this site. It makes it harder for the mods to catch these people.
He actually had two pros that were bad one before he met me. She showed up in her underwear. She barely cuddled him and she left a half hour early and took his money. He reported her and so did others but it took a long time for her to get banned.
@KozyKim - I think that unless there is direct evidence, they need more than one report before they will take action. I guess if people could get banned from one report, then people would lie just because they don't like somebody.
That is true, but it seems like men get banned a lot quicker with one bad report, then the pros who are making money do, just my thoughts.
@KozyKim - It may seem that way but you don't know anything about the situation other than what they chose to tell you. They could have been reported other times or the mods found something that resulted in a ban.
Yes, that’s why I said it seems but I’m not sure.
I suspect that @Roxanne72 is also frustrated (as am I and many women), that not only is it put onto us to basically fight clients off on on a regular basis....but that it's ALSO kind of blamed on us if we don't report every single client who remotely makes an advance. And believe me, there's a lot.
It feels a little too much like "blaming the victim" type of talk and also makes us pros feel stuck in an impossible situation where we either keep putting up with the regular and insanely inappropriate advances (ie attempted sexual assault) or just throw in the towel on a legitimately amazing therapeutic & healing program.
There needs to be a different way to talk to someone who has nearly been sexually assaulted several times and comes to the forum to voice these serious concerns. Yes, they are very serious and need to be treated as such. As a female pro, it feels like we only have 2 choices according to what society sees is our role....1. keep quiet and keep dealing with those who feel entitled to touch us or assault us with hardly any genuine support or 2. get lectured if we don't report every incident....which would be alarming to others to know how often that it truly happens! Usually us pros are so tired from dealing with it....but also don't have the emotional energy left to deal with the victim blaming either.
It is also not our fault if our screening processes don't catch the predators. It is due to another person's choice to be deceitful. It's not our behavior, it's theirs.
Also, in some comments, people are lecturing her for not reporting....but also pointing out that reporting does not result in a ban. What's wrong with that picture? Every person reported should be banned....the first time! Especially if a woman finally gets up the energy to report someone. The term "pushing boundaries" sounds like such an innocent thing....until your rephrase to call it what it truly is. Attempted sexual assault. Period.
We need to do better for women, and especially in this situation where the probability to sexual assault is so incredibly high. We are human beings too and it's not ok....it's never been ok to treat women this way regarding feeling entitled to sex. Controlling men's behavior is NOT a woman's job....ever. And it's not our fault if it happens.....ever.
Can we please, please, do better? I honestly and wholeheartedly believe in the healing power of physical touch, but we have to figure out a way to make it safer for the those willing to provide this valuable service.
Pretty sure this exact conversation happened a few times before It's always the same every year
@Melancholy It's a conversation that will continually need to happen until women are no longer being sexually assaulted.
@JoyfulHeart 9000%
I would say don't blame yourself if your screening process "fails." A study came out last year that humans can only detect when they are being lied to less than 50% of the time.
@JoyfulHeart @stormydaycuddle 9000% indeed! LOL
@WriterGF that's super interesting! 🤔 I'm in school to be a psychologist, so I always love a good scientific study! Haha
Every person reported should be banned....the first time!
It would be nice if we could do that. Sadly, there are a large number of malicious false reports.
There are, for example, professionals that offer sexual services for an extra free and who Report clients as having behaved in appropriately when the client refuses to pay the extras or accept the services. It doesn't help when the client makes a Report too, because then you just have "he said, she said".
This is why it's vital to Report even when in doubt. In general there needs to be a pattern of behaviour for somebody to be banned.
Banning is not and should not be done lightly. People come here because they need help, and this site exists to provide that help. The site takes the view that people who need help should not be deprived of that opportunity unless we're sure it's necessary.
@JoyfulHeart @stormydaycuddle @WriterGF 👍👍👍
@KozyKim
it seems like men get banned a lot quicker with one bad report, then the pros who are making money do, just my thoughts.
I don't know if that's true or not, but I do know that it is a thought shared by many.
I have seen experienced professionals with many Karma get banned, and new professionals get banned all the time. The site has publically said repeatedly that moderating and banning decisions are not to be influenced by business considerations.
It occurs to me, though, that there is an asymmetry in the reporting process. Reports from clients come largely from accounts that have very little invested in them. Reports from professionals come from accounts with an approval process and a linked credit card. Therefore Reports from professionals instrinsically carry more weight than those from clients (on average). This could lead to more and faster bans for clients than professionals. Just a thought.
It is also the case that clients get banned for things they write before the session. (These messages can be seen by the mods if they are on the site.) Whereas the offending professionals rarely write inappropriate things beforehand, it all occurs during the session.
@RedFox16 - I agree with @CuddleDuncan. That's why we need to encourage everyone put in this situation to report. If one person gets more than one report from more than one person. the mods will see that he is a problem and can take action.
@RedFox16 Also, hi. Haven't seen you on the forums but I've seen you in the cuddle search in my area for a while. Hugs! Welcome to the madness side of things. Unless I've just missed your comments... in that case I'm pretty sure you already know I'm the witch. Witch burnings are every Tuesday at 8 pm. "the mob's" weekly strategy meetings are on Mondays at 6.
@stormydaycuddle - Sorry for sharing an actual photo of you.
@RedFox16 I may have a slightly different feeling about reports. When it comes to client reports I am trigger happy and I've yet to see one survive. (I don't report for the fun of it but I report instantly if someone's crossed a line) If someone's done something I know the mods have my back. I'm sorry you haven't had the same experience but their hearts are in the right place. They are a team of 4 volunteers and as I think most people know one of them is constantly on the verge of a nervous break down over how much he feels for the people effected every time he reads a report. Genuinely, as a group we've had to remind him he's human and he can't stop everything on his own.
Okay, in fairness... I did report someone for asking for my email (genuinely got the impression he was asking me for more and to take it off site to do so. But there probably wasn't enough in the 1 sentence he sent me, admittedly) and I suppose he made it. In general though...
Report, report, report. The mods are on our side. They've botched things on occasion but never intentionally.
Also, blamed? Genuine question. I haven't had that experience either. But in this case not trying defend just asking for more info not personal details but if you could add a little?
@mike403 dying. Ty. I wouldn't want to catfish...
There is a vast difference between victim blaming and recognizing that professionals on CC are not employees, we are clients utilizing an advertising service. As such, just as if we were advertising on Craigslist, Facebook, or our own website, it is up to us to filter and vet our clients...that is not on CC as they have zero liability. They already go above and beyond by having unpaid moderators step in to ban bad actors - that's far more than we would get on any other advertising method.
The disconnect is that people keep thinking that pros are employees of CC and therefore CC has a legal and ethical liability to protect us.... They do not. It spelled out quite clearly in the TOS and the contracts.
The blame for bad actors falls firmly on the shoulders of those who do the bad behavior, not on the victims. But the responsibility of protection is our own as both professionals and enthusiasts.
It just dawned on me that platonic cuddling is somewhat like being a naturist in so far as most people associate touch and nudity with sex. Being a naturist is about freedom, and for me, platonic cuddling is about emotional healing through that one of a kind energy exchange that comes with platonic cuddling. I find it much easier to allow myself to be completely vulnerable in a platonic cuddling space that's free from the pressure/judgement that accompanies a sexual or romantic encounter. At the end of the day, there's always going to be those folks who don't get it -- and attempt to make platonic cuddling a gateway to something that it's not.
@herby357 , you're right. But there's a big difference -- if two consenting adults meet at a naturist event, and decide to pursue a romantic and/or sexual relationship, good for them! No money has changed hands, nothing illegal or unethical is happening, and it's no one else's business. (And, to be fair -- I'm sure naturists do "hook up" occasionally. It's human nature.)
Most of us (probably men especially) have the most experience cuddling with romantic partners, at least as adults. And so it's difficult for some people to draw that line and ensure platonic cuddling doesn't arouse any other feelings, or especially, actions. Again, many of us are not used to cuddling in a non-romantic context.
AND, many of us (myself included) turn to cuddling after the end of a long relationship, or between relationships, when we're likely not getting much cuddling or any other form of intimate contact. (After all, if we had as many cuddles as we wanted at home, we wouldn't seek out CC, right?). But if you're not getting cuddled on a regular basis, you're not doing...other things...on a regular basis either, most likely.
I will admit, I have been sexually aroused during cuddle sessions. I didn't particularly want that to happen, but it has happened. I've never made unwelcome advances or comments to cuddling professionals, and so I don't think it has been a particularly big problem (insert joke here). But it's also a physiological response that I can't do much about. Currently, I don't spend much time cuddled up closely with another person, arms or legs entangled, skin contacting skin, and so my body isn't used to it, and things happen. But I'm capable of honoring the other person's wishes and keeping the cuddle platonic, even if my body doesn't always agree with my brain.
I had both really positive and really negative experiences on here thus far. Thank goodness I have an unhinged amount of human trafficking and domestic violence training, so it's pretty easy for me to weed out the truly scary people. The most important thing, I find is to enforce strict boundaries and use lots of subliminal deterents. Also, having plenty of safety protocols in place like gps trackers and non-lethal personal protection is important. If you would ever like any detailed info on what I do for my own safety, please feel free to reach out. I'm happy to share.
My comment earlier… I forgot about my most recent perfect cuddle session I had that transcended all hopes and expectations so I’m actually 1/3 instead of 0/2 platonic cuddles.
I have probably seen at least 15 pros over the last 7 years, from this site and other cuddle sites/services, and none have offered anything non-platonic or been anything but wholesome and lovely. The spirit of cuddling is alive and well, if anyone is doubting that!
I really appreciate what @cuddlefaery said about the pro’s responsibility, because I think that’s correct, and it’s better to hear it from a pro. Kicking out clients who cross boundaries is part of the job. Boot them, keep the money.
I am sorry that happened. It is clear what the boundaries and everyone should understand.